Thai women need to be aware of Western Mother’s in-laws!!!!

[webfact]

Great, so you come over to live, work, or perhaps even to retire, and you soon realise why so many Western males call Thailand the” Land of the smiles.”

Of course, many head straight for the nightlife areas of Bangkok, Pattaya, or Phuket and soon find their ATM cards are even more popular than they are. Funny that!

But for many, they stay well clear of the young bar girls, and eventually meet a nice friendly Thai girl, who is actually keen on them personally as a boyfriend or even as a future husband.

Eventually, they invite you up to the North to meet the family who are all smiles and are delighted for you to become part of their family.

Of course, if you do end up marrying, the extended family would expect you to at least look after them, perhaps buy the odd pickup and most likely build a home for them with all mod cons.

Heading home

The next step is to obtain the necessary visas for a trip back home to meet your own family, and of course to show off your beautiful Thai bride.

Of course, over in Thailand, we get used to seeing middle-aged men going to bars and restaurants with younger women.

Slightly different when she walks down the local high street back home holding hands with you. 

Wow, you will get some stares!!!!

Moving back permanently

Some couples decide to remain in Thailand, while others prefer to settle back home instead.

Sounds OK so long as your Thai bride can get a job (do not want her to get bored) and can find some Thai friends locally to meet regularly.

Initially, your family especially your mother also welcomes her into the family.

However, according to one Thai bride who recently returned home, she found after a few months her mother-in-law became very jealous of her.

 

The atmosphere changed and the mother-in-law made her feel very unwelcome.

Apparently, the reason was she felt that she was losing her dear son, who was considering returning with his bride to Thailand permanently.

The mother-in-law did not want to be left on her own.

Hopefully, the marriage will continue, but it is a stark warning that you should be aware of all the consequences of marrying a Thai bride before you tie the knot.

Not only are you marrying her, but you will also need to be a top diplomat both here in Thailand and back home when managing families.

Maybe you have had similar experiences too. Let us know.

 

-- © Copyright  ASEAN NOW 2022-02-09

 

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[ChrisP24]

So....when they marry one of us they marry the family?

 

Actually that could be a top selling point to the family, that this is already what a SE Asian bride expects from her culture, unlike some other cultures.  

[mrwebb8825]

What a load of BS. Maybe for that rare twit who left home at 50-(ish) and came here with the family fortune. The stares here are the same as the stares there when you see "Grandpa" snuggling his "Child-bride" and using a stroller as a substitute walker. Big difference here is, grandpa's loaded but back home he's just another geezer flaunting a fetish.

[sirineou]

Some good points in this article. 

Though many of us have made an investment in Thai culture and understand it more than others, It is unreasonable to expect your fellow countryman back home some of which cant locate Thailand on a map to understand your relationship with a younger Thai wife, and it is important to keep that in mind when bring your much younger Thai wife back home. and be prepared. Lucky for us , having been together for a long time, and happily married almost 13 years now, we could care less what others think. ???? 

[SAFETY FIRST]

2 hours ago, webfact said:

Maybe you have had similar experiences too. Let us know

I was very close friends with a Thai woman (32yo) here in Pattaya, who had an English bf living in England. 

 

When she was in England visiting her bf, the bf's daughter would be nasty and mean to her, doing awful things making my friend cry at times. I would say to her, tell your bf about his daughter's bad behavior, I'm sure he will protect you. 

My friend told me she didn't want to cause trouble.

 

Anyway, my friend turned out to be a Psycho, crazy woman, she probably deserved the unkind, offensive weirdness. 

 

Bloody world's full of weirdo's, psycho's and fruit loops these days. 

Edited February 8, 2022 by SAFETY FIRST

[talahtnut]

Brits grumble and sneer about everything they cant do of have.

Upsetting Brits is good.

[Chelseafan]

18 minutes ago, talahtnut said:

Brits grumble and sneer about everything they cant do of have.

Upsetting Brits is good.

It's true!

On the plus side, we do have the ability to string a sentence together ????

 

[bkk6060]

Who cares what they think.  From what I know there is nothing in the bible or a law against marrying a legal aged female younger then you.  Just jealousy truly especially from older females who lost out on a potential guy because they are obese, bossy with crappy western attitudes.

[sipi]

My mother in law is a sweetheart.

My wife's mother in law is a complete cow.

[SAFETY FIRST]

10 minutes ago, sipi said:

My mother in law is a sweetheart.

My wife's mother in law is a complete cow.

My mother in law 

 

My wife's mother 

 

Is there a difference, aren't they the same person? 

[sipi]

4 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

My mother in law 

 

My wife's mother 

 

Is there a difference, aren't they the same person? 

Read it again.

S l o w l y 

[hotchilli]

4 hours ago, webfact said:

Eventually, they invite you up to the North to meet the family who are all smiles and are delighted for you to become part of their family.

Inviting you up north means you met them down south?

