why can't people stay alone ?

[soalbundy]

I have been reading some newspapers online, UK, American, German. A common theme seems to be people having trouble with isolation, even those in isolation with a partner. What is wrong with them? are they so empty, devoid of any inside strength, a lack of any kind of spirituality, empty vessels who have to meet up with others to have superficial conversations to confirm that they matter. Some describe just three days as a kind of torture to be endured, how to keep your hair fresh, advice is given on how to preserve your mental health!!! If anyone can't endure 3 or 4 weeks inside their own 4 walls with music, TV, internet, iphones, books etc they don't have stable mental health to begin with, and that is scary because a lot can't. The UK has said that off licences (where you can buy booze to take away) is an essential service!! Really!! A nation of alcoholics has just had a reality experience ie. I'm not an alcoholic I just drink to be sociable (but I can't do without it). Partners start to argue, children are being physically mistreated (child protection services America) Women suffer being beaten, all because of a lack of superficial interactions with others outside the home.

There is a lot one can do that can be a benefit to life after corona. You have time now to improve your knowledge on the internet whether it be for your career or just for self improvement, start to learn a new language for instance. It seems that gossiping with John or mary in the bar about your sad life is more important.

[Bassosa]

Always pitied people who can't be alone. Definitely disfunctional.

[Curt1591]

Used to love hopping in my 4x4, heading across the desert, and not encountering people, or even pavement, for days at a time. 

[Lacessit]

I'm an introvert, being alone is no problem at all to me. However, I can also understand this current situation must be very difficult for the Thais, being one of the most socially cohesive people on the planet.

Nuts to spirituality, it's whether you are comfortable in your own skin.

[WineOh]

Something very wrong with people who cannot stand their own company.

says a lot about a person.

[robblok]

I always get told that people from the UK are not crazy about drinking when I mention my experiences with them saying they are far more crazy about alcohol then in my country. Now i seem to be proven right. Also shows why so many are so crazy when bars are closed.

 

Staying alone is not a problem for me.. i can get it that people get crazy being locked up with a partner. But really staying really indoors for 4 weeks can be boring even for someone like me who loves staying at home and computers and movies ect.

[worgeordie]

The wife has a friend who is a maid in a house, the Guy is

retired Policeman, he cannot be alone,he has guns ,6 dogs,

but if the maid goes to the market or shops ,he's on the phone

to her, maybe 4 times in an hour,where are you ,when are you 

coming back.he's definitely afraid to be alone,me I relish it,peace and quiet.

regards worgeordie

[Tarteso]

 

Ask to Elvis;

You are not alone
Are you Lonesome tonight?

I’m so lonely tonight

where no one stand alone.

 

Alone Again ????

[AussieBob18]

It used to be clinically called 'psychologically dependent' - but that term is now used to describe the mental processes in recovering from addictions.  The modern term is :  Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) - used for those with a severe form of the mental condition.  However, as we all know, people are all crazy and there is a belief among some psycologists that we all have one of two mental conditions - most very mildly - some both.  Those two conditions are 'Dependent' and 'Aspergers'.  People with severe Aspergers are Autistic - those with a severe need to be with/near others are DPD.  Males are more likely to be Aspergers and very independent, and females are more likely to be DPD and very 'social'.  All very emerging stuff - no one really knows. But it makes sense in the context of why some people need others, and some people do not. Some people can have it mildly and then something triggers it and it becomes severe - older people are prone to becoming 'dependent'.

 

I would also surmise that those people who have moved to a foreign country to live, are very much likely to be 'independent' type people.  And those that stay living near where they grew up and would never even move to another City/town are very likely to be 'dependent'.

[MartinL]

I love being alone. Spent 20 years in UK, post-divorce, living alone (apart from a cat) and it was wonderful. Met a Thai woman who changed that and I came to Thailand with her. Pretty soon I found that nothing had really changed and that, apart from her (and the stepchildren/grandchildren now), I still preferred solitude to seeking company. 

