Is it just the Thai way or am I missing something

[Gottfrid]

6 hours ago, jwest10 said:

yOU AND eNGLISH TEACHER OR WHAT DO NOT LECTURE ME OK

Please @jwest10 you are far out of line! What are you trying to say with your post? It´s not really clear. Are you just trying to beat on Thais because you do not understand the language in the country you moved to or want to move to? Please explain, as it only sounds like westerners are much better and not sure if Thais are same good.

[rwill]

Good Luck in Thai, Choke Dee, pretty much covers everything.

[David Blades]

Not understanding you very good at all. 

[Stevemercer]

The original post is easy enough to understand. No wonder so many Thai students seem shy and reluctant to try and talk English with a farang. They are worried they will get it all wrong and the farang will just laugh at them or ignore them. From the number of replies attacking the original poster's English they have good reason to be shy!

 

I think it is a common problem with your Thai-in-laws. They don't really know how to interact with you. So it is easiest to just ignore you. Your wife is torn between supporting you or her Thai family. Don't push it, or force her to choose, because it will end badly. Just get on with your life and accept the way it is.

[nobodysfriend]

17 hours ago, PJ71 said:

what on earth are you on about?

 

I think the Op is talking about missing " politeness " in Thailand .

Apart from the ' wai ' accompanied with a ( fake ) smile , there is not much about this in ' new ' Thai culture .

Mai pen rai , it is not essential .

[1FinickyOne]

14 hours ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

look beyond the words

This is exactly correct...

 

My wife and I never did the googly goo talk - If you love someone, showing it is much much better than a meaningless pronouncement of words - - it means acting when the need is there, being part of a family, driving a sick member to the hospital and sitting with them in case they need anything... [whether they are fat or thin] 

 

the thank you in Thailand is assumed. If you help someone, yes, of course thank you - no need to lower oneself with blabby words. When my wife was in my home country, she learned that in English language and custom, voicing 'thanks you' is our custom and she does often and appropriately say, 'thank you so much' - - but it is not the custom that she grew up with and people don't know what is appropriate to say in 'your country' - in the same manner that I would never call anyone 'mate' 

[Skipalongcassidy]

12 hours ago, jwest10 said:

Will B good
Yes, I was trying to explain that our Daughter-in-law who is Thai asked my wife questions relating to myself and do I say these things and yes my wife does in English.
I was pointing out that our Grandchildren and friends also do they say good morning or good night and it appears they do not.
Also, do they say please and thank you, but the latter they do either in Thai or English which of course is not their native tongue?
Yes, I often state I love you and I get a reply from my lady likewise
The point I was trying to make anything could happen in a minute to any of us and God forbid anything or killed on the roads or simply ill health,
That was all and ignored those who were posting and giving me their "expert" opinion
Thanks for your post

Maybe you don't witness the small talk because you don't understand the language... or maybe they just do not like you enough to engage in small talk with you.

[1FinickyOne]

10 hours ago, bignok said:

What does hed mean?

maybe he was going for 'het' mushroom...

 

As in mai mee het porn - has no mushroom sense... 

10 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Mushroom!

 

[newbee2022]

17 hours ago, bignok said:

Sawadee - hello

Sabadee Mai? How are you

Sabadee - fine

Rak - love

Just google it

Very stupid answers about serious matters.

[newbee2022]

9 minutes ago, Skipalongcassidy said:

Maybe you don't witness the small talk because you don't understand the language... or maybe they just do not like you enough to engage in small talk with you.

Too many "maybe', so you just post nonsense

[thesetat]

Seems to me that you need to do some grooming at home.. My wife always says good morning and kisses me and hugs me before going to work. When she gets home for lunch or after work she always kisses me and tells me about her day that I may find interesting. AS well as a kiss goodbye when leaving for work after lunch together. She always says good night to me and our kids and kisses us all. The kids are the same. They always give us a kiss and hug good night and when they wake... always say good night and good morning. Even our 3 year old does this. My kids always say I love you daddy or to mommy and they do it all in English.. They tell us about anything interesting that happened in school as well. 

In our home they have adopted their lifestyles to showing love and affection always as well as carrying on a conversation as best they can. They normally use English in the home as well out of respect for my lack in the use of Thai language. 

My wife has learned to be the way she is after 10 years being together. Also, she liked when I do it with her everyday. So, I guess in your question. You are missing something but only because you have not shown them this and taught them this is a foreigner thing to do. 

Most Thais do not do these things though. It is not normal and they are not curious to ask things as well as divulging things not asked about. 

