Yeah, this is a new take on an old subject.

 

Its obvious from this forum that marrying a Thai lady is fraught with perils, from her going crazy after marriage, financial needs, family demands, etc.

 

But one issue is common among many failed marriages - lack of interest between husband and wife, ie nothing to talk about. You see hints of this in bars where a Farang will buy a drink for a lady and they just sit there silently, until the Farang sees another Farang and they talk about Farang stuff while the lady is ignored.

 

On the other hand, I know a lot of bargirls here in Pattaya, and can talk about the one thing the ladies like to talk about - other bargirls. Who broke up with their Thai boyfriend, who is marrying a customer, who is borrowing money from everyone, lots to talk about.

 

But, take the same lady out of her bar environment, and there is nothing to talk about.

Get married or stay single.... like that's the only two options??

3 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

You see hints of this in bars where a Farang will buy a drink for a lady and they just sit there silently,

 

4 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

On the other hand, I know a lot of bargirls here in Pattaya, and can talk about the one thing the ladies like to talk about - other bargirls. Who broke up with their Thai boyfriend, who is marrying a customer, who is borrowing money from everyone, lots to talk about.

Some of us did not marry bargirls. I have never spoken to my wife about this and we have never been in a bar like you are talking about. 

You can't take the Bar outta the Lady

Being Single VS Marrying a Thai Lady .....life vs death

Never try, never know!

8 minutes ago, JayClay said:

Get married or stay single.... like that's the only two options??

Exactly. Girlfriends short or long term.

 

 

many interesting ladies with good conversational skills out there. same as in our native countries. Also, being able to sit in a comfortable silence is part of a good relationship.  

Why would anyone marry someone with no mutual interests?

14 minutes ago, actonion said:

You can't take the Bar outta the Lady

Ladies don't work in bars

2 minutes ago, nikmar said:

Also, being able to sit in a comfortable silence is part of a good relationship.  

Best part.

You must bear in mind that on this forum we only here about Thai/Farang marriages that break down and turn volatile.

 

However, we never hear about "were did it all go right marriages" which statistically far outweigh those that go pear shaped.

 

 

All humans are potentially toxic , male or female ,, i starts with parents , then teachers , then bosses, fellow workers, friends, lovers, wives , your kids ,,

education makes little difference , neither does race  ,  

 

Best to be a castle to yourself and be careful who you let through the gates

6 minutes ago, liddelljohn said:

All humans are potentially toxic , male or female ,, i starts with parents , then teachers , then bosses, fellow workers, friends, lovers, wives , your kids ,,

education makes little difference , neither does race  ,  

 

Best to be a castle to yourself and be careful who you let through the gates

Great post so true.

Or date & marry someone of similar socio-economic-edicational status and have a perfectly engaging and normal life... 

 

... I see such relationships all over town....   had a conversation with one of my friends about the subject recently. 

A few guys rocking up to a football tournament with their 'others' (some significant, some not !)

... its instantly recognisable who the respectable Wives are and who the 'ex-BG's' are....    

 

The educational and socio-economic status is easily identifiable by the way the ladies carry themselves, the confidence with whom they converse and interact...  It's easy to tell with the respect other Thai's treat them and even the newbies (foreigners) who do not know, somehow know on instinct that they are talking to a 'different class' of person than they'd see in the pub or bar.

 

Don't like the term 'socio-economic-educational'.... It is what it is, its identifiable, obvious to see.... and these are the couples I see around having long term mutually respectful caring interactions...  

 

In other terms... something very normal.....    Step outside those 'boundaries' and while there may also be many successful relationships, there is also likely to be stress as 'mutual respect' through 'incomplete conversation and communication' starts to slide. 

 

... Just an opinion and the caveat to that is that every relationship is different and can only be evaluated on is own individual merits... however, when attempting to generalise, the above is what I see..... 

59 minutes ago, JayClay said:

Get married or stay single.... like that's the only two options??

