My marriage is kind of 'on the rocks', crumbling around me.

[rumak]

3 minutes ago, Rookiescot said:

Mate. Its over. Its sad but unavoidable. 

Prior to the kid being born things were OK right? Thats because she didnt have a hook in you and she knew it. You could have walked at any time. So she worked on keeping you happy and the money coming in.

After the kid is born she knows you will feel you have to stick around for the kids sake. So she keeps on getting the money but she no longer has to work for it. Hence the sleeping arrangements. 

You do not say where you live but here is my advice.

Move out. Rent somewhere in a nearby town which has some farang bars in it. Couple of evenings in those and you should be able to start making friends. Rent a girl as and when you want it but do not go crazy with your money. You might feel you want to party like its 1999 but resist that.

Stay in contact with your son. Take him at the weekends and spend some quality time with him. Do not introduce him to any lady you are currently squeezing. This will confuse him. If asked why you left just be honest and tell him the you and his mum dont want to live together any more.

Pay your wife a "reasonable" amount every month for looking after him.

Expect your wife to become very angry and resentful. This is because you have not done what she wants and rather than blame herself she will blame you. After that she will start begging you to come back. Expect emotional blackmail over your son.

Dont go back.

Start enjoying yourself. Live a little.

Good luck.

 

all sounds good.    but,  not a "nearby town".    get far away, and do not let her know how to contact you.   "angry and resentful"  are only going to cause bad things to happen.....and as experienced guys know,  there is no "coming to a good understanding" .

any guy here (who is not the one at fault in a relationship)  should get over this guilt thing that has

a grip on their balls and just accept that some things do not work out.   and to try to fix something that can't be fixed is stupid.

regarding another posters suggestion to tell her you are moving out.  NOPE.   best way is to pack what you can carry and leave quickly when she is out somewhere.   really bad situations have only one solution:   escape !

[Rookiescot]

Just now, rumak said:

all sounds good.    but,  not a "nearby town".    get far away, and do not let her know how to contact you.   "angry and resentful"  are only going to cause bad things to happen.....and as experienced guys know,  there is no "coming to a good understanding" .

any guy here (who is not the one at fault in a relationship)  should get over this guilt thing that has

a grip on their balls and just accept that some things do not work out.   and to try to fix something that can't be fixed is stupid.

regarding another posters suggestion to tell her you are moving out.  NOPE.   best way is to pack what you can carry and leave quickly when she is out somewhere.   really bad situations have only one solution:   escape !

Would make access to his son difficult.

I did assume he would want to maintain that but if not then yes.

[BritManToo]

23 minutes ago, Rookiescot said:

Pay your wife a "reasonable" amount every month for looking after him.

Why?

Let some other sucker pay for him, she'll teach him to hate you no matter how much you give.

[RJRS1301]

13 hours ago, MrJ2U said:

Your wife may be going through "Postpartum depression".  Many women go through it having a child.

 

You need to realize its not you and her harmones will settle down and she'll be all over you again like flys on sh**.

 

In the meantime exercise, get some hobbies, and help out as much as you can with your child.  Its a full-time job, children.

 

If you drink, keep it in moderation.  Alcohol is a depressant and when ones inebriated they can say some hurtful things.

 

Take a deep breath.

You'll get through this a better, stronger person!

 

 

Perhaps some open honest communication without blame could help. 

Is he assisting with child care and an active role as a father?

I an always disturbed when men refer to their partner/wife as "the missus", as though the person has no other role in life, just a designation of "the missus"
 

[rumak]

Just now, Rookiescot said:

Would make access to his son difficult.

I did assume he would want to maintain that but if not then yes.

a child is of course what "binds"  the man to stay around.   Unfortunately it is a disaster and extremely stressful for the man due to the power and manipulation it affords the woman.

 

IMO  it is just not worth it.   IF the woman , over time,  adapts a different attitude........ (from LONG DISTANCE  communication) .....   then the man can attempt to see the child.  

I really suggest  skype  as a much better alternative,  as I have learned that people just can not change !      and "losing"  brings out this thing called revenge....   

 

crazy people:   i still recommend escape 

[Rookiescot]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Why?

Let some other sucker pay for him, she'll teach him to hate you no matter how much you give.

Its the right thing to do. You personally may not feel that is right and that is entirely up to yourself but most guys will feel a sense of responsibility to look after their own kid. 

[Taboo2]

For God's sake, why the F&&K are men still getting married?  WHY?

 

I am 60, raised two kids with my woman and laid the law down that I was not getting married.  Yes, there are some men still on this planet.

