Thai soon to be 15 years old girlfriends sons bedroom

[GinBoy2]

To be honest, if the kid is feral by 15, it only goes down from here.

 

Try to visualize what he will be like at 18+

 

I'm assuming that the OP doesn't speak Thai, so any communication with the kid is through Mom, and it's pretty clear she isn't going to do anything!

 

Trouble is you're coming from different experiences. All teenage boys are 'messy' but for most of us I think leaving your clothes on the bedroom floor was enough to get a clip around the ear and told to 'pick up your mess'.

This is way past that

 

I have no idea how old the OP is, but if you get to the point of this kid being a feral young man, don't exclude some violence if you try to restrain his activities.

 

Terrible situation but really not uncommon for a farang to encounter a feral male step child!

 

I be outta there faster than I could drop a pair of dirty underwear

[Stevey]

The Situation

 

Well there is a little update. I’m just sitting here and the little one has been picked up to play water by his older cousin. He was playing with a little water pistol and his 15 year old brother walked out from the house to his borrowed motorcycle, he is replete with all the objet da a teen boy needs. The top of the range fuelled Wave 125 the marijuana leaf emblazoned clutch bag full of vaping paraphernalia, why he has my favourite best scissors I was looking for in there I don’t know ????‍♂️ Just a year ago or so he would be onto his mom every day for 20baht. I never hear that anymore. She tells me he does odd jobs for her sister at her goat farm. But how much money could he possibly e getting ?  a hundred baht goes nowhere here unless your buying a bunch of bananas. As far as I’m am concerned £60 pound is a UK workers pocketed wage per day so is equal to 300baht if she’s giving him 100baht for services rendered that £20 and she has not got that money to throw around. It’s puzzling. I can only assume that his friends are giving him the stuff or he is  bullying someone or both. 

He’s a horrible personality less oik. So he walks out the house and ‘Look Dang’ gets him like a sniper right on his shirtless chest. He immediately rares up at his little brother for daring to ‘ Ying ‘ him .. and it’s SongKhran ? 
 

The waste of oxygen Dresses and leaves on the ‘his’ bike while getting his hair right in the permanently upcocked mirror. 
 

I think let’s have a look to see if my mentioning to the Girlfriend that I’d put a photo of the room a couple of nights ago on the internet for the perusal and comment of a panel of my peers and that horrible@youreavinalaff guy

 

I check the door , not locked as usual? On opening a pleasant surprise. Tidy !  and a plastic bag for rubbish. In the corner you can see motorcycle parts. It looks like because everyone knows he gets nothing from me they’re now amassing parts to build him a death trap. 

How he sleeps in that room

is beyond me. I’ve recently put insulation on the inside of our room to hold the AC cool inside and keep the heat from the wall blocks from bleeding into the room at night. The stored heat in the blocks that usually released into our room and his at night now only releases his way. The AC that cooled that adjoining wall last week was actually cooling his room ( I’m an AC engineer)  by thermal conduction if he had a 26degC cooled wall it was cooling his room down, but now unfortunately it’s not. 
 

actually, that’s a good idea. What if I put an electrical element somewhere in the mortar and heated the blocks of his room up ?  

[Stevey]

33 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

To be honest, if the kid is feral by 15, it only goes down from here.

 

Try to visualize what he will be like at 18+

 

I'm assuming that the OP doesn't speak Thai, so any communication with the kid is through Mom, and it's pretty clear she isn't going to do anything!

 

Trouble is you're coming from different experiences. All teenage boys are 'messy' but for most of us I think leaving your clothes on the bedroom floor was enough to get a clip around the ear and told to 'pick up your mess'.

This is way past that

 

I have no idea how old the OP is, but if you get to the point of this kid being a feral young man, don't exclude some violence if you try to restrain his activities.

 

Terrible situation but really not uncommon for a farang to encounter a feral male step child!

