Being pressured to pay off wife's mother's large debt.

[Aust24R]

On 3/29/2024 at 6:17 PM, Dolf said:

Just keep your money protected. Walk away. Talk to a lawyer if needed.

Thank you Dolf

[EVENKEEL]

7 hours ago, transam said:

Reads like another reason you tell us you live in Pattaya.........😘..............😂

Some guys are incapable of living on their own. Regardless of location

[Dolf]

1 hour ago, EVENKEEL said:

Some guys are incapable of living on their own. Regardless of location

Guys who don't like themselves are like that.

[Negita43]

On 3/28/2024 at 10:38 AM, Aust24R said:

Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

If the positions were reversed would she pay off your debt?

[metisdead]

Troll posts and bickering baiting posts contravening our Community Standards and the replies have been removed.

[john donson]

why pay if mil does not even have land or house...

 

next will be allllll the other family members

 

if no kids, get rid of them all

[john donson]

On 3/30/2024 at 2:03 PM, BritManToo said:

Never understand the desperate rush for a foreigner to seek a divorce.

Being married harms her future plans far more than it harms any foreigner.

Let her sweat!

 

unless he dies and they are married and his assets are in thailand...

[EVENKEEL]

8 hours ago, Dolf said:

Guys who don't like themselves are like that.

Well like many they follow Tilac to their region and settle. And don't have funds to relocate 

[TroubleandGrumpy]

16 hours ago, Aust24R said:

Garry thank you, I'm grateful to learn from your post

Mate - I am sure that advice below is OK in some circumstances. But it sounds to me like that is not the case here. If it is that bad, she will respond to you telling her by delaying, crying, begging, etc etc - and then if you stay then she and the family will get whatever they can get. 

If it is that bad and the decision is made by you to get a divorce - then you should go see a lawyer and start the proceedings.  He will probably tell you to move out ASAP and take everything you want to keep with you - and not tell anyone where you have gone - no one. Doing that takes planning and smarts - get advice.  If you want a lawyer who is an Expat send me a PM.

 

On 3/30/2024 at 4:29 PM, GarryP said:

If you both agree to the divorce, just go to the district office (taking all necessary documents with you) and file for divorce. It is not that complicated if both of you agree to it. If she demands compensation, counter with evidence of her infidelity (hopefully you have such evidence) and threaten that you will take the case to court if she does not back down.  

 

[Yellowtail]

Would you help your own mother? 

 

There's your answer. 

 

How much is it, and for what? 

[GarryP]

6 hours ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Mate - I am sure that advice below is OK in some circumstances. But it sounds to me like that is not the case here. If it is that bad, she will respond to you telling her by delaying, crying, begging, etc etc - and then if you stay then she and the family will get whatever they can get. 

If it is that bad and the decision is made by you to get a divorce - then you should go see a lawyer and start the proceedings.  He will probably tell you to move out ASAP and take everything you want to keep with you - and not tell anyone where you have gone - no one. Doing that takes planning and smarts - get advice.  If you want a lawyer who is an Expat send me a PM.

 

 

Aust24R posted "She says she wants a divorce, but she has no grounds for a contested divorce when it's only her that wants it,". I interpretted this to mean that his wife wanted the divorce, which, as I said, would be straightforward (assuming they do not have children).  

[Dolf]

6 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Would you help your own mother? 

 

There's your answer. 

 

How much is it, and for what? 

Not his mum.

[Yellowtail]

20 minutes ago, Dolf said:

Not his mum.

So, you did not understand the question? 

 

 

[IndomitableSpirit]

OP...you are not a bank, a loan agency nor a walking 🏧. Maybe there are other ways your wife can do to save for her mom's debt, perhaps a small business or online selling? Something that won't need a huge capital but profitable. It's unfair that you need to feel the pressure for something you have no part of. 

[eyeman]

On 3/29/2024 at 3:44 PM, Aust24R said:

Kinnock yours is exactly the support I need to read at the moment, thank you mate. It is painful yes, I'll keep your post on hand when I need a bit of extra support.  She says she wants a divorce, but she has no grounds for a contested divorce when it's only her that wants it, I've been a good and decent husband. Should I just walk away as many are suggesting?

 

Why would you want to stay? Why wouldn't you jump at the divorce? Is she holding on to any significant assets of yours?

[TroubleandGrumpy]

56 minutes ago, GarryP said:

Aust24R posted "She says she wants a divorce, but she has no grounds for a contested divorce when it's only her that wants it,". I interpretted this to mean that his wife wanted the divorce, which, as I said, would be straightforward (assuming they do not have children).  

Good point - I missed that - my bad.  

OP - take the offer and get a divorce - she may in fact recognise that as the only way for you to 'escape' from the financial demands from her Mother.  Either that or migrate with her to another country (she may want to escape as well). 

Girls in Thailand are extremely under the control of their Mothers - they are totally and utterly under their control - way way more than girls in the west - it is just the way it is here - if the Mother is bad she will force her daughters to do things they might not otherwise do.  

[Dolf]

1 hour ago, Yellowtail said:

So, you did not understand the question? 

 

 

So you are saying the mum sent her out to scam blokes for cash. Yeah I get it.

[Yellowtail]

1 hour ago, Dolf said:

So you are saying the mum sent her out to scam blokes for cash. Yeah I get it.

That's what I thought, thanks. 

[Njoku]

On 3/28/2024 at 6:19 PM, riclag said:

Good Idea

Stupid idea, everything stays in the family anyway....do what you feel is right, but you risk loosing your lover if you dont.