 

I told her that Marriage a bad contract for men in America, and there is no  <deleted> way I will give up my Pension (401k) - 50% to any woman, not even my Mom.  

 

I also informed her that if we get married, we will eventually get a divorce and in CA, the law is 50%, so I can take a lot more from you if you accumulate more wealth than me (Yes, she did).

 

After a few years, she woke up and appreciates what I did for her.

 

My plan to was leave when the kids are in college and everyone is happy.

 

Read the book:  "The Myth of Male Power"

 

Please tell your sons to never, ever, ever, ever get married.  

 

Marriage is a SCAM!

[rumak]

Just now, Taboo2 said:

For God's sake, why the F&&K are men still getting married?  WHY?

 

I am 60, raised two kids with my woman and laid the law down that I was not getting married.  Yes, there are some men still on this planet.

 

I told her that Marriage a bad contract for men in America, and there is no  <deleted> way I will give up my Pension (401k) - 50% to any woman, not even my Mom.  

 

I also informed her that if we get married, we will eventually get a divorce and in CA, the law is 50%, so I can take a lot more from you if you accumulate more wealth than me (Yes, she did).

 

After a few years, she woke up and appreciates what I did for her.

 

My plan to was leave when the kids are in college and everyone is happy.

 

Read the book:  "The Myth of Male Power"

 

Please tell your sons to never, ever, ever, ever get married.  

 

Marriage is a SCAM!

I have a daughter.    I told her  GET MARRIED !  ????????????????

[rumak]

Just now, RJRS1301 said:

Perhaps some open honest communication without blame could help. 

Is he assisting with child care and an active role as a father?

I an always disturbed when men refer to their partner/wife as "the missus", as though the person has no other role in life, just a designation of "the missus"
 

OMG

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, Taboo2 said:

I told her that Marriage a bad contract for men in America, and there is no  <deleted> way I will give up my Pension (401k) - 50% to any woman, not even my Mom.  

Would point out this is a Thai forum, we don't live in America.

Women here only get what we give them.

 

Edited August 16, 2021 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

Just now, rumak said:

OMG

555 Yeah, that guy's looking to get someone stabbed!

Probably never lived with a woman, certainly not a Thai woman.

Edited August 16, 2021 by BritManToo

[atpeace]

6 minutes ago, Rookiescot said:

Would make access to his son difficult.

I did assume he would want to maintain that but if not then yes.

Also makes a quick divorce difficult.  Million ways to motivate her to sign the divorce papers but her emotions will be all over the place.  I bet you think all is settled at least 5 times before you actually have her next to you signing the papers.  She will be a devil and a saint in the span of a few hours.  I was fortunate to be staying less than 30 minutes away when she was in a saintly mood and the official  divorce signing went smooth.

[Kwasaki]

3 hours ago, fredscats said:

I thought you were going thru a divorce

Nah ???? three divorces in the west was enough not this time but if I or the wife wins the lottery you never know. ????

 

[thasoss]

17 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why?

Let some other sucker pay for him, she'll teach him to hate you no matter how much you give.

The wife and child will do just fine without him,and without his money,the extended family will take care.Hell, most thai kids are raised by the grandparents.Never let thai women call the shots.

 

[thasoss]

14 hours ago, charliechoc said:

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

You"ve been sitting tight for 6 years.You seem emotionally stuck.Time to admit a few things,that it did n't work out,that it's not retrievable,and cut your losses to save yourself and your own sanity.Happiness for you can be just around the corner,once you admit what you already know.Life is too short to stay in an unhappy environment....your child and his mother will survive just fine.

[mommysboy]

The marriage is quite likely over it seems.  People do find a way through these things but it's an incredible compromise to make for some- I suppose it's all about your bond with your child.  I can only recommend as peaceful an ending as possible. No matter right one feels, it's important to realize that honest self examination is also necessary, and Thais hate acrimony.  I would try to stand by honest, reasonable financial obligations until she gets in to another relationship. 

[KarenBravo]

I've been here for several decades. In that time, I've had a few girlfriends before the present one, which I've been with for 23 years.

At the start of each of these relationships, I told these women that if staying with them made me more miserable than living alone, I would leave them.

I was being honest and they were warned. If it came to pass, I left and reminded them of my words to them.

[Taboo2]

31 minutes ago, rumak said:

I have a daughter.    I told her  GET MARRIED !  ????????????????

Actually, I tell my daughter the same thing,,,,,GET Married to a Rich guy....God, I hope she follows through.

 

I am serious...."The Game is to be Sold, not to be Told".