[4MyEgo]

14 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Back on topic, I don't expect conversation from my GF's grandchildren, different generations.

 

Yes, my wife's children, now "adults" which we have raised since they were in their dippers, don't even acknowledge us, unless we say good morning, afternoon etc, albeit they will give us a hug when they go out.

 

They won't even ask to eat, it has to be us to ask them you hungry, then look out, it's as if they have been starving.

 

Sister-in-law comes over, walks in, sits down, doesn't even acknowledge me, that said, know the girl since 17 years ago, family adores me, it's just a cultural thing, but if I say, hey bla bla how are you, she will reply I am fine Ka.

 

I think the whole culture is shy, not confident in communicating language wise, albeit when the wife's kids speak Thai in the house or the wife Thai to them, I step in and say oi, ENGLISH, how else are you going to make it in this world with one language, especially when your mother has Citizenship to my country and you WILL earn 11 x's what you make here in a year, thick as bricks at times I tell you 

 

 

 

[Lucky Bones]

15 hours ago, Keeps said:

Wish I had.

All is good. Anootin has (maybe) extended pub hours.🙃🙃

[Skeptic7]

You lost me at "god" 

[charleskerins]

18 hours ago, grain said:

Obviously a not a native English speaker therefore his post has got screwed up somewhat. However, I think what he's asking is about interactions among Thai family members compared to similar interactions in Western countries. In his observations the Thai kids are undemonstrative and selfish (always wanting) and not particularly interested in how their parents are faring. Well, it's probably true in many cases in Thailand, as it is in the West. 

Look someone understands 

[jwest10]

13 hours ago, Sig said:

Lecture?? lol
I wasn't lecturing at all. It's called constructive criticism. I was trying to be helpful for you to be able to communicate better. I guess you are a bit sensitive and can't handle a weakness being pointed out?
No, I'm not an English teacher
There are a number of people who also mentioned that they had a hard time understanding your post. You should be able to get a clue from that, in order to grasp that you might try a bit harder. I honestly thought English is your second or third language. I believe it may be your first, now that I've read a bit more of the comments. That's some pretty astounding English for a native speaker! Maybe you were drunk? I guess there could be a number of reasons for such incredible syntax....

Thought you were banned clear off ok

[sikishrory]

You need a priest or a doctor or something

[jwest10]

19 hours ago, Berkshire said:

Not clear to me either.  But it seems like he's trying to bash on the Thais for....something.  Another whining/whinging farang.

wHAT A PATHETIC POST AND NO WHERE NEAR IT AND SUGGEST BUGGAR OFF WITH YOUR PATHETIC COMMENT

 

[jwest10]

7 minutes ago, sikishrory said:

You need a priest or a doctor or something

PATHETIC YOU ARE GO AWAY

 

[thailand49]

I read the responses first page only no need to go further.

If Im correct I understood everything that was said there are people in this world thus on site like this write and read well but cant see beyond themselves. Some get it right away and many live in a bubble thinking actually living here they know all the Thai way.

I experience what was posted each day 24/7 345 days a year for over 15 years the standard we were brought up in the West IN GENERAL!  Majority of Thais can' t meet it isnt that they are bad, stupid, it is how they are raise and taught.  Simple aspect like courtesy, consideration, appreciation, the applied definition isnt the same here but does exist. At time when I look at tourist brochures, the Wai, Mai pen Rai, is just words in daily Thai life It doesnt happen. 

You put it all right under the Thai Bible " This Is Thailand "  it is inherited from the top you see it in their laws. Duel pricing, racism, prejudice, there is a very long list.

I recently sat in a conversation to mediate with a couple like yourself, the lady said pretty much as you indicate the foreigner the same. The guy just wanted to be heard his idea his opinion said it seems the lady now has everything has stopped trying. In her own words said " I can't speak English to explain guy respond why dont you learn why? This is Thailand! " 

That in any location is a conversation stopper!  You feel the only time they listen is when they need money no problem then right?their BD, Christmas, western way we give something in general Thais especially the poor nothing but for us it is expected with very little appreciation it seems.I can go on at length for myself after all these years Im learning each day, learn to bite your tongue pick and chose you spots when you see a opening add you opinion but keep it short and sweet.

Remember, for those like yourself and me we made our bed now we got to sleep in it. I know guys that have hard time changing and it looks like it eats them inside to outside if you cant you seriously need to leave but it doesnt mean totally still can be around them as friends.

