(unfounded) allegations of domestic abuse etc - now she wants me to sign a restraining order, what to do

[Maestro]

This topic does not belong in the Marriage and Divorce forum. I am moving it to General Topics.

[Puccini]

@patbkk90

 

My suggestion is as follows:

 

1. Do not sign anything your ex-girlfriend asks you to sign. Anyway, it is most probably not a restraining order for you but something else; a court would have to issue a restraining order, not a police station.

 

2. File a complaint against your ex-girlfriend  for

a) trespass

b) videorecording you

c) sending the recording to other persons without your consent.

 

3. If your ex-girlfriend posts the video on any social media or anywhere else online, file criminal charges against her under the Computer Crimes Act. In fact, if she sent the video to other persons via email or other electronic means this is also an actionable violation of the Computer Crimes Act.

 

My evaluation of your situation is that your ex-girlfriend is intent on getting you into serious trouble and that you will indeed get there if you do not take decisive pre-emptive action as mentioned above.

 

Furthermore, immediately cease all contact with your ex-girlfriend and stop passing messages to her through third persons. To the extent necessary, have only your lawyer communicate with her, with your written pre-approval to your lawyer of the purpose and context of each communication and copy to you of any such written communication or recording of verbal communication. If your ex-girlfriend refuses to give her consent for the recording, the verbal communication must not take place.

 

If you or your lawyer deems a personal meeting between you and your ex-girlfriend necessary or useful, have such meeting only in the presence of your lawyer, with a recording of the conversation. If your ex-girlfriend refuses to give her consent for the recording, the meeting must not take place. 

 

 

[Maestro]

Removed an off-topic post.

[Guderian]

I'd file a complaint with the police about her invading your privacy and filing you with another woman. If she's posted it anywhere public then she's really screwed herself, given the strict social media laws here. Remember your Sun Tzu, the best form of defence is attack.

[Pedrogaz]

Get yourself a lawyer. Do not go to the police station. Send the lawyer instead. Sign nothing.

[crazykopite]

Change the locks to the property and delete her from your contacts it’s that easy if the police call at your door tell them she broke into the property and squeezed your nether regions so hard you pushed her away in other words she attacked you first any of her belongings still in the house put in a bin bag and leave outside .

 

[OneMoreFarang]

On 8/18/2020 at 11:42 AM, patbkk90 said:

yes, i do apologize for bringing back a lady so shortly after she moved out, i understand it was disturbing for her to see it

In a way it is good idea that you had another lady with you. Because that makes it clear to her and everybody else that you don't want to get back together with her again.

It seems many Thai women just can't understand that a guy had enough of them and their BS. If you just tell them "leave me alone" that often does not seem to work.

But make it unmistakable clear that there is another women in your life (even if just for an hour or two) that seems to convince them that it's over.

[Kerryd]

Get

a

LAWYER.

Asking anonymous people on the internet for advise on how to handle a potentially serious matter like this is insane. You are in Thailand. You can literally be arrested, jailed and deported for almost anything with little or no way to contest the matter until you arrive back in your home country. 

DON'T SIGN A SINGLE THING until you've seen a lawyer and had them look at it. For all you know, you are signing a confession that you did assault her and abused drugs and dogs and chickens (at the same time). 

If worse comes to worse, go to the police station - with the lawyer - and file a complaint against the ex and note that she snuck onto your property and filmed you in bed with another woman (which is probably a chargeable offence in itself). The cops could simply take her phone and look for the video, which would be proof against her.

It would probably be cheaper to use a lawyer than to end up paying a "negotiated settlement" (i.e. you paying her a large sum and she agrees to not pursue the matter further, which may be what she is aiming for anyways).

[Maestro]

Removed a few troll posts.

[rumak]

On 8/18/2020 at 1:46 PM, Matzzon said:

I guess you should read that law before posting. In Thailand it´s a very serious offense to break in to another persons home, as well as it´s also a criminal offense to video tape and publish private videos of a person in their own home without permission.

 

So, she can´t do nothing.

I have been in Thailand a long time.   When i post , "the law"  is just one thing i take into consideration.

From what I observe, some of it firsthand,  is just like anywhere the  who you are ....and who you know..

and who you pay...  are very big factors in how matters will turn out.

It is fairly common knowledge to guys here a long time that it is  #1.  best of all to avoid getting into

these situations  ( not so easy when involved in business or relationships).  #2.  If something does happen,  try to make it (or you) disappear ASAP.    Confrontations in another land, without one having

influence of any kind, are an uphill and often costly battle  #3. The gung ho types don't fare well !  

But we always have a keyboard warrior or two telling you how they don't take no BS.

If there is one thing that experience teaches,  its that being smart almost always beats being stupid.

[Mattd]

19 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

If she has a video of you doing drugs, that is not going to end up good.

