Coming Out - Aged 60

[Neeranam]

My brother just came out the closet and I'd appreciate some advice about what to say to him. He never actually said "I'm gay" but told us he has a partners and it's a serious relationship. 

Of course, I suspected this for ages, going to the Eurovision song contest and Shirley Bassey concerts but it's quite a big thing, well maybe not. 

I think it's great that he is free but also a bit sad that he's been hiding it all these years, or maybe he hasn't -  is this possible to turn gay late in life?

Should I just say I am happy and not ask questions like when did you know etc?

 

[Stocky]

Just say you're happy for him and wish him and his partner well.

[proton]

Derek's advice

 

 

[bkk6060]

Just be supportive in a way you feel is appropriate. 

And yes, people can come out as gay later in life.  If you feel you might be gay, maybe speak with your brother about it. 

[FritsSikkink]

Tell him it is great that he is free and ask about the relation and how he feels about staying in the closet so long.

You should discuss this like any other topic. I have a gay brother who came out earlier but had big problems to do so as my father had a hostile attitude to gays (this was decades ago).

[Trippy]

@Neeranam You have a gay brother, yet you support people that murder people just for being gay?

[CharlieKo]

1 hour ago, Neeranam said:

is this possible to turn gay late in life?

It's called latent Homosexuality. It's fairly common. 

[Neeranam]

23 minutes ago, Trippy said:

@Neeranam You have a gay brother, yet you support people that murder people just for being gay?

No I don't, what are you on about?

[connda]

1 hour ago, Neeranam said:

My brother just came out the closet and I'd appreciate some advice about what to say to him. He never actually said "I'm gay" but told us he has a partners and it's a serious relationship. 

"Do whatever you like.  Live with whomever wish.  You're my brother so your sexual orientation changes nothing between us and I'll always love you as my brother."

Well - unless it does change things between you - but that would be on you.

I've had gay friends and family members all my life.  Their sexual orientation isn't about you or me.  You accept them or you don't.  If you don't - well - your loss imho.  Don't walk around him like your stepping on eggshells. 

[Jingthing]

No need to walk on eggshells.

He's 60 for chrissakes.

Just be authentic.

I wouldn't ask probing questions about his sexual history though unless he starts to talk about it himself.

[connda]

5 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

No need to walk on eggshells.

He's 60 for chrissakes.

Just be authentic.

I wouldn't ask probing questions about his sexual history though unless he starts to talk about it himself.

Exactly!

[petermik]

Sorry but it would break my heart if my brother told me that.......

[Neeranam]

29 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

No need to walk on eggshells.

He's 60 for chrissakes.

Just be authentic.

I wouldn't ask probing questions about his sexual history though unless he starts to talk about it himself.

Thanks, I won't probe but just be honest -  I wish him and partner all the very best.. 

Actually, a good friend came out at 30, which I thought late. We had no idea -  he always had all the prettiest girls! He often hinted my brother was gay, he said gay people can recognize easier that straight people. 

[Neeranam]

34 minutes ago, petermik said:

Sorry but it would break my heart if my brother told me that.......

It made me happy, quit emotional. 

[Nick Carter icp]

37 minutes ago, petermik said:

Sorry but it would break my heart if my brother told me that.......

 

  I would be annoyed , because I have no interest in any of my families sexuality or what they get up to .

    Just keep it too yourself and no need to tell everyone as I am not interested at all .

Do whatever you want , but just keep it to yourself .

[Foxx]

Just ask if he and his partner would be interested in a threesome with you.

[NanLaew]

55 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

No need to walk on eggshells.

He's 60 for chrissakes.

Just be authentic.

I wouldn't ask probing questions about his sexual history though unless he starts to talk about it himself.

 

This.

[Jingthing]

45 minutes ago, petermik said:

Sorry but it would break my heart if my brother told me that.......

That's dumb.

[onthemoon]

5 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

  I would be annoyed , because I have no interest in any of my families sexuality or what they get up to .