So probably not the "girl-next-door" type you were hoping for.

 

[TigerandDog]

58 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

My mother in law 

 

My wife's mother 

 

Is there a difference, aren't they the same person? 

Not if it has been written correctly.  "My mother in law" refers to his wife's mother.  "My wife's mother in law"  refers to his mother. So he's saying HIS mother is a complete cow.

 

I can relate to that as my mother was the most self centered, selfish, bigoted individual I've ever known.

[klauskunkel]

He looks like he just picked up a hernia... but maybe that's the bride's first name

 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, Chelseafan said:

It's true!

On the plus side, we do have the ability to string a sentence together ????

 

Be fair,

You can't expect people living in our prison colonies to finish high school.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Who cares what they think.  From what I know there is nothing in the bible or a law against marrying a legal aged female younger then you.  Just jealousy truly especially from older females who lost out on a potential guy because they are obese, bossy with crappy western attitudes.

The Bible,

Joseph age 70, Mary age 15 ............. if it was good enough for Jehovah, his angels, and the 3 wise men, it's good enough for me!

 

The Koran,

Muhammad age 53, Aisha age 6 ....... let's not go there ........... 

Edited February 9, 2022 by BritManToo

[ifmu]

its all about the age difference ...  if we pick a child thai wife  25 or so and we are 55 or so well the problem is this .... immature wife and predator male

 

before u trash me .. i do not believe this    i am 20 yr difference with wife, but at an upper age group  

 

now if i went for a 25 yo she is immature and i am a jerk 

[Tropposurfer]

My mums in jail for the next 90 years so no probs encountered there lol ????????

[Sydebolle]

One thing is fact; it never works with a bar girl or a girl of limited education. In as much as the groom is expected to absorb/intake quite a share of Thai culture (and it starts with Sinsod or dowry) as well as the fact, that he jumps into a caretaker post of financial support for people he does not know or never even has met. 

She needs to know, that Westerners eat out of plates and drink out of glasses, sit on a table, sleep on a bed and don't roam 500 miles on the back of a pick-up. Not every party or family gathering has to result in a total alcoholic black-out with local firewater at 500 decibel. Instead of the daily intake of Somtam and sticky rice, the Western cuisine, being not bland but considerably milder, usually features variations and yes, they use cutlery and not their hands. 
 

You can take a girl out of a bar but you will never get the bar out of a girl. I would assume that less than 10% of cross-cultural marriages work between Thais and Caucasians, simply because their background, social values and priorities and the monetary focus differ greatly - apart from the spirituality and social structure (Phooyai and Phee/Nong) which sets many things in rigid stone which are not to be queried. 

[overherebc]

Amazing. Still on page one and no mention of Sin-Sod.

???????????? Must have been typing at the same time as @Sydebolle ????????

Edited February 9, 2022 by overherebc

[GinBoy2]

2 minutes ago, Sydebolle said:

One thing is fact; it never works with a bar girl or a girl of limited education. In as much as the groom is expected to absorb/intake quite a share of Thai culture (and it starts with Sinsod or dowry) as well as the fact, that he jumps into a caretaker post of financial support for people he does not know or never even has met. 

She needs to know, that Westerners eat out of plates and drink out of glasses, sit on a table, sleep on a bed and don't roam 500 miles on the back of a pick-up. Not every party or family gathering has to result in a total alcoholic black-out with local firewater at 500 decibel. Instead of the daily intake of Somtam and sticky rice, the Western cuisine, being not bland but considerably milder, usually features variations and yes, they use cutlery and not their hands. 
 

You can take a girl out of a bar but you will never get the bar out of a girl. I would assume that less than 10% of cross-cultural marriages work between Thais and Caucasians, simply because their background, social values and priorities and the monetary focus differ greatly - apart from the spirituality and social structure (Phooyai and Phee/Nong) which sets many things in rigid stone which are not to be queried. 

Interesting comment.

 

I kinda agree with the majority of what you say.

My Thai wife is close in age to me, and since she grew up in Chicago we share a lot of social and cultural stuff.

 

I'm not sure if I would have been able to deal with a real cross cultural relationship

It wouldn't be language, I speak Thai and Lao, but just the shared values that folks have.

We lived for years in Singapore before moving to Thailand, and for our son that was really hard, something which I will forever be sorry for, since he never really adjusted to the Thai culture until he moved to the US

 

 

[Kwasaki]

I wouldn't care what mother thought my mother was never that clingy so tough on his self

self-centered old bag of a mother. 