 

I be outta there faster than I could drop a pair of dirty underwear

 

Level of Thai : Can read Lazada reviews like this and talk/Gossip with locals. บางทีก็แรงมากแต่ปล่อยให้ราคาและเด็กๆ สามารถเล่นได้โดยไม่มีอันตรายเหมือนลูกพลาสติกและแรงอัดหนักๆ

 

with all due respect, and I mean that, I cannot understand how anyone can assume I don’t speak หรืเข้าใจภาษาไทย

 

It’s actually my hobby and taking a call from Kerry or flash is pretty rewarding. 

[GinBoy2]

16 minutes ago, Stevey said:

 

Level of Thai : Can read Lazada reviews like this and talk/Gossip with locals. บางทีก็แรงมากแต่ปล่อยให้ราคาและเด็กๆ สามารถเล่นได้โดยไม่มีอันตรายเหมือนลูกพลาสติกและแรงอัดหนักๆ

 

with all due respect, and I mean that, I cannot understand how anyone can assume I don’t speak หรืเข้าใจภาษาไทย

 

It’s actually my hobby and taking a call from Kerry or flash is pretty rewarding. 

Apologies

 

But you have to admit it's a small percentage of us that actually speak Thai and Lao.

 

But you're still in for some rocky waters there, but only you can figure out how much the grief/pleasure equation works out for you.

 

All I can say is if you tough that situation out, you're a braver man than me

 

 

[2009]

On 4/9/2023 at 11:12 PM, Stevey said:

Sex is not frequent and it’s not something I’m that interested in TBH.

 

I know your right though. 

I get that sex isn't everything, but.....

 

Honestly, why are in this relationship?

[youreavinalaff]

52 minutes ago, Stevey said:

The Situation

 

Well there is a little update. I’m just sitting here and the little one has been picked up to play water by his older cousin. He was playing with a little water pistol and his 15 year old brother walked out from the house to his borrowed motorcycle, he is replete with all the objet da a teen boy needs. The top of the range fuelled Wave 125 the marijuana leaf emblazoned clutch bag full of vaping paraphernalia, why he has my favourite best scissors I was looking for in there I don’t know ????‍♂️ Just a year ago or so he would be onto his mom every day for 20baht. I never hear that anymore. She tells me he does odd jobs for her sister at her goat farm. But how much money could he possibly e getting ?  a hundred baht goes nowhere here unless your buying a bunch of bananas. As far as I’m am concerned £60 pound is a UK workers pocketed wage per day so is equal to 300baht if she’s giving him 100baht for services rendered that £20 and she has not got that money to throw around. It’s puzzling. I can only assume that his friends are giving him the stuff or he is  bullying someone or both. 

He’s a horrible personality less oik. So he walks out the house and ‘Look Dang’ gets him like a sniper right on his shirtless chest. He immediately rares up at his little brother for daring to ‘ Ying ‘ him .. and it’s SongKhran ? 
 

The waste of oxygen Dresses and leaves on the ‘his’ bike while getting his hair right in the permanently upcocked mirror. 
 

I think let’s have a look to see if my mentioning to the Girlfriend that I’d put a photo of the room a couple of nights ago on the internet for the perusal and comment of a panel of my peers and that horrible@youreavinalaff guy

 

I check the door , not locked as usual? On opening a pleasant surprise. Tidy !  and a plastic bag for rubbish. In the corner you can see motorcycle parts. It looks like because everyone knows he gets nothing from me they’re now amassing parts to build him a death trap. 

How he sleeps in that room

is beyond me. I’ve recently put insulation on the inside of our room to hold the AC cool inside and keep the heat from the wall blocks from bleeding into the room at night. The stored heat in the blocks that usually released into our room and his at night now only releases his way. The AC that cooled that adjoining wall last week was actually cooling his room ( I’m an AC engineer)  by thermal conduction if he had a 26degC cooled wall it was cooling his room down, but now unfortunately it’s not. 
 

actually, that’s a good idea. What if I put an electrical element somewhere in the mortar and heated the blocks of his room up ?  

