Thrown for a loop...

[bermondburi]

My wife normally cleans her bits after sex but no shower. I don't bother. Although if it's a morning time then she would shower because it's shower time in the morning. 

[Sujo]

She was happy enough not to shower previously. Now she doesnt even want to kiss.

 

i suggest asking her friends if she is the same after sleeping with them.

[WinterGael]

On 1/10/2021 at 8:25 AM, 1FinickyOne said:

we shower before we get into bed... but that is not important to what you do... 

 

in relationships, things change... thats pretty normal. 

 

calling everyone brother and sister is typical of Thai, but what might be more indicative is how much time she spends w/them and whether or not she includes you comfortably in visiting w/them... what goes on outside the house is likely more indicative than what goes on inside.. 

Yeah ... she has tried to take me with her.  I know she not comfortable with it, which makes me uncomortable and leads to an arguement.????????????

[WinterGael]

On 1/10/2021 at 9:56 AM, TooBigToFit said:

Thais have left the areas with mixed cultures like Pattaya, Phuket and Bangkok and are staying in their villages probably changing back into the Thais they once were without foreigners and foreign culture around. On the other hand, maybe she's just rethinking her life with all this quiet time she has. Maybe she wants something or someone different or no one in her life.

 

A lot of people are in limbo now with Covid and Thailand has certainly been changing and breaking away from the influence of foreigners since the coup and all that followed. There are endless numbers of young people who are graduating high school and university with serious anxiety and hopelessness about their future. Thailand is not the same and its all been changing even before Covid came. Lots of people don't have any extra money to do things they used to do like send their kids to university or get that new car. All this is feeding into the present state of people and the future as to what they can do. In Thailand or abroad, most working people are thinking something has to give because its just looking worse. So, mentally, people are just different.

 

And there are plenty of stories on how the lockdown due to this pandemic is changing us mentally.

Articles on the pandemic and personality change.

 

Plus Covid-infected people are experiencing changes due to the virus

COVID-19 can mean agitation, delirium, and other neurologic symptoms, doctors are finding

 

We are in a new world (at the moment) in so many ways.

This is so true.  I think COVID has brought about many changes.  Was never supposed to be gone so long.  And I have changed, too.  I was not expecting to have to support her for so long.  In order to do so I had to resort to activities I had long since stopped. Not good one.... and she would not approve of.  COVID could not have come at a worse time...

[WinterGael]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:23 AM, bwpage3 said:

Looking for answers from strangers who don't know your wife?

 

 

Nothing to do about the wife.  It is about thai cultural practises.  If it is normal, no big deal.  

[WinterGael]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:52 AM, ezzra said:

Understanding women is hard enough, let alone Thai women and married one on top of it, let it play out for a while and see where this is going and play it as it unfolding the best advice anyone can give you...

A divorce is on the table... 

[NancyL]

OP, have you changed?  Put on weight?  Grown a beard?  Drinking more alcohol?  Doing something that makes you less physically appealing?  

 

Has she changed?  Maybe put on weight and feeling that she's less desirable?  Going into menopause and not as comfortable during sex?  If so, her doctor can recommend meds/creams to help.  

 

Is the bedroom different?  Maybe warmer, not as appealing?  

 

Have the living arrangements changed?  Do you now live with others in the household and she wants to be presentable if she has to interact with them?    

[Nout]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:48 AM, WinterGael said:

The question was not about my wife, per se. I was asking if it is a thai culrural practice to shower and clean ones body immediately after having sex?  And I ask because for three years this was not the norm. 

 

So far no one has addressed the question, only the actions leading up to the question.  

I would say bathing before and after sex is normal in Thailand. Especially if you are doing it good. You will both be covered in bodily fluids and excretion that smell and go stale. You say she is reluctant to show close affection? Is your bodily hygiene good. Do you use the Bum gun, shower frequently, wear cologne and anti perspiration, got no dead fillings, regularly laundered clothes?

[Nout]

On 2/20/2021 at 10:04 PM, bermondburi said:

My wife normally cleans her bits after sex but no shower. I don't bother. Although if it's a morning time then she would shower because it's shower time in the morning. 

