divorce yes/no

[Pistachio]

7 hours ago, JensenZ said:

My wife is on her phone all day too - doesn't concern me at all. The OP should have had a good look around while he was in Thailand - EVERYONE is on their phones all day long.

 

When I want to discuss something with my wife, I do insist she puts it down - not an easy task at all LOL

😢😭😡🤬

[Pistachio]

7 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Sounds like a pretty A typical farang / Thai women (village born?) relationship to me. Lazy, entitled, selfish, greedy etc....Probably the full seven deadly sins all in one package. Even without their 11yo attitude / intellect / anger issues they usually have very little to bring to the table apart from usually kids, needy family and a lot of issues / debts. No world / real life experience, no initiative. So even if they were happy thoughtful, agreeable, helpful with their husband / kids they would still be next to useless, though most of us would be happy with someone that at least tried to contribute. Not act like everyone owes them something. They wont do anything by themselves and hate being asked to do anything. No interest in learning or personal growth. Hobbies include scrolling through Facebook liking posts and reading other peoples comments, various other social media, watching inane drama shows and sleeping. As far as cleaning, cooking or helping in anyway I assume you are probably doing that yourself including most of the children's care and paying for everything of course. Yet she still walks around with a shetty look on her face and an attitude like she is the down trodden one lol. I hear you and I think just about all the friends I have in Thailand are in similar relationships to some degree. Most of them stuck there and tolerating it because they are on the pension and house in her name...

 

As for your dilemma only you can work that out for yourself. What about the financial situation in Germany? Does she have the rights to half or more of everything you own like in most countries? Can you afford to bare that loss and start again? In any case sounds like you are in an intolerable situation and she has no interest in doing anything to make amends. By the way not all Thais / Thai women are like this by any stretch. Got some really good Thai friends and they live very much like we would. Tidy homes, structure in their life, have goals, work as a team together etc. The women we seem to be attracted to and indeed seek foreigners out are usually as you describe....bottom of the barrel, at the end of their road and looking for a free ride. These traits aren't cultural to Thailand....they are traits of a typical type of person found all around the world. The kids well, I guess you wouldn't be comfortable with her taking care of them....nor should you be by the sounds of it. She probably doesn't even want them but will play on that for sure. I would try and find out what it is she actually wants....if it is just exit stage left and leave the kids with you, and not suck you dry probably your best option. I got left with 4 kids in Australia and the first two weeks was hectic then it all worked itself out. You have to make the decision first that you are really going to finish it up with her, then start taking steps. It gets easier after you start moving. You didn't mention if she is working or solely dependent on you? Will be a lot of things possibly that can come into play even if she seems ammeniable to separating....one of which is her friends getting in her ears as to the financial possibilities. And you can bet they have their own forum in Germany with plenty or women giving out free (often ill informed) advice just like Asean now. I know it is not in our play book to use kids as pawns etc but they have no such qualms. I got left with a child here, very similar situation to yours but in Thailand. She had me dancing around on a string for three months manipulating me with my child. In the end I suggested to her she may be the one that gets "left holding the baby". That straightened her up 5000% and her whole attitude changed. They use your concern / love for the child actually against you...as they have no such feelings themselves.     

Thank you for your comment. When I think of Thailand now I think of 1. Facebook 2. Iphone. 3. thai food 4. nice girls 5. dogs on the streets. 6. beaches

[Pistachio]

3 hours ago, ppt555 said:

Sorry , but I wonder before marrying , how long have you been dating with her . 
 

In your situation . I think it is difficult to adapt for difference culture . 
 

In your case . Why do you ask  for advice from your both parents . But I think you have dicieded your choice already . In many asaian culture if parent dicided to divorce . Many poor children were sent to grandparent or lived with mother . You can sent money for your child . However if you want to foster your child . You can send your child to nursery or kindergarden and pick them in evening . 

