I just want to know what I am getting into

[lessonlearned]

Greetings everyone,

 

I have been looking for any similarities regarding my marriage situation but I guess it is no harm of trying with my inquiries. 

 

I have a hard time trusting my wife with her pregnancy. Before this, she has lied to my on a lot of things;

a. about her own children from 2 previous relationship (imaginary siblings' children).
b. she didn't admit the first time of her real father. saying then that her fake father divorce with actual mother. later to discover that her real father is not the first one.
c. it's too painful for me to share on everything. but I will share when question arise

Cutting story short;

a. now she is pregnant; about 33 weeks. she's back home with her parents taking care of her

b. under some circumstances, at end of the first month of our marriage, she checked and told me she is 8 weeks pregnant.

c. a week before our marriage she told me that she had miscarriage (lie)

d. long story short, I tried to stay but I couldn't take it anymore of the lies. even though she did a great job taking care of the house.

e. now, we are getting legally divorce (in Malaysia) after she will deliver the baby (not sure that she will come).

 

She lies mercilessly until at one point I was losing my mind even you can tell by the tone of my writing. She asked me, the last thing;

 

a. I don't need to be there when the baby come (I will not go there because I don't know what is she telling her family that I leave her heavily pregnant there and I'm worried about my safety)

b. she said that the hospital only requires (signed/approved by the Thai Embassy):

- 4 copies of my Passport

- 4 copies of Malaysia marriage certificate

 

Is it always the case that I never register my marriage there, and she told me the above mentioned documents just needed to have my name on the baby birth certificate. may I know the risk if I give to her?

I'm sorry as the moment I'm writing this, I really couldn't draft properly as my mind is really not stable. thank you for listening

[BobBKK]

I know it's easy to say it but get out of it mate and don't give the docs.

[blackcab]

Why would you want your name on the birth certificate if the child isn't yours?

 

 

Either block her or get a reputable DNA test done.

 

[RichardColeman]

Sounds exactly like my first Thai wife. Consistent lying, fake miscarriages (after telling me she could not work and to send more money),  sold expensive gold i bought and replaced with cheap for show, destroyed a uk business we had by using all our income and using credit cards to pay for stuff, building debt, nearly lost my house.

 

I have an assault conviction on her, because at the end of 2 years all the lies and stuff drove me virtually insane. I needed so many drugs from the docs that it took me years to get off them. I am not a violent person, but had never been in a relationship with such a person.

 

Advice get away now, before you A. get driven insane by her , or B. Do some thing you may regret.

 

It's tough to walk away from someone we may feel we love, but it may also be for the best

 

[lessonlearned]

17 minutes ago, blackcab said:

Why would you want your name on the birth certificate if the child isn't yours?

 

 

Either block her or get a reputable DNA test done.

 

Before that, i slept with her for a few weeks and to my good faith the child could be mine. Also i mentioned to her last monday that i would get a DNA tested here and she said okay. 

[lessonlearned]

17 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

Sounds exactly like my first Thai wife. Consistent lying, fake miscarriages (after telling me she could not work and to send more money),  sold expensive gold i bought and replaced with cheap for show, destroyed a uk business we had by using all our income and using credit cards to pay for stuff, building debt, nearly lost my house.

 

I have an assault conviction on her, because at the end of 2 years all the lies and stuff drove me virtually insane. I needed so many drugs from the docs that it took me years to get off them. I am not a violent person, but had never been in a relationship with such a person.

 

Advice get away now, before you A. get driven insane by her , or B. Do some thing you may regret.

 

It's tough to walk away from someone we may feel we love, but it may also be for the best

 

Now we are already separated. Im here in Malaysia shes in Thailand. My plan is:

 

1. Give the docs for the baby to have a father name ( i feel bad if i abandon her without the cleocument now that we are legally married) but i just want to know what are the comsequences that she might use the documents wrongly?

 

2. Really appreciate your advices. Thank you 

[blackcab]

8 minutes ago, lessonlearned said:

Before that, i slept with her for a few weeks and to my good faith the child could be mine. Also i mentioned to her last monday that i would get a DNA tested here and she said okay. 

 

Good. Do let us know the results.

[chrisinth]

If you are sending copies of your documents and are concerned about them, put two lines through them stating the reason for the copies.

[lessonlearned]

4 minutes ago, chrisinth said:

If you are sending copies of your documents and are concerned about them, put two lines through them stating the reason for the copies.

Thank you chrisinth. Because I forgive her already and through all this. The baby is innocent and I wish them a better life although it pains everytime to think what we could have been between us.

 

Because after the marriage, 6 months together she never asking me for money instead she always came here paid her own flight tickets and even gave her money to pay for deposit rent. I guess I owe her kindness. 

Edited April 21, 2018 by lessonlearned
Typo

[scorecard]

21 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

Sounds exactly like my first Thai wife. Consistent lying, fake miscarriages (after telling me she could not work and to send more money),  sold expensive gold i bought and replaced with cheap for show, destroyed a uk business we had by using all our income and using credit cards to pay for stuff, building debt, nearly lost my house.

