Thai Relationships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

[CharlieH]

 

In the neon-lit streets of Pattaya, a multifaceted narrative unfolds—one that showcases the allure of Thai women and the experiences of foreign men who find themselves enchanted by their charm. Are these relationships rooted in genuine affection, or do they harbour darker undertones? While some stories depict love and connection, others reveal the complexities of potential exploitation. The reality is often a mixture of both, woven with layers of human emotion and cultural nuance.

 

Enter the Lonely Man

 

Consider the quintessential foreigner: perhaps a divorcee, in his late 40s or early 50s, navigating the rocky waters of life post-marriage. He’s been alone for too long, trapped in a cycle of work and loneliness, perhaps even going through his own version of a male menopause. The years have not been kind, and the idea of intimacy feels like a distant memory, overshadowed by stale relationships and a palpable void in his life. The excitement of love and affection has faded into the background.

 

But then, stumbling through a bar or enjoying a stroll on the beach, he encounters her—the vibrant Thai woman with a dazzling smile and an alluring figure. She showers him with affection and attention, igniting a spark he thought was lost forever. It’s intoxicating, almost like a narcotic. She admires him, laughs at his jokes, and makes him feel like the center of her universe. For the first time in years, he feels alive. Who wouldn’t be drawn to that?

 

The Allure of the Illusion

 

In this whirlwind of emotion, the lonely man finds himself swept away in a dream. A week feels like a fleeting eternity, filled with passionate nights and laughter that echoes against the tropical paradise backdrop. He wants to hold on to this experience, clinging to the idea that he might have found something real—a genuine connection. Yet, lurking beneath this romantic haze is a painful truth: he may just be another notch on her belt, another foreigner filling her pocket.

 

While many Thai women navigate these relationships with strategic intent, the heart of the matter is human desire for connection. Is he to be blamed for falling for the artful dance of affection? It’s human nature to seek validation, especially after long, lonely years.

 

The Cultural Divide: An Uncommon Reality

 

One cannot ignore the stark contrast between relationships in the Western world and those commonly observed in places like Thailand. In the West, while “ladies of the night” are available, the lines are generally clear. Most men would not even entertain the thought of pursuing a serious relationship with a sex worker, let alone buy her a house or provide for her long-term.

Age differences—particularly involving a fifty-something (or older) man dating a woman in her 30s or younger—are less accepted and often frowned upon.

 

Conversely, in Thailand and other Asian nations, the age gap between partners is not just common; it's often socially accepted and even expected. Younger women pursuing relationships with older foreign men can appear as mutually beneficial arrangements—she offers companionship and affection, while he provides financial support and stability. However, this setup can also make the potential for exploitation much more pronounced. The blurred lines of affection and financial assistance create an environment where love can feel purchasable, making the emotional stakes far higher and the traps much more dangerous.

 

The Art of the Trap

 

It’s no secret that a subset of Thai women may view foreign men as potential cash cows. The stories abound—foreign suitors, like our lonely man, drawn in by dazzling smiles and flirtation that feels like true love. However, alongside these tales of exploitation are countless stories of genuine affection and real connection.

 

The Realities of Monthly Paychecks

 

But it doesn't stop at mere attraction! For some women, the art of the love trap can spiral into a lucrative business model. Picture this: the lonely man, back in his home country, nurturing memories of nights filled with romance and promises of devotion. Unbeknownst to him, he might be on the hook for monthly "support" payments, unknowingly fueling a lifestyle for his Thai lover, who could very well be keeping a string of foreign suitors on the line, each convinced they’re the one and only.

 

Caught between contrasting worlds, our lonely man is entrapped by what feels like genuine affection. The warm smiles and intimate moments create an illusion that is all too easy to accept as true love. For many, the harsh reality is that in this context, affection can feel as fleeting as a tourist visa.

 

Bridging the Cultural Divide

 

As we assess these complex relationships, it’s critical to acknowledge the cultural nuances at play. While many Thai women seek better lives, others are leveraging their allure in a calculated way. The landscape of relationships is not black and white; it’s a colorful tapestry filled with differing motives and ethical dilemmas. Navigating these waters requires vigilance, as the stakes can be surprisingly high for everyone involved.

 

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

 

Yet, amidst all the complexity and potential pitfalls, there remains a silver lining. Not every relationship formed in a bar or amidst the dazzling lights of a nightclub is predicated on deceit or financial gain. Many Thai women genuinely seek love and companionship, cultivating long-term relationships that span decades.

