THE WEEK THAT WAS The way to a Thai woman’s heart and putting a spell on the ladle - forget love, think money and food!

[webfact]

 

The week got off to a particularly controversial start as Monday was Valentine’s Day. A day when newbies in Thailand think they can impress their Thai wives and girlfriends with flowers. 

 

That may wash in Farangistan but has little merit in Thailand. 

 

No, the only way to truly impress a Thai wife is with cash, gold or both. Love is also quite unnecessary especially when compared to what the British refer to as “a good old rogering”.

 

To wit, Rooster is always reminded of a scene in the wartime movie The Great Escape when the commandant finds it amusing that the POWs are planting flowers.

 

The Nazi is reminded that these are potatoes and that “you can’t eat flowers, colonel”. 

 

Yes, the way to a Thai woman’s heart is either via the ATM or through something she can eat. 

 

And it is said that the way to a Thai husband’s heart is through a woman who can cook - if the proverb about putting a spell on the ladle is to be believed!

 

 (เสน่ห์ปลายจวักผัวรักจนตาย - saneh plai jawak phua rak jon tai - Put magic on the end of the ladle and hubby will love you to the end).

 

In Bang Khun Thian the district chief decided to pull a publicity stunt by offering cute, non-legal certificates of marriage to LGBTQ+ couples, many of whom were outraged and pointed out it was time that legally binding marriages were offered to their community in Thailand.

 

Too true. The way that gays and transgenders are portrayed on the soaps must make them mince, I mean wince. If you think that attitudes are liberal then you haven’t been in Thailand long enough to appreciate the official and cultural undercurrents to the contrary. 

 

One activist called the certificates a “waste of time”; the same could also be said of marriage.

 

Valentine’s - except for a fence at the Grand National steeplechase - always reminds me of my first wedding back in July 1990.

 

I’d woken bleary eyed to a phone call from a woman 12 years my senior who reminded me we were meant to be getting hitched that day.

 

We raced off to the local district office on my Honda Rebel only to be told that all my meticulously prepared paperwork was not in order, we should try Bang Rak.

 

We argued in the car park about who was to blame - not an auspicious start to a married life but par for the course after the two year courtship that we’d both endured as much as enjoyed. Then we belted off to the District of Love registry office, handily located near Patpong. 

 

Here we were at each other's throats again after being made to wait all day then being told at 4 pm the office was shutting. This was remedied with the sweetening effect of what we all used to call “a purple” that ensured the office remained open till 6. 

 

As the national anthem played and we stood, well apart, we clutched our “tabian somrots” and went for a McDonald’s (or I did) followed by a couple of photos on a bar hopping tout’s Polaroid at Superstar. 

 

Yes, with Rooster it is all about the romance. 

 

Doubtless such stories will be doing the rounds today when my grown children, from the union of a mean, Scrabble playing Brit and a schizophrenic Thai who falls asleep if given chili, arrive in Thailand.

 

The nippers, aged 29 and 27 and based in London and Liverpool, have not set foot in their Asian homeland for 3 years because of Covid. And they nearly didn’t this time. They both had the same Thailand Pass application but while my son’s was approved my daughter’s was turned down because the zillion baht Covid insurance was in pounds not dollars. 

 

How petty and pedantic can you get? (A rhetorical question). They should scrap the whole thing, not just tweak it as they suggested this week. For goodness sake just insist on vaccinated travelers for now. It’s not that there will be many tourists - “high” season (oxymoron alert) is done and dusted. Scrap the need to even be vaxxed come next October when more people might be thinking of long haul again. 

 

Wednesday was Makha Bucha Day. Thailand insists on having alcohol bans whenever possible for no reason that I have ever been able to fathom. Fortunately Mrs Rooster - Mark 2 or should that be Mach 2 - has a convenient relationship with Buddha meaning that we both got absolutely paralytic without a sliver of guilt (something that Christians and Muslims seem to be weighed down by).

