Making friends with Thai men.

[Sparktrader]

On 10/28/2022 at 2:51 PM, 2baht said:

Deep down I find they are wimps, there pride is false but face is all important to them to the extent that they even lie to themselves!

Most farangs who act tough are wimps. Only tough around others. 80% of blokes are wimps I would say.

[Aussieroaming]

True friends are hard to find. Be grateful that you haven't made too many "friends". If somebody truly likes you then the friendship bonds will form.

[swm59nj]

 I find them friendly at times.  But not to the point of what I would term a friend. 
But I also find quite a few will act like a friend.  Especially if they think you are going to pay them for something 

[mjakob007]

On 10/28/2022 at 2:43 PM, 2baht said:

Our mothers don't put us on a pedistal and tell us how great we are from birth and we are not brought up being told that we were never colonised and we don't need foreigners! 

Can only agree.

That 'superiority complex' is one major obstacle to any development here..

 

however, the newer generation seems to be more relaxed

[Expat68]

25 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Friends or acquaintances?

How many would let you stay with them for up to a month? I have a friend that let me stay that long a number of times, some just couple nights.

I have loads of acquaintances, and not many friends.

Hahaha, never asked them, if I was stuck I think probably one or two would help me out

[soalbundy]

Thais form their true friends in childhood and they are basically regarded as family, very strong bonds, while casual easy going friendships are formed at the place of work. I don't think a falang will ever get past a friendly acquaintance stage of relationship. I have a good reputation in my village and have friendly relationships with everybody, I'm greeted by name on the street by people whose names I don't know but I can't say that I have what one would call a friend here, neither Thai or falang actually but I'm not looking for it either, I'm comfortable with the way it is.

[bkk_bwana]

"everytime i go out i am accosted by holiday makers"

Where are you hanging out?  Will Thai males that you would want to meet be hanging out in these places too? I doubt it.

 

I have many Thai male friends. I did not meet any of them by 'going out'. For that matter, I never made one single western friend by 'going out' either. Certainly not in a bar. I met my Thai male friends through special interest clubs, work, business, introductions. 

 

 

Edited November 2, 2022 by bkk_bwana

[JRG23]

Mate, join the club. Been here more than 20 years. I have zero Thai male friends. 

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, soalbundy said:

Thais form their true friends in childhood and they are basically regarded as family, very strong bonds, while casual easy going friendships are formed at the place of work. I don't think a falang will ever get past a friendly acquaintance stage of relationship. I have a good reputation in my village and have friendly relationships with everybody, I'm greeted by name on the street by people whose names I don't know but I can't say that I have what one would call a friend here, neither Thai or falang actually but I'm not looking for it either, I'm comfortable with the way it is.

When living in Lamphun I was helping a local clean up after a storm. I didn't have to, and we were getting along quite well, but it's not like he offered to buy me a beer or even offer a cold drink as a prelude to becoming mates.

[fondue zoo]

On 10/28/2022 at 6:54 PM, Sparktrader said:

After 10 minutes you can tell if someone is worth befriending.

  Make me like you.. a lot.  Go!   ????

[HighPriority]

Almost by definition someone who leaves their home country to live abroad is not someone who is seeking close personal bonds with anyone.

However, some want this friendship, some need it and others like it, others are more lonesome in their lifes outlook.

If you want friendship look for activities that involve the type of person you seek.

Be aware that life and family pressures affect those between the ages of 20-40 so they may be less interested in what to you is a meaningful relationship.

 

A problem often encountered in my town of Darwin is that people often come here because 1 of the couple get a work transfer and all to often after a 2 year tour they then move to somewhere else... As a long term resident a form of fatigue can set in, whereby you stop putting effort into meeting people because all too often they move away.

Thai may well feel similarly, particularly with the language barrier as well.

[Dogmatix]

Well if it hasn’t happened after 30 years, Bob, you already know it ain’t gonna happen. So quit worrying about it.

[MadMuhammad]

After 8 years I have one very good Thai mate, but he’s half New Zealander so I don’t think it counts ????

[cocoonclub]

It’s impossible for farang men to make friends with Thai men. You gotta keep in mind that farang men are frustrated losers; overweight, bald, and fast aging moaners and complainers who have a superiority issue and are into dark farm girls.  

[EVENKEEL]

20 hours ago, HighPriority said:

Almost by definition someone who leaves their home country to live abroad is not someone who is seeking close personal bonds with anyone.