 

These relationships often flourish away from the glare of the nightlife, forged in the shared experiences of daily life, mutual respect, and emotional connection. Whether through shared interests, cultural exchange, or family involvement, numerous couples navigate the challenges of cross-cultural relationships and emerge stronger, proving that love can indeed transcend borders.

 

 

So, the questions surrounding the nature of relationships between Thai women and foreign men remain polarising and provocative. Are these enchanting interactions genuine partnerships, or are they ultimately cash hunts cloaked in romantic gestures? As we peel back the layers, it becomes clear that while some may play the game for gain, many others embrace the human desire for love and connection.

 

After all, in a world where love can often feel transactional, the longing for connection is undeniably human. And while it’s crucial to stay aware of potential pitfalls, countless stories remind us that genuine love can and does flourish against all odds. As you navigate these murky waters, keep an open heart but a cautious mind—because, in the end, the quest for love can lead to beautiful and unexpected places.

 

Good Luck! 

 

 

Related topic:

https://aseannow.com/topic/1348802-how-did-you-do-it/

 

 

 

[asdf1234]

Its possible to meet a thai girl interested in you and not your money, but you have to go while youre young. If youre old theres no chance for anything like that

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, asdf1234 said:

Its possible to meet a thai girl interested in you and not your money

I'm OK with them just wanting my money, I have plenty and there's nothing much else to spend it on.

[OneMoreFarang]

Dear @CharlieH,

 

What is the purpose of this?

Should we all identify ourselves in your writing?

Or do you want to warn new members about what could happen in Thailand?

Or what?

 

You are long enough here to know that whatever you write, it doesn't really matter. Because obviously "my one if different".

[Celsius]

It's mostly just ugly. Ugly fat men with ugly paid companions.

 

Thais guys date every day girls that look like supermodels in comparison.

[sqwakvfr]

"Relationship or Arrangement?".  It seems more like arrangement rather than an actual relationship in many cases. The man provides the $ and the lady provides what he asks for.  It could even work out on a long term basis if both parties actually understand what it really is.  The notion of romantic feelings or genuine affection from either party is mostly the expectaions set by western movies, tv and novels.  

[CharlieH]

18 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Dear @CharlieH,

 

What is the purpose of this?

Should we all identify ourselves in your writing?

Or do you want to warn new members about what could happen in Thailand?

Or what?

 

You are long enough here to know that whatever you write, it doesn't really matter. Because obviously "my one if different".

The purpose of the article is to provide insights into the complexities of relationships in Thailand. While seasoned expats like yourself may have valuable experience, the forum serves a much wider audience that includes many newcomers seeking information and guidance. Hopefully the article and contributions from members will provide that.

[OneMoreFarang]

6 minutes ago, sqwakvfr said:

"Relationship or Arrangement?".  It seems more like arrangement rather than an actual relationship in many cases. The man provides the $ and the lady provides what he asks for.  It could even work out on a long term basis if both parties actually understand what it really is.  The notion of romantic feelings or genuine affection from either party is mostly the expectaions set by western movies, tv and novels.  

Really?

 

If it would be so easy, then it should be easy to break up? No money anymore, no relationship/arrangement anymore, correct?

It seems many participants of those arrangements invest a lot of feelings, and when things don't work out the way they want, then feelings are hurt and small or big fights start.

Or when was the last time that you saw a girl just walk away?

[BritManToo]

30 minutes ago, Celsius said:

It's mostly just ugly. Ugly fat men with ugly paid companions.

 

Thais guys date every day girls that look like supermodels in comparison.

Was in a Thai market with a couple of hiking pals, one of the ladies on the markets stalls nudged her pal and said in Thai "why don't our husbands look like them", her hubby was doing a good impression of a pot bellied pig lying snoring on a deckchair.

[Chivas]

Fraught with unseen danger it really is

Classic real time situation yesterday where the current girlfriend was quite simply in a bar with someone else who I had spent one night with nearly 3 months ago

It wasnt deliberate it wasn't malicious (on my part) but words were spoken apparently......she normally has my phone at nights in her handbag (warning to others make sure its squeaky clean and sanitised) and was spending a long time in the toilet...in short reading Line messages from the past none of which were bad in any way

 

Just general chit chat

 

The <deleted> the fan on Tuesday night big style...I'm desperately in the interim trying to retrieve the situation which took all of Wednesday

 

Fortunately it "appears" succesful but jesus hard work

 

Its noticeable that this translation servive via Line really are not that helpful......I was sent a long message translated from Thai back to English......it really was quite difficult to grasp the content clearly

 

Makes me wonder if its the same in reverse...probably

[OneMoreFarang]

31 minutes ago, Chivas said:

she normally has my phone at nights in her handbag

Why?