    Just keep it too yourself and no need to tell everyone as I am not interested at all .

Do whatever you want , but just keep it to yourself .

I feel sorry for you and your family.

[Jingthing]

5 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

  I would be annoyed , because I have no interest in any of my families sexuality or what they get up to .

    Just keep it too yourself and no need to tell everyone as I am not interested at all .

Do whatever you want , but just keep it to yourself .

That's ridiculous in the context of brother being in a relationship with a man now. He's supposed to hide that and lie and say they're just golf buddies?

[Nick Carter icp]

2 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

That's ridiculous in the context of brother being in a relationship with a man now. He's supposed to hide that and lie and say they're just golf buddies?

 

   No need to lie about anything , just keep their sex life private .

[0ffshore360]

Is unclear if your brother has spoken directly to you about it or has just "let be known" . But either way I would just wait until there is an opportunity to let him know  and understand you are happy for him. And unless other people try to probe your opinion keep it as private information.

[SAFETY FIRST]

2 hours ago, Neeranam said:

My brother just came out the closet and I'd appreciate some advice about what to say to him. He never actually said "I'm gay" but told us he has a partners and it's a serious relationship. 

Of course, I suspected this for ages, going to the Eurovision song contest and Shirley Bassey concerts but it's quite a big thing, well maybe not. 

I think it's great that he is free but also a bit sad that he's been hiding it all these years, or maybe he hasn't -  is this possible to turn gay late in life?

Should I just say I am happy and not ask questions like when did you know etc?

 

Where's he living. 

If he's living in the west I don't blame him for going queer. 

 

Buy him a airplane ticket to Thailand, after a few weeks here in Thailand he'll go heterosexual again. 

 

[Jingthing]

9 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

   No need to lie about anything , just keep their sex life private .

Again you're being dense.

Saying you're in a same sex relationship is coming out.

[Jingthing]

1 minute ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Where's he living. 

If he's living in the west I don't blame him for going queer. 

 

Buy him a airplane ticket to Thailand, after a few weeks here in Thailand he'll go heterosexual again. 

 

Bull

[CHdiver]

Invite him to Thailand and gift him a night in Boystown. Or if you want to celebrate together, go down to Soi 6 and he can use the same Bar just the "backentrace" from 6/1.

 

Now for real. I think its no big deal nowadays. However, like you I find it sad if he waited for a long time to do it.

[KhunLA]

Haven't read thread ...

 

... Why would you need to say anything, unless he brings it up in conversation ?

... Do you ask your straight family or friends, how and when they knew they were straight ?

[Nick Carter icp]

4 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

Again you're being dense.

Saying you're in a same sex relationship is coming out.

 

   I have no interest in other peoples relationships or sex lives.

Just get on doing whatever you want to do and no need to tell me about it .

[tgw]

2 hours ago, Neeranam said:

My brother just came out the closet and I'd appreciate some advice about what to say to him. He never actually said "I'm gay" but told us he has a partners and it's a serious relationship. 

Of course, I suspected this for ages, going to the Eurovision song contest and Shirley Bassey concerts but it's quite a big thing, well maybe not. 

I think it's great that he is free but also a bit sad that he's been hiding it all these years, or maybe he hasn't -  is this possible to turn gay late in life?

Should I just say I am happy and not ask questions like when did you know etc?

 

Just be yourself, at 60 he probably knows what reactions to expect from you - if you are curious, just ask him if he's ok to talk about it. Or not. Depends on your relationship with your brother. There isn't a "one fits all" method of handling such news. Also, I would be careful with labels, such as gay, straight, etc. sexuality is a continuum, not a handful of hermetic boxes.

[Neeranam]

6 minutes ago, 0ffshore360 said:

Is unclear if your brother has spoken directly to you about it or has just "let be known" . But either way I would just wait until there is an opportunity to let him know  and understand you are happy for him. And unless other people try to probe your opinion keep it as private information.

Not spoken directly to me, spoke to my mother who passed it on. We only talk about once or twice a year, unless he is visiting here or I there.