how do you tell a thai girlfriend i don't want her 18 year son living with us

[AndyAndyAndy]

You have to make him financially independent at first. So make him find a job. In front of your GF you can play it as "I'm being a father to him and caring for him/raising him right". First you will start encouraging him to find a job. He sleep all day and play games on telephone. So you will come with some consequences. Start cutting him off money/sources etc. If GF doesn't like it you can always play "being responsible father". Sooner or later his life will be so unbearable that he will find a job. It usually involves in living in different city (you see 90% of working thai traveling at friday/sunday home). So he will move out as a result of finding a job. Or he will find local job and once he is financially independent it is easy to kick him out. Again you can play responsible father card with helping find him a rent apartment "so he start his new adult life" and taking him for a furniture buying trips.

 

You can play it as ''kicking him out' and GF will make your life hell for hating her family. Or you can be responsible father figure raising her son and caring for her family who is trying to give him good start to his new life and it will be OK.

[robblok]

1 minute ago, n00dle said:

We are talking about an 18 year old.

 

And if she disapproves, she has the option to leave

Its still family and not every 18 year old has to leave home. I did not leave home till i was 24 or so. I was studying and not forced to leave. Where I come from 18 does not mean you get kicked out. 

 

Also family remains family and its just stupid of the OP to think he can make his GF choose. It won't end well. 

[Curt1591]

A son is a commitment.

A "boyfriend" is not. 

 

[n00dle]

1 minute ago, robblok said:

Its still family and not every 18 year old has to leave home. I did not leave home till i was 24 or so. I was studying and not forced to leave. Where I come from 18 does not mean you get kicked out. 

 

Also family remains family and its just stupid of the OP to think he can make his GF choose. It won't end well. 

I suppose that depends on the desired result and how he approaches the subject.

[2 is 1]

4 minutes ago, robblok said:

Its still family and not every 18 year old has to leave home. I did not leave home till i was 24 or so. I was studying and not forced to leave. Where I come from 18 does not mean you get kicked out. 

 

Also family remains family and its just stupid of the OP to think he can make his GF choose. It won't end well. 

Ok enough jokes! Op not tell backround for living in! Is boy studying or have job close bye? Or only use op's money. Im also have opinion if he not make any bad you can't mess up thai relation's about they family. House is family house or condo? Is other family live close ? So many question what don't know to give even little answear abut problem!

Edited July 29, 2020 by 2 is 1

[tomazbodner]

Slip her best friend a link to this thread...

[ukrules]

7 minutes ago, yeahbutif said:

thought he had to be 20 years old to do that ?

Ah maybe, I have no idea how old the kid is who just signed up on a voluntary basis

[robblok]

4 minutes ago, yeahbutif said:

do you compleatly know if they have kids had heard they turn up out of the blue ,,, like meet my son ..or my sons got a job near by and moving in ,,,,,, 

First time I never knew out of the blue all of a sudden 2 daughters had to live with me in the Netherlands. Can't say I was happy at first. I should have known. Did take care of them for 4 years and now they are still really dear to me. They live in Europe and I live here. They come to visit me in Thailand at times.

 

But after that first time I never wanted that to happen again so I just checked before. 

[rumak]

whose side does he sleep on ?

 

or does he sleep in the middle ?

[Kwasaki]

Buy him a place or rent him a place where he would like to live,  pretty straight forward really or it will be you that's what you want him to do,  and wouldn't blame her either you nasty piece of work. 

[robblok]

2 minutes ago, n00dle said:

I suppose that depends on the desired result and how he approaches the subject.

It looks like he wants to keep his gf and just get rid of the son. That probably wont happen. To have a mother choose between a guy and her kids is not a smart choice to force upon someone. It will end with resentment. IMHO it will damage the relationship.

 

He could try but should understand this is potentially a relation ending thing. If the risk is worth that then sure go for it. 

[kingofthemountain]

6 minutes ago, yeahbutif said:

do you compleatly know if they have kids had heard they turn up out of the blue ,,, like meet my son ..or my sons got a job near by and moving in ,,,,,, 

May be i can ask where do you live?

Who is the owner of the house ? Or if you rent who is the tenant

(I mean on the paper, i don't ask who give the money)

Also can i ask your age and the GF age? Does she works ?

[VocalNeal]

He's only 18. I didn't leave home until I was 22. As long as he has a job and is not sponging off his mom. Then maybe he needs a break? If no job and no interest in a job then he's around for a while. Unless you help him find a job or get him some training or as has been said join the army. Etc etc. Then you have to explain that you will not bankroll him anymore.

Blood is thicker etc.. she'll likely pick him over you. 

 

Edited July 29, 2020 by VocalNeal

[robblok]

2 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

He's only 18. I didn't leave home until I was 22. As long as he has a job and is not sponging off his mom. Then maybe he needs a break? If no job and no interest in a job then he's around for a while. Unless you help him find a job or get him some training or as has been said join the army. Etc etc. Then you have to explain that you will not bankroll him anymore.

Blood is thicker etc.. she'll likely pick him over you. 

 

Yea im not sure about everyone who is saying he is 18 he needs to leave. Is that the norm in the countries where they came from ?. Certainly not in my part of the world (Netherlands). 