We spent two years before we married 

[Pistachio]

4 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

4MyEgo's advice was pretty solid, and I would add, do NOT move back to Thailand no matter what. Your kids will have a much better life where you're at now. Talking to your wife, dating her again, finding time for just each other, might help somewhat. Doing anything you can to see the marriage last is always the best advice, as long as there isn't any infidelity, abuse or total neglect. I've always done more than my 3 wives did, as far as cooking, cleaning and raising the kids. I saw my dad do a lot more than most men do, so I picked up on that. He provided, my mom was motherly and was mostly at home. If you can just know that you will always do more as far as household duties, and are okay with it, it will make things easier. Women gain weight not only because of age and diet, but because they are giving up. When a woman knows she is loved, she will do her best to take care of herself, notwithstanding possible depression .                             Are there any other Thais living in your area? If she had a few friends that aren't man haters, she would feel more at home, and living there would be easier. Many Thai women have kids because they can, and leave the raising to the schools and grandparents. It's an epidemic here, and I've seen it personally.                                                                                                                                                                         As far as giving your kids a tablet, they are too young, and it makes them lazy. They need to play as long as they can, and interact with others, because the phones will come eventually anyway. Talking to your wife about this in a kind way might help, to at least postpone it. Her, along with millions of others, are addicted to their phones because they are bored with interacting with others, and it gives them entertainment. Not a good thing, but that's a problem most have now.                                  Can she get a job (work permit)? Keeping busy, seeing she was working before you met, might help. People isolate because of depression and boredom, and it only gets worse for everyone involved.                                                                                                                                                                                            If you do whatever you can and that does mean everything, divorce and joint custody isn't a bad thing, as long as the kids see the both of you. She doesn't seem like the motherly type, so that would give her a break from the kids. She might do that for awhile, then get to the point of not wanting to see them, as many do here. If she does take them on her days, it will give you a break, and it'll be better when you do have the kids, meaning they will see more involvement from you. There are babysitters everywhere, so that's something to fall back on when you need time. The kids will be in school sooner than you think, if one isn't already, so then you'll have them after school, after your work.

Thank you for the nice comment ❤️‍🩹

[TroubleandGrumpy]

Story about an old mate -he married a Thai and took her home. After about 2-3 months they went to a big BBQ Thai event and there was a lot of 'single' Thai girls there - girsl outnumbered the blokes by 3-4 times.  His wife was having a great time aughing and talking (in Thai) with many of the girls.  While talking over a beer with a bloke he found out that all but one of the girls was married and had divorced their husband after living in Aust for 3-5 years - they all kept the kids and the house and most of the money - jackpot.  So I will leave it to you to guess what happened to my old mate 3 years later - despite all the warnings.

 

Yes there are very good ones, 3 mates of mine are very happy with their Thai wife after 10+ years, but they are not in the majority - they are not even close to half/half.  It is all about good decisions/choices and luck - which is all about did you select the 'right' sort of person. I do hope you made a good decision and you are lucky. BUT please do have a Plan B - just in case - if it happens then you are prepared.  Get legal advice and plan for it - that is best decision I ever made when I realised (from a mate) that something was wrong with my first marriage. Years later I 'escaped' with a much better deal that many others over the years - because I had prepared and was ready.

 

Anyone saying dont go back to Thailand is wrong.  If that is what she wants to do - then do it. If it makes her happy and makes your relationship get better - then do it.  If it still fails, then your divorce (financial rape) in Thailand will be no where near as bad as in the west - you will be able to start again. If it aint broke, then dont fix it - is good advice.  If it is broke, then fix it - is even better advice.  If it cant be fixed, then either replace it or go without - best advice ever.  

 

[Chris Daley]

She risked her life to bear children.  You sound like a selfish prick.

[Nick Carter icp]

15 minutes ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Story about an old mate -he married a Thai and took her home. After about 2-3 months they went to a big BBQ Thai event and there was a lot of 'single' Thai girls there - girsl outnumbered the blokes by 3-4 times.  His wife was having a great time aughing and talking (in Thai) with many of the girls.  While talking over a beer with a bloke he found out that all but one of the girls was married and had divorced their husband after living in Aust for 3-5 years - they all kept the kids and the house and most of the money - jackpot.  So I will leave it to you to guess what happened to my old mate 3 years later - despite all the warnings.

