OPINION | by Rooster

 

Every country has crazy laws that are still on the statute books but for which no one would ever be prosecuted. The UK is full of them as any Google search reveals. 

 

The difference in Thailand is that some of the loopiest laws imaginable are mainstream, prosecuted regularly by the RTP. They help with their revenue streams, of course, protect high up personages and big companies.

 

All the while thoroughly shafting the very people laws are meant to protect. 

 

Joe Soap or Somchai Saboo himself! Fortunately the Thais pick and choose what laws to obey as if it were a national sport. 

 

While this means they die in their thousands on the roads because they don’t give a hoot about the Highway Code, it also satisfies their general sense of freedom. 

 

Freedom to break the law and do exactly as one pleases if it suits you. It is both endearing and damaging. Both heartening and tragic in relatively equal measure. Fine if you’re not on the receiving end of bad justice.

 

About as polar opposite to Germans and Japanese as you can get!

 

A brief foray online found the following gems from the land of my birth. Apparently gambling in a library in the UK is illegal. As is flying a kite in public.

 

 

Taxis can’t transport rabid dogs (maybe except politicians….) and drivers are required to ask if passengers have the plague. 

 

It is also illegal to be found drunk in a pub in England and Wales and whatever you do don’t walk down a street with a cow or a plank let alone shake your dusty rug in a road (doormats are exempt).

 

And of course if you find a beached whale you must offer it to King Charles first. Icelanders, incidentally, have similar important rules on their books.

 

And heaven forbid that you allow your pet to have his way with a Royal corgi.  Very serious indeed. As bad as killing a swan, a 12th century misdemeanor that persists to the present day.

 

 

Of course most of these would be laughed out of court but others exist in Blighty that have foreigners scratching their collective heads in disbelief.

 

Pensioners are regularly prosecuted for not having a TV license, for example. Even if they just watch a paid for channel like Sky. No excuse - 1,000 sobs and jail if you can’t pay!

 

 

In Thailand some of the most draconian and idiotic laws are associated with gambling, boozing and defamation (where the customer is invariably wrong no matter how bad the service they have received). 

 

Thais will gamble on anything yet they are officially told that all they can legally flutter on is the state lottery and horse racing in Bangkok. 

 

Gambling is rife at funerals, the illegal underground lottery, you name it. The RTP are implicit in allowing it one minute then two-facedly cracking down on it the next. Just watch what will happen at the upcoming World Cup if you have any doubts about that. 

 

Despite recent attempts to change the alcohol production laws you could still be carted off if caught making beer without asking first. 

 

 

Opening and closing times for boozing go up and down faster than a Nana whore’s drawers.  Prostitution is of course illegal (even if it can be found, many officials have failed!). Even if several million people are actually engaged in the World’s Oldest Profession (apart from ‘begging for it’, that is).

 

Defamation laws are vastly different to many countries where the truth matters. Oscar Wilde found out the hard way when he sued the Marquess of Queensberry who accused him of “posing as a sodomite” in a famous 1895 libel case. The Irish writer found himself jailed and broken rather than richer and vindicated. 

 

In Thailand face is more important than truth. If someone loses it they are awarded money and their accusers can lose their liberty even if what they say is genuine. This scandalously protects corrupt people, dodgy businesses and corporations and is completely unfair to the common man.

 

Ask Andy Hall, an investigative journalist who reported the truth about migrants being mistreated at a pineapple factory. Goodbye Andy. Goodbye investigative journalism. Goodbye people’s rights. 

 

 

Hello, protection for the corrupt. Hello, a defense for wrong-doing. 

 

Other laws, with well known numbers, are used as political weapons to stifle dissent. In the UK few people batted an eyelid when the press asked “Has Fergie got a Big Arse or What?” Or when ‘important’ people were photographed on a boat in Phuket (that The Sun said was pronounced “Fuket”).

 

This week on ASEAN NOW one of Thailand’s most ridiculous laws came under the spotlight. 