 

And why would anybody be so stupid to leave compromising material on a device which the gf/wife can access? 

[MalcolmB]

1 hour ago, CharlieH said:

He’s been alone for too long, trapped in a cycle of work and loneliness, perhaps even going through his own version of a male menopause. The years have not been kind, and the idea of intimacy feels like a distant memory

 

Do Thai men go through menopause? 
They don’t seem to get the grumpy old man syndrome that many in the west do.

[MalcolmB]

1 hour ago, CharlieH said:

The purpose of the article is to provide insights into the complexities of relationships in Thailand. While seasoned expats like yourself may have valuable experience, the forum serves a much wider audience that includes many newcomers seeking information and guidance. Hopefully the article and contributions from members will provide that.

Yep, a daily occurrence in Pattaya.

The Pattaya hookers don’t want your money.

 

They want your house.

[fredwiggy]

1 hour ago, Celsius said:

It's mostly just ugly. Ugly fat men with ugly paid companions.

 

Thais guys date every day girls that look like supermodels in comparison.

I've only been here a little over 6 years, and in all that time, I've been to the beaches a few times but I will comment on most of my time spent, which is in Isaan.

Tourists are a different thing altogether, and the women they usually have are bar girls looking for a sugar daddy.  I see more average looking Thai women with average looking foreigners. I also see gorgeous Thai women with fat, out of shape foreigners, but that's the smaller percentage. I also see a few good looking foreign men with older, plain looking women. I'm thinking they are more looking for a companion and housewife than one for a lot of sex.

I see Thai guys dating all kinds also, at all ages. Women are very naive about a man's agenda. even after all the generations, and they'll still look to be taken care of by someone who has cash, especially after they've been used a few times by locals. This is why younger Thai women fall for the BS , at least for awhile, until they realize it isn't working.

You would think after all the generations of women and men relationships, women would understand what men really want and that most are only out for sex, and that looking for the bad boy is a complete waste of time. You can teach your daughters all about men, but you can't pick their partners. That's their own deal, and it usually ends up as a waste of time until they learn the hard way, then make better choices. Sometimes it takes a lot of years until you find a partner that is compatible.

[sqwakvfr]

59 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Really?

 

If it would be so easy, then it should be easy to break up? No money anymore, no relationship/arrangement anymore, correct?

It seems many participants of those arrangements invest a lot of feelings, and when things don't work out the way they want, then feelings are hurt and small or big fights start.

Or when was the last time that you saw a girl just walk away?

Often because many don't see me as a big enough "fish" to reel in.  I maintain a very modest appearance and do not flash the image as someone who has money even though I do. Also, as an Asian guy I do not draw much interest from Thai girlls in the first place. Most think I am a rude and obnoxious Chinese guy who is cheap.  That is until they realize I speak fluent English like a white guy. Then many are confused.  

[cjinchiangrai]

1 hour ago, asdf1234 said:

Its possible to meet a thai girl interested in you and not your money, but you have to go while youre young. If youre old theres no chance for anything like that

Not really, unless she is very young. There are plenty of age appropriate women that would make good wives and partners, just not 22 year old bar girls.

[bkk6060]

Western women are no different in my opinion.  They always have an agenda which mostly includes controlling men.  

I would rather pay here, much less expensive in the long run then Western relationship.

[OneMoreFarang]

I think we should also not forget that it seems many Thai women, of more or less any age, have illusional images of all farangs.

I heard numerous times from women that they want a farang husband. Because we all know that farangs are all rich. Their wives get houses and cars, never work, have lots of pocket money and all that. And obviously they don't have to do anything.

Yeah, sure. But it seems that is what some of them expect. 

[Lacessit]

The future for many Thai women is quite bleak. When they turn 30, many Thai men consider they are too old. In their 40's and 50's, all they can look forward to is the munificent age pension of 600 baht/month when they turn 60.

 

So when a foreigner comes along either making a lot more than they do, or getting a pension which is 4-5 times what they can earn, it must look like manna from heaven.

 

Of course, there are the predators, those who use their beauty to suck money until their quarry is dry.