 

 

Quite a few of the guys treat their new Thai wives appallingly and you cannot really blame them for leaving 

[fredwiggy]

31 minutes ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Story about an old mate -he married a Thai and took her home. After about 2-3 months they went to a big BBQ Thai event and there was a lot of 'single' Thai girls there - girsl outnumbered the blokes by 3-4 times.  His wife was having a great time aughing and talking (in Thai) with many of the girls.  While talking over a beer with a bloke he found out that all but one of the girls was married and had divorced their husband after living in Aust for 3-5 years - they all kept the kids and the house and most of the money - jackpot.  So I will leave it to you to guess what happened to my old mate 3 years later - despite all the warnings.

 

Yes there are very good ones, 3 mates of mine are very happy with their Thai wife after 10+ years, but they are not in the majority - they are not even close to half/half.  It is all about good decisions/choices and luck - which is all about did you select the 'right' sort of person. I do hope you made a good decision and you are lucky. BUT please do have a Plan B - just in case - if it happens then you are prepared.  Get legal advice and plan for it - that is best decision I ever made when I realised (from a mate) that something was wrong with my first marriage. Years later I 'escaped' with a much better deal that many others over the years - because I had prepared and was ready.

 

Anyone saying dont go back to Thailand is wrong.  If that is what she wants to do - then do it. If it makes her happy and makes your relationship get better - then do it.  If it still fails, then your divorce (financial rape) in Thailand will be no where near as bad as in the west - you will be able to start again. If it aint broke, then dont fix it - is good advice.  If it is broke, then fix it - is even better advice.  If it cant be fixed, then either replace it or go without - best advice ever.  

 

She agreed to move, and can't fit in. The children will always do much better in another country. She can stay there if it's him she doesn't want to be with. She agreed to leave the children with him, knowing full well either of two things, or both. She doesn't want the kids, obviously, and the children will have a much better future there than here, where schools are not good, besides the expensive international ones, the roads are as dangerous as any on earth. He will get at least joint custody in his home country, as well as here, but they would be living with her here, and again, she doesn't care to do anything but the most basic of mom duties. Back there they would live with him, and I'm betting she wouldn't care much for the visitation schedule, which has been proven here thousands of times, with the kids going to grandma anyway. Right now the children are the number one priority, and children go with where they are best suited, and that's not with the woman in this case, and in any case, it's still where they are best suited. Gender has nothing to do with it. Of course we are going by what he's said is happening, and if it's indeed the truth, the children belong with him, and in his country. Again, and most importantly, she said she would leave and go back home, and the kids could stay with him. That's a no brainer and easy decision to make.

[fredwiggy]

29 minutes ago, Chris Daley said:

She risked her life to bear children.  You sound like a selfish prick.

Not much of a risk as data shows. And her saying he can have the kids and she would leave doesn't make him selfish, and actually is the right thing for her to do, seeing that's how she feels about them. The only reason I'm still in Thailand is waiting for the right time for myself and daughter to leave, to re establish back home............................Based on data from the CDC, the risk of dying as a direct result of pregnancy and childbirth is less than 10 in 100,000 live births.

[fredwiggy]

26 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

Quite a few of the guys treat their new Thai wives appallingly and you cannot really blame them for leaving 

That's true anywhere but a big reason Thai women pick farangs, besides a better lifestyle, is they know what kind of lifestyle they get from a local man. Of course not on all occasions but in a majority of them.

[fredwiggy]

20 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Sounds like a pretty A typical farang / Thai women (village born?) relationship to me. Lazy, entitled, selfish, greedy etc....Probably the full seven deadly sins all in one package. Even without their 11yo attitude / intellect / anger issues they usually have very little to bring to the table apart from usually kids, needy family and a lot of issues / debts. No world / real life experience, no initiative. So even if they were happy thoughtful, agreeable, helpful with their husband / kids they would still be next to useless, though most of us would be happy with someone that at least tried to contribute. Not act like everyone owes them something. They wont do anything by themselves and hate being asked to do anything. No interest in learning or personal growth. Hobbies include scrolling through Facebook liking posts and reading other peoples comments, various other social media, watching inane drama shows and sleeping. As far as cleaning, cooking or helping in anyway I assume you are probably doing that yourself including most of the children's care and paying for everything of course. Yet she still walks around with a shetty look on her face and an attitude like she is the down trodden one lol. I hear you and I think just about all the friends I have in Thailand are in similar relationships to some degree. Most of them stuck there and tolerating it because they are on the pension and house in her name...

