Age gap relationships might seem wrong, but they work. Trust me

[Kwaibill]

15 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

While waiting for the lift at a building in Bangkok, I was next to an old fella the other day, he looked about 80 years old.... struggling to walk with a cane... his misses looked about 40-50 yrs old. 

 

It looked like she was nagging the life-force out of him...   he just took it... my interpretation was that he was simply too exhausted with life to tell her to go forth....  However, ear-wigging a little more, her nagging was was ‘caring’....  “I told you, I could have come to do this, you didn’t need to come”..... “Stand here, you’re blocking the entrance there” etc etc...    all in the kind of grating English that some of a certain demographic and specific geographic region of Thailand come from having ‘picked up their English skills along the way’...... 

 

 

.... But, I judged.... I found myself guilty of what everyone does (although some will argue), judge others around us...  At the same time I ‘self checked’ and thought, good on the old fella, if thats what makes him happy.... Good on her too, if thats what makes her happy....  

 

It was a scene to be hold... But let's face it.....  Most ‘mixed relationships’ with a wide age range and clear juxtaposition of socio-educational-economic status are often quite a scene to behold...  

 

But who cares...  we all look, we all judge, but just don't hold any judgement...   both were probably lovely people. 

 

 

 

But large age gaps...   They’re for the single, newly looking, or someone soon to be looking... or even someone willing to pull the wool over their own eyes...  works for some, not others, such is the colour of life. 

 

 

 

I have fifteen years on my wife, who can pass for ten younger easily. Used to bother me, but ambulance attendant the other day asked how old I was, and he assured me I wasn’t old yet, and don’t look my age.

My darling is sticking by me though I am getting a little shop worn and barely qualify as a baht millionaire.????

Edited June 1, 2023 by Kwaibill

[couchpotato]

1 hour ago, Neeranam said:

It's nothing the same, the guys in Pattaya are with cheap, ugly Isarn prostitutes in one of the sleaziest brothels town in the world, that abuses 3rd world girls. 

The actor is not. 

Wow you are really on your high horse these days...

I live near the Pattaya area, have been a Thai Citizen a lot longer than you have, so maybe you should keep your "the guys in Pattaya' comments to yourself, or modify them to be nice...enuff said.

[Neeranam]

15 minutes ago, couchpotato said:

Wow you are really on your high horse these days...

I live near the Pattaya area, have been a Thai Citizen a lot longer than you have, so maybe you should keep your "the guys in Pattaya' comments to yourself, or modify them to be nice...enuff said.

What has being Thai got to do with anything I've said here?

Anyways, I seem to recall you starting threads recently about visas, must be another couchpotato????

 

[Fairynuff]

18 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

b) Guys who can't afford young women.

What’s the going rate then? Do you buy online? How long is the warranty? Can you get new for old insurance?

The sort of questions I’d be asking when making a large purchase. It never occurred to me to think “ can I afford this person”

[OneMoreFarang]

2 minutes ago, Fairynuff said:

What’s the going rate then? Do you buy online? How long is the warranty? Can you get new for old insurance?

The sort of questions I’d be asking when making a large purchase. It never occurred to me to think “ can I afford this person”

But maybe you thought about: Can you afford to invite your favorite lady to dinner? Are you able to invite her to a holiday? Maybe buy her some nice shoes or whatever.

 

I also never thought about it. But I accept reality. If I want to be together with a pretty girl who can easily get other guys, why will she stay with me? Because I am such a nice guy? Yes. Because I make her feel loved. Yes. But I am also sure it helps that we go to nice restaurants, live in a nice condominium, etc. 

 

 

[Fairynuff]

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But maybe you thought about: Can you afford to invite your favorite lady to dinner? Are you able to invite her to a holiday? Maybe buy her some nice shoes or whatever.

 

I also never thought about it. But I accept reality. If I want to be together with a pretty girl who can easily get other guys, why will she stay with me? Because I am such a nice guy? Yes. Because I make her feel loved. Yes. But I am also sure it helps that we go to nice restaurants, live in a nice condominium, etc. 

 

 

That’s just not my way of thinking. This is a discussion that we could have for hours I guess.

[Walker88]

2 hours ago, giddyup said:

No one forces girls to sell themselves in Pattaya, there are plenty of other jobs, but they choose to take the easy way. The only difference between Pacinos girlfriend and a Pattaya hooker is the price.

I wonder if you understand the economics of being a bargirl.