 

Walking alone for miles in the countryside, listening to birds and relative silence, watching the animals, looking at plants, was always my idea of heaven - don't do that here.

 

Motorcycling is something I've always enjoyed. On the bike, you can go places alone even when with a group of friends. On a long run, you might stop for fuel together but apart from that - solitude ..... and everybody understands completely if you say you don't want to (do some activity) because you'd rather be out on the bike.

 

@ AussieBob 18 - funny you should mention Asperger's; often thought of myself as on that plane, quite happy to be so and don't care.

 

Edited March 29, 2020 by MartinL

[steven100]

i like being alone ,  the peace & quite is relished

i don't like friends, friends are only trouble

i don't trust anyone

the first person you trust will only want your money, i've witnessed this time and time again 

just drink p_iss and be happy.

 

[mauGR1]

15 minutes ago, robblok said:

Staying alone is not a problem for me.. i can get it that people get crazy being locked up with a partner. But really staying really indoors for 4 weeks can be boring even for someone like me who loves staying at home and computers and movies ect.

I enjoy my own company most of the time, and i consider myself lucky to be single, yet, until 3 weeks ago, before i decided to self-isolate, i had a choice to stay home, or to go out sometimes to meet friends.

Now there is no choice but staying home, and tbh, having no choice leaves me a bit upset about this state of affairs.

I am wondering at how many people who are in europe now, are starting having mental problems, not to mention travellers stranded in airports.

[Moonlover]

Who remembers the book 'Papillon' by Henri Charriere? That was one of my 'reach for' books during my 30s when I felt that was learning about myself. (For those who don't know about him go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papillon)

 

On 2 occasions he endured long periods of solitary confinement, the second of which was 2 years. Yet he never allowed it to break him. I was always fascinated by that ability that he had.

 

I can go for long periods on my own and it doesn't bother me at all.

[4MyEgo]

14 minutes ago, robblok said:

But really staying really indoors for 4 weeks can be boring even for someone like me who loves staying at home and computers and movies ect.

I am on week 4, my choice since the kids (4) of them started school holidays on 4 March, I am used to being inside, as this is what I have been doing since I moved here in late 2015 after retiring, that said, I do like to socialise at the local water-holes 2-3 nights a week for a couple of hours, as it takes the edge off, you know catch up on the gossip, listen to the BS, see who has popped their clogs of late, play some pool and maybe sink one if the opportunity arises, albeit it as rare as it may be as fillies don't usually come to these water-holes (rules).

 

The above said, since they shut down the local water-holes down a week ago, I have taken the opportunity to stop drinking beer to see if I will lose some weight, albeit it is light beer, and to be honest, It hasn't hit me yet, when they lift the restrictions, I will look forward to heading back out again.

 

I can understand people need to get out, but I can also handle staying home for extended periods of time, as for being alone, was single for a long time, once upon a time and I did enjoy my space, I can still get that here in my house, because it's big enough.

 

So, I can't see myself slashing my wrists just yet.

[cyril sneer]

1 hour ago, soalbundy said:

What is wrong with them? are they so empty, devoid of any inside strength, a lack of any kind of spirituality, empty vessels who have to meet up with others to have superficial conversations to confirm that they matter.

yes, we are

[robblok]

11 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

I enjoy my own company most of the time, and i consider myself lucky to be single, yet, until 3 weeks ago, before i decided to self-isolate, i had a choice to stay home, or to go out sometimes to meet friends.

Now there is no choice but staying home, and tbh, having no choice leaves me a bit upset about this state of affairs.

I am wondering at how many people who are in europe now, are starting having mental problems, not to mention travellers stranded in airports.

Actually you describe it perfectly, the fact that there is no choice is what makes it harder. At least I had the choice before now I dont that is the main problem not staying at home.

 

[4MyEgo]

13 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

Now there is no choice but staying home, and tbh, having no choice leaves me a bit upset about this state of affairs.

