Has anyone had a good experience dating/marrying a bar girl or prostitute in Thailand?

[gargamon]

Dating for a couple of hours or overnight is fine. Never longer than that. If she has special talents, it's okay to date her again for only a few hours or overnight.

[MalcolmB]

38 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

 Love conquers all? How old were you when you met this 19-year-old?  I'm not judging you if it works it works

My girlfriend is 46.

 

She became a single mother at 19 which is how she ended up doing sexwork.

[paul545]

Everyone knows of good and bad relationships. I’ve witnessed quite a few after living in Thailand over 20 years but I have also witnessed more cases of guys screwing up their relationships with good and bad girls and dumping them without a thought and support for a younger model or when they get bored with the same person. None of these guys put their hands up and admit that on this forum. 

[MalcolmB]

1 hour ago, transam said:

In your 2 weeks here..........🤣

How about you? 
Ever been with a Thai Lady?

[BobBKK]

41 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

My girlfriend is 46.

 

She became a single mother at 19 which is how she ended up doing sexwork.

 I meant she was 19 when you met her?  How old were you?

[Walker88]

Maybe one of the Morality Police here will chime in and lay down the law.

 

I get it that a woman who has sex for money is, according to the Morality Police, a “whore”.

 

So then a woman who has sex because she’s horny is what?

 

How many partners for the horny woman makes her a “slut” and not a “good girl”?

 

As for men, are they allowed unlimited sex partners and only risk being labelled a Casanova or Lothario, or is there an equivalent disparaging “slut” term for guys who dally with many women?

 

Is hypocrisy hard wired into the Y chromosome?

 

I never married a Thai woman, but if I did, I don’t care how many sexual partners she had nor under which circumstances (money or horny), so long as she has had at least one. I would never want a virgin again; been there, done that in my youth, and it was not the most fun, especially when her first was also my first.

 

Should I ever marry a Thai woman, all that will matter is if we get along. I note many comments here from men who married a bargirl….decades ago and counting. I guess maybe guys who are insecure in their own ability to satisfy a woman might shun experienced bargirls, since she probably has experienced better than the insecure man could deliver between the sheets. Guys who are secure---and couldn’t care less what others think---can build a beautiful loving relationship with any woman, no matter her sexual history.

[transam]

1 hour ago, MalcolmB said:

How about you? 
Ever been with a Thai Lady?

Been where...........?  🤔

[Tanlic]

Thousand are with their Thai wives they met in a bar until the day they die Thousands are not.

 

Men usually cause the break ups Thai girls are pretty loya.

 

Thai girls who work in offices etc can be 10 times worse than bar girls with their giks

[BangkokReady]

3 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

...and you know says more about you and who you hang around with than the Thais you denigrate.

 

3 hours ago, transam said:

In your 2 weeks here..........🤣

 

Indeed. Met a Thai prostitute in his home country, then came to Thailand with her. Presumably, he has only had contact with the family and friends of said prostitute. They're obviously not going to start bad mouthing her to him, for numerous reasons.

[transam]

On 6/6/2024 at 11:47 AM, MalcolmB said:

I am getting married later this year.

My soon to be wife is the best woman I have ever met.

We met in London in 2020 during Covid and our love grew from there.

 

She was a single mother at 19 and came from an area in Thailand known for poverty. I don’t think she would have chosen to do it if she had other options. She didn’t do it because she was greedy and a drug addict. 
 

She has built a nice home for her parents and her children (she has 2, the youngest I might adopt, but has the body of a teenager) and supported them all and brought them up to a middle class standard of life. She has also bought some land which she rents out and a condo in Pattaya which also gives her some passive income.

 

The culture is different here than in the west and she is highly respected for “taking care” of her family. And sex work is not frowned upon like in the West, with many Thai women doing some sort of sex work at some point of their lives. A lot of them are good girls who don’t even drink alcohol. My girl doesn’t have tattoos and thinks they are “dirty”.

 

Thai women are famous for it all around the world. It is an acceptable occupation for the pretty women to get them out of the poverty trap. My wife is a real head turner.

