Just now, GoodieAfterDark said:

I do not think this girl has any feelings for him. She might have feelings for his bank account. If I was him I would just walk away. He seems to be in a very vicious cycle  of giving her money. He is basic buying her companion, her friendship. 

Seems her and her family are working to set up a future, the durian plantation is a good idea, then they get married build a house children and live happily ever after

 

Either the op can follow this path if he can afford to, and if he is inclined, or he can bail out making a feeble excuse - because a little investment now will pay dividend in the future if they have one

 

Personally I think he's bottled it and looking for a way out - anybody who reads this forum on a regular basis knows exactly what advice the majority will impart on the topic of money and Thai women

10 minutes ago, GoodieAfterDark said:

I do not think this girl has any feelings for him. She might have feelings for his bank account. If I was him I would just walk away. He seems to be in a very vicious cycle  of giving her money. He is basic buying her companion, her friendship. 

How can that possibly be, we are led to believe only old men marrying young girls end up in this situation, young guys remind the older ones that they don't even pay for sex.........this guy and his girl are both in their 30s he has confounded the myth

Okay, thanks for all the advise guys. Feel good to get it out in the open and let off some steam.

 

I have no doubt that she loves me. I know she does and I know her intentions about us are good too. She`s been very loyal to me since the beginning and never any big issues other that money-related.

 

In the beginning it was fun and interesting, but now my stomach twist every time I think about it.

Seriously, who in their right mind can have this kind of work?

I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. I didn`t come here to have the choice between sitting at home alone all day or sweat my ass off working on someones land.

 

What I do want however is a girl that finds time to have a relationship. A girl that makes me dinner every second day and keep the house tidy. She can work, sure no problem, but should have time for the house and me too.

I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work.

Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?!

 

I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right.

16 hours ago, Martin Spence said:

At your age there is many girls about with no baggage.

Ha ha ha Ha.....in Thailand they all have baggage, just depends on how much and when it comes around.

2 minutes ago, tonray said:

Ha ha ha Ha.....in Thailand they all have baggage, just depends on how much and when it comes around.

Westerners dont 555

6 hours ago, GoodieAfterDark said:

He is basic buying her companion, her friendship. 

Nothing wrong with that ..... it's the price he's balking at.

17 hours ago, MrMilk said:

How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?

I think you know it's doomed, and just want us to validate that so you feel better about terminating the relationship. I don't blame you, as it's a big step, the end of the dream etc

 

17 hours ago, MrMilk said:

Everytime I bring it up it ends with a big nasty fight instead.

If she wants to have it all for herself she isn't your girlfriend. She is just someone that you have sex with. People in real relationships care about the other person.

 

17 hours ago, MrMilk said:

Me and my girlfriend been together now for around 1.5 year.

I was with my ex wife for 5 years before she put the screws on about getting my money. Sometimes it really is a long con.

Take it from one that's been there done that got the T shirt, it's not going to get better, the fighting will just get worse, and she's not the person you started the relationship with.

 

You can stay and hope, like I did, or get out now. Up to you

38 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work.

What, no sex?

For 30k/month I be expecting twice a day.

38 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. 

Did you mention this before?

Doesn't sound much fun to me.

See if she can walk the walk.. Tell her you want to move in to her Mum's house, sleep rough if you have to, to save money.  Insist you and her do more of the work on the land.  If she passes this test then, get some skin in the game i.e. knock her up,  Thai families are communist "one in all in", it took me years to realize this and now i wouldn't have it any other way. Just remember Old westerners die alone in nursing homes and old Thais die at home surrounded by family.  If she is materialistic walk away now. must have new phone dump her now. always wears make up and never gets her hands dirty dump her now. never tells you "no don't buy that for me i don't need it, save your money" dump her now.

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

What, no sex?

For 30k/month I be expecting twice a day.

Did you mention this before?

Doesn't sound much fun to me.

you have enee

rgy for that?

I have not read every post on this, and I may have missed it, what is your Visa and do you have a work permit?

 

9 minutes ago, BeltAndRoad said:

See if she can walk the walk.. Tell her you want to move in to her Mum's house, sleep rough if you have to, to save money.  Insist you and her do more of the work on the land.  If she passes this test then, get some skin in the game i.e. knock her up,  Thai families are communist "one in all in", it took me years to realize this and now i wouldn't have it any other way. Just remember Old westerners die alone in nursing homes and old Thais die at home surrounded by family.  If she is materialistic walk away now. must have new phone dump her now. always wears make up and never gets her hands dirty dump her now. never tells you "no don't buy that for me i don't need it, save your money" dump her now.