Good luck, 

 

[Will B Good]

15 hours ago, jwest10 said:

Will B good
Yes, I was trying to explain that our Daughter-in-law who is Thai asked my wife questions relating to myself and do I say these things and yes my wife does in English.
I was pointing out that our Grandchildren and friends also do they say good morning or good night and it appears they do not.
Also, do they say please and thank you, but the latter they do either in Thai or English which of course is not their native tongue?
Yes, I often state I love you and I get a reply from my lady likewise
The point I was trying to make anything could happen in a minute to any of us and God forbid anything or killed on the roads or simply ill health,
That was all and ignored those who were posting and giving me their "expert" opinion
Thanks for your post

I find the lack of physical contact, hugging, kissing of close relatives odd......my wife returned to Thailand after five/six years away in Germany........and her and her mother......who love each other dearly....... did no more than politely nod, to acknowledge each others presence.....

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, thesetat said:

Seems to me that you need to do some grooming at home.. My wife always says good morning and kisses me and hugs me before going to work. When she gets home for lunch or after work she always kisses me and tells me about her day that I may find interesting. AS well as a kiss goodbye when leaving for work after lunch together. She always says good night to me and our kids and kisses us all. The kids are the same. They always give us a kiss and hug good night and when they wake... always say good night and good morning. Even our 3 year old does this. My kids always say I love you daddy or to mommy and they do it all in English.. They tell us about anything interesting that happened in school as well. 

In our home they have adopted their lifestyles to showing love and affection always as well as carrying on a conversation as best they can. They normally use English in the home as well out of respect for my lack in the use of Thai language. 

My wife has learned to be the way she is after 10 years being together. Also, she liked when I do it with her everyday. So, I guess in your question. You are missing something but only because you have not shown them this and taught them this is a foreigner thing to do. 

Most Thais do not do these things though. It is not normal and they are not curious to ask things as well as divulging things not asked about. 

I agree with you, my Thai wife an kids are very polite, considerate and loving.

More so than my Brit family ever were.

 

I notice the complainers always seem to be surrounded, by a host of distant relatives.

Quite frankly, those apparently living in some communal Thai family  hell-hole need to clear out the ungrateful hangers on.

[jwest10]

1 hour ago, thailand49 said:

I read the responses first page only no need to go further.

If Im correct I understood everything that was said there are people in this world thus on site like this write and read well but cant see beyond themselves. Some get it right away and many live in a bubble thinking actually living here they know all the Thai way.

I experience what was posted each day 24/7 345 days a year for over 15 years the standard we were brought up in the West IN GENERAL!  Majority of Thais can' t meet it isnt that they are bad, stupid, it is how they are raise and taught.  Simple aspect like courtesy, consideration, appreciation, the applied definition isnt the same here but does exist. At time when I look at tourist brochures, the Wai, Mai pen Rai, is just words in daily Thai life It doesnt happen. 

You put it all right under the Thai Bible " This Is Thailand "  it is inherited from the top you see it in their laws. Duel pricing, racism, prejudice, there is a very long list.

I recently sat in a conversation to mediate with a couple like yourself, the lady said pretty much as you indicate the foreigner the same. The guy just wanted to be heard his idea his opinion said it seems the lady now has everything has stopped trying. In her own words said " I can't speak English to explain guy respond why dont you learn why? This is Thailand! " 

That in any location is a conversation stopper!  You feel the only time they listen is when they need money no problem then right?their BD, Christmas, western way we give something in general Thais especially the poor nothing but for us it is expected with very little appreciation it seems.I can go on at length for myself after all these years Im learning each day, learn to bite your tongue pick and chose you spots when you see a opening add you opinion but keep it short and sweet.

Remember, for those like yourself and me we made our bed now we got to sleep in it. I know guys that have hard time changing and it looks like it eats them inside to outside if you cant you seriously need to leave but it doesnt mean totally still can be around them as friends.

Good luck, 

 

Thanks thailand 49
Very thoughtful and great post and thank you no, I was not ranting it is just some things we noticed and yes, I was only stating what our Thai Daughter in Law was asking my dear wife.
Yes love them dearly of course but yes bite your tongue you still need to speak up at times but lol selective hearing.
It is funny but our Son-in- Law who works away a lot with the Electric company is why do his Daughters (well really our daughters as we have raised them) only speak when they want money or want some food etc etc?
Yes, Thai logic but I was not in the least complaining and yes the younger one now 17 does say please and thank you and the elder sometimes.
My wife is very understanding and understands a fair bit of English and I only have a few words of Thai but boy have I tried and like the girls learn English but outside the class they simply do not use and yes it is not their language.
Yes, even after 16 years it is still puzzling LOL