 

Many were pregnant at 15-16, their baby daddy did a runner, and they were forced to leave school because their condition would be 'confusing'. Without the HS degree---as useless as it is---they can't even get a cashier job in 7-11 or a product stacker at Big C. Their child is likely with a relative, that relative cannot work due to child care, so the onus is on the young woman. Maybe she can get a waitress job and make 10K baht a month, or if she's really lucky, a factory job that pays 9K a month with a chance for OT. That money isn't going to pay for her flat (if she has left job-starved Isaan), her food, her transportation, her grooming products, plus leave her enough to remit to her mom or grandma who is looking after her little bundle of joy.

 

Maybe the young woman is 'cursed' with good looks. That opens up a job where nobody cares if she can even read, much less have a HS diploma. Suddenly she is making 100K baht a month, maybe more. I know I lack the 'integrity' to walk away from that and go back to Isaan to pick rice for 250 baht a day, though I never had to make such a choice. If you never had to make that choice, then you have no clue which path you would choose, so saying a young woman 'took the easy way' is sanctimony born from ignorance.

[Hummin]

19 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Who criticizes them?

a) Old women

b) Guys who can't afford young women.

 

Guys who can afford young women mostly agree that that is the best option.

Well at least they can provide a decent life for them after passing on. Not many of those I met in Thailand, have the same resources to secure both the mom and kid a good future.

 

Sad to say, to many have to many kids who shouldnt have any at all. 

 

 

 

 

[Holly Huntaway]

Yes, the age gap can work for both parties as they both get something out of it.

 

The problems starts when the Farang can no longer mentally/physically look after his 36 younger wife due to illness. The Thai wife can’t or chooses not to care for him. Her ‘short term investment’ is soon to be realised and so he is left to sleep in his clothes, unwashed and unshaven. Catheter bag left unchanged. Verbally abused. New Will signed (Thai one obviously as they don’t need witnessing), not that the Farang remembers writing/signing one. Cash withdrawals from the local ATM every other day. But the wife does not want home care as it costs money. Just to be clear here the money  is all Pension income (private and state).
 

Luckily a Lasting Power of Attorney had been put in place and care arranged.  Her version of care consisted of sitting him in an armchair with meal replacement drinks on his own for 16 hours a day. Daughter (me) begging him to come home with me. Due to his short term cognitive issues he didn’t think there was a problem and refused.

 

In the end he agreed, to save me a four hour round trip most days and I had the privilege of spending 10 lovely days of caring for him, chatting and holding his hand. Then he died. 
 

The wife has buggered off back to Thailand, not before arranging private pension payments now to be paid to her.  Had no interest in arranging cremation/celebration of life gathering. Won’t answer any Solicitor letters so we can’t proceed with probate with another Will kicking around and her daughter pronouncing on Facebook that the “First prize has just been won”.

 

Am I jealous, no. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, she made him happy and she got financial security for her and her family for life. I am angry however that someone younger than me who seems very savvy at collecting a vast property portfolio in Thailand courtesy of my father, and raised two children from previous relationships, cannot look after her terminally ill husbands basic needs. 
 

This may not be where all big age gap relationships end up but I can assure you some of them will.

 

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Fairynuff said:

That’s just not my way of thinking. This is a discussion that we could have for hours I guess.

I wouldn't say above is my way of thinking. It is part of my way of thinking.

It's like if I want to go on an exotic holiday. I can think about the beach and the palm trees and the wonderful hotel and all that. But I also have to think about if I can afford it.

[giddyup]

2 hours ago, Walker88 said:

I wonder if you understand the economics of being a bargirl.

 

Many were pregnant at 15-16, their baby daddy did a runner, and they were forced to leave school because their condition would be 'confusing'. Without the HS degree---as useless as it is---they can't even get a cashier job in 7-11 or a product stacker at Big C. Their child is likely with a relative, that relative cannot work due to child care, so the onus is on the young woman. Maybe she can get a waitress job and make 10K baht a month, or if she's really lucky, a factory job that pays 9K a month with a chance for OT. That money isn't going to pay for her flat (if she has left job-starved Isaan), her food, her transportation, her grooming products, plus leave her enough to remit to her mom or grandma who is looking after her little bundle of joy.

 

Maybe the young woman is 'cursed' with good looks. That opens up a job where nobody cares if she can even read, much less have a HS diploma. Suddenly she is making 100K baht a month, maybe more. I know I lack the 'integrity' to walk away from that and go back to Isaan to pick rice for 250 baht a day, though I never had to make such a choice. If you never had to make that choice, then you have no clue which path you would choose, so saying a young woman 'took the easy way' is sanctimony born from ignorance.

So, according to you, "she" has a choice, but would prefer to sell her body because it pays more. That's her choice and I don't knock it, but nobody has a gun held to their head. Good looking, uneducated women everywhere are faced with the same choices when they hit the big city, and a lot of them end up selling their bodies, not just in Thailand.

[giddyup]

4 hours ago, vinci said:

82 and 29, she love you for your look and your hard rock genital, she just secured her money by having your baby.