Thanks for the accolade.

 

I love it that you deem me horrible for speaking the truth. You've even confirmed what I've said a few times.

 

 

 

 

[2009]

On 4/9/2023 at 7:34 PM, Stevey said:

The boy has done what he wants since forever.

This is pretty much the hallmark of the local culture.

[riclag]

Well Mr S ! I showed my wife( ocd x cleaning lady) the pic of the room and explained whats going on!

 She asked why the lady not make the son take care!

She said can be a big problem maybe someday he want to box you!

 

[d4dang]

bail out immediately and build a relationship with Dang/the 5 year old outside of the dysfunctional relationship he is growing up in and that you are enabling.

[ross163103]

Kick him out, tough love! It'll make him a more responsible adult later on. There's no excuse for this kind of behavior/living conditions, especially in someone else's house. My wife kicked her son out of our house when he turned 15 because he dropped out of school with no plans for the future. She knew there would be major issues between myself and him eventually.....and I agreed with her. Best thing that ever happened in our household! Sabai sabai!

[Stevey]

7 minutes ago, ross163103 said:

Kick him out, tough love! It'll make him a more responsible adult later on. There's no excuse for this kind of behavior/living conditions, especially in someone else's house. My wife kicked her son out of our house when he turned 15 because he dropped out of school with no plans for the future. She knew there would be major issues between myself and him eventually.....and I agreed with her. Best thing that ever happened in our household! Sabai sabai!

A very special woman. Similar I have an Yamaha Mate Alfa that I’ve spent a lot of money in hope of getting it right but I think it’s gotta go, 

 

your wife realised she was wasting her time. 

[ross163103]

Just now, Stevey said:

I’ve spent a lot of money in hope of getting it right but I think it’s gotta go, 

I feel your pain.....it was the same situation with my wife's son. LOL

[Stevey]

2 minutes ago, ross163103 said:

I feel your pain.....it was the same situation with my wife's son. LOL

What was the outcome ? 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

tell him Batman keeps HIS Batcave clean...........or maybe dress up like batman and pay him a visit outside his window

Batman is so last century that he may not even know what Batman is.

If one has to resort to playacting to deal with a slovenly idle child, time to remove either the child or oneself from the relationship.

[jts-khorat]

On 4/11/2023 at 10:35 PM, Neeranam said:

NEVER hook up with a Thai woman who has a son. 

 

I've only known one or two instances where it has worked. 

 

That is absolutely animal like and the girlfriend must be .........

I actually have a Thai stepson... and it worked. He is a grown man now and I am very happy to have accompanied him growing up all these years since I met his mother.

 

It is simply a question if the family environment is decent, and -- if there are issues around lack of character -- if they can be fixed. I would say, most can. Luckily I had chosen a wife and extended family where there were no such problems.

 

The OP on the other hand seems to be in quite a bit of a mess. Frankly, from what he writes, a lot of it seems to be his doing, or at least he ignored it for such a long time, that fixing it at this late point in time will be some effort.

 

In any case, I would expect that a minor living in my household would follow my rules, but I also would treat him not different to my own kid and aid him wherever possible. Guiding children is the natural role of adults; the OP should either get out or step up to fulfill his responsibilities, as this situation will only get worse.

 

Looking at this room, and the fact that the OP seems to be living there as head of this household for years already, I cannot really understand why he complains that this room is such a mess. That it looks like a prison cell or the room of a penniless slum dweller is absolutely and foremost his own fault.

 

As others have mentioned, a large trash can, some canisters of paint and some decent furniture would be my first order of the day, accompanied by some gentle talks about the future direction of the family and how his stepson sees himself in it. Everything else can only follow from there.

[Stevey]

7 hours ago, jts-khorat said:

I actually have a Thai stepson... and it worked. He is a grown man now and I am very happy to have accompanied him growing up all these years since I met his mother.