 

OTOH, there are plenty of women who just want support, and they don't care if the potential partner looks as ugly as a hatful of camel bums.

 

IMO the good relationships happen when  Thai women are willing to work hard to maintain them.

 

Not so with Western women, who are buttressed by entitlement, and family law.

[FriscoKid]

 summary:

 

Relationships between Thai women and foreign men in Pattaya blend love, cultural differences, and potential exploitation. While some find genuine connections, others face manipulation disguised as affection. Cultural norms, financial dynamics, and loneliness shape these bonds, requiring caution and understanding. True love can transcend stereotypes, but vigilance is essential.

 

---

 

I only want a woman who wants my money. When I meet one that wants more than that from me then that is when it's time to quickly start planning my escape. Also, Pattaya isn't a place I would ever look for a serious partner. It's just one big steamy knocking shop. If you use it for what it's designed for, then you are good. If you go down the rabbit hole trying to turn worthless scrap metal into gold then you are on the path to making a big mistake. I haven't been down there in a couple, few years. Can't say I have much desire to be surrounded by loud, impolite and drunk Indians, Arabs and Russians either. Leave it at that. 

[Njoku]

Here we go another thread type cast like poor Tom Cruise and MI, well boys if you want to go to the seediest city in the world what do you think you will find?

 

Learn the god dam culture, some things become clearer, stay away from red light districts, find yourself an equal rather than some poor wench from up country with 3 kids, raise your god dam standards if you fly low you will suck in all the dirt...

[HappyExpat57]

I knew a Thai gal - absolute stunner! - who was juggling 5 sponsors at the time. I always thought, "Good for her."

[Chivas]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Why?

 

And why would anybody be so stupid to leave compromising material on a device which the gf/wife can access? 

 

Firstly I dont want to carry a phone around at night if she has a bag then in it goes

 

What I didnt expect was for any third party (girlfriend or otherwise) to go rooting around in someone elses phone.....its just not done in normal life....I could ask you if you've ever done it but the answer would be no obviously

 

I agree "extra" sanitising would be in order though just on the off chance

[save the frogs]

2 hours ago, HappyExpat57 said:

I knew a Thai gal - absolute stunner! - who was juggling 5 sponsors at the time. I always thought, "Good for her."

sponsor what?

people are paying money for getting nothing in return except the expectation of sth in the future?

I never understood that concept.

Either you pay for sex or you pay a woman's living expenses and she's with you all the time. 

 

[HappyExpat57]

3 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

sponsor what?

people are paying money for getting nothing in return except the expectation of sth in the future?

I never understood that concept.

Either you pay for sex or you pay a woman's living expenses and she's with you all the time. 

 

There are many fools in this world (what a shocker, right?).

[Gottfrid]

The grim reality, is that some people are blind, but some are not. The blind ones will f-k up. The ones who see, will do well.

[FriscoKid]

2 hours ago, Njoku said:

stay away from red light districts, find yourself an equal rather than some poor wench from up country with 3 kids, raise your god dam standards if you fly low you will suck in all the dirt...

 

Excellent advice. For a woman to make the decision to go work in a bar, in a massage shop, or on the street as a prostitute requires some level of desperation. And then, for many of them, the level of desperation only increases once they start working in that trade and start to deal with the daily reality. So most are just looking for a solid meal ticket and a quick way out of their troubled situation. The last thing you want when you are looking for love is a woman in a desperate situation, from a broken home-life background, who perhaps has abusive parents, and her own kids from another failed marriage, unless of course you get a thrill out of dealing with grief and rescuing poor women. So while it is fine to have a bit of fun with them, one should always keep a red line drawn in the sand.

[Hummin]

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Dear @CharlieH,

 

What is the purpose of this?

Should we all identify ourselves in your writing?

Or do you want to warn new members about what could happen in Thailand?

Or what?

 

You are long enough here to know that whatever you write, it doesn't really matter. Because obviously "my one if different".

Mine is different 😄

[BangkokReady]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Was in a Thai market with a couple of hiking pals, one of the ladies on the markets stalls nudged her pal and said in Thai "why don't our husbands look like them", her hubby was doing a good impression of a pot bellied pig lying snoring on a deckchair.

 

It was cycling pals, last time.  🤔

[BangkokReady]

5 hours ago, cjinchiangrai said:

Not really, unless she is very young. There are plenty of age appropriate women that would make good wives and partners, just not 22 year old bar girls.

 

The issue being that men over about 30 don't want age appropriate women.