And smart. Very smart.

How many people do you know that have never paid for a Thai woman? Not many I bet.

A lot of westerners I have met with Thai women make up stories about how they met and you know they are living a lie. 

A few of my long time friends back home said some nasty things about her and I chose to never speak to them again. Other friends have got to know her and think she is great.
Not a single Thai has said anything untoward as it is normal here.
 

I have never been happier and we are at an age that we will happily settle down together. I haven’t got a crystal ball but sometimes you “just know.”

 

Love conquers all.

 

 

What a load, is that you Goat, trying a different tack.....................

[KhunLA]

I know a few that have successful relationships, still together, not sure how happy.   Also know about the same, where It didn't work.   At a guess, about the same 50% success/failure rate of relationships/marriages as with non-pros in USA.

 

Don't think failures had anything to do with gal or guy's previous work.  More age, social misunderstanding or financial strain, as same as non-pro relationships/marriage failures.

Edited June 7 by KhunLA

[brianthainess]

Yes. 

[Alidiver]

All this moralising about bar girls.
You just don't get it.
The realtionship with sex in Thailand is not the same as western culture.
In the UK prostitutes would be shunned, whereas in Thailand it's just a job that many "normal" girls do.

 

[MalcolmB]

2 hours ago, Walker88 said:

I guess maybe guys who are insecure in their own ability to satisfy a woman might shun experienced bargirls, since she probably has experienced better than the insecure man could deliver between the sheets. Guys who are secure---and couldn’t care less what others think---can build a beautiful loving relationship with any woman, no matter her sexual history.

You hit it on the head

[Gecko123]

These threads always seem to lean in one direction or the other. Either it's "my ex-bar girl wife is the greatest thing since sliced bread and we've been together forever and a day", or there's the "there are so many wholesome girls in Thailand, why would you ever hook up with a hooker?" crowd.

 

I'm not passing judgement on anyone who falls in love with someone working in a bar and ends up getting into a relationship with them. But I do question the advisability and odds of success, especially nowadays, for the following reasons.

 

This is from the perspective of someone who has lived in rural Thailand and has had a front row seat to observe the background of many young women who end up in the skin trade. It has been my observation that the vast majority come from single parent households and economically depressed backgrounds with low levels of academic achievement, and very limited parental guidance. The vast majority of the women have already had at least one child and have separated from the father of the children before they get into the skin trade.

 

In years gone by, these young women were likely to have at least been raised by one of their parents and that that parent had been raised in turn by his or her parent, most likely in a farming household. So the values and guidance that was being transferred from one generation to the next was still fairly strong.

 

But over the years, in more and more cases, the caregiver who is looking after the child has themselves been raised by a non-parental relative and is often only superficially engaged with the child's rearing and doing it largely to supplement their income. Particularly in regards to academic focus, moral instruction, and providing an emotionally secure and nurturing environment the level of care is substandard. So these young women grow up with a hardscrabble "a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do" mentality. What I'm saying is that because of this erosion of parental guidance (driven mainly by urbanization which forces parents to move to metropolises for work and leave their children in rural settings which has been going on for more than a half-dozen generations already), the character and breeding (if you will) of these women who end up working in red light districts seems to have degraded over the years. 

 

Another observation is that as Thailand has moved away from an agrarian based economy and more towards industrial output, more academic and employment opportunities have opened up in the past 30 - 40 years for women and these opportunities have siphoned off a considerable amount of bar girl "talent" so to speak. It has been my observation (if only from watching U-tube videos) that this explains why both the physical and personal attributes of these women seems to have dropped precipitously in recent years. Certainly, you do hear old timers on this forum waxing nostalgically about the "good old days" which would seem to confirm this. You also hear on threads about how the skin trade has become more mercenary, higher priced, and that many of the women have scant interest in overnight much less being a "holiday wife" or exploring ongoing relationships. My point is that this change in dynamics is probably causing a shift in the type of woman attracted to this line of work: harder, more mercenary, less engaging, more focused on quantity over quality...

