How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

[richard_smith237]

3 hours ago, meshborg said:

Ive been with my Thai lady 13 years and we very happy and you know why because we are not married and i dont give money to her family.Dont be so naive to think your nothing but a cash machine to her and her extended family.If she really loves and respects you she not use you like a bank.Most Thai girls grow up dreaming of meeting and marrying a rich stupid farang.Its ingrained in their mindset.

Well it could be argued that it is ingrained in the mindset of some westerners that they believe 'most young Thai girls grow up dreaming of meeting and marrying a rich stupid faring'...

 

I guess when it is... the two deserve each other *(those farang hunters and those who believe they are the object of desire of all Thai women !).

[KeeTua]

On 10/24/2019 at 3:45 PM, Elzear said:

You farang husbands married to an Isaan woman, please tell me of your experiences and above all your advices. 

My advice off the top of my head for wife in a Isaan village. I see that you've already chosen but maybe some useful advice.

 

Ideally:

Your wife has at least a high school education. More common these days.

 

She owns some farm land, usually inherited from parents, a proper Chanote (land title) in her name and the Chanote is still in her hands or a bank with low interest agricultural loans. A huge plus is a Chanote for land and home inside the village in addition to farm land. This might be asking for a lot though.

 

Her siblings, if any, should still own their own farm land too or have some other source of income. Not selling off farm land shows stability. Lack of family farm land is a big warning sign of problems ahead. A village family in Esahn without farm land indicates someone has made some bad decisions. Maybe gambling or other bad debts. Losers don't have farm land, excuse the harshness.

 

She should have a manageable debt (I think they all have debt) be aware of village loans, for example 'ngern lahn 1' 'ngern lahn 2' or 'ngern Taksin' and so on, from the Taksin days of 1 million baht per villlage. Banks have entered the game too. Usually relatively low interest, 3-9% annual, and I've yet to meet a villager not in debt to this. You might be surprised at the several different debts they may have and the 'creative financing' to deal with them. Ask her to list all debts to village, banks, friends, family so you know what you're getting into.

 

If any children, grown, education complete and self sufficient.

 

Live in a village near a town, within 30 minutes, that offers employment to at least the younger generation. These 'middle class' villages tend to prosper more than the remote ones. And will offer decent shopping and restaurant options.

 

Should go without saying. Good cook, good sex and good stable companion.

 

Other thoughts:

Never pull out your own money to 'help' someone out. Trust your wife to do it. And you can be sure that a loan directly from a Farang will likely be the last loan paid off if ever.

 

Spoken Thai works very well in Esahn for the most part. Reading Thai is a huge plus. In our local town I've yet to see an restaurant menu in English. Spoken English is very rare. If you can't speak and understand Thai you will be dependent on your wife for so much and will lead to frustrations unless your wife's English (or other) is excellent.

 

Don't confront your relatives or other villagers directly with issues, use your wife to do it. Farangs tend to be direct, Thais have a more circular way of getting a message out. Tell your wife first which begins the circle, maybe a zigzag circle, haha.

 

On the subject of money, I do an automatic monthly transfer of baht to my wife's bank account from mine, discretionary income, also money in her hand for day to day expenses, utilities, the never ending donations for funerals, tham boon etc. She was cash poor by land rich.

 

I first lived in an Esahn village 30 years ago and do now but not continuous for all those years. A lot has changed and and lot hasn't. My favorite quote from an 'educated' villager years ago who was frustrated while talking to some local villagers lamented about the villagers: ไม่เข้าใจไม่อยากเข้าใจ "Mai kow jai, mai yakk kow jai" "Don't understand, don't want to understand" Not a put down, just what it is. Try not to get too frustrated.

 

And no offense to anyone but I wouldn't dare have a relationship in a village with a 'girl' who is young enough to be my daughter (or grand daughter). Hats off to anyone who has success with that and guaranteed their day to day life is more exciting than mine, assuming you like roller coasters.

Good luck!

 

[rumak]

7 hours ago, Captain 776 said:

How to live with Issarn woman.  D O N T~!!  Period~!!

double post......

Edited October 25, 2019 by rumak

[Elzear]

8 hours ago, NanLaew said:

OP = Original Post(er) ie, you.

IMO = In My Opinion.

LOS = Land of Smiles, ie. Thailand.

 

Don't get all judgemental; that's for the ones that can't handle the realities of the dream they've chosen to buy into whether it be in a condo in Bangkok or a breezeblock shack in Isaan.

 

PS: I'm on your side Tonto.

Thanks for those infos. I thought I was back in the airline business for a while, with them codes. 

And my apologies if I was ruffled. Didn’t mean to offend. How d’you say Peace in Thai ? 