[Aust24R]

On 4/1/2024 at 5:57 PM, eyeman said:

 

Why would you want to stay? Why wouldn't you jump at the divorce? Is she holding on to any significant assets of yours?

 

 

On 4/1/2024 at 6:07 PM, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Good point - I missed that - my bad.  

OP - take the offer and get a divorce - she may in fact recognise that as the only way for you to 'escape' from the financial demands from her Mother.  Either that or migrate with her to another country (she may want to escape as well). 

Girls in Thailand are extremely under the control of their Mothers - they are totally and utterly under their control - way way more than girls in the west - it is just the way it is here - if the Mother is bad she will force her daughters to do things they might not otherwise do.  

TandG that really resonates. Yes her mother has a huge influence. As mentioned now (and I write from Samui as it's Chinese holidays and I wanted to face her with this,  is that she now admits, and her friends i know concur, that she's been going out for months to meet other farangs and go back to their hotel with them. About the same time as the debt demands came, so did you suspicions grow. She wants a divorce, first I wanted to confront her have to face as her husband of 5 years with this, and I've just read @BritManToo 'advice of not agreeing to a sobriety divorce too soon and making her sweat. I've only 4 days on the island, but I've told her all monthly financial support has stopped. This work contract ends in 4 months time and my plans were an early retirement in the kingdom with my wife. Then everything quickly turned pear shape. I had my suspicions and came down a few days ago

[Aust24R]

Yes @TroubleandGrumpy she said she has a huge load on her shoulders and her mother I think has tasked her with paying off the 1M. I have held firm on a no. She said she is the pillar of the family and has intense loyalty to her mother. I doubt she wants to leave the country,  she certainly doesn't want to return to China to be with her husband until the contract ends in 4 months,  and I feel this would be the only way to stop her going out and sleeping with other men. I like @BritManToo 's idea of not agreeing to any divorce.  Yet. I mean, both the debt and infidelity stuff have arisen suddenly 4 months away from retirement. Sigh. @Kinnockhas been a solid support for me, thank you to the words and advice from everything. I'm just trying to navigate this as best I can. Money is offshore. Mother has sold land I bought to pay off debts. After arriving here yesterday, I told her the only way to stop her going out with the intention of meeting other men is for her to get on a flight with me back to China for 4 months as my wife. Or for me to immediately resign from this job.  Her response tonight 'you can't stop me'. What I have stopped immediately is all financial support. Thank you, I gain from your words, really, rgds

[Aust24R]

On 4/1/2024 at 5:57 PM, eyeman said:

 

Why would you want to stay? Why wouldn't you jump at the divorce? Is she holding on to any significant assets of yours?

No eyeman, just the generous monthly support but that had stopped 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

No eyeman, just the generous monthly support but that had stopped 

That's a good start. Next sever all communications with her, just walk away. You can still enjoy your retirement without her, plenty of nice places to choose from as a single man. Nice houses to be rented in Chiang Mai from 10kbht/month or wherever you choose to live.

You don't need her and her bad choices dragging you down, the world is there for you to claim as your own.

 

Good luck!

Look forward to your retirement in 4 months.

[Felton Jarvis]

As many problems as I have, AT LEAST I don't have THAT problem.  I truly feel compassion for your situation. It is amazing how Thai wives will ruin their marriages over money, especially a relative's debt.  It's just plain immoral.

[theblether]

I have to commend the OP, this is an all too rare example of standing by a red line issue. 

 

The marriage is dead. Walk away, don't look back and I wish you a long and successful retirement. 

[Aust24R]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

That's a good start. Next sever all communications with her, just walk away. You can still enjoy your retirement without her, plenty of nice places to choose from as a single man. Nice houses to be rented in Chiang Mai from 10kbht/month or wherever you choose to live.

You don't need her and her bad choices dragging you down, the world is there for you to claim as your own.

 

Good luck!

Look forward to your retirement in 4 months.

Thank you BMT, your thoughts help me

[Aust24R]

I have many here to thank here on the thread for helping me. I'm really grateful. I hope I can return such goodwill and advice in the future

[Hummin]

Just a reminder, If possible, I would not register a marriage in Thailand if you do not know the wife long and well, as well her family. 

 

I do know my wife and her family well, but still have chosen not to register my marriage with her. 1. I do not need to, 2. If divorce, I file seperation papers with my officials, and we will be divorced in one year time no matter what she does. 3. We have a contract, everything In my orign country is mine, and everything in Thailand in her name is hers.

 

It will minimizing future problems if you take precautions before future things happens

 

 

Edited April 6 by Hummin

[Hummin]

13 hours ago, Aust24R said:

I have many here to thank here on the thread for helping me. I'm really grateful. I hope I can return such goodwill and advice in the future

Not sure if this have been mentioned.

 

If she have been unfaithful and you have proofs, and want to get out of the marriage

 

https://www.thailand-business-news.com/law/103579-adultery-in-thailand-a-risky-and-prohibited-practice

[Aust24R]

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

Just a reminder, If possible, I would not register a marriage in Thailand if you do not know the wife long and well, as well her family. 

 

I do know my wife and her family well, but still have chosen not to register my marriage with her. 1. I do not need to, 2. If divorce, I file seperation papers with my officials, and we will be divorced in one year time no matter what she does. 3. We have a contract, everything In my orign country is mine, and everything in Thailand in her name is hers.

 

It will minimizing future problems if you take precautions before future things happens

 

 

Hummin I'm grateful for that, I've taken your words on board with thanks.