 

I have an assault conviction on her, because at the end of 2 years all the lies and stuff drove me virtually insane. I needed so many drugs from the docs that it took me years to get off them. I am not a violent person, but had never been in a relationship with such a person.

 

Advice get away now, before you A. get driven insane by her , or B. Do some thing you may regret.

 

It's tough to walk away from someone we may feel we love, but it may also be for the best

 

 

Agree, walk away, start a new chapter well away from this whole scenario, set a simple first goal and aim to achieve the first goal within say 90 days, ensure your activities and decisions are progress towards the first new goal.

 

Expect that it it will be very bumpy, take it day by day, change your address and telephone # and e.mail address, sign nothing and give her no documents.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

[Kieran00001]

21 hours ago, lessonlearned said:

Before that, i slept with her for a few weeks and to my good faith the child could be mine. Also i mentioned to her last monday that i would get a DNA tested here and she said okay. 

 

"Also i mentioned to her last monday that i would get a DNA tested here and she said okay. "

 

And therein lies the problem, she has a long history of lying to you yet you still trust her.

[lessonlearned]

4 minutes ago, scorecard said:

 

Agree, walk away, start a new chapter well away from this whole scenario, set a simple first goal and aim to achieve the first goal within say 90 days, ensure your activities and decisions are progress towards the first new goal.

 

Expect that it it will be very bumpy, take it day by day, change your address and telephone # and e.mail address, sign nothing and give her no documents.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

I am working towards building my life again although I expect this to be a hell ride since that we have a baby (which yet to be confirmed mine).. 

 

Since her whole family of 20 came to my wedding and I'm pretty sure she tells everyone she's pregnant with me because the stomach was really apparent after the wedding, they will accuse that the baby is mine. 

 

And as for now, I'm just waiting for the baby deliver and I don't count on that she will come... But knowing her, she could would come and save the family face 

[lessonlearned]

9 minutes ago, Kieran00001 said:

 

"Also i mentioned to her last monday that i would get a DNA tested here and she said okay. "

 

And therein lies the problem, she has a long history of lying to you yet you still trust her.

I don't trust her at all now. But I trust the instinct that the baby could be mine although she lied saying that she had mesotropol and Bleeding while she may or may not pregnant.

 

I don't know what's on her mind, if the baby is mine she would have told straight away the first time and played along instead of faking it.

 

[Minnehaha]

What is the rush with paperwork? 

1. Thailand recognizes the mother first and only. Birth cert is issued. 

2. Claiming paternity is done through your embassy - they will request docs for their purposes. If you are married the child is yours by default soon as you claim it. Or she makes claim in your home country. So this issue is solved. No need to send anything. 

3. If you question paternity and want dna test .... good luck. If u r not dad what will you do as you are still married? Now you get to make a choice.

4. If you dont love her and want children why are you married?  Get someone else to clean the house, as you say. 

 

How the hell do people wind up with such nutcases in marriage? They are as demented as the spouse in my opinion

 

 

Edited April 21, 2018 by Minnehaha

[lionsincity]

just cut off all contact with her.......whether the baby is yours or no, do you really want to deal with her for years?

 

it might seem harsh to western sensibilities but thats the way its done in thailand.

 

got to be hardball with them.

[crazykopite]

I suggest you do not sign anything until a DNA test has been carried out if it turns out to be your child then you have responsibilities as the father , if it is not your child then walk away and let her get on with taking care of whoever’s child it is . Story to hear of your problem I hope things will work out for you !

[nickcar]

Agreed, wait til the baby is born and get a DNA test. Make sure that you arrange the test yourself, it is not unknown for DNA results to be purchased. 

[csabo]

Give her any amount she wants to jump of a cliff. Nut job will probably take the deal. 

[Acemaker]

51 minutes ago, Minnehaha said:

How the hell do people wind up with such nutcases in marriage? They are as demented as the spouse in my opinion

Agreed, some Men deserve everything they get, harsh i know but true, Dick ruling Head in most cases, and there are loads of them arriving into Swampy every day.    

[soistalker]

Just walk away. Don't talk to her and do not contact her again. She had lied to you about everything, but you still hold out hope that some of what she says is now the truth? Absurd.

In life, bad people prey on good people by using their good and decent hearts against them. The baby will be ok growing up in, I am guessing Isaan. There is nothing you can do for the baby except sending money to a lying a cheating woman. 

Is this your first marriage? I'm guessing you aren't very good with women. Next time, just keep one as a girlfriend. At the first lie, cut her loose and find another one.

[4MyEgo]

On 4/20/2018 at 6:37 PM, lessonlearned said:

She lies mercilessly until at one point I was losing my mind even you can tell by the tone of my writing.

What you need to do here is take control of your life, i.e. stand up and allow know one to dictate terms and conditions to you over an unborn child.

 

The fact that you acknowledge that she has lied to you, makes you aware that you are dealing with a demon, this is what I call liars, demon's, so stay as far away from the demon as you can.

