What is life about ? A rant .

[nobodysfriend]

10 minutes ago, patman30 said:

if you are not happy about the money requests
answer is simple, to be blunt,
grow a pair and tell her, and then talk about where to go from there.
or
setup direct debit or whatever equivalent scheduled payment of X amount and tell her that is it.
Sounds like you have already let this go on way too long.

 The problem is that she does not want to sell anything she owns . Not the land , not the House in polluted Chiang Mai , not the Krugerrands , she wants to keep all , but expects me to pay eternally for what she wants more ...

Edited May 20 by nobodysfriend

[Hummin]

11 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

I decided not to marry in any case. Problem solved.

For me, I do not want to get stuck in another pandemic or war breaks out, and we can not reunite one or the other place because we are not married. If married and wife have two passports, evacuation is an option if necessary. 

Edited May 20 by Hummin

[Hummin]

3 minutes ago, nobodysfriend said:

 The problem is that she does not want to sell anything he owns . Not the land , not the House in polluted Chiang Mai , not the Krugerrands , she wants to keep all , but expects me to pay eternally for what she wants more ...

He owns?

[patman30]

Just now, nobodysfriend said:

 The problem is that she does not want to sell anything he owns . Not the land , not the House in polluted Chiang Mai , not the Krugerrands , she wants to keep all , but expects me to pay eternally for what she wants more ...

i never mentioned selling anything.
you stated you are good financially and have only given what you can afford to lose
well lets be blunt again
YOU LOST IT, it's gone you will never get it back again, it is not yours to sell or decide it should be sold.

now that bit is clear, we are back to you fulfilling any money requests
and we go back to my initial comment
grow a pair and tell her, if it means the big D word then so be it but i did not state that initially
but if you do not want to give her X monthly
then Divorce seems the only option, which would be the best case for her to sell anything really
but be honest, do you think you would you feel safe once you tell her no more money and you want a divorce?

[nobodysfriend]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

He owns?

Typo . Sorry .

[ravip]

11 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Te cure for that, is to know your coming wife family and friends, and Not marry if you are not sure about her family is good or not. Her family problems becomes your problems. Never experienced a thai girl who left her family and her problems behind her, they will always stirr up bad feelings guilt and demands making her unhappy. 

 

I left one family before I marriend the one Im with now. 

 

Out of 20 +- very few had wifes who did not have some bad family relations or high expectations or unrealistic claims.

 

Know the family and friends, you will know the future

 

 

 

1. is to know your coming wife family and friends, and Not marry if you are not sure about her family is good or not. Her family problems becomes your problems. 
2. Know the family and friends, you will know the future

I wish if the above is humanely possible!

If it was so, the divorce rate in this world would have been minimal, or even non existent, maybe.

[GrungthepGringo]

11 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

So independent of above, it is a common problem.  

And a common narrative which often leads to motorcycle accidents, expensive hospital bills to pay, drunk driving, expensive fines to pay, and the beat goes on...

[nobodysfriend]

2 minutes ago, patman30 said:

YOU LOST IT, it's gone you will never get it back again, it is not yours to sell or decide it should be sold.

 

No , you got something wrong ... she still loves me , not only for the money , I know that ... checked it out ...

But , even she is rich by material means , land , house etc , she seem incapable to even try to make her own money by selling something of what she owns ... most of what I bought for her was meant to be an investment ... to be sold later ... I bought her land that already tripled in value by now , but she makes no effort to sell it ... it's more easy to ask me for money ... I told her to sell something ( her gold ) if she needs money , but she does not even try ... frustrating ...

[Hummin]

11 minutes ago, ravip said:

 

1. is to know your coming wife family and friends, and Not marry if you are not sure about her family is good or not. Her family problems becomes your problems. 
2. Know the family and friends, you will know the future

I wish if the above is humanely possible!

If it was so, the divorce rate in this world would have been minimal, or even non existent, maybe.

First thai lady I was in long relation with, 4 years, I could not stay more than one night, and we left for a hotel, and I could not get out of it fast enough. Her brothers was lazy bastards mommy boys, and her mom tried to get money all the time for anything. Her friends? Could not hang out with them, greedy, sleezy 

 

The second one I stayed almost for a month first time I went up there, and even I did not believe I could live there one day, I did it for the experience, and get to know them. And I learned they where good people. Not only her brother, mom and father, but aunties, uncles and cousins. 

 

I even asked her mom what they expected from me, and she said I only want my daughter to be happy, and now after 8 years, I know she was genuin. 