 

Like you said depends also if he is sponging of his mom. I was a lucky spoiled kid, parents gave me money and paid for my schooling till i was 24. All the money i made could keep for myself. So pretty lucky childhood i think. I always thought it was normal for parents to care for their kids like that. Because it was basically what i saw all around me. 

[herwin1234]

Yeah sure, just tell the 18 year kid to f### #ff. Kick him on the street and break up his relation with his mother.

 

Great guy you are.  CLASSY!!!" 

Edited July 29, 2020 by herwin1234

[2 is 1]

7 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

He's only 18. I didn't leave home until I was 22. As long as he has a job and is not sponging off his mom. Then maybe he needs a break? If no job and no interest in a job then he's around for a while. Unless you help him find a job or get him some training or as has been said join the army. Etc etc. Then you have to explain that you will not bankroll him anymore.

Blood is thicker etc.. she'll likely pick him over you. 

 

We are in Thailand! My village they get "married" 14-16 years old! Not legal all know that but it happens!

Kids get baby's here like in western world! 18 is adult here , depens where you live all kids work whit family, girls make home work and boys help dad in farm! If money enough they put they kids in university! If not idiot parents all want better they kids! And almost all want be coverment officers!

Edited July 29, 2020 by 2 is 1

[ChipButty]

18 minutes ago, yeahbutif said:

do you compleatly know if they have kids had heard they turn up out of the blue ,,, like meet my son ..or my sons got a job near by and moving in ,,,,,, 

It aint happening

[Heppinger]

35 minutes ago, KarenBravo said:

How about explaining that the son is now a man at 18 years old and he needs to make his own way in the world?

They are far from men at 18,, they don't stop sleeping in the same room as their mother until they are about 13 or 14.

[Bluespunk]

38 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Encourage the 18y/o son to get a girlfriend - flirt with her... 

..... your GF will take care of the rest !

Ok, that will save on the cost of a vasectomy, but what about the son...

[Henryford]

Blood is more important to a Thai, you are secondary. They both will have to go or you accept it.

[pineapple01]

he goes or i go.

[tribalfusion001]

Get a new girlfriend without kids seems to be the best advice given and I concur.

[pookondee]

Covid is now being used by businesses all over the world, as a "get out of jail" card,

 a convenient excuse for no (or poor) service, and to generally shirk all responsibilities.

I suggest you do the same.

 

 

If you stay, and want rid of the boy, you will soon be asked to fork out for University fees, to save him from the army conscription.

 

In any case, there will always be something you will be asked to fork out for.

 

I reccomend you disappear and blame Covid or the Thai governments Immigration policies,

otherwise all your money will disappear slowly and you have to go home anyway.

[rvaviator]

31 minutes ago, robblok said:

It looks like he wants to keep his gf and just get rid of the son. That probably wont happen. To have a mother choose between a guy and her kids is not a smart choice to force upon someone. It will end with resentment. IMHO it will damage the relationship.

 

He could try but should understand this is potentially a relation ending thing. If the risk is worth that then sure go for it. 

Everyone have different opinions ... What can you say about a mother who would dump her son in favor of a 'boyfriend' ..... ??

[robblok]

Just now, rvaviator said:

Everyone have different opinions ... What can you say about a mother who would dump her son in favor of a 'boyfriend' ..... ??

I would not say much good about such a mother. 

[Trujillo]

This can't be a real OP. I mean, this is like asking how to get rid of a cockroach. Or how to get a chicken out of your yard. 

If you really need to ask advice for this, then you really do need to read the instructions on a tube of shampoo. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, yeahbutif said:

how do i  tell a thai girlfriend that i don't want her 18 year son living with us.any longer . been 3 years, with out stiring up trouble with her .  by tell the boy to leave . or better still F*** O**

Why do you don't want that he lives with you? He is "your" family.

How about if it would be a 18 year old daughter and not a son? Would you accept her?

If he f*** o** and gets together with the wrong kind of people, would you care? Or is that only your gf's problem?

In case nobody told you before: In Thailand you marry the family and not just the girl. Accept it.

[Silencer]

Over a three year's together I would have thought this topic, the son's future and your living lifestyle, would have been discussed from time to time. Setting expectations, including future expectations, is part and parcel of most long-term relationships. If you haven't yet, NOW is the time to have those discussions. Don't have to consider "throwing him out" out immediately but if you both see eye-to-eye on the topic, you can make a plan to move on. If you don't see it the same, that is when you will have to consider your options.

[OneMoreFarang]

19 minutes ago, pookondee said:

Covid is now being used by businesses all over the world, as a "get out of jail" card,

 a convenient excuse for no (or poor) service, and to generally shirk all responsibilities.

I suggest you do the same.

 

 

If you stay, and want rid of the boy, you will soon be asked to fork out for University fees, to save him from the army conscription.

 

In any case, there will always be something you will be asked to fork out for.

 

I reccomend you disappear and blame Covid or the Thai governments Immigration policies,

otherwise all your money will disappear slowly and you have to go home anyway.

Today in another thread someone told my I should understand the irony.

With your comment I wonder if what you write is irony - or maybe not?

[bert bloggs]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Could be worse ...... could be her brother living with you.

my wifes brother did for a while ,i am sure he was not a boyfriend though ,he was only 12 .????