My girlfriends job

[rickudon]

Apart from the 'run  Forest, run!' comments, the issue seems to be that no-one considered the amount of financial input required to make this land work. Couldn't read every comment, so didn't see how much land and what is being grown. BUT obviously the plans were too ambitious, the land should have been developed gradually, at an acceptable cost, and thought given to crops which provide a quick return on at least part of the land.

 

If the girlfriend will not sit down and plan how to deal with this, you only have one option. Tell her your broke, and leaving. She MAY come to her senses, but i doubt it.

[fredwiggy]

Both have to pull their own weight in a relationship to ensure it lasts. One sided relationships cause arguments and if you hold it in, you're stress hurts you. Been there. This doesn't sound like she's doing much besides taking, and that gets old. All women want to be taken care of, besides the feminists that think they don't "need" a man. But she needs to cook,clean and do things around the house or she isn't worth the effort or money you're putting in. You said she acts like a kid. It's narcissistic to think others have to be at your beck and call. You've answered your own questions a few times already. If she won't bend, you have to leave. It will not get better until she admits your worth to her. You are not a sugar daddy that gets sex for things bought.

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Both have to pull their own weight in a relationship to ensure it lasts.

I don't think you quite have the hang of Thailand yet, there are only a few rules for your Thai relationships .........

 

1. Bang 'em as much as you can.

2. Spend as little as you can get away with.

3. Enjoy the ride.

4. Move on when it's no longer fun.

[khunPer]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

My kid has a Brit passport.

He can study in the UK whenever he wants.

But wouldn't he still need to qualify to get into a high school or university, I presume that not everybody can just attend for example Cambridge or Oxford, and study whatever they want?

 

My daughter has a Danish passport, and can study in Denmark, but need to qualify for whatever choice she make, for example continue at IB level after Year 10-11 international (in time/age equal to M3-M4).

[BritManToo]

Just now, khunPer said:

But wouldn't he still need to qualify to get into a high school or university

No, it's his right to attend UK high school/college FoC until age 19.

Yes, he would need the high school A level qualifications (age 16-18 in UK high school).

Edited April 28, 2020 by BritManToo

[zaZa9]

If the Op wants to think on things a while , this season is timely in that it  could provide a tipping point.

 

Its about time in most of Thailand for the rains to appear.

 

Mr Milk  could bite his tongue and keep providing for the diesel/irrigation money.

And see if the Thai Lady in question continues to 'need' the money to 'irrigate' while it pours... if she doesnt , then her needs are purely based on a future ... for most women , its always HER future. But a self reliant wife  is  generally a bonus.... in the West anyway.

But if she  finds a 'new' and 'neccessary' expense , well , I would have my answer.

 

A woman that has decided to be a taker wont ever want to see her supply line diminish one baht , only grow.

So a 'wait and see' approach at present could have its merits.

But I would urge that he does so silently , or without complaint.... just keep paying till he's had , or his pocket , has enough .

 

PS - If the result is in the negative , as Mr Milk did say , "And keep my girlfriend" , so there is affection there , then I would also advise that the departure was also done silently and  without warning ...

 

[473geo]

25 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I don't think you quite have the hang of Thailand yet, there are only a few rules for your Thai relationships .........

 

1. Bang 'em as much as you can.

2. Spend as little as you can get away with.

3. Enjoy the ride.

4. Move on when it's no longer fun.

Isn't that more shacked up with a bit of rough in condo, than a relationship?

[BritManToo]

Just now, 473geo said:

Isn't that more shacked up with a bit of rough in condo, than a relationship?

In reality the only difference is your personal level of weakness and gullibility.

Edited April 28, 2020 by BritManToo

[473geo]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

In reality the only difference is your personal level of weakness and gullibility.

Otherwise known as giving a fruck about the person sharing your life

[fredwiggy]

19 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I don't think you quite have the hang of Thailand yet, there are only a few rules for your Thai relationships .........