 

As for your dilemma only you can work that out for yourself. What about the financial situation in Germany? Does she have the rights to half or more of everything you own like in most countries? Can you afford to bare that loss and start again? In any case sounds like you are in an intolerable situation and she has no interest in doing anything to make amends. By the way not all Thais / Thai women are like this by any stretch. Got some really good Thai friends and they live very much like we would. Tidy homes, structure in their life, have goals, work as a team together etc. The women we seem to be attracted to and indeed seek foreigners out are usually as you describe....bottom of the barrel, at the end of their road and looking for a free ride. These traits aren't cultural to Thailand....they are traits of a typical type of person found all around the world. The kids well, I guess you wouldn't be comfortable with her taking care of them....nor should you be by the sounds of it. She probably doesn't even want them but will play on that for sure. I would try and find out what it is she actually wants....if it is just exit stage left and leave the kids with you, and not suck you dry probably your best option. I got left with 4 kids in Australia and the first two weeks was hectic then it all worked itself out. You have to make the decision first that you are really going to finish it up with her, then start taking steps. It gets easier after you start moving. You didn't mention if she is working or solely dependent on you? Will be a lot of things possibly that can come into play even if she seems ammeniable to separating....one of which is her friends getting in her ears as to the financial possibilities. And you can bet they have their own forum in Germany with plenty or women giving out free (often ill informed) advice just like Asean now. I know it is not in our play book to use kids as pawns etc but they have no such qualms. I got left with a child here, very similar situation to yours but in Thailand. She had me dancing around on a string for three months manipulating me with my child. In the end I suggested to her she may be the one that gets "left holding the baby". That straightened her up 5000% and her whole attitude changed. They use your concern / love for the child actually against you...as they have no such feelings themselves.     

Another post with good advice

[TroubleandGrumpy]

8 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

She agreed to move, and can't fit in. The children will always do much better in another country. She can stay there if it's him she doesn't want to be with. She agreed to leave the children with him, knowing full well either of two things, or both. She doesn't want the kids, obviously, and the children will have a much better future there than here, where schools are not good, besides the expensive international ones, the roads are as dangerous as any on earth. He will get at least joint custody in his home country, as well as here, but they would be living with her here, and again, she doesn't care to do anything but the most basic of mom duties. Back there they would live with him, and I'm betting she wouldn't care much for the visitation schedule, which has been proven here thousands of times, with the kids going to grandma anyway. Right now the children are the number one priority, and children go with where they are best suited, and that's not with the woman in this case, and in any case, it's still where they are best suited. Gender has nothing to do with it. Of course we are going by what he's said is happening, and if it's indeed the truth, the children belong with him, and in his country. Again, and most importantly, she said she would leave and go back home, and the kids could stay with him. That's a no brainer and easy decision to make.

I hear you, and I may have missed a few things, but I mainly disagree with you. The main thing going forward IMO should be himself, then his kids, and then maybe the wife/family.  As I have said, in this situation, far too many men think of the kids first, second and third, and they do not think about themselves, and they sacrifice themselves and their future lives (Pattaya etc. is full of them). Women (the vast majority and definitely this one) think about themselves first and then the kids - and they do not care about the man - but they will not sacrifice themselves and their future life for the kids - they believe the kids are better with them no matter what they decide for themselves.  owever, having said that, if it is clear that she does not want to save the marriage and that going back to Thailand would definitely not acheive that, then I agree do not do that. Likewise, if she does not want the kids to live with her but wants to go back to Thailand by herslef, then he should make a legal separation agreement which would include 'paying her off' so she can go back to Thailand.