 

Namely the absurd banning of the sale of alcohol from 2 pm to 5pm. It’s caught Rooster out so many times over the years, mainly because I’m an infrequent boozer who sometimes fancies a bevvy from 7-Eleven in the afternoon.

 

The reason for its introduction was given as a public moral thing, making sure that Thais worked a full day. As if that would make any difference. Very Victorian in its nature, treating people like kids.

 

While I could see the merit of stopping alcohol sales at gas stations, this blanket law is just an absurd inconvenience.

 

Another way that we are downtrodden and freedoms are ignored. It may be flouted in many stores but not where I live in Bangkok. Makros and Big C’s even tape off the booze like it’s some kind of afternoon crime scene!

 

 

Maybe it is - if they were to sell they’d wind up in jail. 

 

This week the head of TABBA - an alcohol traders’ organization - called for it to be scrapped as well as extending opening hours to 4am for zoned areas like Patong, Khao San, Soi Cowboy and Patpong, 2am elsewhere.

 

While it’s important to protect residents in places where pubs pop up illegally (or legally) it’s high time that responsible adults are not treated like children. 

 

And well overdue that restaurateurs, pub and karaoke owners who were hit so hard in the pandemic are given a chance to recoup substantial losses and take advantage of the increasing number of Thais going out and foreign tourists coming to the kingdom. 

 

More Thais going out was obvious when Rooster went with chicks and Mrs R in tow to Kaset University grounds for Loy Krathong on Tuesday. You could barely move. (Still disappointing that 98% were in masks but hey, you can’t have everything).

 

Rooster also witnessed large numbers of foreign tourists a couple of weeks ago when going to upper Sukhumvit to score some brick-weed. It was also a Tuesday and for the first time since 2019 it was completely packed with foreign, non-mask wearing tourists and locals.

 

Welcome back! (even if I only contributed to the weed economy in the sum of 200 baht, an extremely welcome law change that has met with my 100% approval).

 

Thai Rath carried a sensible and well put together article about the return of tourists that Rooster translated for ASEAN NOW.

 

 

It was noted that TAT targets of 10 million would likely be hit this year even if that’s a quarter of 2019 numbers when Mr and Mrs Woo followed their flags everywhere.

 

The Chinese - only back it seems in small numbers to sample “Happy Water” in ‘Zero Baht’ pubs in Yannawa - have yet to be allowed out by Chairman Xi.

 

But half a million Indians put them in second place to Malaysians and Brits were top of the Eurovision Charts just ahead of Septics from Across the Pond. 

 

Still put off by Covid are the fussy Koreans and the Japanese. The latter still apparently freaked out if they mistakenly get weed in their sushi and test positive on return to the Land of the Rising Sun where marijuana can still see them jailed for 5 years and fined 200,000 baht. 

 

The TABBA chief called for influencers and YouTubers to work their magic and explain that Covid is subsiding and there are actually sensible laws to stop people ingesting weed if they don’t want to.

 

She also called for illegal businesses to be busted. Many, after all, have always flouted the law and are open until daylight. Any doubts about that go to the Thermae (though of course the famous Soi 13-15 establishment has people of rank as owners!!).

 

 

I dropped in there the other week and it was like old times before it became inhabited by Japanese salarymen. The ‘farangs’ were back and the ladies were actually saying “hello” rather than “konbanwa”.

It may take a few years - and be dependent on the Chinese and Indians - before Thailand reaches the heady heights of pre-pandemic tourism. But it’s started.

 

My prediction is ten million more each year. But I would urge the Thais to use this experience to be chastened - stop the rip-offs and please ditch the masks and show those lovely smiles again (and ignore unpleasant people like billionaire Bill Heinecke who wants dual pricing at hotels to enrich himself, as we reported this week after he wrote to Prayut).

 

Helping the tourists who might want to extend their stay is a new online system that immigration said would only take three minutes. This of course was slammed by the retired curmudgeons who screamed “what about us” and our 400/800K requirements. They're never happy.