 

If she says it is your child, you know you cannot trust the demon, have a DNA test carried out when the new born is old enough too, but don't pay for it unless you know it is your child.

 

Forget her family, they are only interested in one thing, i.e. extracting $'s from you, as cruel as it may sound, this is Thai culture, and I will disagree with anything anyone else that says any different on this matter, although my in-laws do not try me, they wouldn't say no if they had the opportunity, trust me, ah...The Land of Smiles !!!

 

If the child is yours and you feel you want to give it a better chance in life, then you have two options, send money monthly, say 10,000 baht to start with and hope it goes to the baby, your life will certainly be tipped upside down as the demon will have your child and be ever so demanding on you, (the weak western farang), Thai men just walk away in situations like this, not saying its right or wrong, but if the child is yours and you can control the funds then all and good, but you want to hope and pray that the child is not yours for your life's sake.

 

Do update us and best of luck with the demon, move on as quickly as you can, least contact best until you know the DNA results, if she keeps avoiding it, i.e. lie's about not having time or this or that, then you know she playing with your mind, and then you should wipe her number and block her, "be strong", she has family to support her and appears to have been around the block a few times, and next time know when to get out or use a condom, women are evil, if you let them be    

Edited April 21, 2018 by 4MyEgo

[Media1]

Listen carefully

Forget the marriage and don't do give any papers. Yes it's easier said than done. But play along and gather all valuables and once your prepared. 

HIT the EJECT leaver... Small losses accepted. She is a big lowie. We all make mistakes. .Once you land throw the parachute and change numbers 

[domdom]

Hello,

According to your post, you re married in Malaysia..

Check with your lawyer there as, the child being born during your marriage, you might be considered to be the father even if DNA test fails, unless you initiate a court case to claim you are not the father..

Being the father, you would have to pay for the child... and in case you don t, better to avoid visiting Thailand..

The sad side is that, if she drives you crazy with repeated lies, imagine how the child will be..!

Have a nice week end

[Media1]

On 20/04/2018 at 4:16 PM, RichardColeman said:

Sounds exactly like my first Thai wife. Consistent lying, fake miscarriages (after telling me she could not work and to send more money),  sold expensive gold i bought and replaced with cheap for show, destroyed a uk business we had by using all our income and using credit cards to pay for stuff, building debt, nearly lost my house.

 

I have an assault conviction on her, because at the end of 2 years all the lies and stuff drove me virtually insane. I needed so many drugs from the docs that it took me years to get off them. I am not a violent person, but had never been in a relationship with such a person.

 

Advice get away now, before you A. get driven insane by her , or B. Do some thing you may regret.

 

It's tough to walk away from someone we may feel we love, but it may also be for the best

 

Hey <deleted>. The wrong change sends me into a rage. YOUR A KIND MAN

[Media1]

1 hour ago, nickcar said:

Agreed, wait til the baby is born and get a DNA test. Make sure that you arrange the test yourself, it is not unknown for DNA results to be purchased. 

often and easy

[55Jay]

I know it's too late now, but for the benefit of anyone else that feels they are sliding into this kind of situation or in it now..... DO NOT get her pregnant.  Keep that thing in the holster, or put a condom on it.  Not going to change her, only you, and for many, many years to come; and you'll always have a link to a lying, scheming female who may see your kid as a pawn to hold over your head. 

 

Leaving isn't easy.  Many have been there done that.  But once you do, months or a year later, you'll look back with clear eyes and relief that you dodged a bullet. 

 

Good luck, OP.

[Media1]

2 hours ago, lionsincity said:

just cut off all contact with her.......whether the baby is yours or no, do you really want to deal with her for years?

 

it might seem harsh to western sensibilities but thats the way its done in thailand.

 

got to be hardball with them.

Correct tender 

F O and get a lawyer which she can't pay anyway. Game over

[lessonlearned]

2 hours ago, crazykopite said:

I suggest you do not sign anything until a DNA test has been carried out if it turns out to be your child then you have responsibilities as the father , if it is not your child then walk away and let her get on with taking care of whoever’s child it is . Story to hear of your problem I hope things will work out for you !

Surely. I'll do the DNA test here in Malaysia when she said she will come. Thank you for the kind wishes

[1happykamper]

You should forget her. She is not a good woman. Her baby will be taken care of by her family. Do not send any more money. Do not feel guilty. Enjoy your life.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[lessonlearned]

1 hour ago, soistalker said:

Just walk away. Don't talk to her and do not contact her again. She had lied to you about everything, but you still hold out hope that some of what she says is now the truth? Absurd.

In life, bad people prey on good people by using their good and decent hearts against them. The baby will be ok growing up in, I am guessing Isaan. There is nothing you can do for the baby except sending money to a lying a cheating woman. 

Is this your first marriage? I'm guessing you aren't very good with women. Next time, just keep one as a girlfriend. At the first lie, cut her loose and find another one.

The way I see it, she never asked me money at all. Even she bought the baby shirts, flight tickets and everything on her own. I guess her ultimate agenda is for the baby to have a father's name