 

Sound to good, but it is true

 

The first one ended because I did not give anything, and she used her own money to support them. I didnt support them because they was lazy and laying to me. Moving away did not change anything

Edited May 20 by Hummin

[patman30]

6 minutes ago, nobodysfriend said:

 

No , you got something wrong ... she still loves me , not only for the money , I know that ... checked it out ...

But , even she is rich by material means , land , house etc , she seem incapable to even try to make her own money by selling something of what she owns ... most of what I bought for her was meant to be an investment ... to be sold later ... I bought her land that already tripled in value by now , but she makes no effort to sell it ... it's more easy to ask me for money ... I told her to sell something ( her gold ) if she needs money , but she does not even try ... frustrating ...

again you are thinking about what you would do if the stuff was yours
whatever you thought any purchases were for does not matter as they do not belong to you
she has no reason to sell anything when she can just ask you for more money
you are frustrated as you keep giving
the answer is simple
stop giving, or give a set amount you are ok with.
or buy her gold when she requests money.
you are getting frustrated at your own actions it seems, as your actions enable and encourage her behaviour.

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

Ive always said "people will do what you ALLOW them to do".....might explain why im single in LOS as well....:)

For me, single life stinks, wherever I will live, I will have a gf/wife, and cant see myself single in the future. 

[nobodysfriend]

Yeah , you are right , of course ... It is a little more complicated in reality ...

We run something that you could call a soi dog sanctuary ... we save starving and /or mistreated dogs on the island and give a caring home to them ...

I have 10 I take care for , and so has she ... ( think about it what you want , we do it because we like to do it ... when first arrived in Thailand in 2015 we brought my old dog with me , who ended up poisoned soon after ... I promised to myself to help these suffering creatures no problem , we get a lot of love back from them , I can afford it , want to do something good in life ...

When I tell her that I will not give more money to her she asks me how to feed her dogs ...

I cannot refuse to pay at all , because the dogs will suffer from not getting food anymore ...

But I would like her to participate a little at least ... but that is am different story  ...

Do not understand me wrong ... we do something that saves la dogs life ( after they poisoned my old dog ) , and we like it .

I will set her on a monthly allowance that pays for the dogs again , I did it already ... but she still continues to ask for more ... and more ...

I cannot cancel all payments , but what I offer never seems enough ...

 

But that is another story , off topic .

 

Anyway , I expected more questions like : Would you marry her again ...?

Well , we had good times and bad times , but after all , I would NOT marry again .

That is like a contract that limits you freedom . better avoid if you do not have really serious reasons to marry ...

 

Edited May 20 by nobodysfriend

[nobodysfriend]

17 minutes ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

moral of the story....get a dog...avoid the thai ladies......now whos a good boy???!!!!

 

gotta say ive been here PT going on year 16 and these all too common tales remind me why im single

 

ride my bike daily----listen to spotify while riding...enjoy some watermelon--thai food and watch a movie

 

as i type im chatting up another gal asking me for 5k....perhaps as just a reminder of why im single in LOS...

 

live and learn gents......seems baked into the culture of SE Asia.......money is #1..always...sad but true it seems here

 

dont spend on stg you are not willing to let go.......think of it as a bad stock investment..therefor avoid those stocks!

 

Clever .

[BangkokReady]

On 5/20/2024 at 1:27 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Luckily, we don't have an alcoholic in the gf's family. But I wonder, is there a good solution to that problem?

In some farang countries, we might send such a person to a clinic - provided by some health insurance.

And/or he would get some social security payments from the state.

All this doesn't happen in Thailand. So, what is the solution? Just telling him to stop? Send him away, like you are not family anymore?

I guess it is difficult.

 

I don't think there is a solution.  There doesn't seem to be much in the way of a deterrent or consequences to living that lifestyle in Thailand.

 

It seems like the best thing is to find out prior to getting too serious what the girl's family is like.

[Hummin]

Use of confused emotions reaches new hights 😘

[OneMoreFarang]

39 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

 

I don't think there is a solution.  There doesn't seem to be much in the way of a deterrent or consequences to living that lifestyle in Thailand.

 

It seems like the best thing is to find out prior to getting too serious what the girl's family is like.

In principle yes, but I guess there is a chance the family would try to hide such a person when the farang comes.

 

And personally, if I really love a girl, I wouldn't tell her to leave me only because I don't like her family.

At least I would talk with her that I won't support the drunk and see what she has to say about that.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/20/2024 at 4:48 PM, nobodysfriend said:

She never had to work , not here neither in France . I provided everything , I took ' care of her ' . My job .

First big mistake. Never give them an allowance. Pay the bills but not for her to do nothing but spend your money.

