THE WEEK THAT WAS Rooster’s Special Theory of Positivity! You don't need to be Einstein to know Thailand’s the best!

[webfact]

 

Having reread my columns in the last few weeks - especially since the turn of the year - it is clear I am becoming something of a curmudgeon, Thai moaners and bashers whom I usually criticize. 

 

It’s time to redress the balance and knock the forum’s “General Theory of Negativity” into touch and replace it with “Rooster’s Special Theory of Positivity”.

 

Hopefully after reading the inherent positivity behind this week’s news your cup will also overfloweth like mine -  or at the very least be half full rather than half empty.

 

After all you don’t need to be Einstein to know that Thailand really is the best place to be, pandemic or no pandemic.

 

This flurry of optimism was caused by the news that Thailand was named the best retirement destination in Asia and the 11th best in the whole world. 

 

This well deserved accolade was celebrated by the PM at Government House. Coming on the back of news about his enormous popularity, January is turning into a month to remember after the best part of a decade to forget.

 

Oops, there I go. I mean a decade of marvelous achievement for the erstwhile junta that is now a fully functioning democracy that would make Plato and his pals envious. 

 

That’s better, Rooster, get with the positivity program. 

 

To wit, brand new roads and railways lines are stretching out from Bangkok to every nook and cranny the kingdom has to offer. High speed rail linking lucrative Chinese markets that will propel the Thai economy and its people to new, unimagined heights are within touching distance. 

 

Khun Prayut has returned happiness to the people as He foretold in Thailand’s darkest, pre-enlightened days of 2014. With interest. 

 

His and Anutin’s handling of the pandemic has saved countless lives that will almost make up for the carnage on the roads (that is the fault of lao khao guzzling country bumpkins anyway).

 

Apropos, they have encouraged the RTP to give free helmets for all. If there are not enough to go round (due to the requirements of the constabulary) the RTP will provide much needed roadside exercise in the form of jumping jacks instead of paying fines.

 

Is there no end to their bountiful munificence?

 

Surely the next election will see Prayut’s welcome reelection - it is after all called a General Election so precisely what it says on the tin.

 

It is sad that the death toll on the roads continues but there is positivity even in that. Four may have died in Kalasin on Tuesday, 25,000 throughout last year but bear in mind that reincarnation awaits all of those.

 

They’ll be back for another go and hopefully drive sober, put on a lid and actually look where they are going next time. This in turn will educate the next generation.

 

For those who don’t believe in all the evidence for reincarnation and ghosts - devout, atheist fools like Rooster - we can rest safe in the knowledge that we’ll provide the worms with a great dinner. 

 

Having a great meal in Uthai Thani this week was a tiger that escaped from a wildlife sanctuary. He guzzled down a soi dog. Yippee!

 

The Soi Dog Foundation won’t be too happy but there are still 49,999,999 left for them to coo over. (This number can be used for the state lottery providing guaranteed riches). 

 

(A few years ago I killed a dog in my Civic. In the back of the car was a soi dog activist who went purple/green with shock and dismay as I examined the front of my vehicle and expressed delight that there was little damage. Meanwhile my front seat passenger noted the roadkill I’d left behind….every little helps, as the saying goes).

 

The authorities announced there had been no Swine Flu cover up at the nation's abattoirs. Whoever, heard of such an outrageous thing - Thailand and cover-ups, no way!

 

This all came as the kingdom reported that pork prices were sky-rocketing. Hopefully they’ll get higher than the Thai space program (itself a wonderful and appropriate use of money every bit as valuable as expenditure on submarines for defence from marauding Laotians and the four fighter jets procured by the RTAF for a snip at 13.8billion this week).

 

Pork prices are a concern but this is more than offset by the fact that porking prices in Thailand remain very reasonable, a friend told me this week. 

 

The Narcotics Control Board reminded us that jail awaits anyone who thinks they can plant ganja seeds and roll up the proceeds. Thanks to Piyasiri at the NCB and thanks to Anutin for ensuring that production of marijuana remains firmly in the hands of the elites and our betters who know best.

 

And thanks for giving us the opportunity for a delightful prison stay. We’ll get free food and not too much of it enabling us to lose weight and save at the same time. 

 

The Bhumjaithai leader has come through on all his manifesto promises and deserves to be the next PM in the unlikely and terrible event of our great leader not ruling until he’s 100.

 

And quite frankly Anutin shouldn’t have to wear a mask like us who are unworthy of him. He is far too handsome to warrant covering up even a small part of his billionaire looks. 

 

What about Anutin’s subsequent and confusing pronouncements on what the ganja law actually means, I hear you say. 

 

Don’t be so negative. Having a completely unsure law open to interpretation means that the RTP can adjust it to suit the needs of their “pee nong”. 

 

“Pee nong” that police spokesman Yingyot warned this week not to say a bad thing about his comrades in khaki. Apparently defaming the wonderful rozzers has spawned copycats.

