Being pressured to pay off wife's mother's large debt.

[charleskerins]

19 hours ago, Aust24R said:

NDN I don't know the figures sorry. I did buy land for her in her name some years ago with a view to build, but that was sold recently to help her repayments. She doesn't have her own home. 

JFC   

[Dolf]

1 minute ago, Aust24R said:

Dolf I think it was the mother trying to add some sort of credibility to the demand, suggesting I give it to the wife, and that she'd silently give it to her mum. Something like that. I don't know. But I didn't do it. 

Bad eggs. I don't pay a monthly wage but if I did the max would be 15,000 baht. 500 baht a day covers all basic expenses.

[charleskerins]

19 hours ago, transam said:

Says a single bloke................🤣

Move to the head of the class

[charleskerins]

19 hours ago, mokwit said:

The Thai horn of plenty - the cup that endlessly refills - especially if you have built your house on land Mama owns - pay off the debt or lose the house to the money lender, then they rinse and repeat.

 

you can refuse to pay but then your girlfriend will be in a permanent mope - how can she be happy she will tell you when she has this "ploblem"? of course yours *COULD* be different.

It's his WIFE

[Dolf]

2 minutes ago, charleskerins said:

It's his WIFE

Wife gf, just a bit of paper champ.

[charleskerins]

19 hours ago, Dolf said:

Why is he asking guys on the internet? 

Gee why would a farang come on a primarily farang website and ask others some of whom are versed in the subject for input ?  - dunno.

[TroubleandGrumpy]

20 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

This means that you obviously don't love your gf. Otherwise, you would help her and her family so that everybody will live happily ever after.

At least that is what your gf will make you believe.

 

There is an easy solution: Tell her that won't happen and tell her if she ever brings it up again then you will separate from her.

One way or another, that will permanently solve the problem. And unfortunately, it is probably the only way to permanently solve it. 

Absolutely true - plus you must never visit the Mother/Family - the wife can go by herself (like she did before you arrived). 

 

Sorry to say this, but you better start checking things out in detail mate.  She could be genuine and her mother/family is just using her to get money out of the Falang, or she is actually an active participant in squeezing money out of the Falang - and maybe has already done this before. Whatever happens, never allow her to access your money/bank - Thais are extremely 'compliant' and daughters will do what they are told to do by their Mother/Family. You need to keep a very close eye on things and keep her on a very short lead - and watch how things develop going forward. 

 

Plus - mate - you need a plan B - a quick exit strategy and plan in place - just in case.  If it does all go to sheite one day, you must leave the country - you have no idea how things can be brought down on you by a Thai family in 'revenge mode' - everything from Police arrest and charges to being charged with some very serious crime.   Now that might never goping to happen, but by the sounds of it and yourself, you need to have a Plan B in place. If that happens - go home and regroup and try another country - Philippines etc. Dont come back - you could be arrested at airport or just denied entry. 

[Dolf]

2 minutes ago, charleskerins said:

Gee why would a farang come on a primarily farang website and ask others some of whom are versed in the subject for input ?  - dunno.

Yeah I dunno too. I make up my own mind with 1m baht.

[xylophone]

2 hours ago, Aust24R said:

I wanted to say thanks again to those replying with constructive help thank you. The mother's demands to help pay off her debt has almost become a moot point overnight. I'm working in China until July,  my wife went back to Thailand in November as she wanted to try a job. I've been absorbing her anger for months from a distance. Overnight (after I started this post), I managed to talk with her on video. It wasn't good. She admitted she'd been with other men in these last months on Samui since she left here. Again, the mothers demands have almost become incidental compared to the bigger picture. We are still married. I have a right to see my wife and talk. But now it'll be limited to knocking on her door as she's refusing to talk and has blocked. Yet she still happy took this months salary a few weeks ago. No more i can tell you. I'm trying to keep my head above water with it all. Regards

In a way I feel sorry for you Aust24R, mainly because it would seem that you have strong feelings for your wife, and I believe she is playing you, especially when you find out that she has been "with other men".

 

It's time to "man up" and get out of that relationship because it's toxic, and I certainly wouldn't stand for my wife shagging other guys whilst I was away, for me that would be an absolute no-no.

 

I was in a steady, almost 6 year relationship with a good woman here and the only time she ever asked for money was for her mother's funeral, which I gladly gave her, and I also went to the funeral up north. However during that time and for some time after the funeral and the burning, she refused to speak to me, as if I had done something wrong, which I hadn't and I couldn't find a reason for it.

 

So we were living in the same house with her young daughter and there was no communication whatsoever, and I did warn her that I wouldn't put up with it if it continued and gave her a deadline, once that deadline passed I gave her another one and when that passed I told her to get all of her stuff together and leave – – which she did.