I would be the loser if I suggested moving into Mom`s house. She would love to be surrounded by her family while I would hate the living situation. 

She never ask for a single baht to buy anything. Never complain about I want this and that. Never.

She works a lot already. 6-7 days a week. Sweat and dirty from morning to evening. This is not a issue.

1 hour ago, MrMilk said:

Okay, thanks for all the advise guys. Feel good to get it out in the open and let off some steam.

 

I have no doubt that she loves me. I know she does and I know her intentions about us are good too. She`s been very loyal to me since the beginning and never any big issues other that money-related.

 

In the beginning it was fun and interesting, but now my stomach twist every time I think about it.

Seriously, who in their right mind can have this kind of work?

I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. I didn`t come here to have the choice between sitting at home alone all day or sweat my ass off working on someones land.

 

What I do want however is a girl that finds time to have a relationship. A girl that makes me dinner every second day and keep the house tidy. She can work, sure no problem, but should have time for the house and me too.

I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work.

Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?!

 

I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right.

 

You got stuck with a woman with a village mentality where she indeed may love you, but it's just that she loves her parents and Soi dogs a little more. 

 

Stick with Bangkok girls who have good careers. In 6 years it worked for me really well. I was never asked for a single baht during 2 marriages and many tinder girlfriends in between. 

18 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Did you mention this before?

Doesn't sound much fun to me.

Waking up at dusk every day. Every single day. I dont mind that to much though.

I worked a lot with her before, but less and less as time went by. Now I go once or twice a week if she really need my help

11 hours ago, ben2talk said:

When I give my wife money I get it back, usually in a week - sometimes at the end of the month... just sayin'

Then you are not "giving" her the money, you are "loaning" her the money

"How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?"  Other posters have pretty much covered the answer to that!  Sometimes you just have to cut your loses and walk away.

 

600 baht/day for diesel for a water pump...I sure hope it's a 9L Cummins running a 15" pump.  Cos 600 baht a day is a lot of diesel.  What we had/still have when we did rice and corn is a 9.5Hp single banger Kubota on a 5" pump that ran for 8 or 9 hours a day and used less than 10L of diesel.  3 years back that's 240 baht a day.  You need to check where your money is going!

 

5000 a month on fert.....Yiks!   OK if your using a Haifa product that maybe loaded with trace elements....maybe 3 or 4 times a year but monthly.....not wearing that man!  You need to check where your money is going!

Tell her that 

 

a) you are more than tired with this farming project, and therefore will no longer contribute to it, neither by physical work nor by giving any more money,

 

b) you love her and want to marry her, and therefore you want to sell her the land/project, and to use the proceeds for the wedding.

12 minutes ago, Grumpy John said:

"How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?"  Other posters have pretty much covered the answer to that!  Sometimes you just have to cut your loses and walk away.

 

600 baht/day for diesel for a water pump...I sure hope it's a 9L Cummins running a 15" pump.  Cos 600 baht a day is a lot of diesel.  What we had/still have when we did rice and corn is a 9.5Hp single banger Kubota on a 5" pump that ran for 8 or 9 hours a day and used less than 10L of diesel.  3 years back that's 240 baht a day.  You need to check where your money is going!

 

5000 a month on fert.....Yiks!   OK if your using a Haifa product that maybe loaded with trace elements....maybe 3 or 4 times a year but monthly.....not wearing that man!  You need to check where your money is going!

My bad, the 5000 is not only in fertilizer but also include chemicals etc. 

600 a day in diesel is correct. She water 500-550 minutes in total every time and the machine use closer to 25 litre during this time.

 

58 minutes ago, RJRS1301 said:

I have not read every post on this, and I may have missed it, what is your Visa and do you have a work permit?

Maybe young man will see Smart BMW in the near future. This is the question he does not want to acknowledge here on more than one occasion. 

2 hours ago, MrMilk said:

 

Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?!

 

I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right.

You have to high hope to get your maid to quick to soon! When you have lived here long enough you will understand their way of love, their way of taking care, and their way of cleaning! 

