THE WEEK THAT WAS Celebrities everywhere in a bumper week of wacky Thai news on ASEAN NOW

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I suppose there has never been a better time to be a celebrity or to aspire to be one. Just as there has never been a worse time. 

 

Social media has seen to that. 

 

Celebrities only have to tweet something or post a picture and their fame and exposure increases plus sales of whatever they’re flogging. Their faces or products.

 

Wannabe celebs can get instant or even long lasting fame through YouTube or Instagram. Just ask guys like “My Mate Nate” - in a past era just an English teacher nobody would have heard of - who lives off 8 million Thai teenagers waiting on his every word or any young child with a TikTok idea and a mobile phone. 

 

But just as it’s easy to acquire fame, it can also swiftly come crashing down as frauds are exposed and misdeeds are instantly flashed around the world resulting in ruin.

 

Even if the celeb concerned is not guilty! 

 

Today’s world is filled with instant gratification, instant recognition and instant disgrace. No one is safe and everyone is invited to the party!

 

In a bumper week of Thai news on the hallowed forums of ASEAN NOW celebrities were everywhere enjoying moments in the limelight and wishing that it never happened to them.

 

As observers we can enjoy the feelings of Schadenfreude and pretend we are immune or don’t care.

 

Top story of the week featured a female Thai boxer called Ploy who turned out to be a gem for news organizations’ clicks, as her name implies.

 

Some guy - who subsequently lost his job thanks to the media backlash - tipped a beer over her head after she refused to clink glasses.

 

Ploy aimed some tasty kicks at the miscreant outside the Khao Tom shop though I’ve married several Thai women who would have given her a run for her money. 

 

Both protagonists were fined 1,000 baht as Thai and foreign posters debated who was more in the wrong. I think the police got it about right - it was something and nothing.

 

But while the guy was ruined Ploy will doubtless get plenty of boxing engagements; I suggest a new ring name like “Ploy Beer Glass” to cement her newfound status.

 

In Bangkok a former Miss Universe Thailand contestant in 2015 - now a successful businesswoman - probably wished she’d invested in driving lessons. She drove her Benz (us wannabe Thais always say Benz to annoy Germans) into a truck on a bridge and killed her passenger. 

 

Up in Sakon Nakhon some buxom hairdressers got their five minutes of fame and wowed the ‘net’ doing some semi-naked blow-drying at their salon. Rooster called them a cut above the rest.

 

What was surprising was that the Culture Minister didn’t call for a crackdown on non-Thai behavior. Maybe he’s just accepted that it’s too late to bother and he’d only look like a todger on social media. 

 

Lung Too could tell him all about that pitfall. 

 

Posters on ASEAN NOW generally agreed that this collection of what the British call “totty” were “a bit of alright” though when the finalists of Miss Thailand appeared in pink swimsuits (that Rooster called bikinis, I’m getting too old), the curmudgeons declared they were all ugly. 

 

I suggest putting down your beer glasses and looking at the world through regular specs, even if it might mean falling off your barstool.

 

I met a Thai Miss Universe once, whose name meant to sleep soundly and fertilizer. “Bui” was delightful even if it was unclear whether she should be taken to bed or put on the roses. I taught her son to be more Thai than American. 

 

In fact Rooster has met quite a few celebs over the years, mostly in my role as a Thai teacher. My favorite encounters were with Yingluck Shinawatra who gave me an envelope with money in and another former PM in the shape of Abhisit Vejjajiva who pronounced “home” so elegantly I was made to feel like a right “saaf London slob”.

 

Not really surprising as he went to Eton and Oxford, places Rooster’s only visited as a tourist. What I do have over “Mark” is that I wasn’t born in Wallsend and don’t support Newcastle-Upon-Mecca. 

 

I should have met John Noakes of Blue Peter fame but I went to Epsom races instead of a scheduled cub reporter assignment for a shop opening in Croydon. I wrote that Shep delighted the crowd only to be informed later that his famous dog wasn’t there. Oops.

 

Enough name dropping - back to the Thai news, anyone would think I wanted to be a celeb.

 

Becoming instantly famous - though only the RTP had their names - were two shoeless hitmen who shot Canadian/Indian Jimi Singh in Rawai 19 times. 

 

Bungling, flat-footed plod told the Thai press that they were definitely still in Thailand until footage emerged of them getting out of a taxi and on planes at Suwannaphum (my spelling).