However, some want this friendship, some need it and others like it, others are more lonesome in their lifes outlook.

If you want friendship look for activities that involve the type of person you seek.

Be aware that life and family pressures affect those between the ages of 20-40 so they may be less interested in what to you is a meaningful relationship.

 

A problem often encountered in my town of Darwin is that people often come here because 1 of the couple get a work transfer and all to often after a 2 year tour they then move to somewhere else... As a long term resident a form of fatigue can set in, whereby you stop putting effort into meeting people because all too often they move away.

Thai may well feel similarly, particularly with the language barrier as well.

My ship anchored at Darwin a few times, nice place. Short boat ride in, walk to restaurants and bars. 

[H1w4yR1da]

On 10/28/2022 at 3:21 PM, Sparktrader said:

I went to NK made friends with a Thai. Just talk normal. 30 years no friends must be you.

North Korea?

[H1w4yR1da]

On 10/28/2022 at 4:01 PM, marin said:

Lots of Thai men friends,

Gotta call bs on that.

[H1w4yR1da]

On 10/28/2022 at 4:18 PM, bbi1 said:

Try making friends with the security guards at your condo. Start local in your building.

You're kidding, right?

[H1w4yR1da]

On 10/28/2022 at 4:24 PM, Sparktrader said:

In hotels I make friends with cleaners and receptionists, all female though. You get better deals. You never know what extras might happen.

That's plain sad.

[Sparktrader]

2 minutes ago, H1w4yR1da said:

That's plain sad.

I was joking. Sad you think everything is serious.

[Sparktrader]

8 minutes ago, H1w4yR1da said:

You're kidding, right?

It sounds like you have no Thai friends. Try being friendly to people. 

[KhaoYai]

On 10/28/2022 at 8:39 AM, bob smith said:

its really strange. in the west that just doesnt happen. we all make friends, the come and go, through work, gym, going out etc. doesnt seem to be the case here tho, really weird. 30 years and no friendships with the local lads. kinda sad in a way

Odd, I have several good Thai friends, one very good one who has stated that I'm 'family' now and has helped me a lot.  I'm invited for dinner regularly and we all visit each other's houses/get together at restaurants etc.

[H1w4yR1da]

On 10/28/2022 at 5:49 PM, Gecko123 said:

You keep agreeing with all the Thai bashers, so I'm a little uncertain whether you genuinely want insights is or if you're dreaming up thread topics to help while away the hours, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for the moment.

 

Thai men are neither coddled prima donnas nor suffer from a collective inferiority complex. What they do feel is resentment about the unfair competitive financial advantage that many foreign men enjoy, and the arrogance and dismissive attitude which many foreign men exude towards Thai men. Rightfully so, as you'd be resentful as well. In fact, compared to white men's possessive attitude towards non-white men becoming sexually involved with white women, Thai men are downright welcoming towards foreign men's cathousing in Thailand. They are also probably somewhat confused on some level about why Thai women are so sought after by foreign men while Thai men seem to enjoy far less romantic interest from foreign women. They are also probably shy and hesitant about making social overtures towards foreign men because of a lack of self-confidence with their English language skills. But with that said, many, many Thai men are affable, approachable, have great senses of humor, and have much to offer in terms of knowledge, life experience and insights into Thai culture.

 

They are often keenly observant and highly intuitive. They can tell a lot about what you're thinking just by looking in your eyes. They are not stupid and are good judge's of character. Foreign men who act like they're god's gift to Thai women or who give off vibes that Thai men are scum are obviously not going to quickly be befriended. They can see through a phony smile in a heartbeat, and if you think you can spend all day bashing Thai men on social media and that won't bleed into your demeanor when you encounter a Thai male in real life, you're kidding yourself. That condescending attitude is easily sensed just by looking in your eyes, and at the curve of your mouth.

 

In general, the Western model for male-male friendship doesn't work here. For the most part, the exalted Western model for male-male friendship is a fantasy anyway, filled with fake  commitments typically followed by disappointment, betrayal, and backstabbing. The Thai male-male model is a far more pragmatic, sensible, honest, and truer to human nature than the nonsensical friendship ideals we were all fed back home.

 

Thai men essentially bond over shared common experiences and interests. The "blood brother" "I'd take a bullet for you/donate a kidney for you" BS that very few people truly ever experience back home isn't even aspired to here. That goes for Thai male friendships with other Thai males as well. It's all about shared common experiences and interests built up over time. Period. Nobody is looking to share dreams and darkest secrets, or intimate details about your medical history or sex life. The Thai friendship model is absolutely more honest, and generally speaking you have a better idea of where you stand. The Western model for male friendship - which in many ways is a facade - needs to be thrown out the window.

