Thai Wife Issues in the UK

[FritsSikkink]

3 hours ago, djb687 said:

She's lived here for about a year now. No children together and there is intimacy but not very much like once a week.

Where in the UK do you live? The weather is not one of its favored attractions. Does she work? Have any friends?

Looks like she is bored out of her mind and misses family and friends. Ever thought about that before you brought her to a strange country?

[still kicking]

I don't know what your problem is I am married ton a Thai lady for about 21 years and no kids either (we live in OZ)  she goes in holidays to Thailand by herself and sometimes we go together but she always comes back after visiting family in Thailand. She used to have Thai friends in OZ but split with them she only got one now. We have a Buddhist temple here but she only been ones in many years. Maybe she does not like the UK climate? Let her go if she does not come back it just means she does not love you.

[djb687]

@still kicking Does your Thai wife consult with you before going or just say "i'm going next week" and goes? I think you are right when you say "Let her go if she does not come back it just means she does not love you." thats a good test of relationship I suppose.

[Hummin]

Useally it is me who need some space, not her

[freedomnow]

She might not be returning, hence the behaviour changes and distancing....

[BritManToo]

9 hours ago, djb687 said:

We were together for a year and then married for a year.

There are 3 common reasons for women behaving like this.

1.depression

2. seeing another guy

3. menopause (age 45+)

 

None of the possible outcomes are all that great for you or your relationship.

[fredwiggy]

I'm always one for doing whatever you can to try and make a relationship work, especially involving children, but I've had my share of women who just weren't right and this I actually saw close to the beginning but didn't listen to my heart because of attraction. What Richard and Britman said are truths. Depression makes people isolate, and her thinking Thailand will help is just because it's more familiar to her, even though you can't escape depression problems. Her not wanting to socialize with your family is a red flag not to be ignored.

 

She's your wife, and should take an active interest in your family. The same goes for you if she had any there. Is she on her phone a lot? She might be corresponding with another man back in Thailand, especially one she may have known before. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but we've all been there, and there's only one way out if that's the case. Let her go.

 

What you need to do now is sit down and talk with her, asking her questions about why she's been acting this way. Let her do the talking. It might be menopause, especially if she's at that age, and you can google information about this online for what to expect, but with menopause you usually get happiness mixed with anger, along with these...........

Common symptoms of the menopause include:

• anxiety
• changes in mood – such as low mood or irritability
• changes in skin conditions, including dryness or increase in oiliness and onset of adult acne
• difficulty sleeping – this may make you feel tired and irritable during the day
• discomfort during sex
• feelings of loss of self
• hair loss or thinning
• headaches or migraines
• hot flushes – short, sudden feelings of heat, usually in the face, neck and chest, which can make your skin red and sweaty
• increase in facial hair
• joint stiffness, aches and pains
• loss of self-confidence
• night sweats – hot flushes that occur at night
• palpitations – heartbeats that suddenly become more noticeable
• problems with memory, concentration and ‘brain fog’
• recurrent urinary tract infections (UTIs), such as cystitis
• urge and stress incontinence
• reduced sex drive (libido)
• tinnitus
• vaginal dryness and pain....................................Not wanting you to go with her to Thailand is a huge red flag, as that's not about her missing Thailand and friends. She surely might be bored with the UK, but if she was really into the relationship, she would be talking to you, asking you to do more things with her. Traveling, dining out, movies, concerts etc. Her eating Thai food daily is good, but saying it's not the same is an excuse. Any Thai woman who knows how to cook can create the same recipes exactly anywhere in the world as all the ingredients are available.
•  
• The weather in the UK isn't the greatest as I've seen many attest, so that's where traveling comes into play. Thailand isn't great either, unless heat and humidity is your thing, along with raining half the year. One's just as bad as the other, besides the fact warmer weather is easier to get used to. Since you have no children, it's much easier to just let her go and not waste any more time with the wrong person. Again, if you can work things out, that's the best approach, but if you can't, letting her go and finding another one is a better future plan.

[JAS21]

Take here somewhere nice to stay every other weekend … there must be lots of offers available. And take her to see her friends sometimes

[mokwit]

11 hours ago, djb687 said:

So what do you suggest I do about this? Clearly talking to her doesn't appear to work.

Accept that the relationship is never going to work.

[Chadnik]

10 hours ago, djb687 said:

I know she misses food, despite cooking Thai food every single day she says its not the same as in Thailand.

 

If she's depressed,  disappointed then ask her if she wants to go back to Thailand! What did she expect? Possible she's so simple she didn't know OR thought it a lark, joyride on your money

 

Did you promise a rose garden or lead her on? Don't get me wrong it's very possible that she dreamed it all up in head

 

Well, that's an excuse imo. When you decide to live in another country you're going to have a change of lifestyle and that is going to be in large part food.

 

Possible she's far more of a simple mind than you ever imagined and she just never dreamed of the changes she's experiencing. Having said that seeing that she's not very expressive I'd be disinclined to give her that. Just sitting in another room on the phone.. not discussing with you HER issues .. no way.