We cannot change, what we do not control, so best not get upset as it only hurts you.

 

Look at it as if there is a major weather front outside and it is too dangerous to go outside, and it is here to stay for as long as the government tells us.

 

If you need to get out and about as I do every now and again, do it, go for a walk, stretch your legs, go for a jog if you can, do some exercises, keep your mind focused, don't look at it as doom and gloom, it would be a different story if we had a terminal sickness.

 

We must stay focused and positive until the weather improves, and it will.

 

Edited March 29, 2020 by 4MyEgo

[NCC1701A]

I have always been good alone. Of course most of the issue is psychological. Many people wishing they could do something they were not doing before anyway. Just like taking toys away from children. 

 

my cats are worried  because when i leave i usually bring some type of food back to the house.

 

The pattern of me arriving home with bags of stuff that they have learned eventually leads to cat food and the remains of BBQ chicken carcasses or other goodies has been broken. So perhaps they are suffering in their cat brains.

 

If by the time this is over if you don't have every possible thing organized like all your photos, music, all media, taxes, paper files, tools sorted, motorcycle washed, shirts sorted by color in the closet, you have wasted a great opportunity. 

 

I am making a spread sheet for my next next trip to some where in Thailand. Everything but the departure dates.

 

on another note, many expats I have talked to via LINE are not following the orders to stay home and are walking on the beach, riding bikes, walking and shopping for nonessential items for home improvement. But I guess they are making good use of the time.  

 

Hanging out on the internet reading about a "state of emergency" and then going outside and expecting to see the apocalypse and seeing that nothing has changed here in Hua Hin except for reduced traffic and a few closed bars shows you the power of news media to influence your thinking.

 

Be honest how many of you now are jumping out of bed like Christmas morning to see what new catastrophic virus event is being announced today?   

 

by the way, this happen to me before.

 

 

Edited March 29, 2020 by NCC1701A

[RJRS1301]

I too relish the fact of solitary existence. Having worked in community and other fields where I had extrememly close contact with people and their complex life issues, I would enjoy coming home to my late partner who amongst other things was a classical guitarist, walk in sit relative silence listen to them practice and rehearse, quite dinner more music, we enjoyed the solitude of mountain climbing, the occassional social gathering. Even theatre openings and such, I would attend, and spend perhaps 30 minutes at the after party, then leave. Partner would often come home many hours later.

I live part time on the family property now several residences and families, but all placed well apart from each other, I can go days without interacting with another human. I sometimes feel put upon when I have to attend a dinner, althouh usually enjoy the company and conversation, but relish coming home to my space.

 

When not on the property I live in an apartment, rarely interacting with others and feel somewhat disturbed when the phone rings, or the buzzer goes (often ignoring it). Dining alone either at home or in a restaurant is not an issue.

I sometimes am accused of being antisocial, which I find amusing having held and organised many large events, which I do not miss at all.

 

 

 

[mauGR1]

2 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

If you need to get out and about as I do every now and again, do it, go for a walk, stretch your legs, go for a jog if you can, do some exercises, keep your mind focused, don't look at it as doom and gloom, we all have to stay focused and positive until the weather improves, and it will.

 

 

You are right, of course, i am more lucky than many, the beach, now deserted, is 100 m. away, and i have a little garden and everything i need.

Perhaps i worry more for the millions who are having it really tough now, and it's only a matter of time before it will start to affect all of us.

But, as you say, let's try to keep positive, there's still hope.

[Tarteso]

5 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

how many of you now are jumping out of bed like Christmas morning to see what new catastrophic virus event is being announced today? 

????

[RJRS1301]

7 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

on another note, many expats I have talked to via LINE are not following the orders to stay home and are walking on the beach, riding bikes, walking and shopping for nonessential items for home improvement. But I guess they are making good use of the time.  