 

Phuket continued to feature heavily in the news. The two foreign men who dispatched Jimi “The Slice” Singh the other week were named as Thai plod pretended they were going to nab them with help from the Canadians. 

 

Predictably everyone online made comparisons with Red Bull Boss whose name may well be a ‘tonic’ for clickathons on news sites but who this columnist has had a bellyful of.

 

Also on the “Pearl of the Andaman”, tourist plod was jumping up and down in glee after a bunch of Thais helped a Russian tourist find her heirloom necklace in the surf. 

 

They clearly couldn’t find an honest taxi driver to give back half a million baht he found on the back seat.

 

Oh the humanity! Tourism was saved and the good name of the kingdom restored to all its glory by the finding of a bit of sentimental Rusky tat.  

 

Rooster went to town putting the gushing praise of Thai officialdom into appropriately flowery English. Cue the predictable backlash of the resident Thai bashers on the forum and Facebook who wait by their keyboard with nothing better to do than pounce when the opportunity arises. 

 

Smell the roses guys, just don’t buy them for the missus.

 

Yes, I’m guilty too, but my excuse is I get paid for ranting.

 

Top crime of the week featured a 17 year old Toraphee - the ungrateful buffalo child of Ramakien fame. This one found out that her dear gran who had looked after her since the cradle actually had 100K in her account, discovered when the granddaughter went to the ATM to withdraw a lottery win. 

 

Unfortunately for gran the lottery of life was to disappoint her as the teen and her new online lover decided that she was worth more dead than alive so they connived to strangle her. Then wrap her up, bind her in a blanket, shove her in a plastic trash drum with compost and drive all the way from Korat to Suphanburi to find a suitable burial site. 

 

News of the body being found spooked them and they were arrested doing what Thai criminals always seem to do - going home to mother, the boyfriend's in this case.  

 

The sentence for the teen should reflect her young age - just 100 years please. 

 

Main drama of the week started with a request by the Royal Society to officially call Bangkok by the name  all Thais use Krung Thep plus the Maha Nakhon bit for good measure.

 

A surprising number of posters had barely heard of Krung Thep that some of us have been using in our Thai language for decades. The Thai press largely got it all wrong - leading ASEAN NOW to follow suit.

 

The name Krung Thep Maha Nakhon - used officially for 21 years - was of course nothing new.

 

It was all about punctuation, said the society, after an excrement storm from Thais and foreigners online fearful that Bangkok would disappear before global warming and flood waters do the trick in 2050. 

 

The old name was Krung Thep Maha Nakhon; Bangkok. The new one Krung Thep Maha Nakhon (Bangkok).

 

Brackets instead of a semi-colon. The society said that it didn’t really matter what name was used so long as people stopped calling them to complain. 

 

I really would encourage any non-Thai to learn the full name of the greatest city on earth that can stretch to 150 characters in English. Listen to the Asanee/Wasan song on YouTube a few dozen times to get the cadence and then enjoy how many free beers you get when performing your party-piece after a few beverages. 

 

Doing a party-piece at a restaurant was a Thai man out with his missus. CCTV showed him suddenly keel back and start gagging. I thought chicken bones and Heimlich maneuver until I read the headline.

 

It was none other than that essential accompaniment to virtually any food - Wasabi. 

 

But as anyone should know, and the man involved now surely does, it should be consumed in moderation. 

 

Try having too much and compare it to a Covid nose swab and tell me which one is worse. 

 

In international news His Royal Horniness Andrew settled his civil underage sex case with a reported £12 million. No charities want to touch him with a barge-pole and tax payers are asking if their money was used in the settlement. 

 

The man formerly known as Prince should replace his name with some symbol. Might I humbly suggest an emoji pile of steaming plop….sir. 

 

Australia is opening up to fully vaxxed visitors next week, even if they play tennis. With all the negative stories coming out of Down Under over the last few years I think I’d prefer to go to North Korea, Victoria Bitter or no VB. 