[FritsSikkink]

20 hours ago, Pistachio said:

I'd be very interested to know what the Thais were doing before when there were no phones. I have a feeling the Thais invented the Iphone and Facebook a thousand years ago. 

How did you talk when in Thailand, how long did you live together before getting married and having children.

Looks like you had no idea what sort of person she was.

[FritsSikkink]

20 hours ago, Pistachio said:

I have time for the kids, but mostly on weekends. I work as PM. 

You could work in Thailand as a PM, why not live there?

[fredwiggy]

1 hour ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

I hear you, and I may have missed a few things, but I mainly disagree with you. The main thing going forward IMO should be himself, then his kids, and then maybe the wife/family.  As I have said, in this situation, far too many men think of the kids first, second and third, and they do not think about themselves, and they sacrifice themselves and their future lives (Pattaya etc. is full of them). Women (the vast majority and definitely this one) think about themselves first and then the kids - and they do not care about the man - but they will not sacrifice themselves and their future life for the kids - they believe the kids are better with them no matter what they decide for themselves.  owever, having said that, if it is clear that she does not want to save the marriage and that going back to Thailand would definitely not acheive that, then I agree do not do that. Likewise, if she does not want the kids to live with her but wants to go back to Thailand by herslef, then he should make a legal separation agreement which would include 'paying her off' so she can go back to Thailand.

When you have children, then they should come first. Not at the expense of your sanity so they'll suffer also, but making your life stable so they will also have a stable life. A man by himself has only himself to worry about, and that's fine, but when you take on the responsibility of two other humans, and those that can't live by themselves until they are late teens, then you have to sacrifice almost everything to give them that stability. If his wife does want to move back, and says it's okay for him to have the children, that's what's best for everyone involved. My ex girlfriend knew I was more stable than she was, so she gave me custody of our little girl. Parenting , especially by yourself, is the hardest job you can do, with little rewards besides seeing your kids do okay in their lives. I would be living back home in the US if I didn't have my 6 year old daughter here. We will be moving back there to live as soon as I can get things in order. He's lucky because he's home, and the kids are stable already. If mom wants to leave, go to court and get it all in writing so there's no surprises, and do it asap IF the marriage can't be saved.

[FritsSikkink]

19 hours ago, brianthainess said:

Most of us don't have a Thai 'buddy' I've lived here 15+years, first off not many speak enough English, I cant speak Thai very well either and to have any meaningful conversation is well hopeless. IMO

If you lived here 15 years, you should have made more effort to speak Thai, so you could have a proper conversation.

[FritsSikkink]

19 hours ago, Pistachio said:

Yes they does have both passport EU and Thai. Is impossible to find job for me in Thailand. Last time I got company work visa. I dont work for this company anymore. 

Project manager jobs - Oct 2023 | JobsDB 

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, FritsSikkink said:

Project manager jobs - Oct 2023 | JobsDB 

Why are you trying to convince him to move back here when everyone knows the kids will always do better elsewhere? Only he knows how he and his wife get along, and telling us some of it shows she really doesn't care about anything besides returning home, and the kids can stay with him there. That's their home, and a better one. She can choose to divorce and stay there but doesn't want that.

[brianthainess]

6 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

If you lived here 15 years, you should have made more effort to speak Thai, so you could have a proper conversation.

Why, I don't want or need a divorce, and neither do I want a Thai male buddy whom most have a very limited education. I said "I don't speak Thai very well," my wife likes to speak English to me, and my friends. just another flame  poster. 

[TroubleandGrumpy]

12 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

When you have children, then they should come first. Not at the expense of your sanity so they'll suffer also, but making your life stable so they will also have a stable life. A man by himself has only himself to worry about, and that's fine, but when you take on the responsibility of two other humans, and those that can't live by themselves until they are late teens, then you have to sacrifice almost everything to give them that stability. If his wife does want to move back, and says it's okay for him to have the children, that's what's best for everyone involved. My ex girlfriend knew I was more stable than she was, so she gave me custody of our little girl. Parenting , especially by yourself, is the hardest job you can do, with little rewards besides seeing your kids do okay in their lives. I would be living back home in the US if I didn't have my 6 year old daughter here. We will be moving back there to live as soon as I can get things in order. He's lucky because he's home, and the kids are stable already. If mom wants to leave, go to court and get it all in writing so there's no surprises, and do it asap IF the marriage can't be saved.

