Foreigner Questions Thai Dowry: Netizens Respond

[drand11]

Thai Families are very tight. IF the family is DEMANDING a dowry.. run away.  But in all honesty, I would not have an issue with paying 120K to 250K dowry. 
You must always know that the daughter is responsible for the parents.  Her job is to make sure that her parents are setup into the future for retirement.  
If you do not understand this, do not marry an Asian lady.  Plain and simple.  Do you not want the same for your parents?  The gold is just like cash. Thais can sell gold in 30 minutes. Do what makes you happy. 

[wensiensheng]

18 minutes ago, mudpuppy said:

When it comes to "sin-sot" (dowry) for Thai ladies...

 

They get NONE if:

1.  married before

2.  have child/children

3.  worked bar

 

Or if they are marrying me. 
 

 

[connda]

8 hours ago, webfact said:

Married in 2023 to his 47-year-old wife from Isaan

... she is wayyyyy past her expiration date at 47 - and - she has grandkids?  Either way, I'd say that sinsot would be out of the question.  Sure, if Khun Farang was marrying a 25 year old Isaan beauty who is pure as the wind driven snow and never had children?  Ok - I can see a marginal amount of dowry for the parents.  At 47 years old, ie, just a few year away from menopause plus she has children and grandchildren and probably was previously married?  You've got to be kidding me.  I think my wife was 47 when we got married, had a kid, and previous marriages.  Sinsot wasn't even a topic of discussion.  Had it been we wouldn't be married. 

Find me a Thai guy who has paid sinsot for a 47 year old "used" wife with kids and grandkids.  Heck.  There are plenty of 47 year old childless spinsters out there as Thai guys don't want them.

So - "Stupid is as stupid does."  The Thai net-citizens are applying conventions to a farang that they would not apply to themselves. 

[Dolf]

7 minutes ago, drand11 said:

Thai Families are very tight. IF the family is DEMANDING a dowry.. run away.  But in all honesty, I would not have an issue with paying 120K to 250K dowry. 
You must always know that the daughter is responsible for the parents.  Her job is to make sure that her parents are setup into the future for retirement.  
If you do not understand this, do not marry an Asian lady.  Plain and simple.  Do you not want the same for your parents?  The gold is just like cash. Thais can sell gold in 30 minutes. Do what makes you happy. 

How about buying them a 35,000 baht motorbike?

[connda]

"Was I stupid to agree to........."

Yep!  👎

[connda]

11 minutes ago, Purdey said:

A dowry is a normal part of Thai culture.

Not when your wife to be is 47 and has kids and grandkids.  That is not a normal part of Thai culture.

[NativeBob]

Eastern European dude arranges fake marriages to obtain marriage Visa and he is doing just fine with many successful cases. The whole thing is not cheap and includes sinsod as "must pay" to the family $5.000.

However the british fella living near our house in his wife's parents house paid nothing. I asked him and her parents. Nice well educated family of retired gov. employees enjoying him doing Boom-shaka-laka on their daughter in the room next door. 
Yes, he is a teacher

Edited April 3 by NativeBob

[BritScot]

2 hours ago, keith101 said:

The short answer is YES you were stupid 

Yes.

[mran66]

8 hours ago, webfact said:

"Am I stupid to pay a dowry to my Thai wife?... than a week after the wedding, both my wife's grandchildren received new iPhones and iPads."

 

Yes you are, sorry. But I am interested to know what her children received. 

[Purdey]

6 minutes ago, connda said:

Not when your wife to be is 47 and has kids and grandkids.  That is not a normal part of Thai culture.

Agree that if she has been "spoilt" then cash may not be required, but it is traditional to give gold in such cases.

https://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/dowry-in-thailand#:~:text=Legal Advisor,expected in the Thai culture.

[Photoguy21]

8 hours ago, ikke1959 said:

It is all about money in Thailand and dowry is a part of it....It gives the people a feeling how important they are

That is a worldwide phenomena not just Thailand 

[RobU]

How many times do I have to state this

The Thai Tradition of paying the bride's family is not a Dowry.

It is a Bride Price paid to the Brides's family (Not to the bride) as payment for her upbringing, the bigger the bride price the better her upbringing.

It is a one off payment and should never be paid more than once

A divorced woman does not attract a bride price since it has already been paid to her family by her ex-husband's family.

