Why do we say women and children first?
So we can have some silence whilst we sort out the problem.

23 hours ago, KannikaP said:

Did you ever try to get a bird's tights off?

 

Plenty of times. Never a problem.

Once I shaved my legs the tights would slip off easily.

Russian elections explained:

 

 

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

“Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

“Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

“I can understand that" replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

“Ours is prettier!"

 

 

1 hour ago, Zyxel said:

“Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

“I can understand that" replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Why would she care what he can do? She gets the money, she can still do all these things.

A Man’s Fairy Tale…………….

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess immediately said “No!”

 

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, dated slim long legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to tittie bars and dated ladies half his age and drank wine, whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan.

 

And never heard bitching and moaning or paid alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was as cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank.

 

…………..and left the toilet seat up.

 

6 minutes ago, farang51 said:

Why would she care what he can do? She gets the money, she can still do all these things.

A friend of mine had an Ironclad prenup.