How to make friends and meet a Thai lady for sincere relationship and marriage

[Robert333]

Hello,

I am from London UK and am in Chiang Mai on a long stay one year O-A visa.

I am finding it difficult to meet people who would actually like to talk and meet.

My wish to find a way to meet people for friendship, and to meet a Thai lady for a genuine long-term relationship with marriage in mind.

I am 57 and in good health. My background is in the law, in computer repair, and I have a keen interest in alternative medicine.

I have a lot of friendship to give, but need genuine advice on helping resolve my current isolation.

Regards,

Robert333

[Beetlejuice]

Should be something for you here,

http://www.meetup.com/cities/th/chiang_mai/

http://www.internations.org/chiang-mai-expats/events

https://groups.drupal.org/node/294263

http://eventful.com/events/live-your-legend-meetup-chiang-mai-thailand-/E0-001-065603557-2

http://barcampchiangmai.org/beercamp

[naboo]

Most of Thaivisa members are married to Thai/Chinese ladies, so they'll either advise you to hang out with the Bangkok business crowd or they'll be honest and tell you to pick up a hill tribe girl in a massage parlour.

My advice, get involved with activities you enjoy that involve Thai men. Having Thai male friends makes you a much more attractive option to your regular Thai girl because the initial ice breaking is possible.

[Marcel1]

Haha genuine lady in Chiang Mai? you would be the first one to find..

alternative medicine? thats one hobby I share

[Oscar2]

he's joking about picking up the hill-tribes working in the massage parlours....i think??? any way not recommended.

ever asked out a lady you fancied working at say Central? they are very open to the idea. if you are not a Thai speaker then communication could be difficult. but a good way to begin to learn the language.

stay away from the pros...

[Dante99]

If you ever did anything in the UK that worked, try it here. Meet and talk is bull shit, action man, it is about action. Why does it have to be a Thai lady, are you a racist?

[Oscar2]

If you ever did anything in the UK that worked, try it here. Meet and talk is bull shit, action man, it is about action. Why does it have to be a Thai lady, are you a racist?

indeed. there are some very nice Burmese ladies out there too. as a bonus a large percentage of them speak fluent English.

[mesquite]

You asked for advice: Hold on to your money. Don't let short-term loneliness saddle you with someone who's only interested in money.

BTW, it's all about money.

[heybruce]

Should be something for you here,

http://www.meetup.com/cities/th/chiang_mai/

http://www.internations.org/chiang-mai-expats/events

https://groups.drupal.org/node/294263

http://eventful.com/events/live-your-legend-meetup-chiang-mai-thailand-/E0-001-065603557-2

http://barcampchiangmai.org/beercamp

Checked out every webpage, all I remember is "tech", "expat", and "meet". Not very specific, and no indications that Thai women would be at any of these meetings. I was especially disappointed with beercamp, I was hoping to learn about a Chiang Mai club of home brewers.

Regarding the OP, it's already brought on conflicting advice, and will bring on much more. All I'll offer is a wet blanket; if you think true love is hard to find when you have language, culture and age in common, think of how difficult it will be with none of these things. If you're willing to settle for "pragmatic love"--you make her life better and she makes you happy, then there are possibilities. It's not exactly a fairy tale romance, but at our age that's a bit much to hope for.

[Beetlejuice]

You asked for advice: Hold on to your money. Don't let short-term loneliness saddle you with someone who's only interested in money.

BTW, it's all about money.

Depends.

For someone in his late 50s like the OP I would say he has a good chance of meeting a decent Thai woman in her mid 40s upwards. But if he has his sights set on Thai women in their 30s and younger, yes then I agree, in the majority of cases it`s going to be about money, no matter how good a shape the OP is in and some of these younger Thai girls love to give the semblance of being girlfriends to the middle aged or elderly naive, gullible farangs fresh off the boat. The good part about Thailand is that there are always the options of going short time, a pay as you go, with no strings attached if he prefers much younger women.

Of course there are always going to be the exceptions to the rule, but it`s really up to the OP`s worldly experience of people, as I assume he is an intelligent guy and to make his own judgements and use his own discretion, keeping in mind that the attitudes of Thai women are not much different to the attitudes of women anywhere else in the world, and to play the game taking the same or perhaps taking a little more precautions in Thailand because he is newbie as he would back in the UK.

[Noi657]

You asked for advice: Hold on to your money. Don't let short-term loneliness saddle you with someone who's only interested in money.

BTW, it's all about money.

Really? Wow.... I must be an exception to the rule!

[mesquite]

You asked for advice: Hold on to your money. Don't let short-term loneliness saddle you with someone who's only interested in money.

