PART 2 Thai Wife Being Bullied By Family

[Neeranam]

Some come here because of certain customs but refuse others.

For example, they marry women whose parents are younger than them and this is accepted here but then turn around and refuse sinsot. You can't have your cake and eat it.

[Scouse123]

44 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Complete nonsense of course ......... if she wants a man who respects her culture, she should marry a Thai man.

 

Why?

 

They don't even respect themselves, let alone each other.

 

They lie, cheat and steal constantly from each other.

[stoner]

23 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Assimilating to local customs holds great significance in Thailand. Sinsod is deeply rooted in Thai culture and plays a vital role in demonstrating respect and commitment to the bride's family. Embracing and participating in this tradition not only shows a genuine understanding of and appreciation for Thai customs but also fosters positive relationships between the marrying individuals and their respective families. It symbolizes the groom's acknowledgment of the responsibility he undertakes in marrying the woman, reinforcing the cultural value of family bonds. By actively engaging in local customs like sinsod, a man not only demonstrates cultural sensitivity but also strengthens the foundation of his marital relationship within the broader Thai social context. This assimilation fosters harmony and mutual understanding, contributing to the richness of the marital experience within the Thai cultural framework.

Embracing new customs can be personally enriching. It provides individuals with a broader perspective on life, fosters personal growth, and opens the door to new experiences and friendships.

It's also important to remember one's own cultural identity. It's not about completely abandoning one's background but rather about finding common ground and respecting the cultural context in which one is living.

Failing to adapt to local customs may lead to social isolation. People may find it challenging to connect with others in the community, form friendships, or participate in social events if they don't align with the cultural norms.

Failing to adapt may result in missed opportunities for personal and professional growth. Engaging with local customs allows individuals to broaden their perspectives, learn new skills, and fully experience the richness of their new surroundings.

Integrating myself, learning to speak Thai fluently, and becoming a Thai citizen have utterly transformed my life for the better. I secured excellent job opportunities that paid five times more than what I earned as a teacher. Engaging in networking, a crucial aspect of Thai society, enabled me to connect with influential individuals who significantly elevated my position on the hierarchical social ladder. Choosing not to integrate means missing out on the chance to climb even the initial rung of this ladder. Embracing the local culture and language has not only opened doors professionally but has also enriched my personal life in ways I never imagined.

 

all that dribble and you still didn't answer the question originally posed. i would rather not get into my whole life here and integration with the culture as it would sound so cliche. you make it sound like you are the only one who understands thai or the culture. 

 

by your logic that if i don't pay sin sod i can't integrate or understand thai values. and the irony of this is you talk about cultural sensitivity yet fail to even acknowledge that we also have a culture and history that needs respected...no matter where i chose to reside i should be afforded that respect as well no ? one who asks me for such respect should also show it back. 

[Neeranam]

4 minutes ago, stoner said:

 

all that dribble and you still didn't answer the question originally posed. i would rather not get into my whole life here and integration with the culture as it would sound so cliche. you make it sound like you are the only one who understands thai or the culture. 

 

by your logic that if i don't pay sin sod i can't integrate or understand thai values. and the irony of this is you talk about cultural sensitivity yet fail to even acknowledge that we also have a culture and history that needs respected...no matter where i chose to reside i should be afforded that respect as well no ? one who asks me for such respect should also show it back. 

You keep mentioning a question, what question?

Edited January 4 by Neeranam

[BritManToo]

39 minutes ago, Iamloki said:

Your opinion is of course welcome BMT... How many Thai wives have you had, and for how long? Do you live in "Thailand" or in one of the "farang enclaves"?

Only 1 for the past 14 years, I live in a Thai housing state of 250 homes, there are no other English speaking foreigners.

[Neeranam]

The golden rules if living in Thailand. 

 

1 - Never get married until you have lived here for 5 years.

2 - Never buy a house until you've been married for 5 years. 

[Neeranam]

19 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

They don't even respect themselves, let alone each other.

 

They lie, cheat and steal constantly from each other.

Are you talking about all Thais here or just your woman's family?

[Bday Prang]

6 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Assimilating to local customs holds great significance in Thailand. Sinsod is deeply rooted in Thai culture and plays a vital role in demonstrating respect and commitment to the bride's family. Embracing and participating in this tradition not only shows a genuine understanding of and appreciation for Thai customs but also fosters positive relationships between the marrying individuals and their respective families. It symbolizes the groom's acknowledgment of the responsibility he undertakes in marrying the woman, reinforcing the cultural value of family bonds. By actively engaging in local customs like sinsod, a man not only demonstrates cultural sensitivity but also strengthens the foundation of his marital relationship within the broader Thai social context. This assimilation fosters harmony and mutual understanding, contributing to the richness of the marital experience within the Thai cultural framework.