 

Another factor which impacted perceptions about whether the sex trade was an attractive career choice was  Prayut's famous speech, very early on his administration, in which he posed the rhetorical question to the Thai people: "Aren't you ashamed?" in reference to Thailand's reputation as a sex-tourism capital. I think that had a very dampening affect on the social acceptability of the sex industry and discouraged many women from pursuing this line of work. Even before this speech, the superficial observation voiced earlier on this thread that Thais take a strictly laissez-faire attitude towards people engaged in sex work is simply not true. While Thais are by nature reluctant to voice judgment, there is definitely a degree of stigma attached to the activity.

 

Aside from job opportunities, Thailand's women probably also have better marital prospects than they had in years gone by. They are more geographically mobile, more connected on social media, and enjoy more social mobility (romances at workplaces and school settings), which means that rural women looking for socio-economic advancement opportunities via marriage have less need to go to a bar setting to achieve their goals.

 

You often hear on threads like these from guys who claim to be happily married to bar girls for decades on end, and I'm genuinely happy for them when this occurs. But aside from the longevity of the relationship, there is the issue of the quality of the companionship the relationship provides. There is such a thing as a dead relationship, devoid of any emotional, spiritual, intellectual or physical stimulation. I have seen a handful of marriages which fit this description, often handicapped by cultural and language barriers which could not be transcended. The couple having limited conversational or social interaction with each other, passing like ships in the night. So you gotta think about what's gonna sustain the relationship after the honeymoon phase wears off.

 

These comments are directed at anyone reading this thread weighing the advisability of getting seriously involved with a bargirl. Anything is possible, but my advice would be that the odds of successfully finding a long term life partner are probably higher if you look elsewhere. 

 

Edited June 7 by Gecko123

[thesetat2013]

i have a friend who within his first month in Thailand he met a sweet middle aged woman. He met her one night at a McDonalds near Soi Nana. When he introduced me, my wife was with us also. That evening my wife told me to warn the man that his new girl had a very bad profile. Working many bars for several years and selling herself to customers. I warned my friend and he insisted the woman never asked anything from him. Bought him meals sometimes. Even took him to meet her family in Isaan. He fell for her hook, line, and sinker. Since he was planning retirement in Thailand he thought he found the perfect woman. When he later told me he was buying a car. I told him to make sure his name was on the title. He insisted his woman told him that was impossible. So, he chose to listen to the woman and not me. A few months later he told me he was planning to marry this woman. She had land he could buy for them with her family and make a house. The marriage was still a long way coming. I told him to use a lawyer and company to buy any land and make sure the house and land lease was in his name. His woman told him that was impossible because he was a foreigner. Go a year into the relationship. HE was so happy. The woman was great. Good lady and so good in bed as he says. Then I stopped hearing from him. Ran into him a few months later and he told me. The house got finished and the woman threw him out and took the car. He was broke and had to return to his country. He had spent all his savings trusting the woman and he had no way to continue his retirement and future staying in Thailand. 

So if you think you have a good woman that worked bars and sold sex to others. Make sure you do not accept anything she tells you when it is about money or finances. Control everything and use outside resources to confirm what is said to you about what you can and can not do. Do not be blinded by her ability to make you feel good and happy (hmm). She is experienced in saying and doing whatever it takes to get what she wants for HER future. BE smart and check things on your own even though she wants you to believe her. Lest you be the same as my friend. Poor now with no savings and unable to remain retired in Thailand. 

Edited June 7 by thesetat2013
typo

[Foexie]

[Walker88]

13 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

These threads always seem to lean in one direction or the other. Either it's "my ex-bar girl wife is the greatest thing since sliced bread and we've been together forever and a day", or there's the "there are so many wholesome girls in Thailand, why would you ever hook up with a hooker?" crowd.

 

I'm not passing judgement on anyone who falls in love with someone working in a bar and ends up getting into a relationship with them. But I do question the advisability and odds of success, especially nowadays, for the following reasons.