 

They are indeed blameless, and if they do get things wrong (there is a quarter of a million of them after all) they will always say it with baskets of fruit and flowers.

 

As the Samrong Neua chief did on Wednesday after a man was locked up for possessing camphor not heroin. Such mistakes are inevitable - both are white powders. Any questions about that ask the Minister for Flour who incidentally spent four years in Bondi, not clink. 

 

In Phrapradaeng warring college students armed with guns, swords and ping-pong bombs delighted the rush hour crowds. Now there is no need to waste money at the cinema and Mrs Rooster can just look at Sanook.com rather than Gratuitous Violence 3 on Netflix.

 

There were many busts of places serving alcoholic beverages this week. One in Pattaya shut down Jacky Karaoke. Stopping that awful singing and saving countless livers from cirrhosis, well done Pattaya plod.

 

In Aranyaprathet the local constabulary managed to miss the fact that locals were getting plastered and watching semi-nude shows just 200 meters from their door at a place called “Rong Phak Aran” (Aran police station!). 

 

It seems the cops were tricked by a photocopied bit of paper that said no drinking could go on there. Obviously.

 

This will doubtless lead to local plod getting some extra holidays at HQ, shuffling paper rather than wasting valuable shoe leather running after criminals. Win-Win.

 

Large numbers of people caught Omicron. Many news outlets around the world are now reporting that this is a good thing creating herd immunity without the need to even get jabbed!

 

Not that that is a problem in Thailand. Locally produced vaccines are world leaders, like Prayut. 

 

Meanwhile Novax won the second set in Australia. At the time of writing it was unsure whether he’d get away with all his double faults, however. 

 

In other international news a desperately ill man in the US got a pig’s heart transplant. For now at least it saved his bacon.

 

In London Boris was urged to quit solely because people couldn’t go to funerals when he had a drinks party to thank his staff. Why are the public and those muck-raking journalists so mean to him?

 

Didn’t he go to public school? Something that in the good old days of Pathe News used to garner a bit of respect. 

 

On Wednesday the Thai government said they were pushing ahead with the 300 baht tourist tax. This is a highly sensible time to be doing that, bearing in mind there are so few tourists to annoy. 

 

Then on Thursday rangers in Kanchanaburi found two tigers on the BBQ grilling away succulently. 

 

Tigers are dangerous animals who’ll kill you as soon as look at you. Poachers like Ital Thai Premchai - and the five that fled the scene on this occasion - should be praised for their initiative in finding a tasty food source, not locked up at taxpayer expense. 

 

In Ubon a man carked it surrounded by five bottles of Lao Khao. The wife didn’t blame his Covid vaccination, it was the booze. Yet further evidence of the efficacy of the Thai education system in churning out people with highly adapted reasoning capabilities. 

 

Even the closure of schools for the last two years has been good. Mrs R has learned how to teach and Rooster gets a discount. The kids get to live the dream I had of never having to go to school and not suffering school dinners.

 

Win-win ad nauseam win. Proving that the Land of Smiles is beaming from ear to ear, 24/7 even at 7-Eleven. 

 

Finally  the man who I often refer to as my editor is leaving ASEAN NOW for new journalistic pastures in Hua Hin. 

 

No names, no pack drill, but the clientele of Thaivisa and now ASEAN NOW owe him a debt of gratitude for helping to bring a much broader range of Thai news and informative articles to readers.

 

Our organization takes a bit of stick sometimes but we do our best to bring you a varied and interesting choice of news and features that I am sure will continue under a rejig of leadership. 

 

How’s that for positivity!

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright  ASEAN NOW 2022-01-15

 

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[RandiRona]

Where is @GammaGlobulin, when we need him?? Only he can counter Rooster in writing these lengthy testaments.....or may be he is Rooster .....

 

PS: Hire him as editor...he anyways spend all his life here.....

Edited January 15, 2022 by RandiRona

[Paulaew]

Rooster, thanks for the good vibes.

 

I love it here in Thailand. Or at least I try to love it. The fact is, I'm stuck here with a wife and kid and a house and cars and a lot of electronic thingies that they begged me to buy.

 

If I had to do it again, I would have retired to Mexico. Maybe Zihuatanejo.

 

Paul Laew

[ezzra]

Why do people feels compel to write long, long, long post just to prove a point and to relay a message, we're all too old to sit a read anything more than 2-3 min. post, and as for Thailand being the best place to retire, let me clue ya here rooster mate, the shine on that trophy is already wearing thin and it has been so for a while now...

Edited January 15, 2022 by ezzra

[Lacessit]

IMO the only time I have negative thoughts about Thailand is about two weeks before November 3, when I am applying for my retirement extension. I can't help thinking my application in perfect order will be rejected by an IO with an upset stomach.

[JoePai]

Lives in cloud cuckoo land !

[ramrod711]

1 hour ago, webfact said:

Surely the next election will see Prayut’s welcome reelection - it is after all called a General Election so precisely what it says on the tin.

