Problem with increasingly aggressive & violent wife

[proton]

23 hours ago, notrub said:

John Spooner at Isaan Lawyers.  https://isaanlawyers.com/

 

He is English lawyer (owner) with a team of Thai lawyers/staff.  Reasonable price and good service.  Based in Nakhon Ratchasima but well worth the effort to go outside Krung Tep for legal help.

Contacted them about an auto crash we needed advice and help with 3 years ago- no help at all, said they were too busy, could they recommend a lawyer in Bkk, no! 

[Kaopad999]

On 7/1/2023 at 3:09 PM, Sandboxer said:

Time for a dose of reality - you can't rescue your son unless you rescue yourself first. So leave, and do whatever needs to be done to divorce the psycho and maybe get custody.

 

Might take a long time, you may not see the kid for a long time, and nothing is guaranteed (will obviously be an uphill battle for a falang and in the end maybe even futile), but I think that's your only chance. 

 

One thing that is almost certain is that the situation will escalate if you stay. Perhaps to a point where the kid's safety becomes an issue because her hatred for you crosses the red line from verbal/light violence to a full on homicidal episode where anyone near her becomes a target.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

He aid that he's got video evidence of her flipping out, so might have a very good case for custody? 

[atpeace]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:05 PM, JammG said:

I live with my Thai wife and 4 year old son in a rented apartment in bkk & we was married at the local amphur, I have a situation now where my wife is becoming more and more aggressive and violent often breaking things in the apartment.

The police have been called before and they didn't do anything, not even looked at our smashed up room. Luckily I recorded the last time she went berserk on video and have taken pics & have i been to the police to record any incidents & have received reports. Actually the police have said to leave her if she keeps doing it.

 

I have spoken to her about divorce before but she only wants to go to the amphur without any lawyer present and refuses to talk to anyone about it. My son is scared of her outbursts as she often targets his toys a lot to break, anyway from speaking to people I gather there is no reason I can't take my son away from where we currently live for his safety.

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there that has any advice or has experienced something similar, if I do take my son with me obviously I am worried about how she will react & what could happen in the future. 

Any sensible replies are welcome & thanks in advance. 

 

 

Go to the amphur and get a copy of all the divorce papers.  Get them translated and fill them out so you know what you want.  Take them to a lawyer then and get a second opinion if you want.  I didn't have a lawyer and it ended well.  Might want to have a lawyer explain the options pertaining to your child.  Use the lawyer as an adviser and you don't need their assistance in filing IMO.

 

Here is the tricky part.  Tell her you are OK with the amphur without a lawyer and throw in an incentive(200k,300k, 500k, 1 mil... baht) at signing.  You know her and how much money will motivate her.  I gave the money after the signing outside the office.  My ex trusted me and new I would give her the money.  You could include it in the divorce paper.  BTW, the divorce was simple and I think a lawyer would have complicated the process.  Literally took 1 visit that lasted 1 hour  if I remember correctly.   The divorce paper was completed by a lady at the office that just asked about property and who gets what.

 

The above seems easy but if her mental states are anything like my ex, there will be challenges.  I simply told her the details and let her decide when.  When she told me she was ready, I was in the car and at the office 30 minutes later.

[keithkarmann]

My first wife used to attack me, she ripped the shirt off my back at least once and she attacked me with a knife while I was in the bath (the water turned red). We stayed together for a total of seven years because of the kids as they were not at risk physically but they probably have mental scars.

She left me eventually and we divorced and she got custody. My next marriage lasted 30 years and only ended when she got killed in a car accident. Yes as with most marriages we had problems but we worked through them and had to compromise a lot but 30 years is a long time.

Having kids sometimes complicates things and they can stop you walking away so easily when you know it would be the right thing to do.

[Kaopad999]

4 minutes ago, keithkarmann said:

My first wife used to attack me, she ripped the shirt off my back at least once and she attacked me with a knife while I was in the bath (the water turned red). We stayed together for a total of seven years because of the kids as they were not at risk physically but they probably have mental scars.

She left me eventually and we divorced and she got custody. My next marriage lasted 30 years and only ended when she got killed in a car accident. Yes as with most marriages we had problems but we worked through them and had to compromise a lot but 30 years is a long time.

Having kids sometimes complicates things and they can stop you walking away so easily when you know it would be the right thing to do.

Damm man.. i'm sorry to hear.. 

[Colabamumbai]

I think your heart is telling you what to do. Take a day away, talk to the trees, the flowers and the universe, the answer will be clear. 

[bignok]

On 7/1/2023 at 6:47 PM, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

Yes

[NanLaew]

On 7/1/2023 at 3:56 PM, Gaccha said:

On 7/1/2023 at 3:51 PM, NanLaew said:

Her maternal grandmother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia

That's surprising because schizophrenia, when it is inherited (50% of cases), is almost always through the paternal lineage (90%).

My fiancee was different.