Nowt wrong with most of that providing they are instituting social distancing when they do it, and washing their hands after touching surfaces.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

I think to be fair part of the problem is where you live and how you live.

 

If you live somewhere in a house with a garden it should be easy to stay home.

If you live in a 30 square meter apartment in a high rise building and normally you are mostly out at work that's a different situation.

Personally I always worked mostly from home and I am happy to be together with my gf 24/7.

 

A friend of mine is now at home almost all the time and his wife is at home almost all the time and she has basically no hobby. Now they should stay home and not go out at all. How long will that work? A few days? A week? A month? More?

People are not used to being in a small room all the time...

[Nyezhov]

7 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

Be honest how many of you now are jumping out of bed like Christmas morning to see what new catastrophic virus event is being announced today?   

 

My favourite! Especially when the media screams about something that is a reverse from their position yesterday.

 

As to being alone, the times I spent talking to myself in my 25 years in Alaska prepared me. 

[4MyEgo]

9 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

i am more lucky than many, the beach, now deserted, is 100 m. away

[darksidedog]

I am actually enjoying the relaxing way of life and the peace and quiet. I probably didn't appreciate how god damn hectic life had become, between visiting multiple people in various prisons, and a fairly full social calendar.

Nice chance to sit back and recharge the batteries a little. Good to get in the kitchen more often too, and eat something a step up from the fayre I had fallen into the habit of eating out of convenience.

I will definitely be happy when the whole thing is over, and will probably revert to most of my old habits once more, but I don't mind when that happens.

[4MyEgo]

7 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Personally I always worked mostly from home and I am happy to be together with my gf 24/7.

Yes does help to have a partner that is a good mate, i.e. one that you enjoy their company with, add to that the garden that she loves, the big house with lots of room for the terrible 4 not to be in your feet and your there.

 

If I was in a 30m2 bedsitter, I would probably be another statistic on TVF, I said probably, but doubt it, maybe the wife ????

 

[JHolmesJr]

1 hour ago, soalbundy said:

I have been reading some newspapers online, UK, American, German. A common theme seems to be people having trouble with isolation, even those in isolation with a partner. What is wrong with them? are they so empty, devoid of any inside strength, a lack of any kind of spirituality, empty vessels who have to meet up with others to have superficial conversations to confirm that they matter. Some describe just three days as a kind of torture to be endured, how to keep your hair fresh, advice is given on how to preserve your mental health!!! If anyone can't endure 3 or 4 weeks inside their own 4 walls with music, TV, internet, iphones, books etc they don't have stable mental health to begin with, and that is scary because a lot can't. The UK has said that off licences (where you can buy booze to take away) is an essential service!! Really!! A nation of alcoholics has just had a reality experience ie. I'm not an alcoholic I just drink to be sociable (but I can't do without it). Partners start to argue, children are being physically mistreated (child protection services America) Women suffer being beaten, all because of a lack of superficial interactions with others outside the home.

There is a lot one can do that can be a benefit to life after corona. You have time now to improve your knowledge on the internet whether it be for your career or just for self improvement, start to learn a new language for instance. It seems that gossiping with John or mary in the bar about your sad life is more important.

 

All the people who went through life being mocked for having no friends and zero social life 

are now laughing. (or maybe managing a wry smile)

[JHolmesJr]

51 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

The wife has a friend who is a maid in a house, the Guy is

retired Policeman, he cannot be alone,he has guns ,6 dogs,

but if the maid goes to the market or shops ,he's on the phone

to her, maybe 4 times in an hour,where are you ,when are you 

coming back.he's definitely afraid to be alone,me I relish it,peace and quiet.

regards worgeordie

 

I suspect...LOVE. ????

[Tchooptip]

  I could hardly agree more with you, I too said to myself but what does that mean, some Western media speak of this confinement as a problem more serious than the virus itself, as if the people were in jail on a diet of bread and water, and advises are raining down everywhere so that these people do not fall into the deepest depression or that they do not become obese. Help!