Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[NewlyMintedThai]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

[theblether]

"If you have a map of Thailand, I will show you where my home town is"

oooh, that's deep, loong, very true, but deep. I still find it hard to believe that the Thailand education system does not teach geography. Or at least the geography of their own country.

This list is fascinating reading Ian eh?........

[Sing_Sling]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

I think it may be that you have found the exception to the rule . . . even educated Thais with good jobs that I know tend not to read a lot

[GooEng]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

NMT, sorry but seeking to redress the anti-thai mood of this thread by bragging of a thai friend who's favouorite "ahem" author is michael crichton is folly.

his books are formulaic crud that make even worse movies when filmed.

there are a LOT of decent western authors translated into thai - do Khun Tann a favour and introduce him to some decent western literature.....

Edited March 16, 2012 by GooEng

[NewlyMintedThai]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

NMT, sorry but seeking to redress the anti-thai mood of this thread by bragging of a thai friend who's favouorite "ahem" author is michael crichton is folly.

his books are formulaic crud that make even worse movies when filmed.

there are a LOT of decent western authors translated into thai - do Khun Tann a favour and introduce him to some decent western literature.....

The theory was that a Thai would "never" say they had a favorite author, because they presumably don't read. I'm simply refuting that and in turn presuming that the poster who said it is trolling the depths of Thai society.

[theblether]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

NMT, sorry but seeking to redress the anti-thai mood of this thread by bragging of a thai friend who's favouorite "ahem" author is michael crichton is folly.

his books are formulaic crud that make even worse movies when filmed.

there are a LOT of decent western authors translated into thai - do Khun Tann a favour and introduce him to some decent western literature.....

The thread is humorous as on the whole it is gently pulling a leg..........we all recognize many of the responses.........if they are recognized then by dint they must be true for many.........

Only the mature can laugh at themselves so I suggest you stand back and let thing's roll...............

[loong]

I don't believe that this thread is anti-Thai, just humerous.

Ever hear the expression "It's funny cos it's true"

Builder - "Yes, of course I have a spirit level and i use it. 90 degree angle at the corners of the room? Don't be silly, why would I do otherwise?"

[Sing_Sling]

Interesting - that may just work in Thailand too

[GooEng]

hey i have no problem with taking the piss out of anyone, our host nation least of all.

it was the post that seemed to refute the opinion that thais are not interested in literature, citing a thai fan of michael crichton as proof that i was poking fun at .....

[lovelaos]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

My Thai friend Tann just told me the other day that Michael Crichton was his favorite author, and that he'd felt really sad when he died.

Could it be that you are surrounding yourself with Thais who aren't exactly the cream of the crop?

NMT, sorry but seeking to redress the anti-thai mood of this thread by bragging of a thai friend who's favouorite "ahem" author is michael crichton is folly.

his books are formulaic crud that make even worse movies when filmed.

there are a LOT of decent western authors translated into thai - do Khun Tann a favour and introduce him to some decent western literature.....

The theory was that a Thai would "never" say they had a favorite author, because they presumably don't read. I'm simply refuting that and in turn presuming that the poster who said it is trolling the depths of Thai society.

good god you sound dull!!

[NewlyMintedThai]

hey i have no problem with taking the piss out of anyone, our host nation least of all.

it was the post that seemed to refute the opinion that thais are not interested in literature, citing a thai fan of michael crichton as proof that i was poking fun at .....

"Favorite author", as for leisure reading. Not "the best writer to ever live."

Certainly enough people in the West enjoyed Crichton's writing, too, based on his sales.

[DP25]

Seems this list is only focusing on Thais, so here are some things you never hear Farang say in Thailand

Eight beers is enough for me!

I never go bareback with prostitutes

Does this ratty, undersized Chang t-shirt make my beer gut look too big?

She's only with me for me money

Enough whiskey, I have to get up in the morning

Bar girls don't really like my personality or my looks

I passed out because I drank 20 beers, I'm not going to blame it on being slipped something

Most of the problems I keep having are my fault because I'm too lazy to learn a word of Thai

I met her in a gogo bar, not in my office

I'm angry at Thailand because I'm broke and my bar girl left me

[theblether]

Seems this list is only focusing on Thais, so here are some things you never hear Farang say in Thailand

Eight beers is enough for me!