 

[jwest10]

4 hours ago, thesetat said:

Seems to me that you need to do some grooming at home.. My wife always says good morning and kisses me and hugs me before going to work. When she gets home for lunch or after work she always kisses me and tells me about her day that I may find interesting. AS well as a kiss goodbye when leaving for work after lunch together. She always says good night to me and our kids and kisses us all. The kids are the same. They always give us a kiss and hug good night and when they wake... always say good night and good morning. Even our 3 year old does this. My kids always say I love you daddy or to mommy and they do it all in English.. They tell us about anything interesting that happened in school as well. 

In our home they have adopted their lifestyles to showing love and affection always as well as carrying on a conversation as best they can. They normally use English in the home as well out of respect for my lack in the use of Thai language. 

My wife has learned to be the way she is after 10 years being together. Also, she liked when I do it with her everyday. So, I guess in your question. You are missing something but only because you have not shown them this and taught them this is a foreigner thing to do. 

Most Thais do not do these things though. It is not normal and they are not curious to ask things as well as divulging things not asked about. 

No they are fine an express it in other ways and we have raised them from 2 years old and they are well looked after but it is the cultural thing and LOL do not need lectures tc now.
My wife is very loving and yes of course speaks to them in Thai, as outside the school they do not use or confident to use it and why not it is not their first language.
Just please and thank you on occasions but the younger one does a lot!!!
When a long time ago they were cuddled and kissed and went swimming and trips but they grow up fast and like to do their own thing but can not as they have no money and no way am I complaining but many of us have not got pots of gold.

 

[Dexxter]

20 hours ago, Sig said:

HINT: If your English isn't good, try using Google Translate.

 

I have started using the Bard AI web page for Thai<->English translations because they seem much better than the weird translations provided by Google. Bard also makes changes to the translation to make it more natural-sounding and accurate.

[jwest10]

9 minutes ago, Dexxter said:

 

I have started using the Bard AI web page for Thai<->English translations because they seem much better than the weird translations provided by Google. Bard also makes changes to the translation to make it more natural-sounding and accurate.

Thanks fotr that and i Have been using Google but very rarely use it except one person  and apologise in advance if translated  incorrectly and of course speaking words high or low tones of course means a totally different meaning.
I as just pointing out the cultural differences and no way am I complaining and have a loving Thai family.
Thank for post appreciate it

[jwest10]

5 hours ago, Stevemercer said:

The original post is easy enough to understand. No wonder so many Thai students seem shy and reluctant to try and talk English with a farang. They are worried they will get it all wrong and the farang will just laugh at them or ignore them. From the number of replies attacking the original poster's English they have good reason to be shy!

 

I think it is a common problem with your Thai-in-laws. They don't really know how to interact with you. So it is easiest to just ignore you. Your wife is torn between supporting you or her Thai family. Don't push it, or force her to choose, because it will end badly. Just get on with your life and accept the way it is.

stevemercer
The best post by a country mile and thanks so much but have chosen to ignore the vile trash of some members but again there are great ones who give advise.
Thanks again mate

[thailand49]

20 minutes ago, jwest10 said:

Thanks thailand 49
Very thoughtful and great post and thank you no, I was not ranting it is just some things we noticed and yes, I was only stating what our Thai Daughter in Law was asking my dear wife.
Yes love them dearly of course but yes bite your tongue you still need to speak up at times but lol selective hearing.
It is funny but our Son-in- Law who works away a lot with the Electric company is why do his Daughters (well really our daughters as we have raised them) only speak when they want money or want some food etc etc?
Yes, Thai logic but I was not in the least complaining and yes the younger one now 17 does say please and thank you and the elder sometimes.
My wife is very understanding and understands a fair bit of English and I only have a few words of Thai but boy have I tried and like the girls learn English but outside the class they simply do not use and yes it is not their language.
Yes, even after 16 years it is still puzzling LOL


 

It is more than just puzzling if you don't reinvent yourself you are done doing so you put your head between your legs and suck it up and put your ego on the shelf.