A woman who has children by another man does not attract a bride price

A Dowry is given to the husband in primitive societies where women are not allowed to inherit or own property or wealth The Husband holds the dowry in escrow for his wife

On the husbands death the wealth and property is passed to the nearest male relative, the dowry is given to the widow for her to survive on, she has no rights to any of her husband's wealth or property.

If the husband chooses to divorce his wife, he gives her the dowry for her to survive on, he is not obliged to make any further payments.

 

I am constantly surprised by the lack of understanding of Thai tradition exhibited by the media and the mixing up of 2 entirely different systems

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, DLock said:

I must concur with OMF - what possible benefits does getting married provide, over having a long-term girlfriend have for a man?

 

For a woman of limited means, I get it. But for men, it's a trap. 

Yes

But we men can still be fair.

If I would separate from her, after nay years, without her doing something bad, I would feel obliged to make sure she will continue to have the basics like shelter and food for some time - until she works herself again or has a new bf. That is only fair. But I wouldn't feel obliged to provide her with luxury housing and king crabs. 

 

I think the crazy thing about divorce laws is that if a poor person marries a "rich" person that then he is responsible to keep her rich. Crazy! 

[1happykamper]

A 47 year old Thai lady 😱😱. No! Nothing. She's even got grandkids! 

 

She has no value in a sin sod sense. Zero 

[ABCDBKK]

FFS, I rather pay 10,000 quid to Bob Smith for a reach around rather than give that money to a 48 year old slapper who has already been road hard and put away wet. 
 

It's amazing to think that a nearly 50 year old woman (with grandchildren no-less) could find a foreigner willing to marry her, let alone pay a dowry of 1 Baht. The guy must be desperate, but truth is stranger than fiction. 

Edited April 3 by ABCDBKK

[TigerandDog]

7 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

https://www.thaiembassy.com/family/thai-dowry

Returning the dowry is only a recent trend. Traditionally the dowry is for the parents to keep and spend as they please.

[Aussie999]

It's easy, is she a proven virgin, if not, cheaper  or if not, how many kids  the more  the cheaper, is she a good cook, a good house keeper  if not  cheaper..  and here's the clencher  if you don't marry her  then she lives with her parents, and becomes a burden on them.

[TroubleandGrumpy]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Yes

But we men can still be fair.

If I would separate from her, after nay years, without her doing something bad, I would feel obliged to make sure she will continue to have the basics like shelter and food for some time - until she works herself again or has a new bf. That is only fair. But I wouldn't feel obliged to provide her with luxury housing and king crabs. 

 

I think the crazy thing about divorce laws is that if a poor person marries a "rich" person that then he is responsible to keep her rich. Crazy! 

Yes mate - crazy biased divorce laws are why many of us left the western BS behind.  I recall one debate I had with a feminist about Greg Norman (Aussie Golfer) going through a divorce and whose wife was demanding half of everything he had earned at golf and business ($millions).  I pointed out the clearly logical and rational point that Greg's wife had done nothing more than any normal wife (not a golf coach or business expert) - why should she get half of his $millions. When I got all the usualy khrapp back about supporting and enabling Greg to achieve in life etc etc., I pointed out that Alan Bond was sentenced to jail for his corruption that netted him $millions, but his wife was not punished - why not??!! She had enabled and supported him !!!  If looks could kill I would not be typing this right now. Western women are so full of BS they think they are entitled to all the upsides of a man but none of his downsides - the divorce system here is far more reasonable and fair.  

[koolkarl]

I have some land in Florida for sale, message me.

[misterphil]

After a 4 year online courtship?

 

Grand mother?

 

Oh dear. 🤦

[gomangosteen]

after 104 posts, time for the actual Reddit thread, which may have been fictional / hoax / wind-up as so many are on Reddit - the poster daleted their account and the thread was closed 12 days ago. Yet now it's 'news'.

 

What is obvious is that she was not a grandmother but had been married before - an error in the first post of this thread that's got so many in a state of outrage . . . 

 

Loosen your Depends and have a read:

 

Was I stupid to agree to the dowry?

Hi all, so someone’s recently posted a question about how much did the married men pay for dowry.

Many people responded that they’d paid ‘0’, or the money they had paid was returned to them. That to me was quite surprising and so my question is: was I dumb to pay?

I married my wife in 2022 after four years of talking online.

She is from Isan, living with her mom and two sisters (both older).

My wife is 47 (two years older than me), divorced and without University education.