 

Thailand should have a law to tax their pensions if they complain. I jest, but having gone through years and years of visa applications and visa runs every three months I just feel that you must do what you have to do to live in someone else’s country. Suck it up. 

 

Fallout from the Yannawa raid on Chinese “investors” continued with multiple searches as Big Joke and Co. acted on Chuwit’s damning dossier. 

 

 

Highlight of those shenanigans had to be Chuwit squaring up to former cop and BFF Santhana. Chuwit removed his tie and created a new world record for saying “Ai Sat” (you feckin’ animal) multiple times. 

 

Priceless; a couple of old men giving each other a “bunch of fives” rather than a “bunch of thousands” that they paid off the authorities with in the past!

 

In international news the midterm elections for Congress and the Senate in the US were generally seen as a victory for the Republicans but not as much as they had hoped for.

 

It was also seen as a slap to Trump who was reportedly furious. His price on Betfair for becoming next president eased by two points giving this columnist some hope that his appearances on my TV screen will end well before 2024. 

 

 

It could also mean I won’t have to buy a new flat-screen after hurling things at it….

 

A rare pink diamond was bought by an Asian in Geneva - the hammer came down at a billion baht plus, a nice earner for Christie’s. 

 

The Crown (Series 5) - a wonderful drama with fantastic acting and a masterpiece of a script - hit Netflix midweek. Who cares if it may have some historical inaccuracies - it’s a drama and a brilliantly crafted one that is a great entry level insight into British history and the Royal Family. I thought the portrayal of the late Duke of Edinburgh in particular was amazing and I found the then Prince Charles and Diana both believable and engaging. Peter Morgan the writer is a genius. 

 

 

FIFA asked everyone to go easy on Qatar, sorry Cataarh, and concentrate on the football at the World Cup rather than migrants and gay rights. 

 

That’s not going to happen though back in Thailand it was those gambling laws rather than human rights (what are they?!) that took center stage. Big Den, RTP chief, promised crackdowns on online betting.

 

Meanwhile an even bigger issue was the NBTC apparently using  taxpayers’ money for the rights to show the games. This was shown to be just 600 million baht with the Sports Authority of Thailand chief saying they had to find a further billion from private investment. He cautioned that it might not be shown at all in Thailand.  

 

This kind of thing happens every four years so, football fans, don’t worry. There would be rioting in the streets if it wasn’t shown. Rooster suggests it is brinkmanship by the private sector who want to see how much the state fronts up before stepping in at the last minute to “save the day”. With audiences in the tens of millions they can make a fortune from advertising. 

 

But frankly, I’d really like to see a company like CP step in and do a bit of corporate philanthropy (if that’s not a Thai oxymoron). Maybe I’m naive but associating their name with something for the public good at their expense would be like a loss leader in supermarkets. They’d still claw back most of it in advertising. 

 

I fully expect the host nation to be kicking off against Ecuador next Sunday at 11 pm Thai time on Thai TV.

 

There was predictably huge comment on the forum when a drunk Police Hospital doctor who drove his red-plate Porsche into a Civic killing two last year was given community service and a suspended three year sentence. 

 

 

As a surviving victim said it was a disgrace especially after all the hot air rhetoric spouted about getting serious on DUI. They are appealing the leniency shown by the court.

 

Frankly a doctor with a police rank should do MORE time not less than Somchai Saboo. The laws are there (and they are good ones) so for goodness sake the courts should hand out proper custodial sentences.

 

Make the time fit the crime. 

 

It’s no wonder that so many see the Thai judicial system as the biggest joke since Note Chern Yim started at Villa Cafe.

 

(Apropos, I went there several times in the 1980s and on one occasion got a huge laugh from the audience after I responded to Note in Thai when he made a wisecrack about the “farang in the front row”. Thereafter I was mercilessly torn to shreds by the famous comic!).

 

In Pattaya a German with a bratwurst in his bonnet went on his roof when the cops tried to arrest him.  As many on the forum pointed out he’d probably have been shot in the US. It appeared that annoyance from his two Rottweilers started it all.

