divorce yes/no

[Pistachio]

Hello everyone,
I have a Thai wife we have been together for 7 years the last 4 living in Europe. We have 2 children together. We had our wedding in Thailand seven years ago and then super legalised it in Europe. After living together I find that for the last year maybe two I am struggling to stay in this relationship which I know has no future. We are both tired and only the kids are keeping us going. My wife doesn't want to learn the language. She doesn't fit in at all and I'm getting pissed off that she can't fit into the way of life in Europe. Home is a mess everything I don't feel the warmth of home like I did in my youth. She doesn't have a system in things she brings up the children without rules she would like to give them a tablet which I have forbidden her to do. Raising children in her eyes is that it is enough if she dresses them and gives them food. I don't see the motherly love she plays with her phone all the time. The kids see this I try to create activities for them but I'm on my own and I'm exhausted. At home my stuff is a mess in my bookshelf she has papers meds and minc together. No system in things. He doesn't go out with us he says the sun is shining too much or it's too cold again. I want to divorce but I don't know what to do with the kids? Should I plough on with this marriage for the kids? 
Divorce in Europe is complicated because the court will probably order her to stay here and we'll have alternate custody.
I want her to go away and leave the kids here and I suggested it to her and she agreed to it. The issue is that I can't look after the children on my own. Unfortunately I don't have support in my family. 
Any idea how to resolve this. 

[orchis]

what's her side of the story?

[gargamon]

You can take the girl out of Thailand but you can't take the Thailand out of the girl.

 

If you don't have to live in the EU, then move back to Thailand. If you can't move back, you're going to need to get divorced. 

[Pistachio]

22 minutes ago, gargamon said:

You can take the girl out of Thailand but you can't take the Thailand out of the girl.

 

If you don't have to live in the EU, then move back to Thailand. If you can't move back, you're going to need to get divorced. 

Thailand is so ingrained in her. Now the boy has a fever instead of hot tea she gives him cold water and doesn't dress him properly. That supposedly to make the heat take the fever out of him faster. I'm tired of her Thai habits that she applies in the EU.

[Pistachio]

24 minutes ago, gargamon said:

You can take the girl out of Thailand but you can't take the Thailand out of the girl.

 

If you don't have to live in the EU, then move back to Thailand. If you can't move back, you're going to need to get divorced. 

I'm mad mad I argue with her about irrelevant things. 

[Skipalongcassidy]

I'm sure that she is entirely to blame in this situation, and you have every right to be "mad,mad"... after all your way of life is so much better than hers.

[Pistachio]

6 minutes ago, Skipalongcassidy said:

I'm sure that she is entirely to blame in this situation, and you have every right to be "mad,mad"... after all your way of life is so much better than hers.

I'm sorry, but messing things up and spending most of the day on the bed with your cell phone in your hand is not the right habit. 

 

[Skipalongcassidy]

29 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

I'm sorry, but messing things up and spending most of the day on the bed with your cell phone in your hand is not the right habit. 

 

Open your mind and heart... she is isolated... like it or not there are many people who when taken away from their natural surroundings and what they know about concerning life who cannot cope and they withdraw into a shell... and it doesn't sound like you have done much in supporting the fact that that is exactly what you have done to her... it's all about what you want... how old are you...12

[2baht]

47 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

I'm sorry, but messing things up and spending most of the day on the bed with your cell phone in your hand is not the right habit. 

 

She does'nt sound very interested in you!

[save the frogs]

1 hour ago, Pistachio said:

The issue is that I can't look after the children on my own.

daycare / babysitters 

 

I think research shows that kids tend to do better with 2 parents, but maybe those stats are only relevent if both parents are pulling their weight. if either parent sucks, then maybe a one child home is not an issue. 

 

[bob smith]

What a mess! 
 

Just leave her mate. 
and move somewhere else far far away. 
 

next time don’t rush into a relationship with an uneducated girl. You didn’t meet her in a bar, did you?

[2baht]

43 minutes ago, bob smith said:

What a mess! 
 