[spidermike007]

Some moms are cool, and others are not. It just depends. I always say it helps alot if the family gets along with your significant other, and you like her family too. As far as the women being younger than us, why not? Nearly every friend I have in the US is single. Why? Because for a man in the US, who is past the age of 50, unless he is willing to get with a woman at least his age, his prospects are dim for finding love, or companionship. Some guys like me, simply prefer younger women. Not kids, but women who are 5, 10, 15, even 20 or 25 years younger than us. For a dozen very valid reasons. I could break them down, but why bother? The PC crew will jump on this and say it is not right. You should not be able to have this kind of life, without jumping over ridiculous hurdles! Means nothing to me. I do not do PC. Why be with a woman our age, if we do not need to? Nothing wrong with it, if it works for you. But It is virtually impossible for a 60 year old man in the US, to hook up with a 36 year old woman, unless she is very fat or very ugly, or he is a centi millionaire, or is famous. Period. It just does not happen in this day and age.

Here it is possible. Granted he will likely get with a woman of lesser means, who needs a guy who can provide some financial stability. So what? Who cares? Most women want financial stability anywhere in the world, whether they admit it or not. The difference is here the women are more honest about their financial needs and desires. I know a lot of men who have engaged in relationships with lovely, kind, supportive, humorous, and sexy women here, who are no longer lonely. We have very good lives. Fulfilling lives. Lives we could never dream of having back in the US, Oz, NZ, UK, Canada, or Scandinavia.

One of the most wonderful things about Thailand, is that the judgment level of couples with signifiant differences in age, is not as harsh, as in the west. My wife is quite a bit younger than me too. It works really well for us. When I dated women close to my age back in the US, it rarely ever worked out. Most were very rigid, closed minded, and set in their ways. Plus, many liked to go to bed very early, and behaved as if they were 20 years older than they were. That was not fun. I find younger women to be far more vital, more vigorous, and if you are fortunate to find one, far more open minded and adventurous.
I find when we are out in public many men stare at her, as she is still very attractive and fit, and look at me with envy. Women here seem to be fairly neutral. In the US we get some attention. She gets alot of looks, and the guys look at me like they presume I am a centi-millionaire. The gals look at me like I a felon, and have committed a major crime, by refusing to jump over the hurdles prescribed by them, and taking a shortcut to heaven. That is so much fun. It is a wonderful feeling to watch the Western women squirm and to witness their confusion and disapproval.

In terms of the US, nearly everyone I know in the states tells me that their wives do not try as hard, once they are married. That the motivation to be all they can be just sort of disappears. I can see if for myself. They often do not seem the same as they were before. And this especially applies once the kids were born, though that might happen here, to some extent too. Fortunately, I do not know about that part of the equation. Here, I do not see that happening. For some reason, the cultural differences allow the women here to be a greater version of themselves. Does that make sense? I realize if you are a Western woman, it is not easy reading this stuff. And certainly this does not apply to everyone, either here or there. Some in the west are just exceptional, and capable to rising against the tide. But, it does apply to most, from my point of view.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

I'm not sure if I would have been able to deal with a real cross cultural relationship

It wouldn't be language, I speak Thai and Lao, but just the shared values that folks have.

Not sure I share any values with women from any country.

Can't see that Thai women have much difference from Brit women 'value' wise.

 

How long does it take to tell a Thai lady "get me another beer from the fridge"?

Failing that, how long did it take me to learn "Ow eek, kap" ........ about 2 minutes.

Edited February 9, 2022 by BritManToo

[Hummin]

 

"But for many, they stay well clear of the young bar girls, and eventually meet a nice friendly Thai girl, who is actually keen on them personally as a boyfriend or even as a future husband."

 

 

But any young girl who is not a bar girl is a good girl right? 

 

Good luck!

 

I believe bar girls is no worse than any gold digging woman! 

 

There is reasons they choose a falang, but if it makes you feel better, go ahead, just hope you got the right tint on your glasses ????

 

[SimonRoget]

9 hours ago, webfact said:

.

I am astonished to see how naive some folks are.

The one you quoted is normally a hard bred and experienced ex mamasan. Thailand has 2 categories of women : A) The first one mentioned incl. young and old who will go with a Farang and come from your quoted background B) The second one who will frown at anything connected with a Farang except his money ( Business connected )

Rest is a myth.

Earlier or later it will reveal itself.

' Just as a pregnancy will be seen, the true character will show after a few months ' - African proverb.

[chilly07]

MILs generally are to be avoided! Thai MIL are also fierce expecting their children to give absolute preference to their family and treating their girls as a commodity. Farang MIL display the most appalling predjudice where their children are involved. Now if you could persuade both MILs to stay in a separate country to where you live! Result! Hopefully their IT skills are rudimentary!

[Happy Howard]

5 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

My mother in law 

 

My wife's mother 

 

Is there a difference, aren't they the same person? 

No! Try reading the post again. He said:-

my MIL being his wife's mother & my wife's MIL being his mother

[khunPer]

Good that I never married, then I avoided these kind of problems...

[SAFETY FIRST]

7 minutes ago, Happy Howard said:

No! Try reading the post again. He said:-

my MIL being his wife's mother & my wife's MIL being his mother

I was being funny 

 

Geeze, chill dude ????