 

Being the softhearted guy I am I wanted to provide the daughter with a future, so I took care of her education, as well as buying a small business for my ex-GF for her future.

 

Basically I got out of the relationship because it was not conducive to a happy life for me and I didn't come here to be miserable. I have taken care of "our" daughter and she has now just graduated from university north of Bangkok and is to be a teacher, and I am still in touch with my ex-GF on Messenger, and we are fine.

 

Life is not about trying to keep your "head above water", but enjoying it as much as possible.

 

My advice is to get out of that situation ASAP.

[charleskerins]

16 hours ago, nightfox said:

Your not be liable to pay any in laws debts as it's a deal you made with your wife when you married her, your fault. You got to lay down the law and not let them bully and take advantage or look for a new wife. If my Thai wife put a gun in my head to demand these requirements before marriage I would tell her good luck with your next marriage. 

Are Thai wives like cars ?

[sadeghsep]

everywhere in the world if a woman or man loves his or her partner always put his or her first then the origin family and Thailand is not exceptional, you can see a million cases around yourself in Thailand a wife helps her cheating husband with money even though he doesn't love her or many families women is the provider and man has a useless job which even use money rather than make any, but these cases are mostly not happening for foreign husband in Thailand since from the beginning the connection was because of the money and the wife want to marry a foreigner to help her family at the first place and they put the fault on Thailand culture which is not. thai culture actually is great about this if you research 

anyway thai women are one of the best in the world if you can find one who really loves you 

Edited March 29 by sadeghsep

[Dolf]

Just now, charleskerins said:

Are Thai wives like cars ?

Yes they only good for 10 to 20 years then break down a lot.

[charleskerins]

2 hours ago, Dolf said:

Why go see her? Go get another woman.

 

Maybe the second time ever I have agreed with Dolf but after reading about "other men"  -he is 100% correct.

[Dolf]

1 minute ago, transam said:

Because you ain't got one......😥.................😂

Old bald guy, you really have no clue..about anything.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

45 minutes ago, charleskerins said:

it's his wife

Then it is even more important that he acts before he is legally responsible for paying the debt. 

[Will B Good]

Not a snowball's chance in hell that I would pay a single satang.

[FruitPudding]

21 hours ago, Aust24R said:

I know family is at the core of Thai society

 

I absolutely hate hearing this BS. As if Thai families are somehow special. 

 

In the news a few weeks ago, a couple of brothers sold their 12 year old sister to a 60 year old one-eyed drunk for a day's use of his fishing net.

 

And don't get me started on the millions of women selling the bodies to send money back to the village only to have their dad piss it away and their mother gamble it away.

 

And their parents know what they are doing for the money. 🤢

 

The amount of abuse, neglect, and abandonment I have witnessed in families here is shocking. It's just so common.

 

But, to add insult to injury, they've got to take care of their so-called "parents" when they are old.

 

And they brag about family being everything here, lol.

 

It's just about money. They have monetized the beautiful thing that is family.

 

I reckon if they knew how the average Western family treats each other, they'd be confused and likely in denial at the genuine love and respect, rather than their manipulation and exploitation.

 

[Kinnock]

3 hours ago, Aust24R said:

Marin thanks, I only found out the truth last night, although I've suspected it. It was a pretty awful video call I can tell you.  You are absolutely right, all has stopped now

There are many wonderful, devoted, caring and faithful wives in Thailand ...... but sorry to say, yours is not one of those.  Press reset and start again.

 

It will be painful at first, but the rewards if you find a good one are worth the effort.  And on the other hand .... being single in Thailand is pretty good too!

[Aust24R]

20 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

Are you saying you can't just walk away clean. Unless there's a kid involved.

 

Problem is some go for marriage extension and don't have funds to start over. Ball 

That's what will need to happen EK, I know. I can get my own visa

[Aust24R]

5 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

There are many wonderful, devoted, caring and faithful wives in Thailand ...... but sorry to say, yours is not one of those.  Press reset and start again.

 

It will be painful at first, but the rewards if you find a good one are worth the effort.  And on the other hand .... being single in Thailand is pretty good too!

Kinnock yours is exactly the support I need to read at the moment, thank you mate. It is painful yes, I'll keep your post on hand when I need a bit of extra support.  She says she wants a divorce, but she has no grounds for a contested divorce when it's only her that wants it, I've been a good and decent husband. Should I just walk away as many are suggesting?

Edited March 29 by Aust24R

[Aust24R]

1 hour ago, charleskerins said:

Maybe the second time ever I have agreed with Dolf but after reading about "other men"  -he is 100% correct.