 

It is simply a question if the family environment is decent, and -- if there are issues around lack of character -- if they can be fixed. I would say, most can. Luckily I had chosen a wife and extended family where there were no such problems.

 

The OP on the other hand seems to be in quite a bit of a mess. Frankly, from what he writes, a lot of it seems to be his doing, or at least he ignored it for such a long time, that fixing it at this late point in time will be some effort.

 

In any case, I would expect that a minor living in my household would follow my rules, but I also would treat him not different to my own kid and aid him wherever possible. Guiding children is the natural role of adults; the OP should either get out or step up to fulfill his responsibilities, as this situation will only get worse.

 

Looking at this room, and the fact that the OP seems to be living there as head of this household for years already, I cannot really understand why he complains that this room is such a mess. That it looks like a prison cell or the room of a penniless slum dweller is absolutely and foremost his own fault.

 

As others have mentioned, a large trash can, some canisters of paint and some decent furniture would be my first order of the day, accompanied by some gentle talks about the future direction of the family and how his stepson sees himself in it. Everything else can only follow from there.

I just don’t see how it’s my fault ? My girlfriend is crazy 35% of the time. Any mention of the the teen ( named Boss) and I get all or one of the Thai translation of ‘ shut up about it ‘ and a bad mood. This has been the situation for a couple of years and she just says she is bored of telling him. Just can’t get her to try and cajole him by just placing sanctions on him , no washing machine use unless you buy your own powder, no food. 
 

He appears to be living a life where he can do anything he wants with impunity. When I go up the sisters house, where all the family congregate, every 3rd word from everyone is enquiring after the whereabouts of ‘BoT’ ( how Boss is pronounced) or just saying he name as he moodily sits around on his phone. These boys seem to be revered for no actual good reason. 
 

I have a theory that this treatment of these feral young males is the reason why half the society is not developed. Letting 13-year-olds ride round on motorbikes and have absolutely no boundaries is the total opposite of the west where children are kept on a leash, at least in the UK till 17 years old where they are allowed to drive and even then the financial side  prevents that happening so we can protect ourselves from these young idiots. While in Thailand, these children have been allowed to run riot from the age of 13 out till the early hours riding illega mechanically propelled vehicles with no lights on at night with nobody commenting, because it’s “not my business” , it’ll be your business when you pull out of a T-junction in the dark and don’t see a 14-year-old boy, hurtling towards you on a Honda wave with no lights on. 
 

But back to you saying it’s my fault him having a room that stinks, has bottles of piss lined up, a trash cans worth of sweet wrappers strewn on the floor with two lines of ants travelling back and forth to the sugar.

 

We don’t speak. And haven’t for over a year. It’s like each other doesn’t exist. There is only so many times I can turn the other cheek. If he thinks he can behave badly and then get me redecorating his room what message does it send. Although I’m am open enough to take the advice to kill it with kindness and two wrongs don’t make a right. 

[metisdead]

An inflammatory post and reply has been removed.

 

A post commenting on moderation has been removed.

[ross163103]

23 hours ago, Stevey said:

What was the outcome ? 

As far as I know still not working. Since he was such a loser from day one I don't ever ask about him. If he fell off the face of the earth, not many people would notice. Oh yeah, and for people wanting to know, he's 30 something now. When I think of him the phrase "Oxygen thief" comes to mind.

[Stevey]

4 hours ago, ross163103 said:

As far as I know still not working. Since he was such a loser from day one I don't ever ask about him. If he fell off the face of the earth, not many people would notice. Oh yeah, and for people wanting to know, he's 30 something now. When I think of him the phrase "Oxygen thief" comes to mind.

I think you did well. I have to hope my oxygen thief clears off Asap  Worst case scenario is he hangs around for the foreseeable and on my future visits he’s enjoying the treed Garden I’ve created with his friends and that’s my view. 