 

Methinks that Gen Suwat needs to go to specsavers for some new glasses.

 

Whether he’ll have more luck with his arrest warrants than the debacle that is the Red Bull Boss saga remains to be seen. The assassins will have melted into Canada by now and my sources say it is quite a big place.

 

Also attracting attention in the south was Cathy Hummels, wife of Borussia Dortmund’s Mats, who thought she was in Phuket when she was robbed of her iPhone in Phang Nga. 

 

An easy mistake to make when you’re been clobbered over the head while holidaying on the beach in Thailand. 

 

Big Joke - is there any bigger celebrity in Thailand at the moment outside the nightly soaps? - continued his meteoric rise back to stardom after the mother of all falls, was mentioned in the Hummels case and then had a perjury and defamation case against him dismissed. Was that a crafty smile behind the mask as Surachate exited the central criminal court?

 

He had “no comment” for the press - another first for the usually loquacious Lt-Gen. 

 

In pandemic related news (sorry)  Anutin Charnvirakul, the celebrity health minister, intimated that the nighttime entertainment sector would remain shut.

 

I guess he’d rather everyone stay off the streets and light a non-THC hemp spliff at home while the country’s biggest Golden Goose continues to be half strangled for little good reason.  

 

One of the world biggest wannabe celebs - Mohammad bin Salman - will be visiting Thailand to cement  “bilateral relations”.

 

I wonder if some swanky Bangkok hotel will offer him a few floors to pitch his tent in and tend to the goats. 

 

The suspected murderer of Jamal Khashoggi should not even be considered for a visa though Prayut will probably get some cut priced gas for his Humvee. 

 

Being propelled into fame was a monk in Phrapradaeng who featured in the most hilarious story of the week. 

 

This randy robed rogue was investigated after the local faithful - who frequently reveal themselves as more on the straight and narrow than the saffron brigade - was seen entertaining women “short and long time”.

 

The press, with a self-righteous social activist leading the baying mob, found a scantily clad lady hiding under the stairs with nary a stitch on her. 

 

A bra was discarded near the Spy coolers and a woman’s hair band was found in the Phra’s bedroom.

 

The wine? Oh, that’s used in religious ceremonies, he claimed, (presumably like red Fanta). 

 

The hair band for a baldy monk? Oh, that’s mine, I wear it for migraine relief.

 

With excuses like this I suggest that the abbot - after his defrocking - turns to the police or politics. He’ll be welcomed with open arms.

 

In international news those celebrity footballers of the English Premier League were in the news though at least it wasn’t for rape this time. 

 

However, some commentators claimed the crime was just as bad after Kurt Zouma was caught on tape kicking his pet cat into touch. West Ham courted further controversy by selecting him for their next match.

 

Boris Johnson lived up to his surname once again in comments about Ukraine.

 

He said: “Our intelligence, I am afraid, remains grim”.

 

Was he using the “royal we” to refer to himself?

 

In the Philippines the celebrity obsessed population will have a number of interesting candidates in the May general election. There's the daughter of dodgy Duterte, Sara, son of dictator Marcos, Bongbong and Senator Manny Pacquiao.

 

Hopefully he’ll box the others into submission in round one.

 

Back in Thailand a three legged tiger has been getting famous after attacks on people and livestock in Kanchanaburi. Now park authorities want to trap him and take him into care. It’s interesting that there are now thought to be 180 tigers in the wild here - expect more stories about poachers and attacks in the coming years. 

 

Road accidents abounded with several involving rather foolish Pajero drivers. I love seeing those ugly cars and wonder if the drivers know what “pajero” means in Spanish. 

 

Gooly it, I mean Google, if unsure. 

 

A road accident from 2021 featured footage of a Thai delivery guy being thrown off his bike after a collision with an American driving a golf buggy in an estate in Soi Samakhee. A father was calling for “justice” - a rare commodity in Thailand. 

 

Cue much discussion on who was to blame and who should pay whom. I’ve ridden bikes in Thailand nearly 500,000 kms but I wouldn’t ride like that. That said, the American needs to look before turning and get his checkbook out. 

 

Doing just that was a woman at a bank in Nong Khai. Her accomplice was at a gold shop and the owner was conned into parting with 200 baht weight in gold jewelry after they thought 2.9 million baht had been transferred. Plod are looking for a man in black and a woman with previous.