 

In New Zealand the authorities came up with a novel idea to disperse crowds of protesters - Barry Manilow on loop on loudspeakers. This has given me an idea for the Thai police; time to get my Max Bygraves greatest hits album out. Just a few bars would have Penguin, Mike and Rung begging for mercy. 

 

In sports the Los Angeles Rams scored a late touchdown to beat the Cincinnati Bengals 23-20 in Super Bowl 56. Eminem took time off from making chocolates to perform at halftime controversially ‘taking the knee’ towards the end of his performance. 

 

Lord’s announced that the annual cricket matches between Oxford and Cambridge and Eton and Harrow would end from next year. Yet more damning evidence that elitist Britain is becoming more damn egalitarian. 

 

Back in Thailand elephants were in the news almost daily. Two got married on Valentine’s Day at a camp in Chiang Mai (food featured heavily) while a video of an anti-vax pachyderm who hid underwater from a vet’s needle went viral. 

 

Monks also continued to make all the bad headlines. One behind the wheel lost control and killed two students in Surin while another was defrocked in Sattahip after doing a runner on his restaurant and booze bill. 

 

Top gut wrenching photo of the week featured a Thai driver “graaping” the feet of a deaf 82 year old “tuat”.

 

The ‘graaper’ with his head to the tarmac had just killed the old man’s daughter and sent his great grandson to hospital hitting them as they cycled home in Udon Thani. Incredibly Nonwat was on his way to another province to pay a speeding fine.  

 

This was one of many accidents in the last seven days blamed on the unseasonal rain that sent temperatures in the kingdom plummeting to below 30C.

 

Next week it’ll be back to faulty brakes again. 

 

Down in Pattaya a two year old boy tragically died in the swimming pool at a villa. As someone who nearly lost their precious child last year, I would urge all parents to teach their children to swim from the earliest age and even then never take your eyes off them around water. 

 

Drowning reportedly takes as many young lives as motorcycle accidents in Thailand and neither activity should be taken lightly.

 

Some good news came at last on the green baize from Sheffield, England, where Thai cueist Nutcharat Wongharuthai won the women’s world snooker crown beating Belgium’s Wendy Hans 6-5 in the final.

 

Mink will now get a tour card and a chance to play the men next season. I hope to interview her - and maybe get a game - when she returns to Thailand.

 

On Friday another talented young Thai woman - Pol Lt Patarasaya or Lieutenant Viking - went online to slam conservatives in Thai society after pictures of her in a sexy swimsuit were posted.

 

The RTP stunner, who is a police spokeswoman, reminded her detractors that this is 2022 and it’s not how you look but how well you do your job that matters. 

 

Good luck with that in beauty obsessed Thailand!

 

Earlier, the comely lass - as Bangkok Post legend Bernard Trink used to refer to Thai bar girls in his weekly columns - had appeared at the mike in the case against Ferrari Joe. 

 

He has had his assets seized and many on the forum would like to do that to Ms Viking, if comments were anything to go by. 

 

Another charismatic cop - Lt-Gen Surachate Big Joke Hakparn - then appeared in Surat Thani.

 

BJ is going after not just the procurers and madams for underage sex but the men who sleep with the victims. 

 

This is a worthwhile crusade and hopefully one that with the help of the high profile cop will see the arrest of influential men who prey on teen children. 

 

In this case a politician’s son and a doctor, among others, are facing arrest. 

 

Finally ASEAN NOW had a feature story asking the question: Could it be Covid safer to take the train rather than the plane?

 

Unfortunately the article didn’t answer the question as to whether you were more likely to catch the dreaded lurgy on the railway or in the air. 

 

But Rooster for one would recommend the train over domestic flying any time. Get a good book, enjoy the view and the far superior food! You may get to your destination the next day - maybe 12 hours late but you can always get a sleeper bunk and thoroughly enjoy the journey.

