Thai wife won't let me hold our newborn

[dotpoom]

With the greatest resp ect .. "Are you for real".

   If you cannot "take control" of this situation are you sure you have made the right choice in life...?

[crazykopite]

Tell her if you can’t hold the baby your packing your bags and moving on and she will get no financial aid . You have to show her who wears the trousers otherwise your life will be miserable , it sounds as if it is already. Be strong and stand up to her .

[FruitPudding]

20 hours ago, BritManToo said:

She believes you're weak, can't say I disagree with her.

The more nonsense you accept, the worse she will get.

This is right.

 

She is a control freak with zero respect. He is in denial, I think.

[toolpush]

21 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary.  Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves

Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 

 

Good luck, and dog bless

100% accurate

[soistalker]

So, letting a bunch of basic village women who obviously didnt wash their hands, and who have a proclivity to pick their noses, hold your baby but you cant? I, too, would be furious. You need to cut her allowance.

[hellohello123]

18 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

I am allowed to touch her but not allowed to pick her up. 

 

"She is too small"

"She is not strong"

 

 

reply: "mother cannot hold the baby, Sky is too blue, Tv is too loud"

 

 

[hellohello123]

17 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

This line of attack is becoming rather annoying. She hasn't said "you can hold the baby if you increase my allowance". Nothing of the sort. It seems to be a protection issue. She genuinely seems concerned that I am incapable of holding the baby without hurting her. The one time I picked her up when the wife left the room she made a show of supporting the baby's head when she took her back from me even though I had one of my hands completely underneath her head and neck while I was holding her. 

are you a body builder or something?

unless you are going to pick up the baby by the neck,

 

[wwest5829]

Make the determined plea that you also need to hold your baby. Nut, make the offer that you will hold the baby only when sitting down in a comfortable very stable chair/couch.

[soistalker]

Seriously....ask her to show you the proper way to hold the baby. Then hold your baby. This is absurd.

And just for reference, you should hold the baby like an NFL running back going up the middle on a goal line stand. That baby/ball is not coming out.

[PingRoundTheWorld]

Not joking - how sure are you that the baby is yours? 100%? 99%? Either way get a paternity test just in case. You'd be surprised how many "daddies" find out they're not really the daddy later in life. A friend had it happen to him. It's really suspicious that she won't let you hold it, says she either has zero respect for you or it's not yours, or both.

[NanLaew]

17 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

7 days

Only 7 days? There's no big rush then. Try again in maybe 10 more days. Don't stress too much.

[Lamkyong]

21 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

Well this got ugly fast. We are legally married and there are no other men in her life and as I said before none of the village men have held her. Only the women. Whenever a couple visits the guy stands around the same as me while the ladies oooh and aaah and pass the baby around. 

with respect i think you missed the point /humor of this post 

[NanLaew]

14 minutes ago, soistalker said:

Seriously....ask her to show you the proper way to hold the baby. Then hold your baby. This is absurd.

And just for reference, you should hold the baby like an NFL running back going up the middle on a goal line stand. That baby/ball is not coming out.

NB... that's a RUNNING back and not a QUARTER back.

[KKr]

21 hours ago, stupidfarang said:

If you are married in the full legal sense then that is better for you as you have equal rights. (if you are not married then under Thai law you have no rights at all). You need to be strong and say this is the way things will be to the wife. You hold the baby and be part of looking after baby. I have a two year old son but am not married and am separated from his mother, I look after him most of the time, he lives with me. I had to be strong and say what I wanted and what I will do but all ways in a polite way, no fighting, I not say anything bad about the ex to anyone, I not argue as you will not win, just stick to what you want and what is fair. My mantra is the child comes first and only interested in the welfare of the child. Not easy but it works. Ignore the comments about 18 years of support. Under thai law you are if married responsible for the child to the age of 20, in fact you are responsible for life under thai law. Also under thai law the child is responsible to look after the parents in later life. I would suggest that you do not start handing over large sums of money, set up a bank account under babys name with only you as the main name on the bank account. BKK Bank can do this and they also have accounts where you can get an investment for the child i think until they are 20 years old. Going forward check everything like schools yourself and pay directly to the schools. Suggest not buying expensive farang clothes for the baby as the baby out grows them fast. That way you have a clear input into the childs future. Hope this helps

 

good and sensible advice.
Would like to add that the Mother in this case is imho using the baby as a bargaining chip to control the power balance in your relationship.
 

Be aware, be forwarned and be prepared to walk,
albeit preferably with baby girl so she will get education
(and not be just a life insurance policy) !! 

Cynic mode off.
Hope you will enjoy the company of the new family member and her amazing learning curve! 
Teach her to be curious and ask why every five minutes,
train her to call for Mommy when it is Dark and for Dad other times, 
and become a proud Dad.

[soidog99]

I showed this to my wife and she laughed. She said there is no Thai tradition and that she’s not letting you hold the baby because it’s probably not yours and doesn’t want you to get a good look at it.