Yes and No - we are what is called 'in conflicting agreement'. 

 

The kids are the most important thing right now, but in 15-20 years they will not be. They will hopefully be healthy stable adults and will have their own lives to live. That is my point.  Sure, absolutely make sure the kids are fine now and until they are able to live their own lives, but also at the same time make sure you will have a reasonable comfortable life in retirement - do not focus 100% on them and not think about your future after the kids.  Far too many blokes forget that the kids will grow up and leave one day, and then it is far too late for themselves to prepare for their own life after work/family.

 

Absolutely agree with you - the OP should make a legal separation agreement and let the wife go back to Thailand - if there is zero chance of saving the marriage - and if the Mother wants him to keep the kids.  Win/Win.

[4MyEgo]

22 hours ago, Pistachio said:

I wish I had a father with views like yours.

My father wasn't really much of a father, he preferred the pub more than spending time at home, 4 boys, I suppose he had his own stresses in life with mum having two nervous breakdowns, then we boys ended up in boys homes twice, till she got better, so I don't judge him and I don't judge her, both passed and had what I believe a miserable marriage.

 

I had a failed 1st marriage of 12 years, I did my best to keep it together, one daughter, now 26, however you can't force or change people, you can only try to be empathetic to their own suffering, that said, kids in my opinion need parents to be together, regardless how tough the marriage is, as long as there isn't any physical abuse, kids are resilient and learn in my opinion.

 

My marriage is mostly a happy one, wife can have her mood swings as I do, however I like to discuss, she doesn't, so I just let her cool off in her own way, kids know what's going on, there happy and I organise events for them when the weekend comes along, but kids prefer iPads and Tablets, but I tell them, we need family time, that said, I am off for a game of UNO with them now, no doubt mum won't join in, some excuse for sure, but hey, can't force the donkey to drink the water, only lead it there to drink.

 

Try to look at your marriage as a challenge of survival, for the kids, if she's not going out drinking and gambling or sleeping around, then you have a good woman, who needs your patience and understanding, not easy, but we are all made differently, so must keep trying for the kids, trust me, if there weren't any kids, I would be long gone, even though I love her, nothings perfect remember, but we would like it like that, oops, better pick up the dogs toys on the floor on the way through, the floor used to be a toy free zone once upon a time 🙏

[In Full Agreement]

On 10/22/2023 at 7:26 AM, bob smith said:

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

 

 

 

 

What a fantastic idea you have there.

 

Walk away and essentially abandon the children he brought into the world.

 

Do you have children of your own,Bob?

 

 

[Pistachio]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrmbjisSNV0

[NanLaew]

On 10/22/2023 at 3:20 PM, bob smith said:

Mostly blokes with very low self esteem and prioritize thinking with the little head over the big one!

 

While some, especially on internet forums, are judgemental trolls.

[bob smith]

55 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

 

While some, especially on internet forums, are judgemental trolls.

You been looking in the mirror again MATE

[sampson]

On 10/22/2023 at 8:31 AM, Kenny202 said:

Sounds like a pretty A typical farang / Thai women (village born?) relationship to me. Lazy, entitled, selfish, greedy etc....Probably the full seven deadly sins all in one package. Even without their 11yo attitude / intellect / anger issues they usually have very little to bring to the table apart from usually kids, needy family and a lot of issues / debts. No world / real life experience, no initiative. So even if they were happy thoughtful, agreeable, helpful with their husband / kids they would still be next to useless, though most of us would be happy with someone that at least tried to contribute. Not act like everyone owes them something. They wont do anything by themselves and hate being asked to do anything. No interest in learning or personal growth. Hobbies include scrolling through Facebook liking posts and reading other peoples comments, various other social media, watching inane drama shows and sleeping. As far as cleaning, cooking or helping in anyway I assume you are probably doing that yourself including most of the children's care and paying for everything of course. Yet she still walks around with a shetty look on her face and an attitude like she is the down trodden one lol. I hear you and I think just about all the friends I have in Thailand are in similar relationships to some degree. Most of them stuck there and tolerating it because they are on the pension and house in her name...