She insisted that I would pay 300.000ThB, but at the end she knocked it down to 150K and 80K in gold.

Unfortunately, I have never seen the money again and I’m not quite sure what happened to it.

My wife told me that her mom has it, but I’m not quite sure if I can trust her.

Whan I know is that less than a week after the wedding, her nephew and niece got a new iPhone and a new iPad. Another niece got a new scooter few weeks after that.

I don’t want to be making any assumptions, but it seems as a big of a coincidence.

I don’t really want to get into a debate how much of dowry one should pay, because we’re not purchasing cows on the market and I respect the tradition.

On the other hand, I would like to know your honest opinion: was I being stupid to get myself into this marriage?

[ABCDBKK]

9 minutes ago, TigerandDog said:

Returning the dowry is only a recent trend. Traditionally the dowry is for the parents to keep and spend as they please.

The OP didn't even mention if her parents are still alive or who he paid the money to. Maybe he paid it directly to her. 

[thecyclist]

A 47 year old grandmother. Most Thai women lose their looks and sex appeal in their thirties.Lots of children, lots of stretch marks, another massive turn-off.

The only way that makes sense is if the OP is in his eighties or nineties, and is looking for nurse/ caretaker cum lover. 

[NORDO]

Sin-Sod is a Thai custom.   I took my bride on a Las Vegas holiday and married there in 30 minutes.    I gave the wife's mother a gold necklace as a gift and explained her daughter agreed to marry in a venue where there is no Sin-Sod custom.  May sound a bit scammy, however a few months later the new bride told me that since we are married, all my premarital assets are half hers and she wanted her half in her bank.    Short story….married in Las Vegas and divorced in Las Vegas via Zoom link.   She got nothing from the judge except an admonishment for her false financial statement.

 

Sin-Sod amounts are based on the lady in question.   Age, Education, Virginity, Social Status, as well as other personal valuations.  It is supposed to verify to her parents that you are wealthy enough to support her.

 

SO……before you “doll out” a massive Sin-Sod, seriously consider whether it is a long term or short term investment.

[ABCDBKK]

2 minutes ago, thecyclist said:

A 47 year old grandmother. Most Thai women lose their looks and sex appeal in their thirties.Lots of children, lots of stretch marks, another massive turn-off.

The only way that makes sense is if the OP is in his eighties or nineties, and is looking for nurse/ caretaker cum lover. 

Maybe the bloke has a GILF fetish. And maybe she is a "cum lover"?

Edited April 3 by ABCDBKK

[TigerandDog]

3 minutes ago, ABCDBKK said:

The OP didn't even mention if her parents are still alive or who he paid the money to. Maybe he paid it directly to her. 

did you read the link that was posted about sin sod. I was replying about the article in the link

Edited April 3 by TigerandDog

[Ebumbu]

47 year-old grandmother? Do the math. 

[NoDisplayName]

9 hours ago, webfact said:

A foreign man, feeling perplexed, posted online, asking, "Am I stupid to pay a dowry to my Thai wife?

 

Oh, yes.

Very stupid.

Wife's family should be paying YOU the dowry.

 

[bkk6060]

Just hand out packs of Mama noodles to everyone they will be just as happy.

[fredwiggy]

19 minutes ago, ABCDBKK said:

FFS, I rather pay 10,000 quid to Bob Smith for a reach around rather than give that money to a 48 year old slapper who has already been road hard and put away wet. 
 

It's amazing to think that a nearly 50 year old woman (with grandchildren no-less) could find a foreigner willing to marry her, let alone pay a dowry of 1 Baht. The guy must be desperate, but truth is stranger than fiction. 

I'm guessing you don't realize you can't judge a book by it's cover. There are thousands of young women here who are "rode hard and put away wet", while there are also thousands of older women who have been with one or two men in their lives, and most likely have been cheated on, so they stay away from locals. Why? Because they became smart after being used.

 

There are plenty of good,older women who would love to be taken care of, and will reciprocate, just as many farangs have found out. On the other hand, there are also many who hate men because of the way either their father or husband (or both) treated them, and only look at the next man to take all she can get and give as little as possible. Age doesn't make you good, bad, used, virginal, narcissistic, empathic, sweet or a demon. It comes from childhood. So many here are with younger girls because of their bodies, all the while being taken, because many don't care what they sleep with, as long as there's a payoff.

 

It isn't desperate to want a woman to love. It's crucial, especially if the ones before have been flaming ass*oles.