 

Make new experiences and leave her for your own good, and her, while she still have time to find what she wants, and one who can fullfie your needs. 

Telll her you'll continue to be party to her scheme but she must convert all land to Cannabis production. At least make a profit if you're going to pur money into it. Otherwise...if she is planning on rice....you'll have plenty of it to eat and not much else

19 hours ago, MrMilk said:

I can confirm 100% no money is being pocketing. The reason I can do that is because I have the "pleasure" of going with her weekly to help her too! The expenses are real.

 

You said "Expected to start earning money income from harvest after 4-5 years"

So, what exactly are you expecting in return right now? What has the land been cultivated with? Anyways, cultivation and agriculture projects will not bring in quick results.

You know best the situation - evaluate, speak together and try to come to some agreement. 

Mr. Milk got himself into a situation paying a lot more than he can afford, got into business without being at all busiesslike(no agreements or contracts, just hand out money) does not understand where the money is going, has a lady who will not help with housework so he is her maid, gets yelled at, gets no sex but keeps paying....

 

So what is the financial nut?  High end 35,000 baht per month for 5 years is 2,100,000 Baht.  Actually a fairly small amount to start a business or buy a house or invest in a marriage.  

 

Please get out Mr. Milk, you do not have the money or the understanding to be in the game.  There seems to be nobody here that thinks you are not getting taken.

Just now, Dante99 said:

does not understand where the money is going, has a lady who will not help with housework so he is her maid, gets yelled at, gets no sex but keeps paying....

Not bothered about housework, wouldn't have paid so much, wouldn't have worked in her fields.

BUT, I would have left the first time she said 'NO'.

OP ...  

you have to ask yourself, do you want to continue with her and build a future together ? 

if the answer is yes, then you have to sit down with her and explain that you cannot afford to pay for the land operational costs ....  explain you can help a little but you already provide for rent, food and house expenses. Try to come to a mutual understanding,  see if mama will loan her some until harvest comes. 

It's a tricky situation to be in, however you have to be fair and supportive ... without being taken for a ride. 

 

Milk, at the end of the day it's a decision ... stay or go. If you think you can work together through this then stay, if not .. go.

Neither of you thought this through from the beginning (financially )

You are now left with two choices .

Either pay what is required to get the business up and running and being profitable

Which is likely to be 30 000 Baht per month for four years  , about a million Baht (Chomper, no need to point the discrepancy out ) and then reap the rewards of 60 000 Baht a month and then live happily ever after .

  Or walk away now . 

18 hours ago, CanadaSam said:

Milk, please IGNORE all that has been said here, look upon your 20k monthly expense as a gift to your girlfriend, you are paying only slightly more than the rest of us, but she must be worth it, (to you).

 

I am saying the above because (1) the land was donated by her parents (2) she already invested a large amount of her own money in the business before asking you for help (3) it seems both her and her parents want you two to get married by you are postponing it and (4) love is not easy to find these days (if you love her) so when you leave, you may be trading sex & love for only sex.

it is better to have only sex  rather  an relationship which is built on money

unless you make easy money . 

City boy meets beautiful country girl

 

Seems to me she is putting in a lot of hard work and effort, no surprise there

 

The OP on the other hand has faded, as his efforts decrease, all he has left to contribute is doing the housework while his wife is out grafting all day, and providing a little financial support - both appear to leave him disgruntled

 

Consequently he is left trying to justify his reluctance to participate (backed up by similar short sighted posters on Tvisa) as his posts are currently highlighting he is a young man well out of his comfort zone

 

 

9 minutes ago, roaming2019 said:

it is better to have only sex  rather  an relationship which is built on money

unless you make easy money . 

Its Sunday morning, could we have a discussion without talking about sex ?

This thread is about growing Durirams and a posters investment 

22 hours ago, steven100 said:

so let me get this straight .....  you want a gf who will be with you and sleep with you and have a future with you but you don't want to support her with the running costs and anything to do with the land. 

 

hmmm .....  i think I've got it right ....    sounds like you want a gf that won't cost you anything. imo

My wife doesn't cost me, and I don't cost her, we both have our own money, and it has been successful for 14 years now.

We both do give each other things from time to time though. I bought the house, land, and truck etc, etc when she was my GF, we married five years later when I only had a few thousand GBPs left.

It was very obvious that she did not marry me for my money.