There is an uncomfortable question that sits underneath a lot of modern relationships, especially in places like Thailand where companionship can be paid for openly and where it's hard to ever know if it's really love anyway. Do love and romance actually need to be real for them to be enjoyable, or is the girlfriend experience good enough?

If you are paying a woman for her company and she offers more than sex, say part-time warmth, affection, attentiveness, and romance, and you know exactly what the arrangement is, where is the harm in accepting it as it comes? You are not confused or being deceived. You understand the terms. So why not allow yourself to experience the full version of what is being offered?

Some people call it living a lie. But a lie only exists when you believe something false. If you know the fake affection is part of the arrangement, then it is not a lie. It is a performance you willingly step into. At that point, it becomes closer to a shared fantasy than a deception.

For many men, the appeal is obvious. Sexual fulfilment. Pleasant company. No arguments, unpleasant moments, or bad moods. A woman who is attentive, affectionate, and youthful, without the volatility, resentment, or emotional negotiations that often come with conventional relationships. No life restructuring required. Everything that feels good, stripped of everything that feels heavy. Seems like the best of everything.

Seen through that lens, the money becomes secondary. It is simply the mechanism that keeps the arrangement clean and honest and enables it to continue. Everyone knows why they are there. Everyone gets what they came for.

Maybe the real question is not whether the love is real. Maybe it is whether realism has been overrated and is not worth the aggravation when both people already understand the game and choose to enjoy it anyway.

12 minutes ago, SoCal1990 said:

For many men, the appeal is obvious. Sexual fulfilment. Pleasant company. No arguments, unpleasant moments, or bad moods.

There is a movie about that - Stepford Wives ... robot companions.

Is that what you really want or is it fool's gold?

2 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

There is a movie about that - Stepford Wives ... robot companions.

Is that what you really want or is it fool's gold?

This is about real women, not robots. You get that, right? Or did you miss the point?

9 minutes ago, SoCal1990 said:

This is about real women, not robots. You get that, right? Or did you miss the point?

It's a valid point.

This woman is a former escort and she now gives relationship advice.

I haven't watched too many videos, but it seems that she doesn't always side with marriages over escorts.

46 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

There is a movie about that - Stepford Wives

There is an even better movie about that:

Is a woman's love....

FICKLE?

I have no money but I have a girlfriend and she is very happy... that's all that matters to me 😌

For me, her feelings absolutely need to be real.

After 16 years through ups and downs with work, health and relatives, I'm sure she's 110% dedicated to me.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm faking it because she looks so hot and looks after me so we'll. I don't think I can match her simple unquestioning, 'bonding'.

1 hour ago, SoCal1990 said:

There is an uncomfortable question that sits underneath a lot of modern relationships, especially in places like Thailand where companionship can be paid for openly and where it's hard to ever know if it's really love anyway. Do love and romance actually need to be real for them to be enjoyable, or is the girlfriend experience good enough?

If you are paying a woman for her company and she offers more than sex, say part-time warmth, affection, attentiveness, and romance, and you know exactly what the arrangement is, where is the harm in accepting it as it comes? You are not confused or being deceived. You understand the terms. So why not allow yourself to experience the full version of what is being offered?

Some people call it living a lie. But a lie only exists when you believe something false. If you know the fake affection is part of the arrangement, then it is not a lie. It is a performance you willingly step into. At that point, it becomes closer to a shared fantasy than a deception.

For many men, the appeal is obvious. Sexual fulfilment. Pleasant company. No arguments, unpleasant moments, or bad moods. A woman who is attentive, affectionate, and youthful, without the volatility, resentment, or emotional negotiations that often come with conventional relationships. No life restructuring required. Everything that feels good, stripped of everything that feels heavy. Seems like the best of everything.

Seen through that lens, the money becomes secondary. It is simply the mechanism that keeps the arrangement clean and honest and enables it to continue. Everyone knows why they are there. Everyone gets what they came for.