I never go bareback with prostitutes

Does this ratty, undersized Chang t-shirt make my beer gut look too big?

She's only with me for me money

Enough whiskey, I have to get up in the morning

Bar girls don't really like my personality or my looks

I passed out because I drank 20 beers, I'm not going to blame it on being slipped something

Most of the problems I keep having are my fault because I'm too lazy to learn a word of Thai

I met her in a gogo bar, not in my office

I'm angry at Thailand because I'm broke and my bar girl left me

Good man DP25..........part of the OP was having a go at our contemporaries, well spotted!!........

[NewlyMintedThai]

Seems this list is only focusing on Thais, so here are some things you never hear Farang say in Thailand

Eight beers is enough for me!

I never go bareback with prostitutes

Does this ratty, undersized Chang t-shirt make my beer gut look too big?

She's only with me for me money

Enough whiskey, I have to get up in the morning

Bar girls don't really like my personality or my looks

I passed out because I drank 20 beers, I'm not going to blame it on being slipped something

Most of the problems I keep having are my fault because I'm too lazy to learn a word of Thai

I met her in a gogo bar, not in my office

I'm angry at Thailand because I'm broke and my bar girl left me

"I was a loser in my home country, and continue to be a loser in Thailand -- so I don't blame Thais for treating me accordingly."

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai immigration.

....no need to travel out of the country to renew your visas...we will do them here in Bangkok...and save you money.

After coming to Thailand for 15 years I STILL have no idea why this country wants to send it's tourists to neighbouring countries to spend their money there instead of here. I DO understand why they want to know the whereabouts of the tourists and their travels, but why force them into another country when all they really want to know is where you are? A simple trip to immigration should give them all they need to know and it would keep the money incountry. Most people I talk to would rather pay Thailand immigration 500 to 1000 baht rather than spend 12 hours on bus and the cost of the trip to a neighbouring country. I can't think of ONE simple reason to send tourists with a valid visa away... unless of course it's to provide business for transportation companies.

Yes bloody ridiculous isnt it...apart from those quick day trips to the borders closest to Thailand....a fair percentage of us would spend at least one night possibly two or more overnighting outside of Thailand to renew/refresh our visas etc etc.

I wholeheartedly agree with you..you would think it could be done locally (within Thailands borders) even if they upped the fee to 500 1000baht it would not matter a dam_n too me. Brainless Immigration rule. I have asked the question many times at Immigration as to why they see it necessary to send people outside of Thailand to another country for visa renewal....99% of the heavily decorated immigration officers just shrug there shoulders and dont answer...the other 1% suddenly dont understand your question/enquiry.

[Sing_Sling]

Any Thai - I agree that different prices for foreigners is wrong

[KIWIBATCH]

Chatuchak market vendor:

..Yes these are the genuine articles.....

Thai parking attendant:

....I am going to stop blowing my whistle as from tomorrow morning....

Thai education Minister:

....There will be no more of this paying money under the table to obtain degrees....

Thai GF:

....My husband says its okay to pay me the 15000b a month you offered for me to live with you......

Thai doctor:

.....Yes we have to charge you farangs more for consultations because you ask so many questions......

Thai McDonalds:

...yes thats right...the more you pay the smaller the burger.....

Thai taxi driver:

..I know exactly where you are going I will have you there in just a few minutes....

Thai Prime Minister:

...Bangkok will flood again this year......

Soi Cowboy bargirl:

...seeing as you are a regular customer and have been coming here for years...your first beer is free...

Thai hooker:

....I dont care how many times you "go" you booked me for 2 hours so upto you.......

Bangkok Governor:

....I meant to say all the klongs and waterways will be dredged and cleaned by May of next year.......