There is no 'time' for shower! Only children have 'bath time' and 'bed time' We shower when we need to or when we get hot. I usually bathe before bed but frequently during the day to cool down.

[swissie]

Short term events and emotions can be faked. Longer term: NO! OP will have to face "the music". Something has "estrainged her from him". Probably in form of a snappy young troubadour, singing strange songs under her balcony.

The old saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was applicable during the victorian-age, when women were not allowed to leave the house without the company of an other family member.
Today: "Absence" is a Killer-Virus for every relationship.

[WinterGael]

On 2/25/2021 at 2:12 PM, NancyL said:

OP, have you changed?  Put on weight?  Grown a beard?  Drinking more alcohol?  Doing something that makes you less physically appealing?  

 

Has she changed?  Maybe put on weight and feeling that she's less desirable?  Going into menopause and not as comfortable during sex?  If so, her doctor can recommend meds/creams to help.  

 

Is the bedroom different?  Maybe warmer, not as appealing?  

 

Have the living arrangements changed?  Do you now live with others in the household and she wants to be presentable if she has to interact with them?    

We both lost weight.  Im actually in better shape. Still shower as needed, wear my cologne, nothing changed there.  But I find she is highly critical of farang in general, now.  She used to be proud of her farang husband.  But now she is openly critical of farang. Things are improving as she see I keep clean but... i think Thai people took to heart complaints of Minister of Health.  She does like to orate over the differences between thai and farang.????????

[BritManToo]

On 1/10/2021 at 6:56 AM, WinterGael said:

now she barely gives me a kiss good night. So what's with that?

She's got a new guy.

[Ralf001]

On 1/10/2021 at 8:39 AM, WinterGael said:

I thank you for all the replies.  Yes, it was a long time to be away. COVID sucks... from all the replies, while it may be nothing, you have given me pause to take a good hard look at her actions over all.  And I do see a cause for concern.

 

It is what it is.  What sucks is we haf been planning my move here for years, and if my concerns play out, then I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because there's nothing left in Canada to go back to.

 

Oh well... figure things out as they go. Thanks all. 

if it turns turtle just grab another.

[Solinvictus]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:23 AM, bwpage3 said:

Looking for answers from strangers who don't know your wife?

 

 

Well, considering how similarly Thai folks behave. I think it's not hurting for another opinion.

[Solinvictus]

18 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

She's got a new guy.

This or there is a negative influence on her regarding you.

[Solinvictus]

On 2/22/2021 at 3:32 PM, WinterGael said:

Nothing to do about the wife.  It is about thai cultural practises.  If it is normal, no big deal.  

But it wasn't normal before as you stated.

[BritManToo]

On 1/10/2021 at 8:39 AM, WinterGael said:

I thank you for all the replies.  Yes, it was a long time to be away. COVID sucks... from all the replies, while it may be nothing, you have given me pause to take a good hard look at her actions over all.  And I do see a cause for concern.

 

It is what it is.  What sucks is we haf been planning my move here for years, and if my concerns play out, then I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because there's nothing left in Canada to go back to.

 

Oh well... figure things out as they go. Thanks all. 

Just move to Pattaya/Hua Hin/etc.

Plenty of apartments to rent at great prices.

Her village is no place for you to live if she doesn't want you any more.

How long will it be before you have an accident? No point in risking your life.

 

PS

It isn't a Thai cultural type of thing, it's a woman banging another guy type of thing.

Edited February 27, 2021 by BritManToo

[lucky2008]

The good times are over mate just accept it.

1. She probably doesn't love you anymore.

2. She's probably <deleted> someone else who <deleted> her better than you do.
3. She's not interested in sex (menopause?) 
4. She knows you are a cheating <deleted>. 
5. You don't brush your teeth and smell of body odor.
6. She can't believe you are actually coming to live here permanently 
 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/10/2021 at 1:48 PM, WinterGael said:

The question was not about my wife, per se. I was asking if it is a thai culrural practice to shower and clean ones body immediately after having sex?  And I ask because for three years this was not the norm. 

 

So far no one has addressed the question, only the actions leading up to the question.  

I doubt anyone on here has enough sexual experience of normal ( not prostitute ) Thai women to know. IMO the change is a by product of the length of time you were away.

