Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[Semper]

No doubt some of you are wishing for some silence from theblether, but sorry, it's what I do!!

No other hobbies?

[arminbkk]

Ok, a few more:

Thai person: I'm not lazy.

Me: What did you do this weekend?

Thai: I had a very active weekend, did many things, did not sleep at all!

Thai person:

Thai person: Good morning.

Thai person: I don't like som tam.

Thai bar girl: Let ME buy YOU a drink.

[lovelaos]

#100 I'm wrong and I do apologise for my lack of understanding.

[GooEng]

thais sales assistant - yes i see sir, the item you bought is faulty, sorry about that. one moment please, let me fetch you a replacement.

[wana]

Excuse me sir ,when you were running for the bus i notice your wallet fell from back pocket ,here it is !

[lovelaos]

# 103: I really don't need another dress/pair of shoes//handbag....at the moment. Why don't we save the money in the rainy day account?

[wana]

i wont really love you long time ,il get you off ASAP and then im outta there because theres no money in lying around wasting time with you

[GooEng]

i wont really love you long time ,il get you off ASAP and then im outta there because theres no money in lying around wasting time with you

unless that is i deduce that you're sleepy and a bit drunk and have forgotten that you have left your thick wallet on in your pants pocket. if that's the case then i will have a 45 minute shower and then hang about interminably re-combing my hair, going to the toilet again and sending my friends sms while i wait for you to dose off even though you've already paid me and tipped me handsomely for the substandard service i made it clear i gave you reluctantly.

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai GF to Farang BF. My fathers really sick needs a heart transplant, but dont worry my family has the money to pay for it.

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Bar girl to farang customer. God you are ugly

Thai taxi driver. Oh I see... you dont know each other but you are both going to the same location...well hop in.

Tesco Lotus checkout operator. I was told not to smile today

Ticket clicker on bus. Yes I jam the upright pole in my buttocks for balance

Bus Driver to ticket clicker. Look Nonchai we already have 112 people on board I simply cant stop for any more pickups

Thai shop assistant. I dont need a calculator to work your purchase out sir you gave me 100b less 89b for the new watch strap...now lets see...thats 5b change...thankyou and bye bye

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai bar girl to customer in hotel room.

......hold it a minute I will just turn off my mobile phone while we have our hour of fun.

Thai lottery ticket seller on bike.

.....look this lottery closes in 5 hours I only buy these for 80b each...so I will drop the price down to 90b.

Thai security guard at temple entrance.

....hey everybody its free entry today.

Banga Crocodile farm gate attendant.

....Yep farangs pay the same price as thais

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai immigration.

....no need for any more 90 day address reporting we have done away with it.

Thai immigration.

....no need to travel out of the country to renew your visas...we will do them here in Bangkok...and save you money.

Thai bus company owner.

...yes all of our drivers are only permitted to drive a 6 hour stretch shift...then we replace them with a fresh driver.

Thai minibus driver.

....yes all the seats are securely bolted down....seatbelts are fitted to all seats...and I have a speed governor on the motor restricting me to a 100kph limit.

[robbo1]

Thai Wife - Somtum god it stinks and tastes like crap, I would much rather have a steak or a roast

Thai wife - I much rather farang food than somtum

[4evermaat]

Thai minibus driver: i drive way too fast for road conditions. If it makes you uncomfortable, i will slow down.

"2nd best time to plant a tree is today." Sent from TV android app.

[BookMan]

Bus Driver to ticket clicker. Look Nonchai we already have 112 people on board I simply cant stop for any more pickups

Thai shop assistant. I dont need a calculator to work your purchase out sir you gave me 100b less 89b for the new watch strap...now lets see...thats 5b change...thankyou and bye bye

[BookMan]

#123. Road engineer:

'When we installed the road grates the bars SHOULD HAVE been oriented 90 degrees to the direction of the motorcycle traffic, not aligned towards oncoming motorcycle traffic.

[wana]

lets not put huge steel sheets on main roads outside construction sites to protect the road from heavy tracked vehicles , a motorcycle could have a terrible accident if he has to ride over that..........

[xandreu]

Thanks for staying at one of our apartments. Here's your deposit back in full.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[bendejo]

Yield right-of-way

[wana]

roadside food vendor : i have just taken a piss/shit etc behind this tree but there is no facilites to wash my hands in this area so you will just have to hope your immune system is strong enough to resist food posioning from the bacteria from my _______!

[IanForbes]

Thai bar girl to customer in hotel room.

......hold it a minute I will just turn off my mobile phone while we have our hour of fun.

thanks for the laugh. I still remember when that happened to me about 15 years ago and cel phones had not been surgically attached to young women's hands. I just got up and dressed and asked the gal to leave.

[pauljones]

The Grand Palace is open.

[Payboy]

You want to check bin, yes. Okay sir, the side dish you ordered an hour ago is definitely not ready yet and we can cancel it.

[Sing_Sling]

Yes, sir - I understand that we didn't bring you what you ordered, we will rectify that

Yes neighbour, I understand why you are upset with me for beating my little dog senseless with a big stick

[Payboy]

Yes boss, I understand that my monthly salary and excellent benefits package is in exchange for working and not just for showing up at the office everyday to update my facebook page or follow my friends on twitter.

[wana]

girl aged 20 : ive always been attracted to wrinkly old farang men older than my granddad ,theyre just so dam_n sexy ! i cant keep my hands off them

[IanForbes]

Thai immigration.

....no need to travel out of the country to renew your visas...we will do them here in Bangkok...and save you money.

After coming to Thailand for 15 years I STILL have no idea why this country wants to send it's tourists to neighbouring countries to spend their money there instead of here. I DO understand why they want to know the whereabouts of the tourists and their travels, but why force them into another country when all they really want to know is where you are? A simple trip to immigration should give them all they need to know and it would keep the money incountry. Most people I talk to would rather pay Thailand immigration 500 to 1000 baht rather than spend 12 hours on bus and the cost of the trip to a neighbouring country. I can't think of ONE simple reason to send tourists with a valid visa away... unless of course it's to provide business for transportation companies.

[lovelaos]

# 132: (insert name) is my favourite author.

[loong]

"If you have a map of Thailand, I will show you where my home town is"

[IanForbes]

"If you have a map of Thailand, I will show you where my home town is"

oooh, that's deep, loong, very true, but deep. I still find it hard to believe that the Thailand education system does not teach geography. Or at least the geography of their own country.