How about just hiring someone to hang around, do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. Don't like something about them or they develop unwanted traits, then fire them and get a replacement. No muss, no fuss. 

50 minutes ago, nikmar said:

Also, being able to sit in a comfortable silence is part of a good relationship.

after 17 years my wife's comfortable silence has become a dangerous weapon. 

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Exactly. Girlfriends short or long term.

 

 

As long as the girlfriend is in the bar environment, fine. But, once away, nothing to talk about any more.

 

And, in the bar environment, the meter in her head continues to operate, reminding her of the baht she could be making if she works bar.

15 minutes ago, gargamon said:

How about just hiring someone to hang around, do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. Don't like something about them or they develop unwanted traits, then fire them and get a replacement. No muss, no fuss. 

I have many ladies cleaning my place. For free.

Too many downsides and few upsides (to marriage)

Being older, as most if us are, makes it even more pointless.

As for the helper/nurse senario , I wouldn't trust a Thai to see me thru to my last days.                                             I wonder how many old guys get the poison in the coffee treatment and we never hear abt it.

 

6 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

As long as the girlfriend is in the bar environment, fine. But, once away, nothing to talk about any more.

 

And, in the bar environment, the meter in her head continues to operate, reminding her of the baht she could be making if she works bar.

Date a normal gf

1 hour ago, marin said:

 

Some of us did not marry bargirls. I have never spoken to my wife about this and we have never been in a bar like you are talking about. 

Together??

Just now, Danderman123 said:

I have many ladies cleaning my place. For free.

What else are you paying them for? Are they there because they enjoy your company that much? 

 

Just now, VinnieK said:

Too many downsides and few upsides (to marriage)

Being older, as most if us are, makes it even more pointless.

As for the helper/nurse senario , I wouldn't trust a Thai to see me thru to my last days.                                             I wonder how many old guys get the poison in the coffee treatment and we never hear abt it.

 

So only the people that hire helpers get poisoned? Nobody that married a Thai gets poison in their coffee? 

1 hour ago, Danderman123 said:

Its obvious from this forum that marrying a Thai lady is fraught with perils, from her going crazy after marriage, financial needs, family demands, etc.

Don't marry a bar girl (with 3 years of schooling) then but somebody you can talk with.

13 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

I have many ladies cleaning my place. For free.

of course you do. 

Gentlemen,

 

I am only talking about ladies with no common interests with their Farang, and so, little communication.

 

My point is that its possible to have communication with a bargirl, if you talk about her interests - which center on bars and bargirls. Stray from that, and she is ready to sleep.

 

Which means, once removed from the bar scene, things get quiet quickly.

I'm so lucky my wife is different, in fact the only Thai woman I have EVER met who actually loved her ex husband, who sadly for her, died of asthma. Her full past life story always makes me teary if I'm telling anybody about it.  But she moved on and got on with her life.

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Ladies don't work in bars

No but Laddies do 

36 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

.. its instantly recognisable who the respectable Wives are and who the 'ex-BG's' are....    

To farangs with half a clue, and to all Thais. It takes me under a minute, first thing i ask them in Thai is "what is your occupation". Many answer truthfully, funny when the husband or boyfriend then makes up some story not knowing that she has already spilt the beans.

 

It is weird how many farangs actually marry Thai prostitutes. i would guess more than 50% of Farang Thai marriages. In a country that has so many beautiful girls with decent employment. 

 

I think it comes down a lot to anxiety and self esteem issues.

 

It is mostly the Europeans and Americans than marry them. The much maligned on this forum Indian, Chinese and Russians would not even entertain the idea.

Which is ironic when you think about it.

13 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

I am only talking about ladies with no common interests with their Farang, and so, little communication.

How is your Thai language skills?

42 minutes ago, stoner said:

after 17 years my wife's comfortable silence has become a dangerous weapon. 

Keep an ear open for knives being sharpened