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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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2 hours ago, VBF said:

Oh yes!  🙏

Did you ever get sent for a "long stand", or a "box of Amps" or a "left-handed hammer"? (I only fell for the first one! 😒)

Light bulb grease

Bolt stretcher 

Pipe stretcher

Left-handed adjustable wrench

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3 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

 

A guy at a work place told me God is everywhere. 

 

So I asked is he really everywhere or is he small and moves very fast so appears that he is everywhere like the dot on a TV screen.

 

He never spoke to me again.

He's in the cupboard!

He's under the stairs!

 

(And it's Dave Allen, so everyone should be happy).

 

 

4 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

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I would have written the lyrics to one of their songs.

4 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Light bulb grease

Bolt stretcher 

Pipe stretcher

Left-handed adjustable wrench

Skirting board ladder

Sky hooks

Pigeon milk (one apprentice let a pigeon loose in the office and said - Milk it your bloody self.

Adjustable metric spanner (one apprentice actually came back with one stamped as metric)

May I serve you, Bobby — sometimes called Whitey, one of my Dutch nicknames.

 

We’ve all been served something that looks delicious, feels familiar, and maybe isn’t entirely wholesome — but we swallow it anyway, smiling politely.

 

The frames align: Tintin’s confidence, Hyacinth’s decorum, yes, and the Machine’s polite omniscience — three faces of the same well-meaning arrogance. Each reassures us that everything is under control, that nothing impolite or unpredictable could possibly happen.

It’s all so very proper.
And somehow, faintly ridiculous.

Finger-licking good. Not splendid.
No longer merely clever — quietly tragicomic.

 

TinTinandBobby.png.ede70aa87370c020a5e4726299da4dfb.png

9 hours ago, Jerzy Swirski said:

Skirting board ladder

Sky hooks

Pigeon milk (one apprentice let a pigeon loose in the office and said - Milk it your bloody self.

Adjustable metric spanner (one apprentice actually came back with one stamped as metric)

At the local bakery across the road from the Redfern Exchange: 'Can I have a Randy Tart and a Forskin Roll', said the first year trainee.

18 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

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I know that this is probably a silly question, but why does god need money anyway. Has anybody been stuck behind any god trying to change all the loose change whilst paying his bills?

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16 hours ago, Jerzy Swirski said:

Skirting board ladder

Sky hooks

Pigeon milk (one apprentice let a pigeon loose in the office and said - Milk it your bloody self.

Adjustable metric spanner (one apprentice actually came back with one stamped as metric)

 

Copper Magnet

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