"but they work. Trust me" old man excuses to get laid with younger woman

Both get what they want, everyone's happy.

[richard_smith237]

19 hours ago, JimTripper said:

Not quite sure what you blabbing on about, but when you are dating your daughter it looks weird. There’s no avoiding it. It looks strange.

Seems you’re incapable of assimilating more than a couple of lines of text... 

 

I think you meant when dating someone young enough to be your daughter.....  there’s noting like a hyperbolic suggestion of incest to highlight your imbalance on the discussion. 

 

 

 

 

[GarryP]

21 hours ago, jayboy said:

It's a bit different surely? Pacino and De Niro are charismatic and hugely talented multi millionaires.That's not the description one would give to the (usually) large gentlemen not necessarily of much class (judging by manners and accents) tottering around Pattaya with their reformed (sometimes) bar girls.

While I agree with you to a degree on manners, since when have accents dictated class? Does that mean that anyone who speaks with a Yorkshire, Lancashire, Scottish, etc. accent is lacking in class?  

[jayboy]

5 minutes ago, GarryP said:

since when have accents dictated class?

In the UK at least, the upper and upper middle class normally speak with a received English accent though diluted in the younger generation by an estuary accent sometimes.

 

Occasionally a Scottish gentleman will speak with the accent of his country, or at least a burr.

 

I admit that this association between accent and social class is breaking down rapidly but however defined nobody with class would spend time in Pattaya.

 

Incidentally accents have never dictated class, just one of several indicators.

[richard_smith237]

5 minutes ago, GarryP said:

21 hours ago, jayboy said:

It's a bit different surely? Pacino and De Niro are charismatic and hugely talented multi millionaires.That's not the description one would give to the (usually) large gentlemen not necessarily of much class (judging by manners and accents) tottering around Pattaya with their reformed (sometimes) bar girls.

While I agree with you to a degree on manners, since when have accents dictated class? Does that mean that anyone who speaks with a Yorkshire, Lancashire, Scottish, etc. accent is lacking in class?  

Class is a difficult one as people tend to become quite emotive and upset when the discussion surfaces. 

 

However, someones socio-educational status can be observed in discussion, this is not solely by accent, but with mannerisms, vocabulary, colloquialisms and much much more.

 

Does it matter ???...  not at all...  when a person is a decent human, that is the only thing that matters.

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

22 hours ago, steven100 said:

well I've seen similar in Pattaya where an old farang who is 80+ is perched up on a bar stool and has a young 20yr old tucked under his wing. 

that's called - - a job.

[GarryP]

I used to have a very strong Yorkshire accent when I came to Thailand. I've lost it now (no choice as people couldn't understand a word I was saying) but unfortunately my class level did not increase. Still a pretty ordinary (classless) nobody, with a wife who is 19 years younger than me. ???? 

[worgeordie]

Al Pacino  83 and Robert De Niro 79 , to be fathers , I think someone has had it in for them,

unless there's some extra potent Viagra about.   ????

 

regards worgeordie

[Fat is a type of crazy]

10 hours ago, Bill97 said:

So being with your daughter is found by others to be weird?  That is their problem and yes it’s a problem.

 

 I go a lot of places with my grand daughter and many people stare at us wondering what our relationship is.  So we got tshirts in Thai and English saying grand father and grand daughter, no boom boom.

If the tshirts say grand father and grand daughter that’s cute. If it also says no boom boom it’s a bit weird in my opinion. 

[richard_smith237]

5 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

10 hours ago, Bill97 said:

So being with your daughter is found by others to be weird?  That is their problem and yes it’s a problem.

 

 I go a lot of places with my grand daughter and many people stare at us wondering what our relationship is.  So we got tshirts in Thai and English saying grand father and grand daughter, no boom boom.

Expand  

If the tshirts say grand father and grand daughter that’s cute. If it also says no boom boom it’s a bit weird in my opinion. 

You think he actually has that T-shirt and wasn’t making the simple joke ???

 

The reality is that because ’Thailand is what it is’ and because ‘it attracts what it attracts’ people can easily jump to conclusions...   I’ve had such conversations with other parents who’s children are in the late teens... they get some judgemental looks and often comments.... 

 

I very much expect to have similar looks of scorn when my son is a little older if I’m walking with him without his mother... Such is the nature of humans; to judge, and for some to comment with scorn. 

 

The other facet of this is location...  A 50 year old guy walking with a 17 year old is more likely to draw judgement in an area such as Pattaya than they are in Emporium Shopping Mall in Bangkok - thats just another part of life here.... 