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Science Minister:

...seeing as how well the boats functioned pushing the water downstream in the recent floods....I have decided that we will use two sets of boats this year...one set with the motors pushing the water downstream and the other set of boats 1km upstream pushing the water back up the river...this will cause a waterless hole in the river between the two sets of boats.....then if any flooding occurs in the streets of Bangkok we can simply and quickly pump this water into the ready made hole in the river

[theblether]

Thai Science Minister:

...seeing as how well the boats functioned pushing the water downstream in the recent floods....I have decided that we will use two sets of boats this year...one set with the motors pushing the water downstream and the other set of boats 1km upstream pushing the water back up the river...this will cause a waterless hole in the river between the two sets of boats.....then if any flooding occurs in the streets of Bangkok we can simply and quickly pump this water into the ready made hole in the river

You're on fire KIWIBATCH !!........anyway, just to add to the list........things you won't hear in Thailand.......

English OAP's saying to theblether............I like you

[macksview]

never heard from a farang at a bar in a tourist area.

i was not in the special forces, i was a clerk, driver, storeman etc

my girl is not different to others

my wifes tattoos were from her time in the merchant navy

[fletchsmile]

- "This is Thailand, we do things the same as your country here" / "This is Thailand we don't do things different here"

- "You mean you farangs don't all come from the same country and you aren't all rich?"

Edited March 16, 2012 by fletchsmile

[StreetCowboy]

I'm only here for the high quality schools

SC

Oh - hang on a minute...

[nocturn]

Excuse me sir ,when you were running for the bus i notice your wallet fell from back pocket ,here it is !

this has happened to me on a number of occasions, involving everything from banknotes and to credit cards to iphones.

I am shit forgetful and somebody is always running to return something to me.

edit:

Oh i get it now!

As if i have taken a bus in Thailand in the last 15 years.

subtle, but funny.

Edited March 16, 2012 by nocturn

[GreenSnapper]

"What I did last weekend?

Well, I finished reading a novel and later went to the park for a walk."

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Monk upon returning to the temple:

...all I got today was rice... rice...bloody rice.....

Thai monk on receiving an offering:

....cant you think of giving something else besides rice....

Pantip Plaza tech:

...hell no...we wouldnt even consider downloading everything on your computer whilst it is with us for the sticky "A" key problem.....

Soi dog to Soi dog:

...you better get the mange and those open sores seen too..you dont look very well........

Street food vendor:

....all of our utensils are thoroughly cleaned in hot water in accordance with the Thai Health Dept regulations.....

Coffee and tea street vendor:

......I must stop sticking my dirty fingers inside the lip of the plastic cups..........

Thai Immigration Minister:

Memo to all Immi staff....

Effective immediately please remove the word "alien" from any of our official publications and forms.......

...an alien is from Outer Space...This country is unknown to any of my senior staff including myself so we should not refer to it or its people.

Edited March 16, 2012 by KIWIBATCH

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Seafood Importer:

....heavens no..!!!....we are definitely not importing seafood from those areas in Japan hit with the recent nuclear radiation fallout....

Thai "pink taxi" driver having just found 13million bahts worth of gold left in a package on the backseat by a passenger - to his wife:

......I think I can remember him....5ft 4" in height with black hair....asian......

Wife: You know Chamai...your memory is not really that good....I've been noticing how forgetful you have become lately...best you give me the package to look after.........

[KIWIBATCH]

Central Plaza donut seller:

Yes I am sorry and apologise - true - I was just squeezing blackheads from my nose when you asked me to get you the 2 chocolate sprinkle coated promotion specials.

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Science Minister:

...seeing as how well the boats functioned pushing the water downstream in the recent floods....I have decided that we will use two sets of boats this year...one set with the motors pushing the water downstream and the other set of boats 1km upstream pushing the water back up the river...this will cause a waterless hole in the river between the two sets of boats.....then if any flooding occurs in the streets of Bangkok we can simply and quickly pump this water into the ready made hole in the river

You're on fire KIWIBATCH !!........anyway, just to add to the list........things you won't hear in Thailand.......

English OAP's saying to theblether............I like you

Thanks for the compliment......re the science minister.....this is something we could in fact hear being said...particularly with this guy...!!!!

[salty]

I like to hug falangs. No I have no interest in your wallet.

[gregb]

Thai giving directions: no, the road signs clearly mark where to go. It isn't expected you know every town along the way in order to find the place.

Any Thai: Of course I know which direction north is.

Policeman: Yes, we have removed those 10 km of U turn barriers we set up because we realized that they simply made the traffic worse