[GinBoy2]

This is one of those of these way to typical stories of farangs in Isaan

 

We have a German friend, married to a Thai with a teenage boy.

 

Same as the OP kid totally outta control, Mom's response "You don't understand Thai"

 

I tried talking to the kid since I speak Lao, friend doesn't, all I got back was a torrent of abuse.

 

Never when back there again.

 

The usual progression is it will ultimately end up bad.

 

Drugs and the Monkey House, very common

Motorcycle accident, also very common

Drifting from job to job, sponging off Mom(OP) for cash to feed whatever habit he's into.

 

It eventually gets to a point where it's time to 'cut bait' and run before it really gets ugly

[ross163103]

4 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

It eventually gets to a point where it's time to 'cut bait' and run before it really gets ugly

Exactly, a lot of Thai mother's just can't let go, they don't understand that it's better for the son to learn responsibility and become and adult; too many of them never mature and can't handle life later on. Like mentioned before; basically it ends up a life of sponging/stealing money, drugs, prison, etc. Good luck to the original OP, he'll need it!

[GinBoy2]

18 hours ago, ross163103 said:

Exactly, a lot of Thai mother's just can't let go, they don't understand that it's better for the son to learn responsibility and become and adult; too many of them never mature and can't handle life later on. Like mentioned before; basically it ends up a life of sponging/stealing money, drugs, prison, etc. Good luck to the original OP, he'll need it!

Indeed. 

 

My German friend lived through several years of this. Mom basically letting the kid run wild.

 

It culminated one day when he hit his Mother. Torsten stepped in, trouble was a 60 year old man versus an 18 year old isn't a fair fight.

 

Torsten was the guy in hospital with a broken jaw.

 

He called it quits after that and left

 

Went back to Germany, haven't spoke to him since. I think like a lot of guys when things go bad he just wanted to erase all memory of it, which I kinda get

[BangkokReady]

29 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Indeed. 

 

My German friend lived through several years of this. Mom basically letting the kid run wild.

 

It culminated one day when he hit his Mother. Torsten stepped in, trouble was a 60 year old man versus an 18 year old isn't a fair fight.

 

Torsten was the guy in hospital with a broken jaw.

 

He called it quits after that and left

I wonder if the mom ever blamed the kid or held him responsible.  Maybe she thought it was your friend's fault for getting involved.

 

Sounds like her parenting made everything worse for everyone involved.

 

29 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Went back to Germany, haven't spoke to him since. I think like a lot of guys when things go bad he just wanted to erase all memory of it, which I kinda get

Understandable.  Sometimes the only way a man can "win" is to simply leave, and I think that is even more true in a foreign country.

[ross163103]

5 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

Sometimes the only way a man can "win" is to simply leave, and I think that is even more true in a foreign country.

"Cutting your losses" comes to mind, luckily my wife took my side as she could see how it was going to end up.

I had a friend in my exact same situation as me and he told me one day, "Steve, just get your stepson in the bedroom and beat the <deleted> out of him, it's going to come to that one day so might as well get it over with." It never got to that but was real close a few times. Just a complete loser. 

[Stevey]

Enjoying the discussion. I’ll post more soon been busy with SongKhran. Jesus it was hot today and yesterday. Seems to have cooled tonight thank the lord ! 

[jts-khorat]

On 4/13/2023 at 7:50 AM, Stevey said:

I just don’t see how it’s my fault ? My girlfriend is crazy 35% of the time. Any mention of the the teen ( named Boss) and I get all or one of the Thai translation of ‘ shut up about it ‘ and a bad mood. This has been the situation for a couple of years and she just says she is bored of telling him.

Coming back late to this, but as you asked me directly: it is your fault, because you are the head of the household. Full stop.

 

So stop blaming this on the shortcomings of the mother, you have chosen her as your partner and have therefore also chosen her son as your stepson. This makes it your responsibility.

 

I might accept, that such a situation could well be difficult, if you have just met the mother and are settling in; but according to you, this is going on for a very considerable time.