Ooooh, that is so bad.

[VocalNeal]

Rather than the silly rocket maybe we could have a General Theory of Negativity counter per member. To indicate how generally negative their posts are.

[G Rex]

a rollicking good read

I feel sooo positive now! 

[Tropicalevo]

2 hours ago, webfact said:

it is after all called a General Election so precisely what it says on the tin.

Nice one ????

[The Hammer2021]

Brilliant!

[topt]

3 hours ago, ezzra said:

we're all too old to sit a read anything more than 2-3 min. post,

Actually no. If you are not working you probably have more than enough time...... 

Your choice how you spend your time so surprised you bothered to read it at all.

Others, including me, found it at least vaguely amusing 

[Neilly]

You started on the sauce early today ????

[jerrymahoney]

4 hours ago, ezzra said:

Why do people feels compel to write long, long, long post just to prove a point and to relay a message,

Whether he actually ever said/wrote it or not, Mark Twain is attributed with :

 

I did not have time to write to you a one page letter, so I wrote a two page letter.

[Golden Triangle]

How come we got this on a Saturday ? You having a lie in tomorrow ?

[The Hammer2021]

3 hours ago, Tropicalevo said:

Nice one ????

And when did he last have an election?

Just before blekfast...

[BostonRob2]

34 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

How come we got this on a Saturday ? You having a lie in tomorrow ?

The column is now being published a day earlier. Many readers said they just couldn't bear to wait till Sunday. ????

 

[Golden Triangle]

2 minutes ago, BostonRob2 said:

The column is now being published a day earlier. Many readers said they just couldn't bear to wait till Sunday. ????

 

There's some very sad people about then ????????????

[BusyB]

"Surely the next election will see Prayut’s welcome reelection - it is after all called a General Election so precisely what it says on the tin."

 

Priceless!

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, topt said:

Actually no. If you are not working you probably have more than enough time...... 

Your choice how you spend your time so surprised you bothered to read it at all.

Others, including me, found it at least vaguely amusing 

The other interpretation is one of attention span.

I can watch a one-hour TV series. I've given up on most full-length films, too long.

[Lacessit]

22 minutes ago, BusyB said:

"Surely the next election will see Prayut’s welcome reelection - it is after all called a General Election so precisely what it says on the tin."

 

Priceless!

My GF does not understand why I crack up, when she starts talking about elections.

[TKDfella]

Be careful Rooster...all this talk of 'Relativity' might get you into Tit's Deformation theorem, ????

[jacko45k]

6 hours ago, Lacessit said:

IMO the only time I have negative thoughts about Thailand is about two weeks before November 3, when I am applying for my retirement extension. I can't help thinking my application in perfect order will be rejected by an IO with an upset stomach.

I used to skip and dance out of immigration with my new extension years ago. This year, there was no room due to the queues... had to drag my behind to the bank, then an agents!

[Kalasin Jo]

Another cracker! Thank you Rooster????

[Surasak]

The point missing here is the fact Thailand is so much in debt to China, it may never again be an independent country.

Yes, it has its advantages in many ways, but don't ever again look for a democratically elected government.

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, jacko45k said:

I used to skip and dance out of immigration with my new extension years ago. This year, there was no room due to the queues... had to drag my behind to the bank, then an agents!

I have to say Chiang Rai is a lot easier than Chiang Mai in terms of Immigration. Even with an agent, CM was more than an hour. Last extension in CR was 20 minutes.

[terryofcrete]

8 hours ago, ezzra said:

Why do people feels compel to write long, long, long post just to prove a point and to relay a message, we're all too old to sit a read anything more than 2-3 min. post, and as for Thailand being the best place to retire, let me clue ya here rooster mate, the shine on that trophy is already wearing thin and it has been so for a while now...

Mate ... you need help ! 

[DJ54]

Enjoyed the post Rooster... 

 

Wednesday after a man was locked up for possessing camphor not heroin... reminded me

of.....

 

A man arrested in Florida after police mistook doughnut glaze in his car for meth has received a $37,500 settlement.

 

at least he didn’t get ticketed for eating Po Po donuts...

Edited January 15, 2022 by DJ54
Spelling

[brian2f2f]

Despite now being back in the US if was a nice read. I at first from the title thought you went crazy but while reading the title all made sense. Yes despite being moved back to the US i still have some friends back in thailand and my wife. So its still nice to be kept up to date on whats happening there and to be able to read for myself vs having to rely on my wife to tell me. As thats not a reliable source. It also helps to give things to talk about as well. 

[sawadee1947]

12 hours ago, webfact said:

After all you don’t need to be Einstein to know that Thailand really is the best place to be, pandemic or no pandemic.

 

Not Einstein, but once use your common sense. Thailand definetely did not the best to conquer covid by buying that useless stuff from China instead from Moderna or Biontech/Pfizer, maybe imported Astra.

Fooling their citizens about the pandemic is a shame.