Why?

IF she has a video it would be of no evidential use to the police other than alert them and give them a reason to search the property etc. Now whether they then plant incriminating evidence is a different subject.

[rumak]

12 minutes ago, Kerryd said:

Asking anonymous people on the internet for advise on how to handle a potentially serious matter like this is insane. You are in Thailand. You can literally be arrested, jailed and deported for almost anything with little or no way to contest the matter until you arrive back in your home country. 

I find nothing to fault with your post.   I do not think the OP knows how to handle the situation,

so no harm in asking on this forum for opinions.   Yours is one of the better ones.

The problem is.......  without knowing a "good lawyer",   he is at the mercy of choosing an anonymous one.   As you point out :  we are in Thailand !    .    Lawyers are not usually the trusted souls we look to in our western cultures.

OP,  if needed,  does need someone to assist.   Without language or knowledge of how to act in these

situations (getting angry with cops or saying the wrong thing can turn them against him quickly) .

If getting a lawyer.... a recommendation for an honest one would really be a help

[Matzzon]

17 minutes ago, rumak said:

I have been in Thailand a long time.   When i post , "the law"  is just one thing i take into consideration.

From what I observe, some of it firsthand,  is just like anywhere the  who you are ....and who you know..

and who you pay...  are very big factors in how matters will turn out.

It is fairly common knowledge to guys here a long time that it is  #1.  best of all to avoid getting into

these situations  ( not so easy when involved in business or relationships).  #2.  If something does happen,  try to make it (or you) disappear ASAP.    Confrontations in another land, without one having

influence of any kind, are an uphill and often costly battle  #3. The gung ho types don't fare well !  

But we always have a keyboard warrior or two telling you how they don't take no BS.

If there is one thing that experience teaches,  its that being smart almost always beats being stupid.

Yes, Mr Smart! I have survived soon 23 years, so that means I can´t be Mr Stupid.

You bring up things that have with influentual people and power to do. This is just a relationship gone bad, with a former girlfriend without a key breaking in to the former boyfriends apartment, videotaping illegally and publishing without permission on Internet.

She broke into another persons home.
Video taping people in their homes without permission.

Publishing the video and breaking the law that way

 

Quite easy to see that he have nothing to fear.

[Kerryd]

I'd say stick to lawyers that do a lot of business with foreigners (company registrations, Wills, etc) as foreigners are their bread and butter. They probably have better language skills (or staff that do) and are probably not going to risk their reputation and license by helping some woman try to scam a foreigner.

Another, riskier option, is to have a Thai friend do the "negotiations" for you. But you then do run the risk of maybe paying a lot more as maybe your "friend" decides to add a little to the amount for his own troubles. And by little I mean maybe half again as much.
(Depends on the friend of course. A "friend" of mine would routinely add 30%(+) to the price of anything he touched, even if all he did was make a simple 2 minute phone call.)

[ChaiyaTH]

Record sound all the time with phone without telling. Play it diplomatically and try to get her say it was not assault and that she over reacted.
I have been acused falsely multiple times by Thai girls but they are horrible liars, so I always covered myself that way.

 

As soon a discussion starts I just record it in case nowadays. You never know.

[jpduggan]

   Sign Nothing. Surely you have a witness in the other lady that you were sleeping with.

[Dap]

I suggest you go with your gut feeling as I can't believe anything this lady wants from you will be to your benefit. Duh!

[Bangkok Barry]

On 8/18/2020 at 9:10 AM, 4MyEgo said:

 

Edit: Keep in touch with the girl you brought home, she can be a valuable witness !

That was my thought. She witnessed the break-in, the scene the ex made and your alleged restraint. No doubt she'll want paying of course. But don't go to the police station under any circumstances. If they care at all, which I doubt, they'll come to you. Then, only then, you can bring out the 'new' girl as a witness.

 

As for the neighbours, don't worry. They see such scenes every night on tv in their pathetic dramas. You should have charged them a viewing fee ????

 

But a pity you couldn't keep yourself to yourself for a few days.

[Stevemercer]

As the song goes 'she is just some body you used to know'. Nothing more to see here. Move on please.

 

As others have said, avoid contact and do nothing. Keep your powder dry in the unlikely event she is able to motivate the police into action and escalate things.

 

He sole motive now is revenge - to hurt you like you have (in her view) hurt her. She wants to embarrass you and, ultimately, get you deported so no other Thai girl can have you. Remember that she probably has friends around your neighbourhood who will call her up if you bring a girl home or something like that.

 

She is trying to entrap you. You can outsmart her by not reacting to her provocations and ignoring her. If you want to indulge, don't do it at your house - go somewhere private. Keep a low profile for a month or so. Do not engage with her in any way.