[sirineou]

1 minute ago, rumak said:

Seems like men the world over have difficulty staying in a happy relationship.  Even I can't figure out 

why it is that way  ( well, many many reasons)

For me,  my hormones changed.   my luck changed.   and , just happens she is a khon khaen lady.

The impossible does happen sometimes

Some of as learn from our mistakes and mature with time. No mystery.  

[rumak]

1 minute ago, sirineou said:

Some of as learn from our mistakes and mature with time. No mystery.  

You are correct.   The mystery is why so many do not learn   ????

 

[rumak]

6 minutes ago, Elzear said:

Thanks for those infos. I thought I was back in the airline business for a while, with them codes. 

And my apologies if I was ruffled. Didn’t mean to offend. How d’you say Peace in Thai ? 

one baht of gold  ( that is a joke ! )    ........   but maybe true for some

Edited October 25, 2019 by rumak

[sirineou]

1 minute ago, rumak said:

You are correct.   The mystery is why so many do not learn   ????

 

I am just as confused over that as you are. I used to think that just because I think a certain way, everyone did. This is clearly not the case,

[FarFlungFalang]

23 hours ago, Yinn said:

Farang= like to sun bathe. Copy south and Issan people.

The sun gives vitamin D and helps protect from skin cancer better than sun cream made from petrochemicals,you can "slip slop slap" that shiit where the sun fails to illuminate.Sorry I've been told numerous times I swear a lot.

Edited October 25, 2019 by FarFlungFalang
Correction

[Yinn]

5 hours ago, meshborg said:

Most Thai girls grow up dreaming of meeting and marrying a rich stupid farang.Its ingrained in their mindset.

No. 

You dream.

 

 

4 hours ago, villagefarang said:

Most Thai girls do not grow up dreaming of meeting and marrying a rich stupid farang.  The vast majority want nothing to do with farangs. 

Thank-you

You know.

 

rich.       Maybe

stupid.   No 

farang.   No

 

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Don't forget learning to use a squat loo and sit on the floor to eat meals in a room with no mosquito netting. Understanding Thai helps as the only tv you will be able to watch are Thai soaps. Some are actually OK. I liked the ghost ones. 

Hope you like cold showers. I don't, so I had to provide my own shower heater. Before that it was heat a bucket of water.

AC- forgedaboudit. I once had to go stay in an hotel just because I was going to die of heat stroke, and that was the only place in the village with AC.

Don't expect much of a lie in, as the monk chanting starts at 4 am or something, and is amplified throughout the village so all can share in it.

If you want to live like a Westerner in a Thai village, you need a house designed along Western lines.

There is no necessity to live like a Thai if you don't want to. Smart TV's have USB connections. A 1 TB storage device will give enough films and TV series to last several years. Hot water, AC, Internet, dining table? You have to really be off the beaten track to live in the conditions described.

[spidermike007]

The biggest part of the problem here, is the extreme emasculation that is taking place in the West. Most men, in the US, Europe, and Oz, are no longer real men, when it comes to dealing with their women. Their women have made their lives so difficult, and alot of women have gotten so far away from their innate femininity, and have become dominant, and super controlling, and men just go along with it. Most men have become so hungry for love, or emotionally desperate for some kindness, and TLC. And most are so desirous of being around a real woman, who knows how to act like a woman, and manifest the dignity, within femininity. So, it is easy for the con artists, to take advantage of emotionally wounded men, who seem to be willing to do anything to regain a semblance of normality in their lives, with a decent woman. 

 

 Always remember, if it is good, it is only going to get better. If there are problems, or The bottom line is this. Take your time getting to know a woman here, or anywhere. Time is your ally. It is rarely their ally. They are usually trying to step up the timetable. We need to push back. We need to assert control. An environment like this allows us to do so. Take advantage of that. Be a man. Step up. Pay tribute to the gender. Refuse to lay down anymore. Refuse to be a doormat. I have so many friends, who come here, and from the very start, make the same mistakes they made back in the West. Except here, they do not need to make those mistakes. The environment does not dictate that they behave like lambs. Many do not know, or realize that, or they succumb to "force of habit". Every ship needs a captain. If the man is not willing to be the captain of the ship, the woman will take over, here in Thailand. Most women here seem to want a strong man. But, if they end up with a wimp, they will take control.

 

Time allows clarity. Never, ever move too quickly. That is the undoing of most of these guys. Be a real man. Man up. Do yourself proud. Do us proud!

 

[Gecko123]

10 hours ago, Yinn said:

rich.       Maybe

stupid.   No 

farang.   No

 

Rich

What do you mean by "maybe," Yinn? Even if a woman is already rich, there is a bias in mate selection towards maintaining or improving one's socio-economic status. All things being equal, most people (both men and women) would have a preference for someone who can provide better resources.