BTW, it's all about money.

Really? Wow.... I must be an exception to the rule!

Yes, yours is different.

[Noi657]

You asked for advice: Hold on to your money. Don't let short-term loneliness saddle you with someone who's only interested in money.

BTW, it's all about money.

Really? Wow.... I must be an exception to the rule!

Yes, yours is different.

I take it you've been burnt once or twice?

[Robert333]

Hello,

I would like to thank all the contributors who have replied so far. It is really nice that people are willing to take the time to give advice.

With regard to contributor Dante99, considering what I am seeking, Dante99 should consider how silly their question is in asking if I may be racist; yet maybe their question to me was not meant seriously.

I would also add that although I am not sure what the affect of marrying a Thai citizen is, I am given to understand that you are not then subject to the visa and also that you can then apply for a work permit.

Regards,

Robert333

[Chiengmaijoe]

Haha genuine lady in Chiang Mai? you would be the first one to find..

alternative medicine? thats one hobby I share

Plenty of us have met wonderful Thai ladies and have been happily married for a very long time. Negative, cynical Idiots like you never will. I wonder why you stay.

[Chiengmaijoe]

he's joking about picking up the hill-tribes working in the massage parlours....i think??? any way not recommended.

ever asked out a lady you fancied working at say Central? they are very open to the idea. if you are not a Thai speaker then communication could be difficult. but a good way to begin to learn the language.

stay away from the pros...

And cons.

[puukao]

1. you know a girl 30 years younger might, just might, want money for her and her family

2. if you don't speak thai, or she doesn't speak english very well, deep conversations are hard

3. stay away from ones with kids (more pressure for money) and who likes to drink

anyhow, it might be hard for an older lady to trust you. why is she single? she must learned some lessons. but i'm sure they are out there. You want a lady not near tourists, but then maybe her english isn't the best. i also wouldn't do the internet.

so, hmmmmmm...i would maybe take some local trips to the zoo, wat(s), chiang dao, etc....and take some local buses. find some local women, and just start by saying "hi." then walk around sunday market and see how it works (not ideal, but try it).

and, lastly, don't talk much about money at first. don't impress too much. they are not dumb women, they just think in a different language about the same things.

[mesquite]

Hello,

I would like to thank all the contributors who have replied so far. It is really nice that people are willing to take the time to give advice.

With regard to contributor Dante99, considering what I am seeking, Dante99 should consider how silly their question is in asking if I may be racist; yet maybe their question to me was not meant seriously.

I would also add that although I am not sure what the affect of marrying a Thai citizen is, I am given to understand that you are not then subject to the visa and also that you can then apply for a work permit.

Regards,

Robert333

Whoa, hold on. Now you're talking marriage. Being over 50, you can get a retirement visa entirely on your own. If you marry a Thai, you can get a marriage visa which has less stringent financial requirements. Do not get married for the sake of less stringent visa financial requirements. Do not let a Thai lady tell you that if you are married there are no visa requirements, and only if you are married can you apply for a work permit. You can apply for a work permit being single.

Here are some other things that you CAN do on your own. Again, don't let a Thai woman tell you otherwise.

Own a car in your name.

Own a motorcycle in your name.

Own a condo in your name.

I know men whose first contact in Thailand were women and they convinced them that all the above had to be bought in a Thai's name. Also that they had to be married to get a visa. Not true.

Edit: OK, so I see you have an OA visa. Good.

Edited March 22, 2014 by mesquite

[CMNightRider]

The fact you want to find a Thai woman for marriage, I'm surprised they aren't beating your door down to meet you. Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. If this is what you really want, then I would look for women that are employed, like teachers, nurses, or any other government or professional women. Seek out educated women.

I would avoid the bar girls, maids, massage girls, and basically any women who are looking for a foreigner to support their family. Some guys really do find good Thai women to spend their life with. Personally, I think there are a lot more sad stories out there than happy endings. The bottom line is whatever nationality you end up marrying, about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and generally the man loosing half of everything he owns. This can be a sobering thought for a man in his fifties or sixties.

If you set up a profile on Thai Love Links, explaining exactly what you are looking for, you will end up getting a lot of interest. Just take your time and sift through the legion of women who will contact you. She is out there but finding a needle in a hay stack may be a more realistic goal. Good luck :-)

[jonwilly]

Just live in Thailand, They will find you and then it's your decision as to who is right lady.

Same same as life anywhere.

john

[WinnieTheKhwai]

he's joking about picking up the hill-tribes working in the massage parlours....i think??? any way not recommended.

ever asked out a lady you fancied working at say Central?