 

1. Bang 'em as much as you can.

2. Spend as little as you can get away with.

3. Enjoy the ride.

4. Move on when it's no longer fun.

I'm married, and we've had our own share of fights and misunderstandings, mostly because of the Thai-English lost in translations. All relationships, if they are to last, need both partners to do their share. If you're happy paying for just sex and letting the woman do what she wants,that's ok for you. If you want to be happy in a "normal" relationship, you need to be on the same page. Thai marriages are more like traditional marriages in the 50's, where the husband goes to work (or is retired,bringing in money), and the woman stays home and takes care of the house and children. In his case, he's paying for everything and getting very little in return, and that'll never work, especially since there's fighting going on because he's feeling used. We all pay for a relationship. Women always want more,and the ones that are independent and are happy with you just being a man and protector, are few and far between,no matter what country you're in. If you look at a woman as an object, that's how she will act, or will be <deleted> off all the time. Granted, a lot of Thai women are with their husbands, no matter how old and what they look like, for the money and face. Some are attracted to their partners, and are happy that they can live a better life because of the extra money. In a country where more than 80 % of the men cheat, and are heavy drinkers, a Thai woman is happy with something better. Some, like this particular case, don't appreciate it and think they are owed. NO ONE owes them a thing. You deserve what you give, and like I said, both need to give 100% if the relationship, or marriage, will last.

[BritManToo]

Just now, fredwiggy said:

I'm married, and we've had our own share of fights and misunderstandings, mostly because of the Thai-English lost in translations.

Divorce costs 30bht.

Marriage means nothing in Thailand.

 

The rest of your post is purest fantasy, the Thai ladies know exactly what they're doing, and what worth you are to them. The only difference governing female behaviour between the west and Thailand, is the divorce settlement. Not one Thai lady is attracted to her white foreigner partner (apart from mine because I'm especially hansum for an old/fat/bald white guy that could be her grand-dad).

Edited April 28, 2020 by BritManToo

[fredwiggy]

If that's the way you think, stay single.

[wolf81]

On 4/26/2020 at 6:26 AM, MrMilk said:

Okay, thanks for all the advise guys. Feel good to get it out in the open and let off some steam.

 

I have no doubt that she loves me. I know she does and I know her intentions about us are good too. She`s been very loyal to me since the beginning and never any big issues other that money-related.

 

In the beginning it was fun and interesting, but now my stomach twist every time I think about it.

Seriously, who in their right mind can have this kind of work?

I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. I didn`t come here to have the choice between sitting at home alone all day or sweat my ass off working on someones land.

 

What I do want however is a girl that finds time to have a relationship. A girl that makes me dinner every second day and keep the house tidy. She can work, sure no problem, but should have time for the house and me too.

I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work.

Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?!

 

I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right.

Money-matters are one of the most important things in a relationship. Studies have shown that money issues are the number 2 relationship killer, after infidelity. For example: how many men lost their wives after they've lost their jobs? It happens quite a lot. 

 

If you can't figure out how to deal with the money issues together, most likely your relationship is doomed.

 

https://www.daveramsey.com/blog/the-truth-about-money-and-relationships

[otherstuff1957]

Getting back to the Durians...

 

I'm sure that there are some farmers here who know more about this than I do.  But here's what I have learned from a quick Google:

 

Durians can be very profitable.  300 Durian trees (probably 20 - 30 rai) could produce up to 2 million baht worth of fruit per year.  Estimates of profitability vary though, and other figures indicate an income of just a few hundred thousand baht.

 

However - they need a lot of water, so unless you have your own water supply (river, well, etc.) on the land you will need to spend a lot of money on irrigation and you will be very vulnerable to drought.

 

Durian Trees have a 20 year lifespan.  So you will spend 5 years (at least) growing them and 15 years harvesting them and then will have to start all over again.

 

 

 

[rumak]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I don't think you quite have the hang of Thailand yet, there are only a few rules for your Thai relationships .........

 

1. Bang 'em as much as you can.

2. Spend as little as you can get away with.

3. Enjoy the ride.

4. Move on when it's no longer fun.

Its a good thing us TV regulars all know and love you ........... or you'd have about 50 sad emojis

coming your way    ????  

 

[TheAceFace]

Anynother bites the dust

[IAMHERE]

Your girl is in her thirties? I'd be willing to bet she has been 'given' this land before, had a boyfriend assist with expenses before, and is planning now for the next boyfriend that is going to help her out. Run away now.

[BTB1977]

Just make sure you don't plant any seeds or fertilize something.  Get out while you can or you will be plowing that dry patch of land for a long time. 

[Kadilo]

On 4/25/2020 at 8:00 AM, Davo369 said:

Mr milk... your getting milked...

She’s skimming off his money for sure. 

[EVENKEEL]

On 4/26/2020 at 12:26 AM, sanemax said:

Please stop going on about females, sex and prostitution .

What else is there, they took the beer away.