 

Letting the train take the Covid strain.

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright  ASEAN NOW 2022-02-19

 

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[Ponlamai]

Ahh, I fondly remember the sleeper train journeys all around Thailand, Malaysia and VN!

Stuck here in Oz, it costs me more than a return flight from OOL to KLIA or beyond for a slow train to almost any distant destination. Crappy sleepers here with strict rules and zero privacy are all you'll get if you're lucky. Another good read, thanks R. My weekly dose of Thailand always warmly welcomed. Cheers.

[Grusa]

Sorry Rooster, I ploughed through the first few paragraphs....bo-ring....and skimmed the rest. To plagiarize Salieri, "too many words".

I used to like your Sunday piece, now we are getting it on Saturday, maybe you are not getting enough beer the night before writing!

Sunday is now an empty hole.

Edited February 19, 2022 by Grusa

[sawadee1947]

????????????????????????????

[Golden Triangle]

1 hour ago, Grusa said:

Sorry Rooster, I ploughed through the first few paragraphs....bo-ring....and skimmed the rest. To plagiarize Salieri, "too many words".

I used to like your Sunday piece, now we are getting it on Saturday, maybe you are not getting enough beer the night before writing!

Sunday is now an empty hole.

I think they have stopped publishing the Sunday copy, haven't seen it for a couple of weeks now, no doubt it will appear tomorrow to make me a liar ????

[Mario Cosmopolite]

1 hour ago, Grusa said:

Sorry Rooster, I ploughed through the first few paragraphs....bo-ring....and skimmed the rest. To plagiarize Salieri, "too many words".

Er no ..... "too many notes" was the comment of Emperor Jospeh II, though he was prompted on it by the Director: Count Orsini-Rosenberg. Salieri looked on, with a satisfied smirk.

[Lacessit]

" His Royal Horniness". Pure comedy gold, Rooster.

[RobU]

Love is an illusion 'True Love' doubly so, often a replacement word for lust. Thai people have the right idea, they remind me of proper Yorkshire folk. Practical. Respect is the foundation of a relationship not some emotion which depends on hormone fluctuations and often dissipates after 6 months. Humans have 2 major rutting seasons when relationships start to break down and new ones form April and September just observe young people.

[Phredd]

Hi Roster, It maybe my lack of intelligence, but I quite look forward to your views of Thailand and Thai's, too long, nope. Keep it going. With the "Strange Activities" of Thai's how could your input be shortened. Got to Love Them.

[SamuiAddict]

What a load of stereotypical <deleted>

[VocalNeal]

16 hours ago, Grusa said:

To plagiarize Salieri, "too many words".

it is Sunday so Amen to that

[OneMoreFarang]

21 hours ago, webfact said:

The week got off to a particularly controversial start as Monday was Valentine’s Day. A day when newbies in Thailand think they can impress their Thai wives and girlfriends with flowers. 

 

That may wash in Farangistan but has little merit in Thailand. 

 

No, the only way to truly impress a Thai wife is with cash, gold or both. Love is also quite unnecessary especially when compared to what the British refer to as “a good old rogering”.

I gave up after a few lines.

Option 1: You have no idea what you are talking about.

Option 2: You have or had the wrong woman as your girlfriend or wife.

 

My gf likes flowers. Most of the time she buys them and sometimes I buy them. No demands for gold and mostly she doesn't need any cash because I pay for everything. And in this case everything means a nice life without excessive spending. 

 

IMHO if people make comments like above that only show that they choose the wrong wife or they are convinced that they have to pay and should pay for the company of her or any other lady. I have some words for those guys but they would be deleted here.

[OneMoreFarang]

20 hours ago, Ponlamai said:

Ahh, I fondly remember the sleeper train journeys all around Thailand, Malaysia and VN!