 

Stupid

Of course nobody wants a husband with a low IQ. What I suspect the poster meant by "stupid" is a foreign man who is naive about Thai culture, gullible about the sincerity of her commitment to the relationship, and easily manipulated into providing the sought after financial benefit.

 

Farang

For many Thai women, income inequality in Thailand makes finding a rich Thai man a challenge. In order for a Thai woman to successfully compete for a wealthy Thai male she will probably have to stand out in terms of physical attractiveness, education, existing wealth, future earning potential, or family connections. Most rural poor women will struggle to compete on many of these criteria. This is why the opportunity to marry a foreigner has the appeal it has, or at least, had.

 

Older foreign men who marry younger rural poor Thai women offer a largely otherwise unavailable avenue for improving their socio economic status through marriage. Whether the marriage results in a dramatic improvement in the Thai woman's lifestyle (home, car, clothes, jewelry, land ownership) or her being whisked away to a foreign country (where she is able to earn more money, experience a different culture, and her children can have greater educational and economic opportunities), this does not go unnoticed by her family, friends, and neighbors. I can point to several examples in my immediate area of towns which have multiple clusters of foreign men which cropped up from other women in the village emulating the pattern set by the first woman to go to Pattaya (or similar venue) and returning home with a foreign man.

 

Do young Thai girls lie in bed playing with Ken and Barbie dolls dreaming of finding a Ken husband? Of course not. But while not that many Thai women end up marrying a foreign man (whether through lack of opportunity or lack of interest), awareness of this possible avenue as a means to improve one's social status through marriage, as the earlier poster said, is virtually universal, and deeply ingrained in the psyche of many, if not most, Thai women. For someone to deny this and to pretend that for the vast majority of Thai women foreign men don't even register on their radar, strikes me as an attempt to indulge in cultural wishful thinking or revisionist history.

 

Edited October 26, 2019 by Gecko123

[pgs]

Married 16 years (today, actually). I've been part of the village since the first visit, and am still well received when I visit. No problems with the family that I can recall in all the time I've been going there. Can't even recall a row with the Mrs - odd difference of opinion in how things are done, but that's to be expected.

 

[rvaviator]

Very low. I forget. Maybe 2%. 
So low, most people not pay back quickly.
 
ps. Not for foreigner. 
 
Ps. If very good student from poor family, often the local orbortor will sponsor also. To pay for books, food, etc. But get this one you must be 1)clever and 2) study hard. The teacher will recommend.
 
 

Thanks for the clarification




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[LomSak27]

 

How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

 

Do you drink, do you drink a lot, do you drink excessively? Do you have a couple giks plus mia noi on the side? If you don't then you are not respectful of issaan culture and you need to get with the program. Don't be another farang cultural failure.     

[samsensam]

3 minutes ago, LomSak27 said:

 

How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

 

Do you drink, do you drink a lot, do you drink excessively? Do you have a couple giks plus mia noi on the side? If you don't then you are not respectful of issaan culture and you need to get with the program. Don't be another farang cultural failure.     

 

indeed, it always amuses me when a thai lady i'm dating starts to make, what i consider unreasonable, demands due to them being 'thai culture'. i always deal with it in the same way; if you want thai culture date a thai man.

 

i'm happy to compromise and have had many happy and successful relationships here but refuse to deal with anyone picking and choosing the parts of their culture to suit their needs/agenda.

 

 

[Elzear]

16 hours ago, rumak said:

one baht of gold  ( that is a joke ! )    ........   but maybe true for some

a baht joke it is then ????

[rumak]

1 hour ago, Elzear said:

a baht joke it is then ????

so, after 18 pages of suggestions and opinions why not give us a summary of how you feel about these

posts by our esteemed members.  Not mine, as i am not so esteemed.

seems like you are already bored and just adding one liners and such.   already catching the drift of

how these posts end up.

We look forward to your book on life in Isaan.   keep us posted on your success

[carlyai]

Not true. I many parts of southern Issan you could be a "brang".

Well, I hear 'farang' not 'baksida' except for my wife who plainly says 's**t head.'

You must have lived in downtown Isaan.

I live in the posh area of Isaan.[emoji38]

What is your definition of 'baksida'? [emoji848]



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[EVENKEEL]

On 10/24/2019 at 7:41 PM, cmsally said:

Goat on top of camouflaged pick up ??

How thick headed are you guys, you know the proverbial sacrificial goat. ahahaaa 

[Isaanbiker]

OP, enjoy the moment. Times can change rapidly. 