 

Lovers of this vicious breed affectionately call them Rotties - a bit like calling Jimmy Savile “Savvers” or Ted Bundy “Bunders”. 

 

 

On the plus side it’s heartening that Germans are giving the Brits a run for their money when it comes to behaving badly in Thailand. 

 

Even a New Zealander in Phuket stepped up to the mark when 26 guns and 11 grenades were found at his house. 

 

I liked Sparktrader's comment who noted: “Deport him back to Bondi”. 

 

Others just mentioned “sheep shagging”.

 

Top video of the week - apart from Chuwit - was of a train hitting a rice truck that had gone through a level crossing barrier in Lamphun. 

 

 

Quirkiest story was from a pond in Phetchabun where two plasticine voodoo dolls were found pierced with joss-sticks on styrofoam over hand-written messages wishing two people dead. The creepy float was found among Krathongs.

 

Not surprisingly no one including the 77kaoded reporters would touch it!

 

 

Finally, continuing huge news this week was the ongoing debate about allowing foreigners with a million bucks to own one rai of land for residential purposes. 

 

Thailand did an entirely predictable U-turn on the issue but a popular academic online said that the Chinese own half of Australia and Thaksin and Bangkok governor Sittipunt have properties abroad. It was all normal and part of globalization and should be allowed and encouraged. 

 

Atsadang said that selling land to foreigners is not “khai chart” - selling out the country - something opponents to the law spout as if it is un-Thai to suggest otherwise. 

 

The whole issue is wrapped up in Thai protectionism and political chicanery. It’s time for change and expansion of land ownership to people who have invested their lives as well as their money in Thailand. 

 

 

Yes, there needs to be safeguards but the current laws - like so many mentioned in this article - should be changed if not binned altogether. 

 

As Mr. Bumble said in Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist:

 

“The law is a ass, a idiot”.

 

Rooster

 

 

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1 hour ago, webfact said:

Fortunately the Thais pick and choose what laws to obey as if it were a national sport. 

As do foreigners here in the land of smiles

Quote

Very serious indeed. As bad as killing a swan, a 12th century misdemeanor that persists to the present day.

Even if it breaks your arm?

2 hours ago, webfact said:

the Chinese own half of Australia

more fool Australia.

3 hours ago, huangnon said:

Even if it breaks your arm?

Yes. A guy I new some years ago was walking his dogs along a canal,  a Swan came at him and his dog (an Akita) which was on a lead defended him dispatching the swan. Someone saw it and reported him. Here is where it became interesting. He went to court, was taken to a small room, no one else allowed in and fined £2,000. No report in the local papers!!!

Deleted, one cannot question dickens..

3 hours ago, Tropicalevo said:

As do foreigners here in the land of smiles

One particularly worrying law is the interdiction on going commando - 'though I've never seen any news of it being enforced i the media.

I can die happy. 

Two up is illegal in Oz outside Anzac day. Despite Oz being gambliing mad.

 

 

3 hours ago, Lemsta69 said:

more fool Australia.

Anyone doing some fact checking would find the majority of foreign ownership in Australia is the US and UK, China comes in at number 8. It's also more correct to say more fool our politicians, a sorry lot.

I understand Mr. Bumble said "The law is AN ass, AN idiot." For someone who prides himself on his Scrabble skills, not good, Rooster.

Well said, importantly this: Defamation, where the customer is invariably wrong no matter how bad the service they have received

51 minutes ago, George Aylesham said:

One particularly worrying law is the interdiction on going commando - 'though I've never seen any news of it being enforced i the media.

I have been told its illegal here to drive without a shirt.  ???? 

1 hour ago, George Aylesham said:

One particularly worrying law is the interdiction on going commando - 'though I've never seen any news of it being enforced i the media.

Would not with women this be classed as just being ready for work??

I wonder how many people read all of this. I'm not one of the 10 second attention span generation but to me it's just far too long. Over 2700 words this week.

I used to go jogging at Jomtien in the early morning. When I finished, I would go to 7/11 and buy a bottle of gin and a Chang three pack at 7.00am on a regular basis.