Maybe the real question is not whether the love is real. Maybe it is whether realism has been overrated and is not worth the aggravation when both people already understand the game and choose to enjoy it anyway.

You'll know a woman truly loves you when....

She kisses you good morning and good night

You feel genuine concern from her

You have financial issues on occasion thru life or especially a huge upset. She's there for you and you together ride out the storm.

She will improve herself for you (change her appearance, lose weight), remain attractive as she ages...tries. Doesn't get dumpy

She's pleasant and easy to get along with even if you are not at times

She is not demanding of your money.

She's not manipulative

She works hard to support herself and you allow her to keep what she earns

She cares for you, making your life comfortable by cooking and cleaning without complaint. She enjoys it and sees it as her part of the bargain

It is also imperative you play your role in the relationship which is to equally love, give and yes financially support her (not necessarily her family or kids that are not yours).

======

Transactional relationships can work as well. Giving a 30yo money to quit her job and be your companion is transactional. Giving money to your wife so the issarn ranch can be better managed or your office girlie wife gets retired at 55-60 and needs spending money is not transactional.

If you are not married the woman may be sort of stuck with you due to her age whether you're together short or long. Nevertheless, she's aware there's nothing tying you to her and that will always be in the back of her mind. Towards your demise she may have an opportunity to secure her future with your finances and might take that. She may abandon you in a health crises. Of course, the same might be said about a married woman, but I think that far, far less likely.

You're part of this arrangement as well. Are you a good, loving partner? Are you affectionate or has all the romance left the relationship?

Men on this forum get obsessed with seeing women only as gold diggers and it shows their lack of experience with women clearly. It's possible that women seeking farang men are more to this sort - so find a regular woman not on those stupid websites.

Many lovely and beautiful women are married to average guys making a very average income and are happy wives, lovers and mothers.

The more a man goes on about how women only want one thing the more inexperienced I know he is. It's just so cynical and wrong.

In the end, you can be sworn to fun and loyal to none. I had no plans of getting married or even settling down. Then I met a really special woman and that upended my mindset. It was difficult to go from teen player cum Pattaya playboy to married guy, but she's worth it. 15 years later no regrets... well, scant few.

Marriage and serious relationships are not for YOU if you are a brokie and look at every cup of coffee, meal, holiday, gift as money out of your pocket instead of the celebration of your lives and lifetime of memories and cool experiences.

Finally, I would say that every man should stay well clear of any woman with a temper - especially one that becomes angry as to how you spend your money. Perhaps you being a mess, dirty, drinking, out of shape...upset is forgivable. Looking like shlt and making extra work for her...

I get abused and beaten regularly. But a short while after she gives me a nice cup of rosy and maybe a slice of cake.

Is it all worth it just to get a treat?

I put it down to jealousy. Or insecurity. Or, is it just a lack of reddies. I calm her by having a 20 Bhat note sticking out of my shirt top pocket. This focusses her attention, and there is sweet harmony, until she finally gets her hands on it. Then the beating starts up once again.

2 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

There is an uncomfortable question that sits underneath a lot of modern relationships, especially in places like Thailand where companionship can be paid for openly and where it's hard to ever know if it's really love anyway. Do love and romance actually need to be real for them to be enjoyable, or is the girlfriend experience good enough?

If you are paying a woman for her company and she offers more than sex, say part-time warmth, affection, attentiveness, and romance, and you know exactly what the arrangement is, where is the harm in accepting it as it comes? You are not confused or being deceived. You understand the terms. So why not allow yourself to experience the full version of what is being offered?

Some people call it living a lie. But a lie only exists when you believe something false. If you know the fake affection is part of the arrangement, then it is not a lie. It is a performance you willingly step into. At that point, it becomes closer to a shared fantasy than a deception.

For many men, the appeal is obvious. Sexual fulfilment. Pleasant company. No arguments, unpleasant moments, or bad moods. A woman who is attentive, affectionate, and youthful, without the volatility, resentment, or emotional negotiations that often come with conventional relationships. No life restructuring required. Everything that feels good, stripped of everything that feels heavy. Seems like the best of everything.