[NanLaew]

On 7/1/2023 at 3:54 PM, JammG said:

She is not on drugs

 

On 7/1/2023 at 4:16 PM, JammG said:

she is not involved with anyone else because she is at work all day.

My ex-girlfriend took drugs at work with a guy she ended up marrying.

[David Whitemore]

If you don't hold a marriage license and it was just a Thai blessing you don't need a divorce just walk away

[2baht]

I would consider all 100 comments here so far, maybe narrow it down to the best 5, weigh the pros and cons till you narrow it down to 1 and run with that!

[David Whitemore]

Ask your son what he wants, go to your local welfare office where you live they will support you and advice you good luck????

[ignore it]

Hmm.

You need professional help.

There used to be Tuk Tuk driver in Hua Hin that knew a hit man who would do it cheap.  

 

Nah, I remember he's working full time for one of the government ministers now and stopped doing private contracts

[NanLaew]

4 minutes ago, David Whitemore said:

...go to your local welfare office...

Go where now?

[blackshadow]

get shut!!!!

[Chongalulu]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:53 PM, JimTripper said:

Your married. Find out what she’s angry about and work it out. That’s what therapy is for.

You win today's internet for the most useless advice of the day! 

[Chongalulu]

28 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

My fiancee was different.

Was "He".... ?

[FreddieMercury]

Your responsibility to your son outweighs any duty of care to your wife.
She may have the ability to escalate and become violent to the point of significant danger to you or your child.
Everyone's definition of berserk is different so the risk assessment here is up to you.
If you have money available, remove yourself and your son from the environment.
Get a lawyer involved and ask for a barring order if possible. Once a judge has signed off on that, the police are bound to execute that order if required.
By all means if you think the relationship is worth saving, do it later on down the road, but as @bignok says, go with your gut on that one.
I for one am sorry that you and your son have to go through this. It's an awful situation to be in.
Good luck to you.

[RedCardinal]

On 7/1/2023 at 3:54 PM, JammG said:

apparently there are no child abduction laws in Thailand so I can just leave & take my son with me and then take it from there.

Surprised nobody here has questioned this statement. I think a farang father may be in for a very rude awakening if the mother has the wherewithall to go to the police and report a child abduction.  Aliens are usually the easiest for Thai authoriities to track, and it's quite likely that they will believe whatever the mother chooses to tell them.   Especially so if the father absconds with a young child.

 

Even if you do manage to abscond with your son, you'll very quickly run into Thai bureaucracy whenever you need anything official related to your son.  Thai passport of ID card?  Need mother's permission or proof of sole custody awarded by the court.  Want to travel with son outside Thailand (assumes he has passport from father's homeland)?  Immigration will likely request consent from the mother.  Want to enroll son in Thai school?  School may ask mother's consent or court order showing sole custody.  Need a Non-O visa based on Thai family/child?  Need mother's consent or sole custody from court.  The list goes on.  

   

On 7/1/2023 at 4:16 PM, JammG said:

I was just interested to hear if anyone else had ever been in a similar situation and what happened.

I had to leave my son when he was 2.  Very similar.  Violence, diagnosed mental health issues, plenty of police reports (handy to have, so keep reporting).  Mother was exceptionally good at behaving in front of police, and who are they going to believe?  Legally, I was informed that I could take a case to Family Court and request sole custody, but there would be a "he-said, she-said" situation, and no guarantees of success.  Thai courts generally leave children with the Thai mother in family break-ups.

 

Only things I can suggest - each case will be different, but getting some real legal advice is warranted.  If you can negotiate with wife, try.  She may need medical help to deal with her anger (doctor's will most likely want to uncover the root cause and treat this).  Thai's generally go via family when things break down completely, so if you have contact with her family try to open some dialogue this way. 

 

Other posters have said that you may need to leave your son and then use the court system to get sole custody.  The sad realty is that this may be your best option.  But it will take time.  If you do leave, I suggest you keep maintaining them financially in some way so you can show that you have not abandoned your son.  Also bear in mind that removing her trigger for anger (you) may also make life better for your son.

 

Find a decent Family Lawyer.  Relying on advice here (despite posters being well-intentioned) is probably NOT the best solution.  Also, good luck.  Hopefully things will get better.      

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/1/2023 at 7:15 PM, CharlieKo said:

Get yourself a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. If need be go through the family court. With the evidence you have there should be no problem getting a divorce and custody of the child. Don't delay! 

Before doing that get away from her, and don't tell her where. Sounds like she might hurt the OP if pushed too far, and the OP needs to get away ASAP for his own safety IMO.

Leave the kid with a family member, or that might cause legal problems.

Let the court sort out custody.

 

My wife wasn't that bad but I still bolted the bedroom door while sleeping ( she slept in another room ).

 

Main thing is to have witnesses to her behaviour prepared to go to court. Police report would be good too.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 minutes ago, nchuckle said:

You win today's internet for the most useless advice of the day! 

You are right there. My wife refused to talk about her problems- end of. She hadn't got to the OP's wife's stage but I didn't need a weatherman to tell me which way the wind was blowing. I was just lucky she was angry enough to agree to an amphur divorce.