 

This is from the perspective of someone who has lived in rural Thailand and has had a front row seat to observe the background of many young women who end up in the skin trade. It has been my observation that the vast majority come from single parent households and economically depressed backgrounds with low levels of academic achievement, and very limited parental guidance. The vast majority of the women have already had at least one child and have separated from the father of the children before they get into the skin trade.

 

In years gone by, these young women were likely to have at least been raised by one of their parents and that that parent had been raised in turn by his or her parent, most likely in a farming household. So the values and guidance that was being transferred from one generation to the next was still fairly strong.

 

But over the years, in more and more cases, the caregiver who is looking after the child has themselves been raised by a non-parental relative and is often only superficially engaged with the child's rearing and doing it largely to supplement their income. Particularly in regards to academic focus, moral instruction, and providing an emotionally secure and nurturing environment the level of care is substandard. So these young women grow up with a hardscrabble "a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do" mentality. What I'm saying is that because of this erosion of parental guidance (driven mainly by urbanization which forces parents to move to metropolises for work and leave their children in rural settings which has been going on for more than a half-dozen generations already), the character and breeding (if you will) of these women who end up working in red light districts seems to have degraded over the years. 

 

Another observation is that as Thailand has moved away from an agrarian based economy and more towards industrial output, more academic and employment opportunities have opened up in the past 30 - 40 years for women and these opportunities have siphoned off a considerable amount of bar girl "talent" so to speak. It has been my observation (if only from watching U-tube videos) that this explains why both the physical and personal attributes of these women seems to have dropped precipitously in recent years. Certainly, you do hear old timers on this forum waxing nostalgically about the "good old days" which would seem to confirm this. You also hear on threads about how the skin trade has become more mercenary, higher priced, and that many of the women have scant interest in overnight much less being a "holiday wife" or exploring ongoing relationships. My point is that this change in dynamics is probably causing a shift in the type of woman attracted to this line of work: harder, more mercenary, less engaging, more focused on quantity over quality...

 

Another factor which impacted perceptions about whether the sex trade was an attractive career choice was  Prayut's famous speech, very early on his administration, in which he posed the rhetorical question to the Thai people: "Aren't you ashamed?" in reference to Thailand's reputation as a sex-tourism capital. I think that had a very dampening affect on the social acceptability of the sex industry and discouraged many women from pursuing this line of work. Even before this speech, the superficial observation voiced earlier on this thread that Thais take a strictly laissez-faire attitude towards people engaged in sex work is simply not true. While Thais are by nature reluctant to voice judgment, there is definitely a degree of stigma attached to the activity.

 

Aside from job opportunities, Thailand's women probably also have better marital prospects than they had in years gone by. They are more geographically mobile, more connected on social media, and enjoy more social mobility (romances at workplaces and school settings), which means that rural women looking for socio-economic advancement opportunities via marriage have less need to go to a bar setting to achieve their goals.

 

You often hear on threads like these from guys who claim to be happily married to bar girls for decades on end, and I'm genuinely happy for them when this occurs. But aside from the longevity of the relationship, there is the issue of the quality of the companionship the relationship provides. There is such a thing as a dead relationship, devoid of any emotional, spiritual, intellectual or physical stimulation. I have seen a handful of marriages which fit this description, often handicapped by cultural and language barriers which could not be transcended. The couple having limited conversational or social interaction with each other, passing like ships in the night. So you gotta think about what's gonna sustain the relationship after the honeymoon phase wears off.

 

These comments are directed at anyone reading this thread weighing the advisability of getting seriously involved with a bargirl. Anything is possible, but my advice would be that the odds of successfully finding a long term life partner are probably higher if you look elsewhere. 

 

Lots of good points in your well thought out, well-written post. It's quite a tricky issue, and as you noted, circumstances have changed over time.

 

Personally, the greatest hurdle I would experience in any relationship with a Thai woman would not be her work background, but rather the wide cultural differences. I really do not think I could bridge those. Others can, and good for them, but for me, I doubt it.