So much for no booze sold before 11.00am.

2 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I understand Mr. Bumble said "The law is AN ass, AN idiot." For someone who prides himself on his Scrabble skills, not good, Rooster.

it would seem that he is correct. This is just one of many Google search results that support him. I've never had the temerity to read Dickens so I don't know if it's just Mr Bumble that talks that way or if it was a common thing way back when.

 

https://www.bartleby.com/73/1002.html

2 minutes ago, kidneyw said:

I used to go jogging at Jomtien in the early morning. When I finished, I would go to 7/11 and buy a bottle of gin and a Chang three pack at 7.00am on a regular basis.

So much for no booze sold before 11.00am.

there will always be a speakeasy somewhere. thank your lucky stars.

Another good read, keep up the good work.

 

54 minutes ago, Lemsta69 said:

it would seem that he is correct. This is just one of many Google search results that support him. I've never had the temerity to read Dickens so I don't know if it's just Mr Bumble that talks that way or if it was a common thing way back when.

 

https://www.bartleby.com/73/1002.html

I read most of Dickens' books before my teens. I remember that phrase, perhaps in the edition I was reading the proofreaders corrected the article. "An" should always be used when the following noun commences with a vowel.

Rooster may be correct in his quotation, I am grammatically correct.

I don't always take Google as gospel, as I have found it to be wrong in fact on a few occasions.

When I'm typing a post it feels unnatural to post something like  "a idiot"   I always correct it myself to "an idiot".  I guess it was drilled into me in my English lessons 60 years ago.

3 hours ago, brianthainess said:

I have been told its illegal here to drive without a shirt.  ???? 

yrs ago i got "fined" 100 baht by a copper for not wearing a shirt IN MY OWN TRUCK !!!

Nice one this week Rooster! The last few seemed somewhat, dare I say it?, curmudgeonly to me!

3 hours ago, kidneyw said:

I used to go jogging at Jomtien in the early morning. When I finished, I would go to 7/11 and buy a bottle of gin and a Chang three pack at 7.00am on a regular basis.

So much for no booze sold before 11.00am.

Ours will deliver out of hours, or serve you in the shop. They just ring it up later, idiotic law.

8 hours ago, blackshadow said:

yrs ago i got "fined" 100 baht by a copper for not wearing a shirt IN MY OWN TRUCK !!!

You cant even own your own truck in the UK check the log book 

 

The V5C logbook provided by DVLA is not evidence of legal car ownership. Instead, it states the name and address of the registered keeper as the responsible owner or driver of the vehicle.

So Rooster's nose was bigger than Nose's nose?

Wasn’t the law changed a while back (maybe a year or so ago) so that hotels and/or resorts were allowed to sell alcohol between 2 and 5 in the afternoon?  We have never had a problem getting a beer as various hotels during that time even before the law was changed.

18 hours ago, brianthainess said:

I have been told its illegal here to drive without a shirt.  ???? 

Yes, used to be. 

Long ago on a Phuket trip, I rented a Jeep thinggy with no roof. 

Lovely day so we were driving around with our shirts off.

Angry police stopped us and we were told to put our shirts on. ????

According to what I have read the Japanese and the Koreans are more concerned 

about Cannabis than Covid since that is illegal in their countries.

 

Also, there are no Prostitutes                 there are working girls and they provide a service and refer to their "customers"               I applaud them for providing a service to those

who are Older and Very older, incapacitated as ALS  MD etc, Wheelchair bound,  to men who for, what ever reason,    can't find sex in their own country.  Why shouldn't they experience the joys of sex.  

 

16 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I read most of Dickens' books before my teens. I remember that phrase, perhaps in the edition I was reading the proofreaders corrected the article. "An" should always be used when the following noun commences with a vowel.

Rooster may be correct in his quotation, I am grammatically correct.

I don't always take Google as gospel, as I have found it to be wrong in fact on a few occasions.

Google Yeah, try having it translate Thai.........total disaster.     Peace