[scorecard]

23 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

I will admit that I am not the smoothest guy you've ever met. ????

So show in everyday activities you are responsible and careful. 

[scorecard]

23 hours ago, ezzra said:

Old wife tales and superstitions, you tell her me no hold baby you no hold my wallet...

Is your wife being controlled by her mother or older relatives etc., and they have some local superstitions?

[scorecard]

22 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

Well this got ugly fast. We are legally married and there are no other men in her life and as I said before none of the village men have held her. Only the women. Whenever a couple visits the guy stands around the same as me while the ladies oooh and aaah and pass the baby around. 

Perhaps you should cry but only when it's just your wife and baby in the room.

[Cactus99]

Dude, you were just the sperm donor, what did you expect! Haha! ;) But seriously. I find this strange. I would first communicate that the situation is not acceptable, and is not part of your culture. Then I would just start picking her up and when and if wife intervenes, correct her. I really don't see a problem here, unless your relationship with your wife is not typical or normal. What are you afraid of? 

[thesetat2013]

23 hours ago, ezzra said:

Old wife tales and superstitions, you tell her me no hold baby you no hold my wallet...

There is no old wife take it superstition for this in Thailand. The wife is afraid for some reason that you will damage the child in some way. Perhaps unclean hands or other masculine shit her brain has come up with. I have 6 kids and day one I stripped hospital wrap off child and held them up to assure me there were no defects.. 

Be careful though because your wife may very well use the kid and your actions with it for ransom. 

Put your foot down and don't let her or family dictate how to raise the child. Or it's future may be in the headlines doing some stupid Thai shit later hurting itself or others. 

[remorhaz]

34 minutes ago, soidog99 said:

I showed this to my wife and she laughed. She said there is no Thai tradition and that she’s not letting you hold the baby because it’s probably not yours and doesn’t want you to get a good look at it.

THIS...  This is the most likely explanation.  Get a swab from the inside cheek of "your" child and send it in for a DNA test.  Don't be surprised at the results.

[geoffbezoz]

1 minute ago, remorhaz said:

THIS...  This is the most likely explanation.  Get a swab from the inside cheek of "your" child and send it in for a DNA test.  Don't be surprised at the results.

But the OP will, judging by his previous posts on this subject, go into denial.  Many have tried to help him but it appears he will not take anyone seriously unless they post something he actually wants to hear. 

[rodpav]

Yeah well not a good sign there my freind

[LawrenceN]

23 hours ago, ezzra said:

Old wife tales and superstitions, you tell her me no hold baby you no hold my wallet...

Because racial stereotypes are so funny. Can you do that as Jerry Lewis, with thick glasses and buck teeth? You don't know how well the gentleman's wife speaks English. If I tried that, my lovely wife (of 31 years, whom I met in the US while she was finishing her doctorate) would give me a look that would burn for a week. 

 

If you're inclined to defend your remarks, be sure to tell us how much you enjoy being the target of racial jokes.

[dinsdale]

Try and find something on youtube. Show her that men can hold new borns. 

[jkcjag]

I'd say I'm sorry but it's unacceptable. It's your baby as much as hers. Be firm.

 

[473geo]

The op has admitted picking up the baby and not supporting its head, a big no no and actually dangerous for the child

Now he has to be patient until his wife has confidence the the baby is strong enough to with stand his clumsy approach without knowledge or experience

Nothing to stop him rocking the cradle gently and touching talking to the baby, holding can come later

 

What load of 'be assertive' codswallop on this thread

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2019 by 473geo

[NightSky]

I once saw a tv program about some Thai villagers who practiced something like this where s new born and mother live in a secluded house away from all men for about a month with only other women of the village to help. Not sure the reason behind it probably due to the Thai men always mao on Lau cow and not trustworthy around young babies. Strange but as another poster mentioned it’s superstitions and old wives tails. Many Thais still believe in these even if you don’t get Mau on lau cow. 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2019 by NightSky

[peixotorms]

My opinion as a father, is that you must tell your wife that your daughter is as much yours as it is hers.

You both want what's best for the baby AND regardless of what your Thai wife culture may be in regard of that, she must accept and understand that you also have your own culture and way of doing things.

 

You need to explain to her, that wherever you are from, family is important AND that a baby needs warmth from both parents and not only from the mother.

Regardless of her superstitious beliefs, you must tell her that yours are different AND that she needs to compromise on that.

 

Make it clear that there is no way you are going to accept not being able to hold your own child and how much it is important for you. And if she still says you cannot... I would strongly advise you to start planning ahead for the possibility of divorce AND your rights as a father to see your baby alone (ask for legal advice so you know what to expect). 

 

 

[rumak]

On 8/7/2019 at 11:39 AM, seajae said:

no ifs and buts, demand your rights

No doubt very true.   Unfortunately this should have been established LONG time ago . I am sure that the pattern of who set the rules was established way before this development. Just like with a

spoiled child:  once you let something that you do not like go on,  getting your power back is a very hard task.

Edited August 8, 2019 by rumak