How do you walk away when you're married in Thailand, is it up to her to start a contested divorce? She has no grounds to seek one, I've been a decent husband. Right now, walking away seems the only option though, it's the only situation I have available now.  She's broken all contact

Edited March 29 by Aust24R

[Aust24R]

2 hours ago, xylophone said:

In a way I feel sorry for you Aust24R, mainly because it would seem that you have strong feelings for your wife, and I believe she is playing you, especially when you find out that she has been "with other men".

 

It's time to "man up" and get out of that relationship because it's toxic, and I certainly wouldn't stand for my wife shagging other guys whilst I was away, for me that would be an absolute no-no.

 

I was in a steady, almost 6 year relationship with a good woman here and the only time she ever asked for money was for her mother's funeral, which I gladly gave her, and I also went to the funeral up north. However during that time and for some time after the funeral and the burning, she refused to speak to me, as if I had done something wrong, which I hadn't and I couldn't find a reason for it.

 

So we were living in the same house with her young daughter and there was no communication whatsoever, and I did warn her that I wouldn't put up with it if it continued and gave her a deadline, once that deadline passed I gave her another one and when that passed I told her to get all of her stuff together and leave – – which she did.

 

Being the softhearted guy I am I wanted to provide the daughter with a future, so I took care of her education, as well as buying a small business for my ex-GF for her future.

 

Basically I got out of the relationship because it was not conducive to a happy life for me and I didn't come here to be miserable. I have taken care of "our" daughter and she has now just graduated from university north of Bangkok and is to be a teacher, and I am still in touch with my ex-GF on Messenger, and we are fine.

 

Life is not about trying to keep your "head above water", but enjoying it as much as possible.

 

My advice is to get out of that situation ASAP.

Xylophone your thoughtful words are a gift thank you, I'll keep them with me, 

[G Rex]

Come in spinner…

[FritsSikkink]

2 hours ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

you have no idea how things can be brought down on you by a Thai family in 'revenge mode' - everything from Police arrest and charges to being charged with some very serious crime.   Now that might never goping to happen, but by the sounds of it and yourself, you need to have a Plan B in place. If that happens - go home and regroup and try another country - Philippines etc. Dont come back - you could be arrested at airport or just denied entry. 

Jeez what a drama queen.

[connda]

22 hours ago, Aust24R said:

Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

 

But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts.

 

I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away

 

I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards 

Write "Welcome" on your shirt and lie on the floor next to the door.  Now you know your place.

[save the frogs]

3 hours ago, charleskerins said:

isn't there a second part to that question?

i give up. whats the 2nd part?

[Dolf]

1 hour ago, Aust24R said:

How do you walk away when you're married in Thailand, is it up to her to start a contested divorce? She has no grounds to seek one, I've been a decent husband. Right now, walking away seems the only option though, it's the only situation I have available now.  She's broken all contact

Just keep your money protected. Walk away. Talk to a lawyer if needed.

[Aust24R]

22 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Just in case nobody mentioned it until now:

 

Many Thai have huge debt which are unbelievable high compared to what any bank would possibly give them.

Many have to pay money to loan sharks with astronomic interest rates. They don't even know how much they have to pay because the loan sharks will never say: now all is paid, thanks.

Many have crazy ideas. Like i.e. you give them money on Friday for a bill which they should pay on Monday. What do they do? Gamble. Like: I can double my money on the weekend. I would be stupid not to do that. And then on Monday there is no money left. This is not unusual.

 

Family members, especially daughters, and especially daughters who work in the night life business, and especially daughters with farang bf/husband are often set tremendously under pressure. Like: If you don't help us then you don't love your parents. We did everything for you, now look at you, .....

 

I never heard about a happy ending of any of those stories.

 

Thank you OMF, I will take your wisdom onboard. This is what I have noticed too. “I’m under so much pressure with this heavy debt” she said more than once to me.

[Aust24R]

6 hours ago, 0ffshore360 said:

Best hope for satisfactory outcomes !

Thank you mate, I just feel I must

[stupidfarang]

19 hours ago, Aust24R said:

I wanted to say thanks again to those replying with constructive help thank you. The mother's demands to help pay off her debt has almost become a moot point overnight. I'm working in China until July,  my wife went back to Thailand in November as she wanted to try a job. I've been absorbing her anger for months from a distance. Overnight (after I started this post), I managed to talk with her on video. It wasn't good. She admitted she'd been with other men in these last months on Samui since she left here. Again, the mothers demands have almost become incidental compared to the bigger picture. We are still married. I have a right to see my wife and talk. But now it'll be limited to knocking on her door as she's refusing to talk and has blocked. Yet she still happy took this months salary a few weeks ago. No more i can tell you. I'm trying to keep my head above water with it all. Regards

Sorry to hear the bad news. Think of this as a game of chess, plan your next moves carefully especially if children are involved. many of us have had simalar experinces, one thing I know if they are seeing other men then very unlikly they will stop. Wishing you all the best.