Is it okay to lie to your partner of 5 years?

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But maybe it is not as bad as some people think it is.

I've found relationships only ever go downhill after the 'moving in' date.

Sometimes it takes years until the 'unhappy' totally takes over, sometimes only months.

Edited July 6, 2023 by BritManToo

[novacova]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

Everything above connects to some kind of women, and for sure not as general view on thai women. 

 

Yes many single moms go tourist places to find a cow or more to milk obviously, and those who fall for it, tends to make wide generalizing on behalf of all women. 

 

It is okay to be smart, and seriously, nothing comes out of the blue, and in most cases the men is the ones to blame who, let this happen.

 

Why does it happen so often? Because the women is to smart for them? Give me some decent answers, not just give all the thai women vad names.

Desperate men falling for desperate women with different objectives. See it here daily. 

[xtrnuno41]

Fact, she is lying. With the lying mood swings occur, it can be hard to live with lies.

Gambling history, is she really in the clear on gambling or you just thought so?

Is there another guy? You talk about her phone, however you can buy many phones and you wouldnt know.

Usufruct not done yet, why not? Should have done that already.

 

 

 

No one can tell you what to do, you have to do it by yourself, whatever you do.

Pick one of the options and proceed. You already said leaving property isnt an option, leaving her isnt an option..

Then live with lies and ignore, get usufruct and kick her out but you wont, confront her, follow her and confront. But then what next? You must decide.

Life could be easy, but sometimes there are bumps on the road, how big is this bump for you? You say 99% of time together, however doubt that, as she has lots of time to visit that village.

IF it is gambling and money issue, you could face financial problems (loansharks).

And I guess you dont want to hang out with them.

There was another OP this week who had the problem, wife gambling, although right under his nose. His wife didnt hide, but changed.

[Victor Laszlo]

2 hours ago, BarraMarra said:

Do you think she has only 1 phone ????

I was waiting for a reply before I asked the same question.

[FruitPudding]

22 hours ago, hughrection said:

Either she is getting pumped or she is playing cards and gambling. One is as bad as the other. End it and move on. It's not like there is a shortage of available Thai women who are looking for a foreigner to settle down with.

One is worse.

 

The experienced know this.

[IndomitableSpirit]

Hire a PI maybe? Don't go there on your own if you love your life.

 

As a woman in my 30s too, we usually would lie about something if it's either too bad or we want to surprise you with something nice. 

 

Try asking her to go with you somewhere or do an activity at those times you know she plans to go to that "village". See her reaction, unless she's a serial/pathological liar you'd know instantly if she's hiding something. 

[Hummin]

19 minutes ago, IndomitableSpirit said:

Hire a PI maybe? Don't go there on your own if you love your life.

 

As a woman in my 30s too, we usually would lie about something if it's either too bad or we want to surprise you with something nice. 

 

Try asking her to go with you somewhere or do an activity at those times you know she plans to go to that "village". See her reaction, unless she's a serial/pathological liar you'd know instantly if she's hiding something. 

Long time before it get to that point, it should have ended. My two cents

[Pdavies99]

Best really to pay a Thai to find out, go to a local Lawyer firm toget someone to follow her?

 

That way you can keep out of confrontation until you know

[BarraMarra]

No i just look through the Trees.

Edited July 6, 2023 by BarraMarra

[BarraMarra]

How many on this forum believe Falangs are welcome in Thailand and made to feel welcome by the locals? If it's one thing a Thai it's knowing a falang is fluent in Thai knowing what there saying to us behind our backs. Live there and the Thai smile is seen for what it is.

[IndomitableSpirit]

56 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Long time before it get to that point, it should have ended. My two cents

I understand. I was just suggesting something he could try since he doesn't want the relationship to end. But you're also right, sometimes the more you drag things, the worse it affects you mentally and emotionally, therefore just end it while you aren't too damage yet.

[Scouse123]

23 hours ago, Isan Wanderer said:

No way I'm giving up on nearly 1 million baht investment and an even bigger emotional attachment to this home just on a hunch. This is my first ever home and if I have to spend big bucks on a lawyer to keep it, I will certainly do it.

You can't keep what doesn't belong to you. It's in her or her family name and as you are probably aware, foreigners cannot own land.

 

Your other option is to face to face her in your own house rather than playing her games of sneaking around or following and  checking what she's up to. It's obviously disturbing you.

 

I wouldn't even tell her that you had followed her on Google as her first resort won't be to tell you the truth, it will be to find a way for her to stop you tracking her.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 6, 2023 by Scouse123

[bamboozled]

Addicts will do anything for their addiction. I'm guessing gambling. That is a much softer blow to the ego than her seeing another man, I think. So that's a plus. Kicking addictions ain't no cake walk. Good luck.

 

Occam's razor: the simplest, least complex answer wins the day. She already has the gambling history.

[connda]

Talk to the priest, a pastor, or a monk.

[OneMoreFarang]

22 minutes ago, bamboozled said:

Occam's razor: the simplest, least complex answer wins the day. She already has the gambling history.

I find it amazing how many people in this thread think they know exactly what is going on.

We all don't know. We can speculate and guess. But there are more options in this world than a boyfriend and gambling. What is so difficult about keeping an open mind?

[bamboozled]

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I find it amazing how many people in this thread think they know exactly what is going on.

We all don't know. We can speculate and guess. But there are more options in this world than a boyfriend and gambling. What is so difficult about keeping an open mind?