Yes.

Wasn't a great idea. They're pretty though.

But still, would you marry a shop girl back home?

(Not to mention that clearly any 20-something shop girl wants to marry a 57 year old guy just because of his bright blue eyes. )

Edited March 23, 2014 by WinnieTheKhwai

[mamborobert]

he's joking about picking up the hill-tribes working in the massage parlours....i think??? any way not recommended.

ever asked out a lady you fancied working at say Central?

Yes.

Wasn't a great idea. They're pretty though.

But still, would you marry a shop girl back home?

(Not to mention that clearly any 20-something shop girl wants to marry a 57 year old guy just because of his bright blue eyes. )

What exactly is wrong with marrying a central shop girl in CM?

Can you clarify do the comment on shop girl back home? Do you mean from a social standing type stance?

Can't see anything wrong with it myself......it's not like marrying a pom for example

[JDGRUEN]

The fact you want to find a Thai woman for marriage, I'm surprised they aren't beating your door down to meet you. Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. If this is what you really want, then I would look for women that are employed, like teachers, nurses, or any other government or professional women. Seek out educated women.

I would avoid the bar girls, maids, massage girls, and basically any women who are looking for a foreigner to support their family. Some guys really do find good Thai women to spend their life with. Personally, I think there are a lot more sad stories out there than happy endings. The bottom line is whatever nationality you end up marrying, about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and generally the man loosing half of everything he owns. This can be a sobering thought for a man in his fifties or sixties.

If you set up a profile on Thai Love Links, explaining exactly what you are looking for, you will end up getting a lot of interest. Just take your time and sift through the legion of women who will contact you. She is out there but finding a needle in a hay stack may be a more realistic goal. Good luck :-)

OP ... (and to others in search of a good woman) the comments above given by CMNightRider is very good advice. There are many good Thai women age 45 or so - to 53 or so, educated, good jobs, single, nice looking, slim trim figure with some English ability to be found in the pool of women who work for the government school system and government medical facilities. The children - if any - are older and less dependant. You can recognize these ladies as they wear the little tan military type uniforms one day a week - usually Mondays and sometimes on special occasions they wear white ones. You can find a good woman on dating venues... if you can't write an effective profile and screen out the bad ones in a on line dating setting you certainly do not need to be meeting them in bars, Ask nosey questions after making their acquaintance. Done in a nice way - "getting to know you questions" work well. Look for inconsistencies by asking the same question at a later time in a slightly different way.

I can testify that I have absolutely met good Thai women via badoo dot com and others. Some scoff at this idea - but I suggest to you that these guys who scoff have no gift of gab and no ability to screen and recognize the scammers and insincere ones and thus move on to the good catch. If you looking for a quick hit on line - you can get relief - but not substance and maybe a lot of trouble for your relief. Just make it clear - you are looking for a FRIEND, no plans to get married and even if you did find the right one it will take a year or two year of courtship before marriage and you are not moving in with anyone. That usually discourages the money grabbers. I have found Teachers, Supervisors, Nurses, etc. quality women of good substance. Why on line if you are in CM or Thailand in general? Because the women there have already declared they are available and there is automatically a venue for talking. Just make an overture - be nice. Ask for full length photos - ask nicely - and make sure they understand you are talking about fully dressed photos. Facial photos - close ups often hide FAT. Learn some basic Thai right away. Learn to write a few phrases in the transliterated form -- "Sawatdee Krup", etc. just to break the ice. Make a pretence that you are of modest financial means - whether you are or not - never reveal actual finances. A modest pension is most often more than some of these women make in a month - so you will always be seen as marriage material financially.... Don't flash money - act as if spending 1000 baht is a BIG DEAL. Be generous - but not foolish - buy a good meal at a nice restaurant for those who qualify - buy flowers for the special ones. Remember for the long term as age advances Thai Government Employees have a retirement program, and medical coverage while working (and maybe in retirement) and that medical coverage covers the spouse. It is not wonderful insurance and/or medical coverage but an Expat's options are few unless you bring it with you. Also - get in shape - exercise - walk about town. Slim trim good looking Thai women do not really like fat guys... If they hang on to a fat guy - they are pretending --- perhaps he has money to add to his charm. I had to lose several kilos of weight to be marketable to add to my charm. Just knowing that you are sincerely working on your weight (if that is a problem) goes a long way. Good Luck.