Seen through that lens, the money becomes secondary. It is simply the mechanism that keeps the arrangement clean and honest and enables it to continue. Everyone knows why they are there. Everyone gets what they came for.

Maybe the real question is not whether the love is real. Maybe it is whether realism has been overrated and is not worth the aggravation when both people already understand the game and choose to enjoy it anyway.

So many crippled souls who tries to find reasons for not having a relationship in Thailand, because of what you question above.

No matter how you twist it, the most genuine relationships can be twisted to be something dirty and unethical, while something that on surface looks clean and ethical, can be something else.

It is your mind as you say so nicely that decides what you got, and what you do not have.

If you have a sound healthy relationship, there is something both of you can live with, and also care for each other in the daily life as well those days you travel and having fun together.

What is important for you is what matters. Only you know what you truly got.

But there is some poor souls here who have <deleted> lives themselves who constantly trying to bring others down to their own level to feel better about themselves.

Simple as that

6 minutes ago, Hummin said:

So many crippled souls who tries to find reasons for not having a relationship in Thailand, because of what you question above.

No matter how you twist it, the most genuine relationships can be twisted to be something dirty and unethical, while something that on surface looks clean and ethical, can be something else.

It is your mind as you say so nicely that decides what you got, and what you do not have.

If you have a sound healthy relationship, there is something both of you can live with, and also care for each other in the daily life as well those days you travel and having fun together.

What is important for you is what matters. Only you know what you truly got.

But there is some poor souls here who have <deleted> lives themselves who constantly trying to bring others down to their own level to feel better about themselves.

Simple as that

And this is how I want it to sound ? At least when I ask AI to make my reply souds a bit nicer :D

You are paying a woman for her company, and what she offers often goes beyond sex: warmth, affection, attentiveness, and even a form of romance. You know exactly what the arrangement is. You are not confused or misled. You understand the terms. So where is the harm in accepting what is being offered, fully and honestly, as it is?

Some people call this “living a lie.” But a lie only exists when someone believes something that isn’t true. If you know that the affection is part of the arrangement, then it isn’t deception. It is a performance you consciously agree to participate in. At that point, it resembles a shared fantasy more than a falsehood.

For many men, the appeal is straightforward. Sexual fulfillment. Pleasant company. Affection without constant conflict, emotional volatility, or endless negotiation. A woman who is attentive and warm, without the resentment or heaviness that can accompany conventional relationships. No need to restructure one’s life. Everything that feels good, without much of what feels burdensome. From that perspective, it’s easy to see why it works.

Seen this way, the money is secondary. It is simply the mechanism that keeps the arrangement clear, honest, and sustainable. Everyone knows why they are there. Everyone gets what they came for.

Perhaps the real question isn’t whether the love is “real,” but whether realism itself has been overrated—especially when both people understand the nature of the arrangement and choose to enjoy it anyway.

Many people struggle to accept relationships in places like Thailand because of these very questions. Yet, no matter how you frame it, even the most conventional relationships can be twisted into something unhealthy or unethical, while arrangements that appear questionable on the surface can, in practice, be respectful and mutually satisfying.

In the end, it is your own perspective that determines what you feel you have gained—or lost. If a relationship is sound, if both people can live with it, care for one another in daily life, and enjoy time together, including travel and shared experiences, then that has meaning, regardless of how outsiders label it.

What matters most is what matters to you. Only you truly know what you have.

Unfortunately, there will always be people who project their own dissatisfaction onto others, trying to diminish different choices to feel better about their own lives. That says far more about them than about the relationships they criticize.

Simple as that

I'm probably doing something wrong, but after many decades in Thailand, the age of the women that I get naked with has stayed exactly the same as when I first arrived. Not even sure how that quite happens.

2 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

Maybe the real question is not whether the love is real. Maybe it is whether realism has been overrated and is not worth the aggravation when both people already understand the game and choose to enjoy it anyway.