[Foek]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:41 PM, NanLaew said:

Bipolar would be my bet. Maybe a bit of schizophrenia in the mix? My former fiancee was blessed with both in spades. Luckily, her parents stepped up and despite her being an adult and living away from home, they came and took her home and into the care and support she desperately needed but I couldn't provide.

Bipolar is my guess also.

CBD gummies worked very well with my bipolar ex but she still could not admit it was working even when her children saying mama not angry anymore now.so i stopped buying them and finally got rid of her.

Happy living now with a normal woman.

[thaibeachlovers]

32 minutes ago, David Whitemore said:

If you don't hold a marriage license and it was just a Thai blessing you don't need a divorce just walk away

and his son?

[NORDO]

If your son has a passport and you are legal parent, take him and go back to your home country, before she goes off the deep end.   If she follows you, then you can report her to your local authorities and they will protect the child.

Make sure your marriage is recognized there.   Get a divorce there legally.  

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/1/2023 at 8:47 PM, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

Sooooo, where were you when I was making the biggest mistake and getting married? You didn't save me or the OP, and hindsight is always perfect.

[thaibeachlovers]

Just now, NORDO said:

If your son has a passport and you are legal parent, take him and go back to your home country, before she goes off the deep end.   If she follows you, then you can report her to your local authorities and they will protect the child.

Make sure your marriage is recognized there.   Get a divorce there legally.  

Did you forget that the kid would need a letter from the wife saying it's OK to take the boy overseas? He'd probably never get on the plane without one.

[bamboozled]

You are not legally responsible for any debts your wife incurred or incurs without your knowledge/consent. Absconding...these days, the police/immi presumably know where you are based on the TM30. So if she goes to the police to report your absconding, they can find you if they want....so I believe. Mental health care here: She is an adult and has to agree to any therapies or hospital stays. You can't "put" someone in there against there will. Unless the court institutionalizes her. In the mental hospital, if she goes, she will be given a lot of medication and no talk therapy of any kind. I know from going through this with my Thai wife, multiple times and for multiple years. It might help her a lot and it might not. But it's a long, slow climb out of the hole with no guarantees. Even if she finds some balance, can you see yourself staying with her? Has too much damage been done; too much water over the dam? Not easy to feel good about someone after they've smashed up a place and threatened with a knife. Even if you have sympathy.

 

Based on her documented violence, you have a good case for a judge granting you divorce with or without her consent, and custody, I would think. At least that is what is in the law. I don't think a Thai judge is going to be happy with a violent mother regardless that the father is farang.

 

Good luck!

[Toby1947]

On 7/1/2023 at 10:10 AM, Gecko123 said:

When the OP said she was going on line chatting with different guys, my guess as to the likely explanation for her behavior immediately shifted from mental illness to a deliberate attempt on her part to get the OP to move out and divorce because she's romantically involved with someone else.

 

Spot on. Probably another idiotic farang with more wonga these halfwits never learn. The cultures just don't match 

[Scouse123]

Once you are on this slippery slope it is usually irretrievable especially with Thais that aren't educated properly, (even those that are!) , as they lack maturity to make adult decisions.

 

Going off at a tangent like this leads me to three choices.

 

1. She wants to make you so uncomfortable that you leave. Then she can tell the neighbors you left her and the blame is on you not her unreasonable behaviour, even though the village probably knows.....face saving!

2. She's on drugs and short of funds.

3. She has massive debts outside either for gambling, drugs or both and cannot cope and does not know how to approach the problem or explain to you.

 

Therefore, rather than lose face or look a fool, she chooses this immature option of smashing things up.

 

It does strike me that this situation is getting extremely volatile.

 

Also, when you need to start getting the Police involved due to these tantrums, what kind of a life is that to be living?

 

Children in these type of relationships are simply used as bargaining chips to negotiate a better deal for her at your expense. I've seen it time and again in foreign/Thai relationships.

 

Thais can be incredibly ' hard faced ' in these situations.

 

I would certainly be planning an exit strategy in this instance. You further say all her wages goes to clear her debts, then what kind of debts are they?, not that you will get the truth from her anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[thailand49]

3 hours ago, paddypower said:

I define ''international lawyers'' practicing in Thailand as having big egos and big bills. that's based on spending millions with my investment group for nothing.

Of course that is a generalization from your own experience. Most lawyers are as you say especially big egos readon we joke the only good lawyer is a dead one. But in the end you pay their bill you make the decision obviously when it came to investment you made the wrong choice so blame yourself and not all. On this guy topic he isn't investing I say international first and foremost to the English is good enough so it can be explain to him what he should do and expect. If money is the object only and he wants to go cheap get a Thai lawyer who can't communicate what is happening just want the money where does that leave him yes in the dark wondering!

This isn't investing or big ego it is dealing with a child life that itself you should remove yourself from the topic since you more concern about your own bad experience.