Should I Tell My Friend That His Girlfriend Is Trans?

[JK-Trilly]

I’ve got a bit of a situation that I’m hoping to get some advice on, especially from others who’ve navigated life and friendships in Thailand.

 

About 8 months back, I met a fellow expat here in Bangkok—let’s call him “John.” We get on really well; he’s got a good sense of humor, we have a lot in common, and over time, we’ve become good friends. We started meeting up regularly for drinks, sometimes for a meal, sharing stories about our experiences in Thailand, and just talking about life in general.

 

After we’d known each other for a while, John opened up a bit about his personal life and mentioned that he’s in a serious relationship. He seemed really smitten with his girlfriend, saying he’s planning to marry her and even start a family someday. Naturally, he wanted me to meet her. I was looking forward to it, as he seemed genuinely happy, and it’s always nice to meet the people who mean the most to your friends.

 

So, we all met up for dinner. His girlfriend, whom I’ll call “Lek,” was charming, confident, and seemed like a genuinely lovely person. It was clear they were really into each other. But as the night went on, I started to realize that Lek might be a ladyboy. She had a couple of subtle mannerisms, and through our conversation, there were a few strong cues that raised my suspicions.

 

From everything I observed, it seemed likely that Lek has had gender-affirming surgery and presents now fully as a woman. But I’m quite sure that John doesn’t realize this. He talked about having children with her and seemed so confident about their plans for a family, which makes me certain he has no idea.

 

So here’s the dilemma. I’m torn—do I say something, or do I keep quiet?

 

On the one hand, it feels like it’s none of my business. Their relationship is their own, and everyone deserves the chance to handle these things in their own way. Maybe Lek plans to tell him when she’s ready. Outing someone is a serious breach of trust, and it could end our friendship if he feels like I’m meddling in his personal life. Plus, there’s always the chance I could be wrong, and I’d hate to create an issue where there isn’t one. But I'm 99% sure she was a he. 

 

On the other hand, I worry about the future he’s envisioning. John’s thinking about marriage, and he’s openly planning for kids, which makes me think he’s not aware of her situation. If that’s the case, then isn’t it better for him to know sooner rather than later? If he finds out much later on, after he’s committed to her for life, it might be a much bigger blow. He may end up resenting Lek or feeling blindsided, which could lead to a messy and painful breakup down the line.

 

But again, maybe it’s up to Lek to disclose that information, and I’d be crossing a line by interfering. I wouldn’t want to ruin what seems to be a good thing for him right now, especially if they’re genuinely happy together.

 

So, expat friends, what would you do in my position? Do you think I should tell John what I know, or should I stay out of it? I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar, or just anyone who has an outside perspective.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice or insight. It’s a tough one, and I’m really struggling with deciding what’s the right thing to do.

[Gandtee]

Mind your own business and give him time to get the 'feel' of the relationship.😉

[OneMoreFarang]

I only read the headline.

The answer is: no.

Maybe he knows already, maybe he doesn't care, maybe he likes it.

And maybe he is just ignorant and loves her.

Let him find his own way.

[proton]

Don't believe a word of this

[thesetat2013]

I am guessing you feel strongly enough about telling your friend about this Trans. Otherwise you would not have posted the question in here. 

A suggestion only

 

Rather than tell him she is a Trans. When you yourself are not 100% sure of this. Why don't you make some story to tell him about other men finding out their partner is trans... Hint that your friend should know or check this. 

If he has not had sex with the Possible Trans... Ask him how she is in bed or use some other tactic to see if he will disclose that he has slept with them. If he has then surely he knows if they were surgically altered then there will always be a need for sex gel to lubricate inside. Since they do no have the organs to lubricate inside themselves. Or perhaps you can find another way to make your friend find out for sure. Ask him if he has ever seen the ID card.. Or perhaps the real name of the Thai person can tell you for sure. There are many ways you can get him inquisitive without directly telling him of your suspicions. There are ways to tell this for sure even with surgery to make him have a female pussy. Search about them and make discreet suggestions that would entice your friend to check on his own. 

I think your telling him directly would maybe make problems. Because perhaps he knows already. 