All relationships are transactional, once the women are over 20-25 years old. It's just many men either don't understand what is happening, or are delusional about it.

14 minutes ago, Hummin said:

So many crippled souls who tries to find reasons for not having a relationship in Thailand, because of what you question above.

No matter how you twist it, the most genuine relationships can be twisted to be something dirty and unethical, while something that on surface looks clean and ethical, can be something else.

It is your mind as you say so nicely that decides what you got, and what you do not have.

If you have a sound healthy relationship, there is something both of you can live with, and also care for each other in the daily life as well those days you travel and having fun together.

What is important for you is what matters. Only you know what you truly got.

But there is some poor souls here who have <deleted> lives themselves who constantly trying to bring others down to their own level to feel better about themselves.

Simple as that

I totally agree with this

In fact, I think a strong man could (assuming she's willing) take the most hardened bar girl and bring her back to the 🕯️ light. Although, white knights lose every time*

That's how much I think the cynicism and whining about women only after money is BS.

First, YOU need to find the proper woman. That's on you. If you're lazy and find her on the Internet or especially in a bar or you bought her services online and just decided she's good enough...that's not going to end well imo

*Yes, although rare, you can find decent women on those sites. I'd be looking at 28-40yo childless, unmarried women. At 40+ fine for ltr and companionship but unless I was 25+ years older wouldn't think about marriage.

54 minutes ago, Nurf said:

First, YOU need to find the proper woman. That's on you. If you're lazy and find her on the Internet or especially in a bar or you bought her services online and just decided she's good enough...that's not going to end well imo

So you couldn't find a 'proper woman' in your home country and decided Thailand was a good place to look?

5 hours ago, petermik said:

I have no money but I have a girlfriend and she is very happy... that's all that matters to me 😌

How do you buy food?

As Tina Turner sang, what's love got to do with it?

Love is lust that either morphs into boredom or habit.

"Shared experience" is merely a fancy way of saying habit, or fear of change.

Fear of change keeps some men (and women) faithful and makes other men (and women) deceitful.

I've heard a few old folks say, as one of life's regrets, "I wish I'd had sex with more people."

2 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

How do you buy food?

At your age you should know but here is a guide,

Go to a shop

Select food

Go to cashier

Pay for food.

I hope that helps you through an obviously difficult time for you seeing as you have to ask such a stupid question as usual!

One big and unfair problem in Thailand. When any foreigner or tourist sees a western man with a thai lady, society will usually always think in secret, that the lady is being paid for her company. Of course it's absurd, but that's unfortunately the general impression that occurs in public in Thailand.

51 minutes ago, SingAPorn said:

One big and unfair problem in Thailand. When any foreigner or tourist sees a western man with a thai lady, society will usually always think in secret, that the lady is being paid for her company. Of course it's absurd, but that's unfortunately the general impression that occurs in public in Thailand.

They also assume a Thai man is paying for his woman's company.

And in most cases they're right.

Thai women expect money for sex.

Come to think of it, most women expect money for sex.

With all my worldly goods I thee endow = no more sex!

4 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

At your age you should know but here is a guide,

Go to a shop

Select food

Go to cashier

Pay for food.

I hope that helps you through an obviously difficult time for you seeing as you have to ask such a stupid question as usual!

He said he had no money.

12 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

There is an uncomfortable question that sits underneath a lot of modern relationships, especially in places like Thailand where companionship can be paid for openly and where it's hard to ever know if it's really love anyway. Do love and romance actually need to be real for them to be enjoyable, or is the girlfriend experience good enough?

If you are paying a woman for her company and she offers more than sex, say part-time warmth, affection, attentiveness, and romance, and you know exactly what the arrangement is, where is the harm in accepting it as it comes? You are not confused or being deceived. You understand the terms. So why not allow yourself to experience the full version of what is being offered?

Some people call it living a lie. But a lie only exists when you believe something false. If you know the fake affection is part of the arrangement, then it is not a lie. It is a performance you willingly step into. At that point, it becomes closer to a shared fantasy than a deception.