[FolkGuitar]

Meeting women is easy. Meeting the 'right' woman isn't. That takes hard work, and numbers... You have to 'process' a significant number of women, weeding out the ones with whom you don't 'click,' before you find some with whom you do. And the easiest place to find large numbers of women (and at the same time know that they are single,) is in the supermarket. Just look in their shopping basket! Are they buying for one, or for a family? If they are buying for one, a few non-threatening questions such as 'which brand of XYZ is best?' Or 'how do I use ABC to make my dinner' can be a great ice-breaker. Quite often single women don't wish to be single women dinning alone every night. Pay attention to 'Body Language.' Do they answer you questions without trying to run away? Is their smile 'genuine' when they help you? Do you get the feeling that they would be receptive to a 'Thanks for your help. Say... I'm new in Chiang Mai. Perhaps we might get a cup of coffee or an ice cream sundae?' Keep in mind that the woman you meet tonight will be very different from the woman you meet tomorrow night. They all won't be Miss Right. You may have to meet a few of them to find a good friend. Remember, it's easy to get laid. It's hard to find some you want to talk with afterwards...

[WinnieTheKhwai]

he's joking about picking up the hill-tribes working in the massage parlours....i think??? any way not recommended.

ever asked out a lady you fancied working at say Central?

Yes.

Wasn't a great idea. They're pretty though.

But still, would you marry a shop girl back home?

(Not to mention that clearly any 20-something shop girl wants to marry a 57 year old guy just because of his bright blue eyes. )

What exactly is wrong with marrying a central shop girl in CM?

Can you clarify do the comment on shop girl back home? Do you mean from a social standing type stance?

Was part a play on the usual comment of 'you wouldn't marry a .... back home', but it is also the case that many department store pretties are actively in the market to become someone's (usually monied Thai guy's) mia noi, while not having much of an education or anything, so you get some of the same hassles as with anyone else from a poorer background who never had to handle money before, but is really keen on showing off. That gets expensive, and 'money' will always be a factor in the relationship.

[Marcel1]

Haha genuine lady in Chiang Mai? you would be the first one to find..

alternative medicine? thats one hobby I share

Plenty of us have met wonderful Thai ladies and have been happily married for a very long time. Negative, cynical Idiots like you never will. I wonder why you stay.

which was ment as a sarcastical joke, old people maybe not get that

[mamborobert]

All the talk about what job the potential wife does always confuses me. For most (and I stress most not at by any means) Retired Farang/Thai couples I know the wife does not work, but has done so in the past (certainly when Farang male is on retirement visa) or at best has some part time or casual money earner usually associated with filling in or helping another family member.....again I stress retired. wife is certainly not doing 12 hour shifts 28 days a month that's for sure.

I do believe that quite a few in theory would like their wife to work but in practice the Farang through language or limited social circle is socially incapable of amusing themselves without having the wife there to cook/clean/drive/shop...and generally explain things.

When a late 50 year old or more goes out with a girl in their 20's, bar girl, lawyer, market vendor, or dentist I always think that they are getting a caregiver rather than a working spouse.

When people then say "she used me" I tend to think of it as more of a disgruntled purchaser...it's not like for x months or years there was not some form of mutual parasitism.

An Swedish friend of mine died mid last year in his 70's, girlfriend was 28 and had been with him for three years...and yes a bar girl originally. He looked after her (and no doubt family), she slept on the floor next to him so as not to wake him while he slept and assist him when he wanted to go to the toilet at night, cooked , cleaned, took him to debilitating medical treatment......she nursed him to his death when his family were nowhere with nothing to show for it now...and is now doing massages as considers herself to old to go back to bars and needs to focus on something she can do long term to support herself. Would that we would all be so fortunate in our homeland or here to have such a partner.

.

Edited March 23, 2014 by mamborobert

[NancyL]

I understand the bridge club, which meets at The Pub has quite a few Thai people who play bridge. I know one older American gentleman who met a wonderful, mature (but still very beautiful), kind Thai lady thru that group.

I know another older American gentleman who meet a nice Thai lady thru his birdwatching hobby. Haven't meet her, since she's in Bankgok, but he looks forward to the birdwatching trips around Thailand where he gets to spend time with her and see Thailand, also.

[Bill97]

Robert,

Read at least 5 full length books on Thai culture including 2 or 3 by serious knowledgeable academics. Then ask yourself if this is what you want and can do. If you answer yes and do not have a lot of good ideas how to proceed, go someplace else.

[daveAustin]

Open lots of bank accounts to get near the sitdown girls. Spend time in Central Festival mall and frequent the likes of the Wine Connection, Starbucks.

Have met some fine locals on business class flights.

Note: you must always be smartly attired... avoid thongs, shorts and sandals.