[ChipButty]

I would say it's none of your business, it's a tricky situation and I do know a few trans sexual, personally and I have asked them questions if they meet a guy do they tell them, they all say no, 

I have heard some horror stories about when they do find out and it's not good, one guy in Patong committed suicide after he had been seeing this trans for 3 months, 

[CharlieH]

Consenting adults. End of story.

 

The rest is no ones business.

 

[oxo1947]

1 hour ago, JK-Trilly said:

He seemed really smitten with his girlfriend, saying he’s planning to marry her

 

Well he can't marry her can he..... doesn't matter what surgery she/he has had---The ID card will still show male.

[bendejo]

Unless you've done some exploring of the terrain you have nothing to report.

 

[CallumWK]

8 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

 

Well he can't marry her can he..... doesn't matter what surgery she/he has had---The ID card will still show male.

Thailand will legalize same-sex marriage on January 22, 2025: 

 

• When

  The law will take effect 120 days after the Royal Gazette published the King's endorsement on September 24, 2024

[brewsterbudgen]

So @JK-Trilly what are you going to do?

[KhunBENQ]

Even a post op kathoey can be identified if you have the slightest idea of female anatomy.

Don't you think so?

Requires some inspection of course and not fiddling in the dark 🤣

Using the right moment to peek into the ID card is another option.

So it's hard to believe the whole story.

[theshu25]

i call BS on the  whole thing.

[HighPriority]

OP should of course pork her himself.

Only in this way will he establish if the "girlfriend" is a real girl.

He can also judge if shes good enough in bed for his mate.

Of course if this works we'll have a whole new thread "I porked my best mates girlfriend/ladyboy* should I tell him that shes unfaithful ?"

 

* delete not applicable

 

B)

[spidermike007]

I find it nearly unbelievable that a guy in his position wouldn't already know the truth, there are so many telltale signs, that he has to know, and he has to be okay with it. So it's probably okay just to drop it.

 

I have a good friend who years ago was in a similar situation, he told me he was in love, and he adored the woman, they were together for a couple of years. Finally he came to town and we met and his woman was not only a lady boy, he was very obviously a lady boy! I never discussed it with my friend but my woman and I were pretty shocked. 

[jippytum]

Your friend is happy. Mind your own business. 

[barmatt]

Pretty easy to tell a fake pussy from a real one unless your friend is blind. But I'm calling BS anyway. 

[LukKrueng]

2 hours ago, thesetat2013 said:

If he has not had sex with the Possible Trans... Ask him how she is in bed

kinda contradiction there, no??

[MeHere]

10 minutes ago, barmatt said:

Pretty easy to tell a fake pussy from a real one unless your friend is blind. But I'm calling BS anyway. 

 

I lived in BKK for 7 years and seen a couple extremely convincing post-op jobs in my time there... basically impossible to tell!

[barmatt]

1 minute ago, MeHere said:

 

I lived in BKK for 7 years and seen a couple extremely convincing post-op jobs in my time there... basically impossible to tell!

You must have been as horny as hell

[Sandboxer]

Try to pork her/him/it and find out for sure. At the very least you can then let him know she/he/it is unfaithful. 

[Scouse123]

Great story!

 

Walt Disney would be proud of this little gem either way.

[bradiston]

2 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

 

Well he can't marry her can he..... doesn't matter what surgery she/he has had---The ID card will still show male.

Same sex marriage legal now.

[thesetat2013]

26 minutes ago, LukKrueng said:

kinda contradiction there, no??

not really since he is not sure it really is.a trans... and not sure if it had sex change surgery... for all he knows his new friend may be gay and like girls with balls swinging... we do not know

[ChipButty]

Would still be a Male passport, 

[novacova]

3 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Do you think I should tell John what I know

No, let him live out his delusional fantasy 

3 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

saying he’s planning to marry her

Ain’t gonna happen, not here anyway 

[bradiston]

Just now, novacova said:

No, let him live out his delusional fantasy 

Ain’t gonna happen, not here anyway 

It's legal here. And in the UK. I've met couples, ladyboys married to UK guys.

[Nickcage49]

Hell yes! Tell him.

[novacova]

Delete 

[novacova]

2 minutes ago, bradiston said:

It's legal here. And in the UK. I've met couples, ladyboys married to UK guys.

Well then good for him, he can go marry his guy. I had no idea that the law had changed, if it did.