 

I state that as one who has lived in many diverse countries that embraced each of the world's major belief systems (5 'great' faiths at least). I am not a believer in any faith, and find some too silly to even pretend I could take seriously. Religious beliefs do not teach morality or goodness; that comes from civilization itself. Thus, all religions can do is add on superstition and absurdity. Those things are deeply inculcated into most everyone in this country as well as a fantastical view of the country's place in the world, which does not allow for introspection. That produces people whose bedrock beliefs are in stark contrast to reality, and I suspect that would rear its head continually in the course of a long relationship. Initially, when the bloom is still on the rose, it might not, but longer term it would be---IMO---unavoidable. It would get tiresome, at least for me, and I suspect lead to boredom. If children were involved, it would be even worse. I would want any children I have to take a critical look at everything, as well as be curious about everything. From the vast majority of folks I have met here, curiosity is something in very short supply. Too much is either just accepted as is, or never considered. I know myself, and for me curiosity is one of the key features that produce a meaningful existence. It is what leads to a broadening of knowledge and personal growth. Life, to me, is not merely about surviving, but it is about learning and grabbing new challenges, testing one's limits in every sphere.

 

A long relationship involves more than paying the bills and deciding what flowers to put in the garden. It also involves conversation on every topic under the sun. Even if the other party is educated, if the education was purely local, then I doubt curiosity as well as a wide swathe of general knowledge is there. Boredom would ensue, likely in both parties.

 

She can be lovely, sweet, caring, even an absolute sexual dynamo. She could have a background as a "good girl" (whatever that means in 2024) or have spent years offering her pleasures in an agogo. The good qualities work in her favor, and her sexual past is of no import to me. What ultimately would be a make or break is what we can discuss in those times when we're not paying bills, planting the garden or frolicking in bed.

Edited June 8 by Walker88

[Captain Monday]

On 6/6/2024 at 3:31 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

 

How much Thailand experience did you have at that time?

I also believed a lot when I just arrived in Thailand. Luckily, I didn't have much money so I couldn't lose much money.

Many of us fall for many lies here. It takes time to learn the "culture".

She did not scam me for money, just created a big hassle with tears and jealous freak outs after I treated the relationship exactly as we agreed in advance. An occasional  "FWB" nothing serious.  Well, she wanted to get with me and women in any country can do this but do Thai women try to make themselves more desire able by exaggerating (near) purity and inexperience? That would have made no difference to me,  so why lie?  I found out eventually most of what she told of her history was comical nonsense loosely based on facts.  

[G_Money]

16 hours ago, Walker88 said:

Maybe one of the Morality Police here will chime in and lay down the law.

 

I get it that a woman who has sex for money is, according to the Morality Police, a “whore”.

 

So then a woman who has sex because she’s horny is what?

 

How many partners for the horny woman makes her a “slut” and not a “good girl”?

 

As for men, are they allowed unlimited sex partners and only risk being labelled a Casanova or Lothario, or is there an equivalent disparaging “slut” term for guys who dally with many women?

 

Is hypocrisy hard wired into the Y chromosome?

 

I never married a Thai woman, but if I did, I don’t care how many sexual partners she had nor under which circumstances (money or horny), so long as she has had at least one. I would never want a virgin again; been there, done that in my youth, and it was not the most fun, especially when her first was also my first.

 

Should I ever marry a Thai woman, all that will matter is if we get along. I note many comments here from men who married a bargirl….decades ago and counting. I guess maybe guys who are insecure in their own ability to satisfy a woman might shun experienced bargirls, since she probably has experienced better than the insecure man could deliver between the sheets. Guys who are secure---and couldn’t care less what others think---can build a beautiful loving relationship with any woman, no matter her sexual history.

One of the greatest milestones of the forum has just been achieved.

 

 I agree with your post.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

22 minutes ago, Captain Monday said:

She did not scam me for money, just created a big hassle with tears and jealous freak outs after I treated the relationship exactly as we agreed in advance. An occasional  "FWB" nothing serious.  Well, she wanted to get with me and women in any country can do this but do Thai women try to make themselves more desire able by exaggerating (near) purity and inexperience? That would have made no difference to me,  so why lie?  I found out eventually most of what she told of her history was comical nonsense loosely based on facts.  