When I came here I noticed it right away the more I learn Thai the more it pissed me off I'm one that grew up standing up for myself and speaking out. Like everyone, I didn't come here with the intention of looking for trouble but at times trouble comes looking for you. I've done things in the past at home and here that would put me in jail for a long time personally I do not regret one bit of it. Years ago it finally clicked I said to myself I could get into a fight every day I was going to die a violent death then something happened an incident I realized the guy reacted the way he did because he didn't have a clue what I was saying no one in his life ever confronted or told him so it because " the more patriotic the more stupid "  he didn't care it was this is my land no foreigner is going to talk to me like this you heard it thousands of times " This is Thailand " 

 

From that day whenever things happen I do as a Thai just smile and go about as if nothing bothers me. Thus you will understand the phrase " Land of Smiles " LOL

 

When you talk about a daughter-in-law, all the things that I feel are wrong with this country out of all the girls available he picks the worst of the worst I feel at times God gave her to me for my past deeds, and the failure to believe in the lord almighty. Deep down all I want to do is pick her up and slap the hell out of her and her parents who brought her into this world but she is like 100 plus Kilos guess my son likes her big really big Thai Miss Piggy. He seems happy so I leave it be plus saying something just hurts the relationship I have with my granddaughter to think about. My wife sees all the things are wrong but the Thai way say your peace and move on unless she brings up the subject I stay mum.

 

Family plenty living here with friends also, ask how I do it I've not really a clue maybe it the freedom like a Thai man to go out and enjoy the fruits of this country. I've been told by Thai ladies to leave and marry me Deep inside I say to myself while smiling you got to be <deleted> crazy once is enough. In church back home I tell the priest I've done good and I've done bad but the sacrifice I've made here should get me into the kingdom if not so be it. Can it get worse I ask myself?

 

 

[jwest10]

4 minutes ago, thailand49 said:

It is more than just puzzling if you don't reinvent yourself you are done doing so you put your head between your legs and suck it up and put your ego on the shelf.

When I came here I noticed it right away the more I learn Thai the more it pissed me off I'm one that grew up standing up for myself and speaking out. Like everyone, I didn't come here with the intention of looking for trouble but at times trouble comes looking for you. I've done things in the past at home and here that would put me in jail for a long time personally I do not regret one bit of it. Years ago it finally clicked I said to myself I could get into a fight every day I was going to die a violent death then something happened an incident I realized the guy reacted the way he did because he didn't have a clue what I was saying no one in his life ever confronted or told him so it because " the more patriotic the more stupid "  he didn't care it was this is my land no foreigner is going to talk to me like this you heard it thousands of times " This is Thailand " 

 

From that day whenever things happen I do as a Thai just smile and go about as if nothing bothers me. Thus you will understand the phrase " Land of Smiles " LOL

 

When you talk about a daughter-in-law, all the things that I feel are wrong with this country out of all the girls available he picks the worst of the worst I feel at times God gave her to me for my past deeds, and the failure to believe in the lord almighty. Deep down all I want to do is pick her up and slap the hell out of her and her parents who brought her into this world but she is like 100 plus Kilos guess my son likes her big really big Thai Miss Piggy. He seems happy so I leave it be plus saying something just hurts the relationship I have with my granddaughter to think about. My wife sees all the things are wrong but the Thai way say your peace and move on unless she brings up the subject I stay mum.

 

Family plenty living here with friends also, ask how I do it I've not really a clue maybe it the freedom like a Thai man to go out and enjoy the fruits of this country. I've been told by Thai ladies to leave and marry me Deep inside I say to myself while smiling you got to be <deleted> crazy once is enough. In church back home I tell the priest I've done good and I've done bad but the sacrifice I've made here should get me into the kingdom if not so be it. Can it get worse I ask myself?

 

 

There are some wonderful Thais tbf and our latest Daughter-in law is brilliant as is her family and yes feel I have 2 wonderful families.
Appreciate another wonderful post from you.
Just enjoy lol but I do and wish you all good ok
Thanks mate

[NextG]

4 hours ago, jwest10 said:

stevemercer
The best post by a country mile and thanks so much but have chosen to ignore the vile trash of some members but again there are great ones who give advise.
Thanks again mate

You’ve got it wrong. No one is attacking you. Look at it this way…. Everyone is busy with their lives in one way or another and we often feel that we don’t have time for everything. So our time is seen as precious. They came to your post because the cared enough to read it. But some, including myself initially, weren’t ‘tuned in’ to your meaning, the feeling behind your post. They read the words but could not put them together in a way that made sense to them. So they asked you more questions or suggested ways by which you could communicate in a different way, so they might understand. 
If they are taking their time; their precious time, to reply to you in order to ask more…. it means they are interested in what you are saying, but they are having problems with the interpretation. The people who weren’t interested either didn’t read or just left the thread soon afterwards. 
Learn to communicate more nicely with the people who stayed 🤗