[Grusa]

4 hours ago, rumak said:

Lawyers are not usually the trusted souls we look to in our western cultures.

555

[rumak]

16 minutes ago, Grusa said:

4 hours ago, rumak said:

Lawyers are not usually the trusted souls we look to in our western cultures.

555

Now that i read that line of mine...... i am laughing too !    Lawyers are pretty much snakes everywhere,

aren't they ?     5555555     

[darrendsd]

On 8/18/2020 at 6:44 PM, rumak said:

we are cheaper.    we don't try to cheat the OP.     we are honest.     and in many cases we know better

than the lawyers.              there:  4 answers to your question   FREE

We know better than the lawyers - 55555 one of the funniest things i have read on here

[tifino]

have her put down, regarding that it was she who posted porn via electronic communications means  

 

 

 

some wimmen need to be kept at arms length? 

 

[BTB1977]

You should have kicked her in the balls the second she climbed over the wall. . 

[Captor]

On 8/18/2020 at 4:28 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

Lots of girls talk a lot, especially about some brother, cousin, friend being a police officer.

She broke in your house. She filmed you (maybe half naked) and she distributed that video.

She is the one who should be scared of being investigated and prosecuted.

 

The police will come to you if they want anything from you. Or you will get some official letter. Take it easy.

Also think about: What would be the motivation for the police to work on this "case"? I don't think they will have any motivation to do anything.

And you have a lot of witnesses in your favour from your neighbors. And also from the girl.

[suzannegoh]

On 8/18/2020 at 11:43 AM, holy cow cm said:

Tis an odd one. Love to hear all of the story from first meeting to the she got the boot.

No, Thai women flipping out on their farang is standard fare.  An odd story would be one about a mia farang who doesn't have psychotic breaks and who discusses issues rationally. 

[BritManToo]

14 hours ago, Bangkok Barry said:

As for the neighbours, don't worry. They see such scenes every night on tv in their pathetic dramas. You should have charged them a viewing fee ????

I see such scenes every couple of months from my Thai neighbours.

[zzzzz]

do not sign anything, do not speak, chat, sms her, do not admit or apologize to anyone>
inform the police what she is doing and suggest for the time being stay alone...
If you have some $$, take a few weeks vacation elsewhere and lockup your house

[4MyEgo]

17 hours ago, Bangkok Barry said:

 

But a pity you couldn't keep yourself to yourself for a few days.

When it's over it's over, and a man gotta do what a man got to do when it's over, get in like Flynn serves its purpose to move on, and what a perfect way to throw it in her face....lol

 

I remember when my x (westerner) left me, I had no issues with it, 12 years of a marriage made in hell, and one young daughter out of it, I took it on the chin, in other words she did me a huge favor, suffice to say a week later she rocks up at the matrimonial house unannounced on a Sunday morning, before she split she wanted me to leave the matrimonial house, but I knew (9/10ths) of the law is possession, learnt that in law during my studies, so wasn't going anywhere and I changed the locks when she split. 

 

The above said, she rang the doorbell that Sunday morning, I was at the back of the house cooking breakfast for Lisa, this drop dead gorgeous Italian girl, she stood tall at 180cm and was a nurse, always reminded me of Sophia Loren, in beauty and personality, strong, anyways I said Lisa honey can you get that for me please, it's probably someone wanting to sell something, so just tell them we are not interested, so I had no idea who was at the door and wasn't really interested, Lisa comes back and says I think it's your X out there, said her name was Anna when I ask and she wanted to see you, I said, s-h-i-t what did you tell her, I said your in the shower and it would be best to call him on his cell as he has an appointment with me when he finishes his shower and then I closed the door......I laughed my rear off and said you bad. 

 

The X never gave up, would tell all of our friends that not even a week after our split I was sleeping with some two bit s-l-u-t, guess she still loved me...lol, ah the memory jog, yeh that Lisa was something else, but unfortunately she wanted a long term relationship, but that wasn't going to happen as I just got out of a 12 year prison term (marriage) so the timing was bad, 8 years later I remarried, like I said, a man gotta do what a man got to do, and no regrets putting a few on the board during those 8 years ????

 

 

 

[patbkk90]

On 8/18/2020 at 6:57 PM, bwpage3 said:

Why isn't the one in your bed a witness to what happened with your ex?

 

Did she go to the police and support you?

 

Does she support your claim you did not assault her?

 

Seems to me, you would have a viable witness if you are telling the truth?

 

 

Of course she would support me if I filed a report. But this will mean more drama, more time, potentially more lawyer fees, and in the end I prefer to not waste my time and energy on the whole thing. its just not worth my time and effort. plus, in these cases, something always sticks - so she wins simply by having these allegations circulated... 

 

the girl I was with is also not particularly excited about the prospect of having to go to courts, police, etc.... its simply an unpleasant situation