 

It's all about finding common interests. That's it. And because you are in their country, you have to make more of an effort to find those common interests, if only because they may not really have a very good conceptualization of what interests you may have. I can't speak for an urban setting, but in a rural setting that means having some kind of interest in the land because that's ultimately what everyone's life centers around. Farming, gardening, food, sports, repairing, construction, health issues, diet, etc are they types of common interests I have managed to develop with the people in my moo ban.

 

Thai language skills are critically important not just to communicate, but to gain insights into the culture and to show cultural interest and respect. If your Thai is rudimentary it's probably going to be tough. 

 

Humbleness can't faked.

 

Smiling and having an affable nature - something I'll be the first to admit I need to work on myself - are very important. Convey a measure of concern and interest in those around you. That includes helping those in need from time to time and showing a willingness to pitch in. That doesn't mean you have to be constantly giving people handouts or be trying to buy people's friendship. That's not going to work.

 

It's very important to get on the same circadian cycle as those around you. Again, having a connection to the land not only builds common interest, but shows respect and a shared work ethic.  You do not want to be perceived as lolling around in a hammock all day while everyone around you is slaving in the midday sun.

 

You don't have to feign an interest in going to the temple on holy days, or pretend you're interested in cock fighting, or to be buying round after round at the local drinking circle if these things do not interest you. It's simply a matter of being yourself, finding common interests, and building up mutual respect and camaraderie over time.

 

And the final advice I would offer is to make your friendship with the Thai male your focus, as opposed to quickly shifting your friendship focus to his girlfriend or wife. It is my observation that Thais don't do "couples" that much, certainly not out in the countryside. Men have men friends, and women have women friends. Maybe urban more westernized couples do couples activities, but my sense is that even though you might see this on TV shows and commercials, I'm skeptical how much of this really goes on. I'm not saying Thai couples never interact as couples, but you as a foreign man, will encounter considerable leariness from the Thai male if you start getting overly friendly with his girlfriend or wife, especially if you shift focus right off the bat.

Basically disagree with everything there. Thai = good, western = bad. Typical wannabe comment.
In particular, this is laughable "Thai men are downright welcoming towards foreign men's cathousing in Thailand."
Oh, please!

[H1w4yR1da]

5 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

I was joking. Sad you think everything is serious.

Of course you were.  

[Sparktrader]

2 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

Odd, I have several good Thai friends, one very good one who has stated that I'm 'family' now and has helped me a lot.  I'm invited for dinner regularly and we all visit each other's houses/get together at restaurants etc.

Lots of Thais are warm friendly people. More so than Japanese or other Asian cultures.

 

Thais joke around a lot.

[fondue zoo]

6 hours ago, cocoonclub said:

It’s impossible for farang men to make friends with Thai men. You gotta keep in mind that farang men are frustrated losers; overweight, bald, and fast aging moaners and complainers who have a superiority issue and are into dark farm girls.  

Frustrated                                     ☒

Loser                                             ☒

Overweight                                   ☐

Bald                                               ☐

Fast Ageing Moaner                     ☒

Complainer                                   ☐

Superiority Complex                     ☒

Likey Likey the Caramel corn       ☒

 

dam I don't make the cut....

 

Edited November 3, 2022 by fondue zoo

[Sparktrader]

1 minute ago, H1w4yR1da said:

Of course you were.  

You have a problem if you think every comment on the internet is serious.

 

Try being friendly to people and less serious. Your life will get better. Good luck.

[Sparktrader]

2 minutes ago, fondue zoo said:

Frustrated                           ☒

Loser                                   ☒

Overweight                         ☐

Bald                                     ☐

Fast Ageing Moaner            ☒

Complainer                          ☐

Superiority Complex            ☒

Likey Likey the Caramel      ☒

 

dam I don't make the cut....

 

Likely likely the caramel means?

[H1w4yR1da]

On 10/30/2022 at 12:30 PM, Gecko123 said:

hostility to BLM

That made me laugh.

[Orinoco]

6 hours ago, cocoonclub said:

It’s impossible for farang men to make friends with Thai men. You gotta keep in mind that farang men are frustrated losers; overweight, bald, and fast aging moaners and complainers who have a superiority issue and are into dark farm girls.  

Sounds like someone,   didn't get any last night.