[daveAustin]

Quote

How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?

As others, just walk man, there's no respect there and it won't work out if you stop paying. The foundation is set. Picture yourself married with kids asking the same thing... 

 

Where women are concerned (all types, rich and poor), go with your gut every time. They have an agenda. 

[hanuman2543]

On 4/28/2020 at 8:57 AM, BritManToo said:

My son, age 8, is already bi-lingual (English at home, Thai at school), no need to pay extra.

What does this have to do with other peoples school fees?

[hanuman2543]

On 4/28/2020 at 1:03 PM, BritManToo said:

Divorce costs 30bht.

Marriage means nothing in Thailand.

 

The rest of your post is purest fantasy, the Thai ladies know exactly what they're doing, and what worth you are to them. The only difference governing female behaviour between the west and Thailand, is the divorce settlement. Not one Thai lady is attracted to her white foreigner partner (apart from mine because I'm especially hansum for an old/fat/bald white guy that could be her grand-dad).

You should provid proper advice and not only pieces like this. A " consensual" divorce can cost 30 Baht If you are very lucky. If not consensual it can cost an arm and leg and can drag on for years.

[ericthai]

On 4/25/2020 at 3:41 AM, MrMilk said:

Its around 300 durian trees

 

On 4/25/2020 at 3:56 AM, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

Most Thai's like dont confrontation or problems, they ignore them hoping it goes away. Most girls that come from money just expect a guy to pay for everything and shame on you if you complain. Sounds like you got one of these, hope it works out. Good luck!

[ChaiyaTH]

1) The money you invest now monthly won't even return out of the fruits of labour. 
2) Thais are 50% permanent teenagers, expect that to show during difficult or serious conversations every time. 
3) Set a fixed allowance in general, if she wants to waste that on her land, fine, but she gets nothing more. 
4) I am 99.6% sure they only look at the potential profit, the costs are non-existent to them as you pay those, they do not deduct that of profit margin.
It functions a bit as a pyramid scheme from that perspective hehe. Thai business logic 101.
5) Leave her if she is not happy with your offer and that offer is reasonable. 

My wife owns like 15 rai, her brother 15 rai and parents 15 rai aside of property land. She just needed to get like dozens truck loads to higher up some land which functions as the road to crucial parts of the land. Costed her parents like 100K baht. I asked what they farm or earn on that land now, she told me about almost anything you can grow but that they do not really profit as others farm it. It just sustains the grandmother and provides free food, pays the 500B electric bill. 
Most land is basically like doing nothing lol. A good part grows production forest, so that does pay money, but only once every X years.

Anyway, so I said, then why would you invest another 100K again from family savings then. You could also sell 1 rai and use that to maintain the rest. 
No way, it is all about status, not the money or profit that can be farmed. The family had nothing when young, and now they are rich in the province. 
So it is a matter of loving their land as well maintaining face. The road also allows some other farmers to use it, for free, which boosts reputation again.

Thais are generally very proud to own their own land, even if that doesn't make profit. It is just like the Chinese have their gold.
Perhaps it is the same with your girlfriend, in that case, you might change your view on things, and you might be willing to lose money on it for Love.
Understanding this, is actually a part of the vague described but often mentioned Thai Culture (which I find positive).

Edited April 29, 2020 by ChaiyaTH

[fredwiggy]

Narcissist traits show when there are confrontations. They learn this from childhood, being either neglected or abused, and project this onto future partners and their children. That is why you feel like you're dealing with a kid. They don't grow up in the emotional sense.

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, hanuman2543 said:

You should provid proper advice and not only pieces like this. A " consensual" divorce can cost 30 Baht If you are very lucky. If not consensual it can cost an arm and leg and can drag on for years.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

[fredwiggy]

He's not married

[Dan123]

On 4/25/2020 at 5:03 PM, steven100 said:

so let me get this straight .....  you want a gf who will be with you and sleep with you and have a future with you but you don't want to support her with the running costs and anything to do with the land. 

 

hmmm .....  i think I've got it right ....    sounds like you want a gf that won't cost you anything. imo

comorn, he's being stitched up by a team, an organised sting

There is a good reason the mother has more riches than him.

 

I'll bet he can not see the land title in the girls name, in Thailand its likely the family dont 'own' it anyway, have tenant or usage rights

 

[hanuman2543]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

I suggest you keep your free advice for yourself. Nobody aksked for it. That includes your advice regarding Thai women too.