 

Some people will always judge, some lack the intelligence and observation skills to differentiate between the a father an his daughter and an older guy and a young hooker. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Fat is a type of crazy]

1 minute ago, richard_smith237 said:

You think he actually has that T-shirt and wasn’t making the simple joke ???

 

The reality is that because ’Thailand is what it is’ and because ‘it attracts what it attracts’ people can easily jump to conclusions...   I’ve had such conversations with other parents who’s children are in the late teens... they get some judgemental looks and often comments.... 

 

I very much expect to have similar looks of scorn when my son is a little older if I’m walking with him without his mother... Such is the nature of humans; to judge, and for some to comment with scorn. 

 

The other facet of this is location...  A 50 year old guy walking with a 17 year old is more likely to draw judgement in an area such as Pattaya than they are in Emporium Shopping Mall in Bangkok - thats just another part of life here.... 

 

Some people will always judge, some lack the intelligence and observation skills to differentiate between the a father an his daughter and an older guy and a young hooker. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know. I married a girl 18 years younger and divorced her too. Good for 5 years. Sometimes I look at the photos and think boy she looks young. I didn’t mind the attention sometimes. We never went to Pattaya though.   Can be fun but also hard being the older one. Not all fun.
If I missed the joke Bill97 please ignore my post. 

[JoseThailand]

23 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Who criticizes them?

a) Old women

b) Guys who can't afford young women.

c) Young guys

[gamb00ler]

21 hours ago, bignok said:

Only jealous people criticize others. Hate comes from below not above.

Call me curious... how do you measure elevation in your  "system"?

[richard_smith237]

23 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

Call me curious... how do you measure elevation in your  "system"?

Does a person even need to in strangers or people with whom they’ll have little contact?

 

If regarding those someone is letting into their inner circle, a partner and close friends, and if they are someone for whom that matters, then the response is going to draw a lot of criticism from those who may fall outside of or those who chose outside of such criteria...

 

Any such response is surely divisive, subject to criticism and somewhat of a minefield on forums such as this.... however, treading delicately...  How to measure ‘elevation’ ?(I’m assuming you mean the class of a potential Thai partner).

 

Answer: Socio-economic-educational status.... a person would first have to be someone who can identify this. 

 

- Education is easy - someone with a higher education, a Degree / Masters - Educated at good schools (Triom Udon Suksa etc ) and Top Thai Universities (Chula / Thammarsat / Rangsit / Bangkok Uni) or known international Universities. Someone who speaks educated English.

 

- Economic status is also easy - someone from a family which has their own wealth. Someone with no financial need on any potential partner, who’s 

 

- Social status is harder - after being here a while that can also be spotted... a discussion of this later point is often hated to by those who have either been unable to mix with those of a higher social status.

 

 

But again... does any of the above matter ????..... not at all if we are happy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 1, 2023 by richard_smith237

[jayboy]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

Does it matter ???...  not at all...  when a person is a decent human, that is the only thing that matters.

Being a decent human being is obviously a good thing. Social class has however nothing to do with virtue.In any case these days old fashioned ideas of social class are collapsing in favor of measuring class by wealth and income.But I think in behavioral terms we can usually recognize low class when we come across it. Just look at Pattaya, the people who visit, the people who live there and (most of all) the people who promote it - Buzzin Pattaya and the like.

[bignok]

27 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

Call me curious... how do you measure elevation in your  "system"?

Pretty straight forward. Someone who talks trash or doesnt mind their own business is low level. 

 

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

 

[gamb00ler]

On 5/31/2023 at 9:27 PM, bignok said:

Only jealous people criticize others. Hate comes from below not above.

I think it's pretty hard to determine which is the primary direction of the flow of hate.  It's basically an irrational emotion and its headwaters can be well hidden.

 

I see plenty of hate flow "downward".  It could start as mere disdain or disrespect that blossoms into full on hate.

 

I think some current political leaders manipulate their supporters by catering to their sense of loss by offering some cultural salve while actually causing them serious harm economically and medically.  Can that be labelled hate?

[Hummin]

On 5/31/2023 at 2:21 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Who criticizes them?

a) Old women

b) Guys who can't afford young women.

 

Guys who can afford young women mostly agree that that is the best option.

When you see the response to posts like this, you know the bottom line of the forum and its clients

 

 

Something to be a proud member of. Nb: just one out of many

 

[bignok]

20 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

I think it's pretty hard to determine which is the primary direction of the flow of hate.  It's basically an irrational emotion and its headwaters can be well hidden.

 

I see plenty of hate flow "downward".  It could start as mere disdain or disrespect that blossoms into full on hate.

 

I think some current political leaders manipulate their supporters by catering to their sense of loss by offering some cultural salve while actually causing them serious harm economically and medically.  Can that be labelled hate?

Don't bring politics into it.