 

Now there was me thinking that all gold shops are owned by the most cautious Thai Chinese people on the planet. 

 

Norawich Buadok - the cop who killed Dr Kratai on a zebra crossing while riding his Ducati Monster was taken to face prosecutors. 

 

It would have been easier to list the traffic offences he hadn’t broken - no tax, no plates, no insurance, no mirrors, negligence etc etc…

 

However, the one piece of documentation that may come to his rescue is the RTP get out of jail card. 

 

Worth its weight in gold.

 

In Bangkok it emerged that a woman who the Thai press salivated over after she was found in bits in the Chao Phraya at several locations had not been murdered.

 

CCTV showed her ending it all by jumping off the Rama 8 bridge. She was then sliced to pieces by boat propellers, plod reckoned. Very sad. 

 

In Pattaya the miscreant of the week - or any other week - had to be a nasty nurse who swiped a dying patient’s ATM card while he was in ICU at Banglamung Hospital. She then went to the cash machine to help clear some family debts, as you do. 

 

Finally and also in Pattaya there was a story about an intoxicated man stealing road signs. 

 

Facebook ASEAN NOW poster Jimmy Malone said it best with his witty observation about the thief: “He is a sign of Trouble Ahead”.

 

A reminder to all of us wannabe celebrities.

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright  ASEAN NOW 2022-02-12

 

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[LOS1]

Quote

Road accidents abounded with several involving rather foolish Pajero drivers. I love seeing those ugly cars and wonder if the drivers know what “pajero” means in Spanish. 

I've met a few "jerks" in Pajeros before, but no "offs". ????

 

[sawadee1947]

Obviously it's getting harder and harder every week for Rooster to create something interesting as a wannabe writer.

So why not take holidays for some months? Or take a course in professional writing? ????

[BostonRob2]

2 hours ago, sawadee1947 said:

Obviously it's getting harder and harder every week for Rooster to create something interesting as a wannabe writer.

So why not take holidays for some months? Or take a course in professional writing? ????

Thete are also tons of courses out there to build positivity and self-esteem. Good luck.

[sawadee1947]

41 minutes ago, BostonRob2 said:

Thete are also tons of courses out there to build positivity and self-esteem. Good luck.

When you finished your course, please tell me.????

[Mark mark]

"Newcastle-Upon-Mecca"  .... Nice One Rooster !!! ... Like I did think that it was supposed to be Tyne ? right ? Like on the other side, ....  "Tyne Side"  ??? ... Right ???

 

... And Yes, those High Speed express River ferries, have Really Big Fixed Pitch propellers !!! ...  (well the ones that I have seen any way, as well as the Barge Tow boats also I think ??? ) ... And truck engines !!! .... or bigger, ... That can push a LOT of Water !!! ... And really fast !!!  .... So well I also most certainly would not like to be run over by one either !!! .... 

[Curmudgeonly59]

4 hours ago, sawadee1947 said:

Obviously it's getting harder and harder every week for Rooster to create something interesting as a wannabe writer.

So why not take holidays for some months? Or take a course in professional writing? ????

Point taken, but let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater just yet. Rooster's weekly dose is the nearest this site will get to contemporary, relevant, political and social commentary. At times he gets perilously close to the truth - behaviour which always carries significant risk in Thailand. 

[unblocktheplanet]

Always wondered why any Thai would drive a VW Passat...

[BostonRob2]

48 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Always wondered why any Thai would drive a VW Passat...

Yeh, madness!

[yankyoakum]

Rooster I always enjoy your posts, onward and forward...

[Stargeezr]

Thanks Rooster for your chuckles, as for your critics, I would not want to read too much of

their drivvel , however it is spelled.  I have met with a few Thai singers and actors, and found them to be

 decent folk, with good humors.  A for the bad actors that get gunned down for their being involved with

drugs and other nasty stuff, well, that is how life is.  Stay healthy and wear your mask, as the pollutions

is reason enough for the mask.  Oh some expats forget that BKK has more than the threat of COVID 19 in 

one of its variants, for wearing a mask.

[roger101]

Well I for one enjoy his article every week and look forward to continuing reading it for many years to come.

[Marpa47]

Loving every one of your posts.  Although not conversant with the British football scene which remains a mystery to me.  Always thought it ironic though that, for such an elegant, usually non-contact sport, its fans in some places(?) are more violent than a MMA match.