 

To me this means, that you just do not care enough about it and it opens you to the suggestion, that you are simply staying there for the "additional benefits".

 

If the latter is the case, stop moaning. But I rather would propose that you man up and clean up the mess in your own house. Or are you seriously telling us, that a kid has the better of you?

 

I do not want to come over as harsh, I do not know you. But I have seen many such situations in Thaland, where the foreigner is not involving himself where a decent person could not stand aloof, just to then tell everybody that nobody respects him and he is treated like little more than the ATM, so allow me this generalization.

 

Finally, if you were my friend, I would be telling you exactly this in the clearest way possible -- because as you have stated yourself, it is obvious that this can only end badly if left festering.

[Stevey]

5 hours ago, jts-khorat said:

Coming back late to this, but as you asked me directly: it is your fault, because you are the head of the household. Full stop.

 

So stop blaming this on the shortcomings of the mother, you have chosen her as your partner and have therefore also chosen her son as your stepson. This makes it your responsibility.

 

I might accept, that such a situation could well be difficult, if you have just met the mother and are settling in; but according to you, this is going on for a very considerable time.

 

To me this means, that you just do not care enough about it and it opens you to the suggestion, that you are simply staying there for the "additional benefits".

 

If the latter is the case, stop moaning. But I rather would propose that you man up and clean up the mess in your own house. Or are you seriously telling us, that a kid has the better of you?

 

I do not want to come over as harsh, I do not know you. But I have seen many such situations in Thaland, where the foreigner is not involving himself where a decent person could not stand aloof, just to then tell everybody that nobody respects him and he is treated like little more than the ATM, so allow me this generalization.

 

Finally, if you were my friend, I would be telling you exactly this in the clearest way possible -- because as you have stated yourself, it is obvious that this can only end badly if left festering.

 But in your summing up have you taken into account that I raise the older ones younger 5 year old brother ? Who has only known me as his father from 1 year old. If I separated from her citing her son and her failure to put her foot down I would lose close contact with him, me not entering the house maybe just seeing him supervised at best. 
 

It’s easy for one to advise to move out and move on to another potential liar but the joy I get from being with the lad outweighs the negatives. I just punish the bad lad by financing zero aspects of his life, no motor bike , no phone repairs no gifts no special food no AC in the room No TV in the room. And I don’t speak to him. All about not cleaning his room. Eventually there will come a time when he is gonna need 10k and that will be the time the pigeons come home.

 

I have really thought hard about going the opposite way and trying to win him over but we were on good terms about 6months ago but the room descended to this state again and smoking cigarettes in the room also. Who does that in your moms house ? 
 

Ah well such is life. The little one has got me trapped between a rock and a hard place…being with him or with out him. It’s funny a friend here and his wife both said “ why would you care ? He’s not yours ! “ 

 

Why would people think someone could walk away from a child you have raised for four years and the last two years have slept in the same room every day and woken up together with. It really boggles the mind ????

 

[jts-khorat]

On 4/21/2023 at 5:30 PM, Stevey said:

 "her son and her failure to put her foot down",  "I just punish the bad lad by financing zero aspects of his life", "I don’t speak to him", "in your moms house"

You are the head of the household. The language you use suggests you have really not yet realized this. This is your (step)son in your house.

 

You deflecting away any responsibility for current and future circumstances will not change reality, so you might think about what your own long-term plan for personal happiness in this is.

 

Let's not forget, you came here asking for advice and help. Therefore I really mean this in a friendly and constructive way and I think I gave you good advice, so I will leave it at that. You might reflect on it, and maybe gain a different perpective -- or not. Whatever you are doing at the moment is clearly not working, so a decision will be forced upon you if you are not acting by yourself and I believe it is always worse to react to something passively instead of having shaped your own circumstances.

 

In the end it is you, who must lie in the bed you are making for yourself, so as the locals say: "up to you" (again, saying this friendly and without any malice).