For many men, the appeal is obvious. Sexual fulfilment. Pleasant company. No arguments, unpleasant moments, or bad moods. A woman who is attentive, affectionate, and youthful, without the volatility, resentment, or emotional negotiations that often come with conventional relationships. No life restructuring required. Everything that feels good, stripped of everything that feels heavy. Seems like the best of everything.

Seen through that lens, the money becomes secondary. It is simply the mechanism that keeps the arrangement clean and honest and enables it to continue. Everyone knows why they are there. Everyone gets what they came for.

Maybe the real question is not whether the love is real. Maybe it is whether realism has been overrated and is not worth the aggravation when both people already understand the game and choose to enjoy it anyway.

I think men invest a lot more emotionally than a woman does.

The myth of a woman in love is just that

Involving Love and Hook-3r in the same thought is a fool's game.

So is believing that there is actually something out there that is a free lunch.

19 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

There is an uncomfortable question that sits underneath a lot of modern relationships, especially in places like Thailand where companionship can be paid for openly and where it's hard to ever know if it's really love anyway. Do love and romance actually need to be real for them to be enjoyable, or is the girlfriend experience good enough?

If you are paying a woman for her company and she offers more than sex, say part-time warmth, affection, attentiveness, and romance, and you know exactly what the arrangement is, where is the harm in accepting it as it comes? You are not confused or being deceived. You understand the terms. So why not allow yourself to experience the full version of what is being offered?

Some people call it living a lie. But a lie only exists when you believe something false. If you know the fake affection is part of the arrangement, then it is not a lie. It is a performance you willingly step into. At that point, it becomes closer to a shared fantasy than a deception.

For many men, the appeal is obvious. Sexual fulfilment. Pleasant company. No arguments, unpleasant moments, or bad moods. A woman who is attentive, affectionate, and youthful, without the volatility, resentment, or emotional negotiations that often come with conventional relationships. No life restructuring required. Everything that feels good, stripped of everything that feels heavy. Seems like the best of everything.

Seen through that lens, the money becomes secondary. It is simply the mechanism that keeps the arrangement clean and honest and enables it to continue. Everyone knows why they are there. Everyone gets what they came for.

Maybe the real question is not whether the love is real. Maybe it is whether realism has been overrated and is not worth the aggravation when both people already understand the game and choose to enjoy it anyway.

You pay a prostitute to be your "girlfriend", got nothing to do with love.

7 hours ago, BritManToo said:

They also assume a Thai man is paying for his woman's company.

And in most cases they're right.

Thai women expect money for sex.

Come to think of it, most women expect money for sex.

With all my worldly goods I thee endow = no more sex!

Men can rent or buy. Simple choice really. 😆

What is love anyway? Love as most people know it is not love; it is ego driven neediness that often begets angst and hate. Few women know the meaning of the word, Asian or farang. If it’s based on money, again it is not love. Any guy that thinks otherwise is kidding himself. Even if you find the rare one that does give themself completely, there’s every chance you’re going to get taken to the cleaners. The odd one may find it real, but folks should exercise caution and probably pay as they go, keep them at arm’s length.

Does love need to be real? Nope. All I can say is, the future looks rosy regards AI and robots.

Next up:

SoCal painstakingly debates whether eating at Pizza Hut is the same thing as going to Italy.

I’m in a new relationship. The feelings are strong on both sides. The sex is definitely better with the feelings mixed in

I can’t fault his approach. If I could get hard with a hooker, my life would be 1000% simpler.

It's all flesh and chemistry in the end baby!

On 1/28/2026 at 9:06 AM, Nurf said:

At 40+ fine for ltr and companionship

Their kids are also a big factor if going for a committed marriage-like ltr. They can be a nightmare, and you can't tell until multiple years have passed you by.

My Thai wife of 20 years occasionally says to me, "Pretend you love me."

Still thinking about it ...

Paul Laew