That's not Occam's razor, as I understand it. Sure, there are plenty of other possibilities but I would say they're less probable. You said it: we are speculating and guessing which is what the OP asked for, more or less. Is it not?

[chalawaan]

On 7/5/2023 at 5:26 PM, brianthainess said:

Run forest run, i have no time for gambling GFs, next loan sharks will come a knocking.

Agree! This could get really bad for the OP. 

She's moody because she's losing her shirt at some country gambling den. 

[chalawaan]

8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I find it amazing how many people in this thread think they know exactly what is going on.

We all don't know. We can speculate and guess. But there are more options in this world than a boyfriend and gambling. What is so difficult about keeping an open mind?

Does it matter if their theories are off? 

 

 

She's lying, and mood swings are a giveaway gambler on a losing streak. 

 

Or a woman who hates being there because she's dreaming of her new ride!

 

Oops I've jumped to the same conclusions.

 

Maybe he could keep an open mind until the loan sharks or crazy lover shows up?

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, bamboozled said:

That's not Occam's razor, as I understand it. Sure, there are plenty of other possibilities but I would say they're less probable. You said it: we are speculating and guessing which is what the OP asked for, more or less. Is it not?

In your case your are right. You just speculated and gave a reason why.

But many other member here seem to know exactly what is going on: She must be a gambling addict, she has a Thai boyfriend and she gives him all the money, etc.

Yes, these are possibilities. Not more, not less.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, chalawaan said:

Does it matter if their theories are off? 

 

 

She's lying, and mood swings are a giveaway gambler on a losing streak. 

 

Or a woman who hates being there because she's dreaming of her new ride!

 

Oops I've jumped to the same conclusions.

 

Maybe he could keep an open mind until the loan sharks or crazy lover shows up?

Maybe she has cancer and will die, and she doesn't know how to tell him. Maybe.

Obviously, he should think about if he wants to know. And then think about if he should ask her nicely, or confront her, or whatever.

He can have an answer within a couple of days. I think we can all wait that long before we decide, with not enough information, what is going on. 

[zzaa09]

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe she has cancer and will die, and she doesn't know how to tell him. Maybe.

Obviously, he should think about if he wants to know. And then think about if he should ask her nicely, or confront her, or whatever.

He can have an answer within a couple of days. I think we can all wait that long before we decide, with not enough information, what is going on. 

Or.....perhaps she's schizophrenic or possessed of another psych-babble malady.

 

[bamboozled]

25 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

In your case your are right. You just speculated and gave a reason why.

But many other member here seem to know exactly what is going on: She must be a gambling addict, she has a Thai boyfriend and she gives him all the money, etc.

Yes, these are possibilities. Not more, not less.

I hope it's just an empty boat.

 

Edited July 6, 2023 by bamboozled

[glegolo18]

On 7/5/2023 at 5:20 PM, hughrection said:

Either she is getting pumped or she is playing cards and gambling. One is as bad as the other. End it and move on. It's not like there is a shortage of available Thai women who are looking for a foreigner to settle down with.

Yes I agree 100%. And I can add to this complete naiv and unexperienced lad.... As soon as you feel the need to "check" up a partner there is something really wrong. Either on your side, like jeaousy or on her side... To me YOU seems to be the BIG problem here.... To call it a relationship where you stay down in, where Pattaya? and your partner goes up alone to her home-village, THAT smells bad...... Actually you do NOT have a relationship, you have only a screw-ship" nothing more, at a cost of 20K a month...

[Hummin]

On 7/5/2023 at 1:11 PM, bignok said:

Why do you need guys on a forum to run your relationship? 

In fact true, you want to feel miserable, post some personal facts here! 

 

Thank god Im happy with my pretty smart bar girl, who will never turn me down, or make a fool of me anyplace or at anytime!

 

????????

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

In fact true, you want to feel miserable, post some personal facts here! 

 

Thank god Im happy with my pretty smart bar girl, who will never turn me down, or make a fool of me anyplace or at anytime!

 

????????

Your one is different - obviously. ???? 

[Hummin]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Your one is different - obviously. ???? 

I am different, thats what matters ☝️

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/5/2023 at 9:44 PM, Isan Wanderer said:

I give her 20k baht a month no strings attached but I really don't want my hard earned money to go to waste like that.

WOW, would you give a western woman in your country money to stay with you?

 

Try cutting the "pocket money" and telling her to get a job. If she is only with you for the money, you are better off without her, but if she does get a job she'll be too busy to play away.

[thaibeachlovers]

Is it okay to lie to your partner of 5 years?

 

Depends on what it's for.

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/5/2023 at 9:44 PM, Isan Wanderer said:

I'm tempted to drive up to that remote village next time her phone pings there to find out what she's been up to but this might end up badly..

I'm tempted to drive up to that remote village next time her phone pings there to find out what she's been up to but this will end up badly..

 

Fixed it for you.

[OneMoreFarang]

35 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

WOW, would you give a western woman in your country money to stay with you?

 

Try cutting the "pocket money" and telling her to get a job. If she is only with you for the money, you are better off without her, but if she does get a job she'll be too busy to play away.

Let's say we have a couple where the guy makes 100k per month, and she has no decent education and she would only be able to get a minimum salary job for 10k per month. Would it make sense that both work? And if she doesn't work should she asked him for money every time she wants to eat som-tum? Or does it make sense that she has some money to spend?

And according to the OP she also buys food from that money.