Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.

The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The cop gives him a sceptical look and asks, "Were you the one being robbed?"

"No, I committed the robbery," the man casually says.

"So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?" the cop responds, shocked.

"Yes," the man says calmly. "I have the loot in the back."

The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." With that, the cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.

"Don't do that!" the man suddenly yells. "I'm scared you'll find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says. The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car.

However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."

The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"

A policeman goes home to his wife
A policeman goes home to his wife in the evening after work. Exhausted, he enters the dark bedroom and strips out of his uniform, leaving it on the floor. He looks for the light switch but figures his wife is laying in bed and decides not to disturb her. Just before he's about to get into bed, his wife speaks:

Honey, can you run down to the corner shop and buy bread, so I can make breakfast for the kids tomorrow?

-Fine, but you should have mentioned earlier - says the husband while putting the uniform on again

He runs down to the shop, gets the bread and exchanges small talk with the guy at the counter

New job? - asks the cashier

Nah, why do you ask?

Ah, I could have sworn you were a policeman, but that's definitely a fireman uniform.

How Drunk Are You?

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

A lady called her gynaecologist and asked for an “emergency” appointment.

The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the doctor’s office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came in and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynaecologist to please examine her vagina. So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination.

“I’m sorry, Miss,” he said, “but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy, delicate and expensive surgical operation.”

“I’m not sure I can afford it,” sighed the young woman. “But while I am here could you just replace the batteries?”

Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?

 

 

 

They have herd immunity.

4 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

.

Was working in Mumbai & looked out of the window to see a guy working on demolishing the building opposite by hitting the wall he was stood on, between his feet with a sledgehammer...

This was on the 7th floor !!! 
 

 

 

10 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

If you could choose just one superpower for yourself, what would it be?

what’s his superpower moniker “ spork boy “ ?

12 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Am I the only one who saw HRH Prince Charles?

I was standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach.

My wife said: “You know that’s not going to help, right?”
“I know'', I said. “But it’s the only way I’m able to see the numbers.”