Stuck here in Oz, it costs me more than a return flight from OOL to KLIA or beyond for a slow train to almost any distant destination. Crappy sleepers here with strict rules and zero privacy are all you'll get if you're lucky. Another good read, thanks R. My weekly dose of Thailand always warmly welcomed. Cheers.

How many lines did you read before you fell asleep? 

[OneMoreFarang]

6 hours ago, RobU said:

Love is an illusion 'True Love' doubly so, often a replacement word for lust. Thai people have the right idea, they remind me of proper Yorkshire folk. Practical. Respect is the foundation of a relationship not some emotion which depends on hormone fluctuations and often dissipates after 6 months. Humans have 2 major rutting seasons when relationships start to break down and new ones form April and September just observe young people.

It's sad that you have to admit you have no idea about love.

I could try to explain to you the difference to lust but I am pretty sure you wouldn't (want to) understand it.

Try to enjoy your loveless life.

[crouchpeter]

Why did your children need Covid insurance? Don't they have dual citizenship?

[Speedhump]

15 hours ago, Lacessit said:

" His Royal Horniness". Pure comedy gold, Rooster.

Although the 'underage' remark is garbage. 

[Grusa]

17 hours ago, Mario Cosmopolite said:

Er no ..... "too many notes" was the comment of Emperor Jospeh II, though he was prompted on it by the Director: Count Orsini-Rosenberg. Salieri looked on, with a satisfied smirk.

I stand corrected. You are of course quite right. But the sentiment stands!

[Gottfrid]

23 hours ago, webfact said:

The week got off to a particularly controversial start as Monday was Valentine’s Day. A day when newbies in Thailand think they can impress their Thai wives and girlfriends with flowers. 

 

That may wash in Farangistan but has little merit in Thailand. 

 

No, the only way to truly impress a Thai wife is with cash, gold or both. Love is also quite unnecessary especially when compared to what the British refer to as “a good old rogering”.

 

To wit, Rooster is always reminded of a scene in the wartime movie The Great Escape when the commandant finds it amusing that the POWs are planting flowers.

 

The Nazi is reminded that these are potatoes and that “you can’t eat flowers, colonel”. 

 

Yes, the way to a Thai woman’s heart is either via the ATM or through something she can eat. 

 

And it is said that the way to a Thai husband’s heart is through a woman who can cook - if the proverb about putting a spell on the ladle is to be believed!

 

 (เสน่ห์ปลายจวักผัวรักจนตาย - saneh plai jawak phua rak jon tai - Put magic on the end of the ladle and hubby will love you to the end).

Unbelievable! The perfect writing of a person that has a huge drive to generalize a country and it´s population, where he has chosen to settle as a migrant coming from Farangistan. That´s shameful and are showing great disrespect to the country and people one has chosen to live with.

Totally untrue rubbish, that should be banned or flushed down the drain. As usual flowers, chocolate and spending 2 000 bath on new clothes worked perfect. After a nice dinner with the children at home. Why do some people think it has to be soo much, when it in reality do not have to differ from any other country?

[Golden Triangle]

21 hours ago, Golden Triangle said:

I think they have stopped publishing the Sunday copy, haven't seen it for a couple of weeks now, no doubt it will appear tomorrow to make me a liar ????

Anyone seen the Sunday copy then ??

[NRGF]

8 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I gave up after a few lines.

Option 1: You have no idea what you are talking about.

Option 2: You have or had the wrong woman as your girlfriend or wife.

 

My gf likes flowers. Most of the time she buys them and sometimes I buy them. No demands for gold and mostly she doesn't need any cash because I pay for everything. And in this case everything means a nice life without excessive spending. 

 

IMHO if people make comments like above that only show that they choose the wrong wife or they are convinced that they have to pay and should pay for the company of her or any other lady. I have some words for those guys but they would be deleted here.

I think you are a dreamer but not the only one. 

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, NRGF said:

I think you are a dreamer but not the only one. 