Just leave her mate. 
and move somewhere else far far away. 
 

next time don’t rush into a relationship with an uneducated girl. You didn’t meet her in a bar, did you?

The kids, Bob, the kids!

[OneMoreFarang]

I guess one of the big questions is: What is best for the children?

Do the children speak Thai?

Maybe the best of all the bad options is that she and the children live in Thailand - with or without you.

Good luck! You need it. 

[bob smith]

17 minutes ago, 2baht said:

The kids, Bob, the kids!

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

[BE88]

The problem you expose is not new but that of many married couples who leave Thailand. There are many Thai wives who don't want to return to Thailand but others like yours who do everything to make you understand that she wants to return to Thailand.

Then you have no other choice, let her return and try to take care of your children with other solutions as already described above.

You made the bad choice it's up to you to fix it

[retarius]

The morals of it are that you owe it to the kids to stay in the relationship until they are of such an age they will not suffer. If you want to be selfish then....

[Nick Carter icp]

20 minutes ago, bob smith said:

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

Real men would want to support their Children , weasels run away and hide

[brianthainess]

27 minutes ago, bob smith said:

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

Aka Thailand.

[DrJack54]

28 minutes ago, bob smith said:

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

Showing your true colors.

Not surprised in the least. 

 

OP, you sound like a controlling kanker.

Also pretty foolish to think it's a simple gig to take a Thai to live ongoing in Europe. 

Not impossible however problematic

 

[brianthainess]

3 hours ago, Pistachio said:

. My wife doesn't want to learn the language.

So what language to you communicate in?

Have the kids started school yet? or even kindergarten?

Do they speak Thai?

Can you speak Thai?

I don't know in Europe, but many Thais lay on a bed all day looking at their phone. 

 

[NanLaew]

20 minutes ago, BE88 said:

You made the bad choice it's up to you to fix it

But the OP's trying to fix it, isn't he? I mean here he is, seeking affirmation from anonymous strangers on a public forum.

Edited October 22, 2023 by NanLaew

[brianthainess]

Are you from a Germanic country by any chance?

[EVENKEEL]

41 minutes ago, bob smith said:

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

Class Act bob, 

[Yellowtail]

2 hours ago, Pistachio said:

I'm sorry, but messing things up and spending most of the day on the bed with your cell phone in your hand is not the right habit. 

 

What kind of job do you have that leaves you exhausted with no time for your children? 

[bob smith]

5 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

Class Act bob, 

If I knocked up a bar girl I would run a million miles.

 

Just sayin.

Edited October 22, 2023 by bob smith

[OneMoreFarang]

24 minutes ago, retarius said:

The morals of it are that you owe it to the kids to stay in the relationship until they are of such an age they will not suffer. If you want to be selfish then....

He owes the kids that he takes care of them, and not just financially.

That doesn't necessary mean that it is best to live together with the mother of the children who obviously doesn't take her role serious.

Maybe there is another woman out there would be much better in that position.

But obviously it is far away from easy to resolve this situation.

[Yellowtail]

2 minutes ago, bob smith said:

If I got a bar girl knocked up I would run a million miles.

 

Just sayin.

The topic is not about old perves banging bargirls, but about a family. 

[Yellowtail]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

He owes the kids that he takes care of them, and not just financially.

That doesn't necessary mean that it is best to live together with the mother of the children who obviously doesn't take her role serious.

It is only obvious itf the OPs position is taken as fact.  

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe there is another woman out there would be much better in that position.

But obviously it is far away from easy to resolve this situation.

A breakup is virtually always much harder on the kids than staying together. 

[Don Chance]

There are no wrong relationships.  The only time is when a relationship becomes abusive, then it is time to leave if it can't be fixed.

[Celsius]

How long did the conversation take about moving to Europe? 

 

Did you show her pics from the internet and she enthusiastically said yes? Did you show her London or Munich and in reality you live in the middle of nowhere?

 

Was she saving money and working hard in Thailand knowing that life in Europe or wherever won't be easy?

 

When she arrived, was she taking pics of the airport and duty free shops announcing her hi-so life?

 

Did she work in Thailand?