 

If she won't discuss the reasons, IMO you should be looking to protect your finances and assets in case it's over.

[473geo]

First best you always shower before and after sex, you are in close proximity and surely do not want to smell of stale sweat

 

You are having sex so that is a good thing

 

the friends thing is understandable if they have been there for her while you were not if she visited them often it would be rude for her to drop them now

 

You appear to have caused friction by not visiting with her bit of snub if they have been supportive

 

So don't get paranoid because your behaviour and comments will then reek of suspicion

 

Just have a bloody shower for gods sake and meet up with her friends that have been supportive in your absence, is that really too much to ask? No wonder she is a bit 'off'

[JAS21]

On 1/10/2021 at 9:20 AM, robblok said:

Got a SG girl who wont allow me into the bed without a shower. Not that strange IMHO. I mean a shower before sleeping. The Thai girls I have been with also always wanted one or two showers a day. In general Thais like hygiene more then foreigners. Back in the Netherlands I used to shower just once a day. Now its two or three times.

Have sex in the shower...quite normal for many...job done.

[Surelynot]

The argument that it is or isn't a cultural thing is pure distraction........ it is the fact that there has been a sudden change that is important ........personally I would consider moving on........don't get hung up on a woman that gives you any concerns or worries.......life is far too short.......get out there and enjoy it.

[Destiny1990]

What exactly makes u think that we have any answers?

[tonray]

17 hours ago, 473geo said:

will then reek of suspicion

I see what you did there....

[Ralf001]

On 2/27/2021 at 8:26 PM, lucky2008 said:

The good times are over mate just accept it.

1. She probably doesn't love you anymore.

2. She's probably <deleted> someone else who <deleted> her better than you do.
3. She's not interested in sex (menopause?) 
4. She knows you are a cheating <deleted>. 
5. You don't brush your teeth and smell of body odor.
6. She can't believe you are actually coming to live here permanently 
 

 

#6, she is most likely copping grief from her husband now that the Farang is coming to live.

[thailand49]

Love is blind no matter who it is with?  the most common line I hear is " you don't know her "  just speculating what you wrote I will just touch on a few things.  You have been going back and forth how much time have you really lived with her I know guys here 24/7, you just mentioned the sex do you know what her shoe size is her favorite color.

 

Once you step back now is the time to do it, your conversation abroad and in person what has she been doing?  Has she met new lady friends talking about eating and drinking with friends they are small but all signs?

 

It isn't easy being with another race and culture my general feeling when it comes to Thailand and other Asian country if you can get what you want out of someone in your own race/culture you rather be with your own kind.

 

In general I've found Thai women will go along with things until they start to get comfortable thereafter revert back to their normal self.  Like everywhere the grass is never greener it takes work and patience step back and listen and watch?  Your answer is right there?

[BTB1977]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:23 AM, bwpage3 said:

Looking for answers from strangers who don't know your wife?

 

 

Or maybe we do?

[Elkski]

It is nice to just roll over and snuggle after.  I would say I am usually the snuggler.  Can't recall often being the snugie.  Shower after is best to prevent infections or bacterial growth.  How old is she?   So you have been back together for 4 months?  How long total? 

I would keep an eye on her away activities.  Another guy may be about.    But if so just imagine their predicament.  No you, then no money, no house to live.  Maybe they are wondering what to do.  Keep your assets protected.  Make sure you are not worth a satang dead. 

[bert bloggs]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:53 AM, colinneil said:

Not cultural as far as i know, think you should look closer at things.

Has she introduced another man as her brother?

Is she spending a lot of time away from you/ home?

You say you were away from her for a long time, maybe she got up to something during that time, only she knows the answer.

I remember reading over 20 odd yrs ago about has your Thai wife / girlfriend introduced you to her " brother" when my then wife of the futuresaid it, it was with trepidation i went to meet him ,mind you i was not to worried after i had bought him an ice cream ,he was only 12.

[chuang]

On 1/10/2021 at 9:18 AM, WinterGael said:

Not paranoid ... just scratching my head a lot and windering what's going on in her head. Know it's very Thai to try and sweep issues under the rug rather than create marital discord.

Why don't you stop scratching your head and wonder what's going on in your head..