To stay with Supertramp:

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot

 

Apart from that, my girlfriend really likes flowers. She is different! ???? 

[pedro01]

Poor mans Bernard Trink

[Stargeezr]

Another good read Rooster, although it appears that some posters considered it to be a bit

lengthy.  Of course if you would have supplied some pictures of Lt. Viking, they may have been

more satisfied. Randy Andy of Britain, certainly has had his Royal career derailed.

  It seems that Harry will not go back to England as well as he would have to pay for his own security, and that

would be bad if someone rich like him would actually have to spend their own money. It is a shame that some

people kill their parents or grand parents because they are too lazy to work and earn their own way in life.

I do hope the girl and her boyfriend get 100 years in jail as well. I like reading of Big Joke, and applaud his efforts

to shut down child porn, and underage sex exploitation. Thanks again for another weekly update of Thailand news.

[BostonRob2]

On 2/19/2022 at 3:51 PM, sawadee1947 said:

????????????????????????????

Thanks for reading and all the lovely emojis. I notice you're always one of the first to "comment". 

[BostonRob2]

11 hours ago, Stargeezr said:

Another good read Rooster, although it appears that some posters considered it to be a bit

lengthy.  Of course if you would have supplied some pictures of Lt. Viking, they may have been

more satisfied. Randy Andy of Britain, certainly has had his Royal career derailed.

  It seems that Harry will not go back to England as well as he would have to pay for his own security, and that

would be bad if someone rich like him would actually have to spend their own money. It is a shame that some

people kill their parents or grand parents because they are too lazy to work and earn their own way in life.

I do hope the girl and her boyfriend get 100 years in jail as well. I like reading of Big Joke, and applaud his efforts

to shut down child porn, and underage sex exploitation. Thanks again for another weekly update of Thailand news.

Cheers and thanks for being one of my most loyal and positive readers. Thais must like you! 

[BostonRob2]

19 hours ago, pedro01 said:

Poor mans Bernard Trink

Yes, I am poor. But I am not trying to be Mr Trink, I just like to use some of his words as a reminder to people who fondly remember his columns. Thanks for reading. 

[BostonRob2]

23 hours ago, Golden Triangle said:

Anyone seen the Sunday copy then ??

The Sunday newsletter has been discontinued, I believe. The TWTW column now comes out about midday on a Saturday having been written one or two days before. Thanks for reading.

[BostonRob2]

On 2/20/2022 at 10:23 AM, Gottfrid said:

Unbelievable! The perfect writing of a person that has a huge drive to generalize a country and it´s population, where he has chosen to settle as a migrant coming from Farangistan. That´s shameful and are showing great disrespect to the country and people one has chosen to live with.

Totally untrue rubbish, that should be banned or flushed down the drain. As usual flowers, chocolate and spending 2 000 bath on new clothes worked perfect. After a nice dinner with the children at home. Why do some people think it has to be soo much, when it in reality do not have to differ from any other country?

If you read all my columns you will see that my views are in now way designed to generalize. There is plenty of love and mutual respect in my relationships despite the rockiness. One of the things I always stress is that everyone is different. Thanks for reading. 

[BostonRob2]

On 2/19/2022 at 3:19 PM, Grusa said:

Sorry Rooster, I ploughed through the first few paragraphs....bo-ring....and skimmed the rest. To plagiarize Salieri, "too many words".

I used to like your Sunday piece, now we are getting it on Saturday, maybe you are not getting enough beer the night before writing!

Sunday is now an empty hole.

Sorry it was not your thing this week. yes the column is now published on a Saturday and I usually write it on Friday, as i always did with the Sunday one. Why not save it for Sunday when you might have more time? Thanks for reading and hopefully next week might be more to your liking. 

[BostonRob2]

On 2/20/2022 at 8:39 AM, Speedhump said:

Although the 'underage' remark is garbage. 

Is 17 not underage? In many jurisdictions that qualifies as stautory rape. Thanks for reading.