[wprime]

Seems easy. Divorce, wife keeps the kid, you keep the dog. Everyone is happy.

[Smithson]

13 hours ago, zzaa09 said:

Aside from all this, I've always been taken back by these random innocent types who find it necessary to display their deepest and innermost personal problems in a public venue and any such reasoning therefore. 

Why..? 

 

If you're referring to the OP and can't see why he's posted here then I don't know what to say, maybe go back and read his post, he spells it out clearly.

[Havenstreet1940]

This must be the most crass reply I have yet to read on this forum.   Don'tgive up your day job@BritManToo.  One word - responsibility.   Think about it.

 

 

[Smithson]

All this stuff about Alpha males sounds really childish, also so much speculation about motives etc. Marriage is very different here to the West with it's nuclear families.

 

I've just split up after a 20 year marriage. When Thais get bored they generally move on or do something else, they don't work towards getting the fire back. Once there's kids they get love and affection from them, more so it seems if they're male. Plus they are often close to extended family, while us farang are pretty alone here, especially in rural areas. They often realize the power this gives them.

 

For poorer Thais it seems the man often just walks away. For wealthier Thais it seems common they maintain the marriage, but have other partners that aren't talked about. Sometimes one may move away and live with someone else, but they still maintain the pretense and matrimonial home. Divorce is just too difficult due to shared assets.

 

Attitudes and values are completly different here, monogamy is not really expected, trust almost unknown. I would consider this if you're feeling guilt for looking at or considering being with another woman. In this context it's rare for a woman to both not want sex and say the relationship is over if the partner gets it elsewhere.

 

First of all I would try to be sure practical things like finances are secure in case of break up. It's not a bad time to be a single farang here, once the lock down is over that is.

 

 

[fredscats]

1 hour ago, Kwasaki said:

Nah ???? three divorces in the west was enough not this time but if I or the wife wins the lottery you never know. ????

 

I do UK lottery here in Thailand,not supposed to..one number off 1.3 million quid few weeks ago,  would do check up if I won I know  but on electral roll   got few hundred tho

Edited August 16, 2021 by fredscats

[fredscats]

Im a  backside man if the truth is known,1 woman not enough..I like legs,tits are ok but comes with a fat <deleted> too if big enough...cant get enough of a good looking <deleted>,likened to moulded marble,...give a fair bit more for it,but like all women come back crying ,cannot sit down,too painful,need money for pharmacy

Edited August 16, 2021 by fredscats

[Mac Mickmanus]

5 minutes ago, fredscats said:

Im a  backside man if the truth is known,1 woman not enough..I like legs,tits are ok but comes with a fat <deleted> too if big enough...cant get enough of a good looking <deleted>,likened to moulded marble,...give a fair bit more for it,but like all women come back crying ,cannot sit down,too painful,need money for pharmacy

I didnt particularly really want to know , but thanks for telling me anyway 

[DaLa]

Ignore all the answers on this forum above.

You need to see a professional, a Psychiatrist, it will go something like this:

 

Doc: How do you feel today?

I feel unloved

Doc: What do you mean by unloved?

I feel not cared for

Doc: In what way?

In a loving way

Doc: What would make you feel more loved?

For my wife to rip my clothes off and hump me

Doc: What do you mean by clothes?

Whatever I’m wearing at the time

Doc: Do those clothes make you feel uncomfortable?

 

Repeat for an hour….go home confused

 

Second thoughts, stick to the answers on this forum above.

[animalmagic]

The dog sounds like a keeper.

[nkg]

17 hours ago, riclag said:

 You have good intensions  and I would agree with you 100 percent but some people are having to put their life on hold, visiting friends, going out to eat ,socializing....

Going out and mixing it up  takes on a whole new set of circumstances because of the V

 

So far as I know, most Thai charities are still accepting volunteers. Yes, you will have to wear a mask and socially-distance. With little donation money coming in, a lot of Thai charities are feeling the pain. Several organizations help distribute food to poor people affected by covid. Helping at one of those would be a positive step towards fighting covid.

[talahtnut]

4 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

I an always disturbed when men refer to their partner/wife as "the missus", as though the person has no other role in life, just a designation of "the missus"

'Her indoors' would agree with you.

[Mac Mickmanus]

17 hours ago, BritManToo said:

There's no reason not to bang her when the kid's asleep.

That's Thai culture, absolutely no clash.

 

I've been here nearly 12 years, longest I've gone without sex (with a woman in the room), maybe 4 days.

Letting a woman control your access to sex is just weak, and women despise weak men.

Woman like being raped ?