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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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Pet Owner: "Every time the door bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."

Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer.

My horse got sick in the paddock so I called the vet. She told me to put the horse in the barn.
He’s in a stable condition now.

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I read an article which said that I could become an optimist in 7 weeks.
I doubt it.

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Two blondes chatting about their new blokes. One says to other “my new boyfriend’s a veterinarian”,

The other one asks “did he fight in any wars”

To which the first replies “no silly, he doesn’t eat meat”

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I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times... I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops and 2 from the nut house.
 

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Relationships are like you passing wind, 
if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast.
 

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"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. 
I didn't want to interrupt her."
 

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"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. 
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his bus."

 

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"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: 
She changes it more often."
 

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My wife left me for a Hindu guy. 
At least he'll treat her better...

I gather they worship cows.
 

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I am feeling really low today with no self esteem.
I'm going to stand outside. 
So if anyone asks,

tell them I am outstanding.
 

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3 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Pic thumbnail.

The main function of your little toe is to make sure all the furniture in your house is in place.

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4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

 

"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer, it would be rude for me to."

I heard that Mike Tyson was helping Thailand with free jabs...

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