 

I think Thai women learn to act all their life. Be nice to older people, the teacher, the boss, etc. And mostly they get forward by behaving in a way the other person likes to see - or at least they think that is what the other person wants to see.

 

I remember on girl from Soi Cowboy. She changed her "style" with every customer. For some she played the innocent girl, for others she was the crazy sex maniac, and whatever else. Sometimes when I saw her I had to look twice, like: is that the same girl like yesterday?

 

But it's also men and business. I.e. when I ask my motorcycle mechanic how long it will take. The standard answer was something like 2 days, because he thought that is what I wanted to hear. In reality it was mostly a week or more. It took me some time to get used to that. But after a while I just accepted it. I won't be able to change it - and not sure I would change it too often. 

 

[brewsterbudgen]

On 6/6/2024 at 11:20 PM, Northstar1 said:

Ask Brewster budgeon, he married a bargirl .

I would be happy to help.

[Almer]

On 6/6/2024 at 7:39 PM, Will B Good said:

Met on a Tuesday, married that Friday....18 years ago.....hardly spent a day apart.

Well done

[fceligoj]

No good experience even though I married one and found out later, but was able to get the marriage annulled by paying 30K baht (no need for a lawyer.)  The worst part of these "workers" in Bangkok and the resorts, etc., most come from Isan.  They send big money home to mother and father.  Once you get hooked, they then have a direct line from your ATM to mom and pop.  (I found the one I got involved with turned out to be a liar so she could get more money from me; like the chain on motorbike broke or the seat on my motorbike got ripped up, etc., need money.)

[NanLaew]

On 6/6/2024 at 5:48 AM, bob smith said:

would you marry a prostitute in your home country??

 

bob.

 

that depends on what footie team she supports.

 

nan

[save the frogs]

so some fairy tales, some horror stories.

we need to keep stats and make a Pie Chart

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 6/7/2024 at 11:06 AM, Tailwagsdog said:

marry a good girl

Do tell how we are supposed to know if she is a good girl or not? Do bad girls come with horns?

 

None of the 50% of married men that got divorced knew their wives were not going to be Miss Right on their wedding day.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 6/7/2024 at 11:17 PM, Gecko123 said:

These threads always seem to lean in one direction or the other. Either it's "my ex-bar girl wife is the greatest thing since sliced bread and we've been together forever and a day", or there's the "there are so many wholesome girls in Thailand, why would you ever hook up with a hooker?" crowd.

Long post so I'll only comment on that.

 

I had two LT relationships. Lived with a non hooker western woman same age as myself. Turned out to be a using <deleted> from hell.

Married a Thai hooker, met her in a bar so I knew what she was, and she turned out to be a harpie from hell.

 

In both cases I started the relationships believing that they were good women that I could have a future with. In both cases they were as good as it gets for the first year. Four years later with both and we were done.

 

IMO the chances of finding Miss Right are as good as winning big on Lotto.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 6/6/2024 at 7:36 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Obviously, there are cashiers who go with customers.

But I wonder why a girl would sit for hours behind the cash drawer, work (often) hard all night, if she is not primary a cashier.

If she would go regularly with customers, then she would make multiple times the money from that compared from counting money.

Being a cashier is easy work and it's not boring like pretending to like customers and hoping all night to get rented out. It's also regular money and they all share in the tips end of the day.

What many farangs don't know, coming from a greed based culture, is that sometimes money isn't the objective.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 6/6/2024 at 8:00 PM, Hummin said:

The main thing with marrying in Thailand, as everywhere else, is to take your time, meet the family, even the drunk uncles, the gambling auntie, get a feeling how this will be, and also her friends!

LOL. I did all that, even lived with her for a year before getting married. Family OK ( then ), no red flags.

 

Didn't make any difference to the end.