 

Perhaps she thought that living in your home was going to be the same as a palace and the England was Camelot?

 

Many women in Thailand have understood for years that moving outside Thailand may mean a very average life with a very average husband and lots of hard work.

 

WE know how difficult and shi* living in west is now. They may not

 

Thai women can be quite lazy. I recall many attractive bar girls that were my friend decades ago in Pattaya returning from Europe in particular Netherlands and all of them were shocked at how hard life was and how hard their boyfriend had to work. This is Holland and 25 years ago

 

The fairy tales of long ago married to a simple guy that had a full pension, cars and house paid for with boatloads of money to splash on her and her family - long gone as the people in the west struggle to keep their heads afloat.

 

This was common knowledge as far back as the early 2000s in Pattaya where I had lived. Many of the girls were fine with simply living in Thailand and chatting on internet grubbing money off of the internet - which was essentially free money. This boosted, supplemented the other shenanigans they get up to you.

 

My wife has a cousin in Sweden who has been an excellent wife to the gentleman she is married. She's working as a caregiver and absolutely beat. It's hard difficult work and supporting the Swedish guy also not easy. But she does it without complaining, keeps The home and sends money back to her family.

 

I think maybe you've found a province princess. She woke up in a simple home under cloudy UK skies, no friends, but no one to chat with and it's taking as toll.

 

On the other hand, she could basically be extorting you as I was reluctant to say prior. If this is the case she will now make your life miserable until you agree to a settlement.

 

** Thai and Philipino women have all sorts of internet sites, chat on how to totally skewer foreign men. This is especially true if they're young and quite attractive. They use the western guy for a ticket out and then ruin the relationship. They move for divorce and if not possible then they often go to the police and claim beating, enter the court system and get a divorce settlement against you. A few months later they are shopping for some rich guy, doing only fans or worse. Very, very real

 

Try to get it her back to Thailand and then don't buy to get back. She'll have to contend with that. She'll need to borrow money to get herself back to you okay, get herself from the airport to your home... If she can't get herself back to the UK then the settlement negotiations are far more in your favor

 

But when we bring women back to our home country as we lose a lot of leverage. It's not a manipulative thing it's you're losing leverage over your property and assets none of which is entitled especially just entering a marriage.

 

Personally, I wouldn't bring a woman back to my home country unless she has some sort of skill or at least ambition and I had lived with her in her home country for a number of years. I would never marry a woman that I met on the internet, visited a few times in her home country perhaps had some sort of longish stay together with her. No way.

 

IF she came out of a bar or massage joint she knows all the angles you have to take this into consideration.

Edited September 17 by Chadnik

[mokwit]

35 minutes ago, Chadnik said:

** Thai and Philipino women have all sorts of internet sites

They also have the old biddies in the village managing your relationship by remote.

[sidjameson]

Op, have you ever had a woman really into you? Many haven't so don't know the difference.  was she really into you in Thailand? Signs, always picked up your calls, always ready to meet. Would blow off other engagements to be with you. Never made you wonder what she was up to etc

If yes she was into you in Thailand then I'd lean towards depression. Which can be helped.

If she just was never that into you I'd lean towards her just realising that being with a guy just to be able to work in the UK feels like a prison sentence. 

[MalcolmB]

Did you meet in the UK or Thailand?

How do I’d you meet?

What was her job in Thailand and what is it here?

[NanLaew]

41 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

Did you meet in the UK or Thailand?

How do I’d you meet?

What was her job in Thailand and what is it here?

 

Good questions as it seems pretty unusual for a Thai spouse to get the appropriate visa with the right to be employed in a legal job in the UK, all within a couple of years.

 

I would add what about their social life as a married couple? This mention she has friends, but they're a few hours away and the OP "supposes" he could take her to visit suggests that there's no effort to be a couple.

[acmebroadcaster]

Very typical Thai behaviour with issues about a bad decision or serious regrets, and amplified by the news she wants a solo run to the Land of Smiles. Unlikely to return unless she’s going back to fix something she doesn’t want you to know about. Not good and only alternative is she’s in a serious Thai sulk if she’s not getting to work here or you’re not shelling out enough pocket money. Bottom line she ain’t no keeper!

[spidermike007]

It is definitely time to move on, relationships are very organic things, they grow, they evolve or they devolve. When one to the point of where your relationship is there's just no upside. At that point the woman just becomes an anchor around your ankles, and is bringing absolutely nothing to the table.

 

Time to get a divorce, ASAP, move on, and find a an exquisite  woman who has your back all the time, makes every day of your life a better day, and is really there for you. 

 

Life is way too short, please do not waste it away with someone who is unworthy of your devotion. Move on and pay tribute to our gender. 

[NanLaew]

On 9/25/2024 at 11:02 PM, spidermike007 said:

...and find a an exquisite  woman who has your back all the time, makes every day of your life a better day, and is really there for you...

 

He won't find her. I got the only one like that 18 years ago.