 

As for your dilemma only you can work that out for yourself. What about the financial situation in Germany? Does she have the rights to half or more of everything you own like in most countries? Can you afford to bare that loss and start again? In any case sounds like you are in an intolerable situation and she has no interest in doing anything to make amends. By the way not all Thais / Thai women are like this by any stretch. Got some really good Thai friends and they live very much like we would. Tidy homes, structure in their life, have goals, work as a team together etc. The women we seem to be attracted to and indeed seek foreigners out are usually as you describe....bottom of the barrel, at the end of their road and looking for a free ride. These traits aren't cultural to Thailand....they are traits of a typical type of person found all around the world. The kids well, I guess you wouldn't be comfortable with her taking care of them....nor should you be by the sounds of it. She probably doesn't even want them but will play on that for sure. I would try and find out what it is she actually wants....if it is just exit stage left and leave the kids with you, and not suck you dry probably your best option. I got left with 4 kids in Australia and the first two weeks was hectic then it all worked itself out. You have to make the decision first that you are really going to finish it up with her, then start taking steps. It gets easier after you start moving. You didn't mention if she is working or solely dependent on you? Will be a lot of things possibly that can come into play even if she seems ammeniable to separating....one of which is her friends getting in her ears as to the financial possibilities. And you can bet they have their own forum in Germany with plenty or women giving out free (often ill informed) advice just like Asean now. I know it is not in our play book to use kids as pawns etc but they have no such qualms. I got left with a child here, very similar situation to yours but in Thailand. She had me dancing around on a string for three months manipulating me with my child. In the end I suggested to her she may be the one that gets "left holding the baby". That straightened her up 5000% and her whole attitude changed. They use your concern / love for the child actually against you...as they have no such feelings themselves.     

Great post this.  Very good summary of so many Thai village women who seek out foreigners.  I have been with women like this myself and I am sure many of us see this everyday with our friends in Thailand.  The wife of the OP sounds like she ticks a lot of the boxes.  It's so exciting being in Thailand and starting a relationship with somebody totally different to what you have met before, it really is a different world and it masks a lot of the problems for a year or two then all heads south very quickly when you realise the reality.

 

It won't get any better so it is just about doing the best for the kids and self preservation. 

 

She probably doesn't want the kids but she will definitely use them to gain a financial advantage.  Seek legal advice, I doubt there are too many Czech experts on the forum to help you out.  Do not send the kids back to Thailand with her, they will have a very poor future waiting for them.  They will grow up with a poor education and the same crappy life skills your wife has.   In the cold light of day, when you look at your wife and her family what do you see?  That is what your kids will be if you send them to Thailand with her.

[daveAustin]

Sounds as though she’s depressed… guessing she wasn’t always this way?I’d consider moving back here too if you think it’s worth saving, or if only to get divorced here which would be infinitely easier… drop her some money then return to Czech. Kids will be fine; it’s the high school they could do with being back in Europe for. If you divorce there, everything will likely be stacked against you. 
 

Luckily never had these issues when did Europe with Mrs, albeit she is laidback, works hard and a good mother. Sucks to find out your wife is pretty much hopeless after having kids. You have my sympathy. I would still try to save it though, but that would likely entail coming back here. Those that say to walk away from your kids (I’d sooner die) are losers/trying to be funny and not worth entertaining. 
 

All the best. 

[sikishrory]

Yes - 100%

 

[newbee2022]

It's a common but sad story. 

As far as I understand you're not at the same level. You might regard her as being on a lower level and therefore could command her. 

If you can't sit and talk to her look for professional help. There are trained family psychologists available in case you'll give your family a chance.

[AustinRacing]

She seems depressed. Find the cause of it and if it can be resolved you stay, if you’re the cause of it and you can’t change them no hope and call it quits.