 

On 5/20/2024 at 4:48 PM, nobodysfriend said:

I bought her land as an investment

You did not buy it, and you do not own any part of it. It is hers to do with as she wishes. Paying for it is not the same as owning it.

 

On 5/20/2024 at 4:48 PM, nobodysfriend said:

Her brothers , all alcoholics , came to ' see ' her . They never worked , nobody would give a job to them anyway .

I do not want to pay for them .

All high on ' Lao Khao ' they have serious mental and health problems . Not my job to take care for them .

 

Second big mistake- living close enough to the family for them to be able to visit. Only asking for trouble.

Best to live in a one room condo with no room for the bludgers to stay.

 

 

I sense that you think she should be grateful to you for her good life. Big mistake. If someone does not have to work to get something they will never be grateful.

 

Unless living on a marriage extension, MOVE, GO, ESCAPE- no forwarding address, change the phone number, new e mail address. Take the dogs- they don't care where they live.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/20/2024 at 7:58 PM, Hummin said:

For me, single life stinks, wherever I will live, I will have a gf/wife, and cant see myself single in the future. 

I tried twice and was used both times. If there was a way to know that she was actually a good woman I might again, but both seemed right for at least one year. People change, PERIOD.

 

I'd never marry or live with someone just to not live alone.

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

 

I don't think there is a solution.  There doesn't seem to be much in the way of a deterrent or consequences to living that lifestyle in Thailand.

 

It seems like the best thing is to find out prior to getting too serious what the girl's family is like.

Of course there is. Tell her before getting serious that you will pay the bills but they must earn their own money. The users will be gone in a jiffy.

[KannikaP]

On 5/20/2024 at 12:55 PM, susanlea said:

Join a muay thai gym make friends that way.

And kick the 5h1t out of them!

Edited May 22 by KannikaP

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I tried twice and was used both times. If there was a way to know that she was actually a good woman I might again, but both seemed right for at least one year. People change, PERIOD.

 

I'd never marry or live with someone just to not live alone.

 

Keep on trying, cant give up for same bad apples

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 5/20/2024 at 11:48 AM, nobodysfriend said:

 

 

On 5/20/2024 at 11:48 AM, nobodysfriend said:

When I was young ... on my first trip to Thailand I met a beautiful , tall girl on Koh Tao . She was working as a waitress in a beach restaurant ... the story goes on just the way you imagine ...  3 years later we decided to marry mainly because she was refused a visa to visit me in my european home country .

She took me to her village in Isaan to see her parents .

Her family lived in a rural village , in a typical thai house . The second floor was the place they slept , downstairs was just the bare ground and a few bamboo mats to sit on .

And a mountain of rubbish right in the middle of it .

They enjoyed their meals and drinks sitting right next to that ... they invited me to eat with them . They made me eat some funny soup with mushrooms .

I do not remember much more , the next morning I woke up upstairs with a headache .

I did not like that , and I thought that it would be better not to marry ( into this family ) .

So , I told her that .

To my surprise , she stayed cool and said that she does not want to lose face in front of her family .

She proposed to just go to the local Amphur on the day we were supposed to get married , spend a few hours somewhere near and go back to her family's place just to tell them that we could not marry because of missing papers ...

Well , I was in Love and that changed my mind about not getting married . We got married the same day at the Amphur .

 

It is now 25 years that we are married . She came to stay with me in beautiful southern France . Being married , she got her Visa easily . We stayed there in our little house in a natural reserve for about 16 years . My parents died and we decided to go back to Thailand to spend our old age over there ...

So far , so good ...

 

I sold everything and we moved to Thailand .I found a nice place to live , had a nice house built here .

She never had to work , not here neither in France . I provided everything , I took ' care of her ' . My job .

 

Her father died  died while we were in France and some years later her mother in our house in Chiang Mai .

We moved to a quiet island in the south , built a nice house and later found an old , abandoned ' Talat ' , a market , open air but covered with a roof . We transformed that into a beautiful big house with 5m high ceilings . Our plan was to rent it out via Airbnb . She said she was gonna move in to design the garden .

She did that . And now , some years later she is still living in her " residence ".

No Airbnb . I am living alone in the first house with the many dogs I take care for . ( wanted some loyalty in my life ...)

Quite happy after all if it were not the eternal requests for money . I gave her a lot , but it is never enough .

I bought her land as an investment , she does not want to sell it .

Her brothers , all alcoholics , came to ' see ' her . They never worked , nobody would give a job to them anyway .

I do not want to pay for them .

All high on ' Lao Khao ' they have serious mental and health problems . Not my job to take care for them .

 

Lao Khao is the drug they should make illegal in Thailand , not Cannabis .