[spidermike007]

11 hours ago, NanLaew said:

 

He won't find her. I got the only one like that 18 years ago.

I got a really good one too, about that long ago, but there's plenty more good ones out there, no doubt about that. 

[rattlesnake]

They often get depressed when they live in Europe. I don't blame them.

[FruitPudding]

On 9/16/2024 at 7:35 PM, roo860 said:

Don't forget you're basically dealing with children trapped in a 'grown-up' body.

 

So true.

 

They don't get beyond adolescent brain development. 

[FruitPudding]

On 9/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, djb687 said:

Me and my Thai wife has been together for 2 years living in the UK, we recently moved to a bigger house and now she appears to spend a lot of time in the bedroom on her own while I am downstairs, almost like she’s avoiding me, this has been going on for months now. She also does the same when my two older children come to stay at the weekend and they think it’s weird she doesn’t interact with them at all. She has also recently told me she’s going to Thailand to party with her family for two weeks, just dropped it on me, no discussion whatsoever - didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. When I talk to her about these things all I get is the standard “it’s up to me”, “my life” responses. Are these normal behaviours within a Thai/Western marriage? It certainly isn’t something I would say was normal in a Western marriage.

 

The Ways of Ploy.

 

So glad I ain't married to a Thai anymore. 

 

Sounds like the two weeks party in Thailand would be a great time to break up.

 

Or if not then see how she reacts to you going to Thailand alone for a party. 

 

 

Edited September 29 by FruitPudding

[stupidfarang]

Check her phone, then you will have a good idea as to what is happening. Going home to see family and party is a red flag.

[petermik]

Tell her you will go with her and as she is partying with friends let her know you will wait for her in Pattaya....

[Celsius]

On 9/25/2024 at 11:02 PM, spidermike007 said:

It is definitely time to move on, relationships are very organic things, they grow, they evolve or they devolve. When one to the point of where your relationship is there's just no upside. At that point the woman just becomes an anchor around your ankles, and is bringing absolutely nothing to the table.

 

Time to get a divorce, ASAP, move on, and find a an exquisite  woman who has your back all the time, makes every day of your life a better day, and is really there for you. 

 

Life is way too short, please do not waste it away with someone who is unworthy of your devotion. Move on and pay tribute to our gender. 

 

You are paying a salary to be in a relationship, so all this "advice" is invalid.

[connda]

On 9/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, djb687 said:

Me and my Thai wife has been together for 2 years living in the UK, we recently moved to a bigger house and now she appears to spend a lot of time in the bedroom on her own while I am downstairs, almost like she’s avoiding me, this has been going on for months now. She also does the same when my two older children come to stay at the weekend and they think it’s weird she doesn’t interact with them at all. She has also recently told me she’s going to Thailand to party with her family for two weeks, just dropped it on me, no discussion whatsoever - didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. When I talk to her about these things all I get is the standard “it’s up to me”, “my life” responses. Are these normal behaviours within a Thai/Western marriage? It certainly isn’t something I would say was normal in a Western marriage.

You Thai wife wants to return to Thailand.  I'd say you have about a 100% chance of a divorce in your future.  And considering you live in the West.  If you didn't have a prenup, she'll get half of what you own.  Best of luck.

[NanLaew]

5 hours ago, FruitPudding said:

On 9/16/2024 at 7:35 PM, roo860 said:

Don't forget you're basically dealing with children trapped in a 'grown-up' body.

 

So true.

 

They don't get beyond adolescent brain development. 

 

Then they fly to Thailand, leave their common sense in the overhead locker, head for Pattaya, fall in love with a 'cashier', get married and then... oh, wait.

[rocketboy2]

Most Thai's have a unrealistic view of  what life will be like  in the uk.

Weather is total crap. cold, ( Thais love the cold ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Work, may only be cooking or cleaning jobs. ( a bit depressing for them ) not the high life they may have thought.

some just want to go home as the streets were not paved with gold.

 

But in your case OP, get her phone off her for 10 minutes.

Think you will find all the answers there.

good luck.

 

 

[spidermike007]

14 hours ago, Celsius said:

 

You are paying a salary to be in a relationship, so all this "advice" is invalid.

That's completely wrong, I am giving my woman expense money every month, so she can go out and eat, and buy clothes, buy a new bra, pay for some gas for the car, hang out with her friends, or buy a drink. She often brings home some fresh fruit. It's ridiculous to be dishing out 500 or 600 baht a day when I can just give her money every month to maintain her expenses. 

 

That is not a salary, that is just practical living. 

[couchpotato]

26 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

That's completely wrong, I am giving my woman expense money every month, so she can go out and eat, and buy clothes, buy a new bra, pay for some gas for the car, hang out with her friends, or buy a drink. She often brings home some fresh fruit. It's ridiculous to be dishing out 500 or 600 baht a day when I can just give her money every month to maintain her expenses. 

 

That is not a salary, that is just practical living. 

Actually its a salary, whichever way you phrase it.

[G_Money]

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jm3Tq_q4yU&si=sqXsa-pKam7MxODB