Embracing new customs can be personally enriching. It provides individuals with a broader perspective on life, fosters personal growth, and opens the door to new experiences and friendships.

It's also important to remember one's own cultural identity. It's not about completely abandoning one's background but rather about finding common ground and respecting the cultural context in which one is living.

Failing to adapt to local customs may lead to social isolation. People may find it challenging to connect with others in the community, form friendships, or participate in social events if they don't align with the cultural norms.

Failing to adapt may result in missed opportunities for personal and professional growth. Engaging with local customs allows individuals to broaden their perspectives, learn new skills, and fully experience the richness of their new surroundings.

Integrating myself, learning to speak Thai fluently, and becoming a Thai citizen have utterly transformed my life for the better. I secured excellent job opportunities that paid five times more than what I earned as a teacher. Engaging in networking, a crucial aspect of Thai society, enabled me to connect with influential individuals who significantly elevated my position on the hierarchical social ladder. Choosing not to integrate means missing out on the chance to climb even the initial rung of this ladder. Embracing the local culture and language has not only opened doors professionally but has also enriched my personal life in ways I never imagined.

         I pretty much agree with everything you wrote in the above, and previous posts in this thread, although as foreigners certain aspects and courtesy's  of the sin sot negotiations are not really an option for us.  As you said traditionally the in-laws meet prior to the wedding and reach a figure through presumably polite negotiations.  It's unlikely that any foreigner's parents would be invited to. or indeed able to contribute to such  negotiations.  Generally from what I've seen a figure is dreamed up, based on what others in the village have allegedly received and the prospective husband is expected to pay what ever they have arrived at.  The only person likely to negotiate on his behalf is his future wife, that kind of knocks things out of balance a bit 

        Years ago a guy I knew was planning to marry, and the wife's parents were eager to negotiate, he was advised by a Thai bloke that he "knew" that the only way forward was for him  (the Thai guy) to accompany him to the wife's parents house and negotiate for him, as otherwise he would be taken to the cleaners,   He readily agreed, thinking this would give him a stronger bargaining position,  What he didn't realise was that the Thai guy he allowed to accompany him actually hated him with a passion.   

        The girls family apparently were the poorest he had ever seen , and lived in absolute poverty, however after his advocate had "skillfully negotiated" on his behalf (for a fee as well) they were the eventual recipients of 300,000 baht and 10 baht of gold. ( I kid you not) 

         The wedding took place with the bride and groom having the first dance to their favorite song  "red red wine by UB 40" little did he know how ironic that choice of music would become 

        Fast forward less than a month , she slipped a bit of rohypnol into his red red wine, and with the assistance of the father of one of her kids, stole his motorbike , computer, and around 100,000 baht in cash    

         He wouldn't let it lie , not that I blame him for that, but having  her caught, and put in prison cost him even more, and he never got his money back. 

[Kinok Farang]

2 hours ago, Bday Prang said:

Why did you buy a fat ugly and stupid  one?

She wasn't fat,stupid and ugly then.

Just ugly and stupid.

[keith101]

Sinsod was paid to the mother of a virgin never married and no children and only greedy family wanted it for future marriages . my wife told her mother we got married in Aus (didn't happen got the registered one here ) when she came for a three month visit so there would be no village wedding sorted plus i had told i would not pay sinsod ever .

[Neeranam]

2 minutes ago, keith101 said:

Sinsod was paid to the mother of a virgin never married and no children and only greedy family wanted it for future marriages . my wife told her mother we got married in Aus (didn't happen got the registered one here ) when she came for a three month visit so there would be no village wedding sorted plus i had told i would not pay sinsod ever .

Do you respect Muslim immigrants in Australia not assimilating to Ozzy culture? 

[Scouse123]

17 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Are you talking about all Thais here or just your woman's family?

 

I am talking in general terms of Thai Isaarn villages.

[Iamloki]

28 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Only 1 for the past 14 years, I live in a Thai housing state of 250 homes, there are no other English speaking foreigners.

Congratulations... just curious... how many non-English speaking foreigners live in your state?

[keith101]

1 minute ago, Neeranam said:

Do you respect Muslim immigrants in Australia not assimilating to Ozzy culture? 

What the hell has that got to do with this article ----- NOTHING and none of your business

[Nick Carter icp]

35 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

 

Why?

 

They don't even respect themselves, let alone each other.

 

They lie, cheat and steal constantly from each other.