 

That stuff causes serious harm . It destroys lives and health .

 

Life is ok for me now , but my wife and me are slowly becoming estranged , she lives in her house a few km away , she comes to se me often and even more often asks for money , even she has a safe box full of golden Krugerrands in Chiang Mai that she inherited from my dead mother ...

 

I never made foreign friends here on the island , the few who live here are all alcoholics . But I am getting old now , my back hurts often , I am no good for work anymore .

Never found a good thai gardener or housekeeper ... her brother offered me to do this , but proofed incapable ...

 

I do not want to move or sell , I need to take care of my dogs that all love me ...

 

So , I let the garden just grow wild I guess ...

 

I do not really know why I wrote all this ... I just had to let it out I guess ...

 

Hope you enjoyed reading it ... If you could read until the END ...

 

Thank you .

 

 

You need to exercise daily, treat it as a hobby, don't go in too hard but be consistent, daily exercise will change your life. 

 

While you are at it, get a bicycle, ride regularly, short trips, focus on the surroundings, the trees, mountains, you'll notice the difference, less ranting. 

Try not to be a menace, keep left, never be abusive to other road users........ Everyone has right of way, you're not in a hurry. 😎

 

 

 

Edited May 22 by SAFETY FIRST

[nobodysfriend]

6 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

 

You need to exercise daily, treat it as a hobby, don't go in too hard but be consistent, daily exercise will change your life. 

 

While you are at it, get a bicycle. 

 

 

 

Thanks , I am scared to go with the bicycle because of the cars ,

Swim a lot with the dogs everyday in the lake behind the house ... nobody else there , I see otters , all kind of birds , snakes , beautiful ... one reason I am still here ...

Edited May 22 by nobodysfriend

[swissie]

If Farangs only would start to understand the most basic thing about marriages between a Farang and a Thai lady:

- In the best of cases, a Farang can reach the same standing as the rest of the Thai family. That is the best case, as "the family" remains the center of the universe for a Thai lady. This constellation does not change, even if the Farang builds 17 mansions for the family.

- It is not considered "immoral" that the family encourages the wife to milk the Farang for all he has got as long as it benefits her plus the family. Quite the opposite: If she doesen't act this way, she is likely to "lose face" in the eyes of the family.

How long will it take before Farangs finally understand this concept?

[Dan O]

On 5/20/2024 at 3:39 AM, nobodysfriend said:

 

No , you got something wrong ... she still loves me , not only for the money , I know that ... checked it out ...

But , even she is rich by material means , land , house etc , she seem incapable to even try to make her own money by selling something of what she owns ... most of what I bought for her was meant to be an investment ... to be sold later ... I bought her land that already tripled in value by now , but she makes no effort to sell it ... it's more easy to ask me for money ... I told her to sell something ( her gold ) if she needs money , but she does not even try ... frustrating ...

I would hold my position. Sorry I have no more money to give and if you need the money that bad decide what you want to sell and use that money. Don't keep feed into the problem by supplying extra money or it will never stop. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/21/2024 at 10:42 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

And personally, if I really love a girl, I wouldn't tell her to leave me only because I don't like her family.

No one is saying that we should. I and others say not to live close enough to them for them to be able to invade one's space. When I lived with my wife in Pattaya and they lived in the north we were fine. It was only when we lived in C M and the evil nephew came to stay whenever he liked that it fell apart. When the family moved in as well it was time to call it quits.

[ChaiyaTH]

So just hire some girl to be your maid or nurse? You seem to not have financial issues and that solves what you need. Next.

[ChaiyaTH]

9 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

No one is saying that we should. I and others say not to live close enough to them for them to be able to invade one's space. When I lived with my wife in Pattaya and they lived in the north we were fine. It was only when we lived in C M and the evil nephew came to stay whenever he liked that it fell apart. When the family moved in as well it was time to call it quits.

Sounds like they did that by design. It is often done like that on purpose, to let the foreigner walk away. Then they can keep all and say; you wanted to end it.

[oldscool]

On 5/20/2024 at 11:48 AM, nobodysfriend said:

Life is ok for me now , but my wife and me are slowly becoming estranged

 

This seems to be the key point. Will life continue to be ok for you as you get older and presumably more socially isolated on the island? It's such a common problem that the Chiang Mai expat club used to run some sort of outreach for isolated expats, not sure if they still do.

 

A key question is - can you afford to continue this situation indefinitely? If not, then you need to make some sort of change.

 

You're close to 70? Some say 70 is the new 50, plenty of scope for change if that's what you decide.

Edited May 23 by oldscool

[cdemundo]

Maybe be thankful for the good years?