[Number 6]

Relocate to Bangkok. You'll be happier and she can get a job paying 10-12k. Get her out of the house and making money.

 

Distance yourself from her family. Especially if they are poor.

 

Be respectful but don't let it overwhelm your own mindset and thinking. Especially in relation to finances.

 

Don't buy a condo or home for at least ten years. Tell her that before you marry her. See how she reacts.

[Lacessit]

9 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

 But while not that many Thai women end up marrying a foreign man (whether through lack of opportunity or lack of interest), awareness of this possible avenue as a means to improve one's social status through marriage, as the earlier poster said, is virtually universal, and deeply ingrained in the psyche of many, if not most, Thai women. For someone to deny this and to pretend that for the vast majority of Thai women foreign men don't even register on their radar, strikes me as an attempt to indulge in cultural wishful thinking or revisionist history.

 

It's a sample of one; however, my Thai GF periodically begs me to find a "good man" to introduce to her daughter, who is DDG. I tell her they are in short supply among foreigners as well as Thais.

[ross163103]

54 minutes ago, Number 6 said:

Distance yourself from her family. Especially if they are poor.

Couldn't agree more; it depends on if you're good hearted or not, but what I've found is; it's a bad combination if they're poor and you're good hearted. Once it gets started there doesn't seem to be any shame in asking for money. I was VERY generous when I first came here, now not so much.

Edited October 26, 2019 by ross163103
Spelling

[Gecko123]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

It's a sample of one; however, my Thai GF periodically begs me to find a "good man" to introduce to her daughter, who is DDG. I tell her they are in short supply among foreigners as well as Thais.

Another reason why farang-Thai relationships usually garner such community interest is that they often disrupt the established pecking order, especially in a village. If villagers high on the pecking order are suddenly displaced by a big-spending foreigner, it sometimes takes a while to sort this out. In an effort to re-establish their standing in the community, villagers can subject the couple to scrutiny, sometimes harshly so. Gossip and speculation that the wife may have worked as a prostitute, about the durability of the relationship, whether or not he is a good "catch," and zeroing in on any vices, health issues, lack of language skills, or holes in his finances are very common. I hasten to add that these same type of catty and judgmental pecking order-driven comments can just as easily come from other Thai-expat couples in the area as well.

 

Edited October 26, 2019 by Gecko123

[puchooay]

3 hours ago, carlyai said:

Well, I hear 'farang' not 'baksida' except for my wife who plainly says 's**t head.'

You must have lived in downtown Isaan.

I live in the posh area of Isaan.

What is your definition of 'baksida'?



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Nothing to do with "downtown" or "posh". Simply part of the culture.

 

Baksida is simply the Issan Laos word for "Farang".

 

Brang is the Issan Khmer word.

[Number 6]

2 hours ago, ross163103 said:

Couldn't agree more; it depends on if you're good hearted or not, but what I've found is; it's a bad combination if they're poor and you're good hearted. Once it gets started there doesn't seem to be any shame in asking for money. I was VERY generous when I first came here, now not so much.

I really like my Thai in laws. Never have asked for a satang. Only money I'd given them was sin sod about 100k. Four meals for extended family, two bottles of bourbon a year. I can't get them to go upcountry and retire so hard working. When they do I'll match my wife and her siblings for monthly incom6for them. Maybe 4-5k pm max for me. They have money saved. When that's gone, ring me up lol.

 

My wife's siblings are quite ok too.

 

I just think overall it's a good rule.

[Number 6]

28 minutes ago, puchooay said:

Nothing to do with "downtown" or "posh". Simply part of the culture.

 

Baksida is simply the Issan Laos word for "Farang".

 

Brang is the Issan Khmer word.

I believe it's Mak-sii-da = guava = farang

 

Khmer the word is ba-rrang.

[Number 6]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

Another reason why farang-Thai relationships usually garner such community interest is that they often disrupt the established pecking order, especially in a village. If villagers high on the pecking order are suddenly displaced by a big-spending foreigner, it sometimes takes a while to sort this out. In an effort to re-establish their standing in the community, villagers can subject the couple to scrutiny, sometimes harshly so. Gossip and speculation that the wife may have worked as a prostitute, about the durability of the relationship, whether or not he is a good "catch," and zeroing in on any vices, health issues, lack of language skills, or holes in his finances are very common. I hasten to add that these same type of catty and judgmental pecking order-driven comments can just as easily come from other Thai-expat couples in the area as well.

 

All great points. Exactly why you don't want to live in her village or any village. Besides what to do? You can raise vegetables in a back yard in Nonthaburi. Live in Bangkok. Give her an opportunity to grow intellectually, become a bit more sophisticated.