 

   I do think that's just the case in your small circle of friends and I would have thought that that would be your comfortable setting , being from Liverpool 

[Nick Carter icp]

8 minutes ago, keith101 said:

Sinsod was paid to the mother of a virgin never married and no children 

 

   The "no children" bit is superfluous 

[Bday Prang]

5 minutes ago, keith101 said:

Sinsod was paid to the mother of a virgin never married and no children and only greedy family wanted it for future marriages . my wife told her mother we got married in Aus (didn't happen got the registered one here ) when she came for a three month visit so there would be no village wedding sorted plus i had told i would not pay sinsod ever .

Any body paying money to the mother of a virgin in the village where I live would be a borderline  pedophile and  guilty of grooming     they seem to start popping the kids out at very young age

[Scouse123]

Just now, Neeranam said:

Do you respect Muslim immigrants in Australia not assimilating to Ozzy culture? 

 

 

You are talking about grovelling to the backward whims of people, with usually lower education than most here on the board, you are not talking about assimilating, you are talking capitulating.

 

And No, I don't respect Muslims attempting to force their ways in Australia nor the UK under the veiled threat of violence.

 

 I also don't accept that they follow Shariah law and not the laws of the State that they are lucky enough to have been accepted into.

 

We can't do it in Muslim states, not that many of us want to reside in one. Even the Muslims don't.

 

Your argument, is Apples and Oranges.

 

Nothing to do with Thai sin sod, you silly sod.

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, Iamloki said:

Congratulations... just curious... how many non-English speaking foreigners live in your state?

1 German, 1 Italian, 2 Chinese, and the groundskeeper is Burmese.

Edited January 4 by BritManToo

[Scouse123]

5 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

   I do think that's just the case in your small circle of friends and I would have thought that that would be your comfortable setting , being from Liverpool 

 

My circle of friends is probably far bigger than yours.

 

I'll ignore the silly comments and generalizations about the great city of Liverpool.

 

Edited January 4 by Scouse123

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Do you respect Muslim immigrants in Australia not assimilating to Ozzy culture? 

I don't respect people with primitive beliefs from any culture.

[Iamloki]

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

1 German, 1 Italian, and the groundskeeper is Burmese.

Fair enough.

[Scouse123]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I don't respect people with primitive beliefs from any culture.

 

Well said that man.

[Neeranam]

9 minutes ago, keith101 said:

What the hell has that got to do with this article ----- NOTHING and none of your business

You refused to comply with Thai customs, so I was wondering what you think about Middle Eastern people refusing to comply with your customs. It's the same thing as I see it. Fair dinkum, no need to answer. 

[Neeranam]

6 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

You are talking about grovelling to the backward whims of people, with usually lower education than most here on the board, you are not talking about assimilating, you are talking capitulating.

I was at a friends wedding a few years back who married a Hi So Thai. HM the King made an appearance at the wedding. I'd say much better educated than most here, including myself.

My friend showed 10 million baht and more in gold for Sin Sod. 

Many Thais just borrow it for show. 

 

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

You refused to comply with Thai customs, so I was wondering what you think about Middle Eastern people refusing to comply with your customs. It's the same thing as I see it. Fair dinkum, no need to answer. 

Primitive people should aspire to becoming more civilised. Not the other way round.

[Bday Prang]

5 minutes ago, keith101 said:

What the hell has that got to do with this article ----- NOTHING and none of your business

                 It actually has some bearing on the OP.   Those who's intention it is to live only in their pattaya condo or similar will probably never be inclined, or feel the need to, integrate into the culture of their wife.  Each to their own but personally I think it makes  for a strange basis for a relationship.

                 Those who elect to live out in the sticks can look forward to a rather miserable and lonely existence if they choose not to integrate, and should expect to be regarded with suspicion by the locals whom they have decided  to live among.

                 A lack of a will to integrate is not the only reason to dislike muslims, but it certainly does not help their case and I can't imagine anybody wishing to be thought of as being like a muslim in that respect

 

[Bday Prang]

16 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

   The "no children" bit is superfluous 

Not to Christians presumably

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, Bday Prang said:

 Those who elect to live out in the sticks can look forward to a rather miserable and lonely existence if they choose not to integrate, and should expect to be regarded with suspicion by the locals whom they have decided  to live among.

I feel no need to mix with the locals no matter where I live. Why should that make me miserable or lonely?

[Neeranam]

3 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

Those who elect to live out in the sticks can look forward to a rather miserable and lonely existence if they choose not to integrate, and should expect to be regarded with suspicion by the locals whom they have decided  to live among.

Indeed, I know a guy who refuses to integrate and lives in rural Isarn. He called me to ask for a lift home after a big operation as no one in the village could do it. 

He can't get anyone to do odd jobs as they don't like him.

He can't speak any Thai after 30 years here. Lives on his computer a Netflix, unable to chat to neighbours.