From the Heineken launches non-alcoholic beer topic in the Pub Forum:

 

1 hour ago, Lupatria said:

Alcohol-free beer is like a bra on the clothesline - the best is missing
I once bought a 6-pack of non-alcoholic beer and paid by card. Shortly after, my bank called and asked if my card was stolen.
 

 

From the New Retirement procedure Jomtien Immigration (specifically) topic in the Pattaya Forum:

 

10 hours ago, CGW said:

Good lord man! what are you trying to do? destroy the fabric - the body, soul & spirit of TVF, we bitch and moan like old women, that's what we do! you could destroy this great and illustrious forum with requests like this, without the constant bitching & moaning what would we do, advertisers will be gone without our constant winging, the forum will be no more! we would resort to being mere (paying) guests with no voice instead of a group of highly intelligent chaps who know everything about Thailand and given the chance would doubtless make a far better job of running the country than the current dictators. 

Man up & ignore the constant whinging like the rest of us ????

 

From the  Finnish expat shows motorists driving through blocked rail crossing in Si Sa Ket topic in the Isaan News Forum:

 

1 hour ago, bluesofa said:

That's got me thinking:

A train doesn't care if you don't have a driving licence or insurance.

A train won't give you a ticket for speeding.

A train doesn't demand a bribe.

A train doesn't care how overloaded your vehicle is.

If you do argue with a train, the whole issue can be permanently resolved in seconds.

 

If you can keep your head when others about you are losing theirs, you could finish up the tallest.

From the Shambolic first retirement in LOS  topic in the Pub forum:

 

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

'Misogyny' is the word for men who hate women.

'Sensible' is the word for men who mistrust women.

 

If I hated women, I wouldn't have had sex with quite so many of them.

 

From the Thai men warned about dangers of illegal penis enlargements topic in the Thailand News Forum:

 

5 minutes ago, webfact said:

Appropriately stiff penalties await those who profess to be doctors and carry out penile injections.

 

From Four Weddings And A Funeral's 'excruciating' remake is SLAMMED for lacking its 'original charm' in Entertainment News

 

Quote

I liked the report that The Madness of George III had to be renamed The Madness of King George for American audiences so they wouldn't think they had missed ...George I and George II.

 

From Four Weddings And A Funeral's 'excruciating' remake is SLAMMED for lacking its 'original charm' in Entertainment News
 

I liked the report that The Madness of George III had to be renamed The Madness of King George for American audiences so they wouldn't think they had missed ...George I and George II.

 

They would probably be shocked to hear that George Hamilton IV’s dad had suffered from insanity !!

Wow someone made a post and woke me up.

From the The week that was in Thailand news: She may not be amused but Thailand needs Queen Vic! topic in the Thailand News Forum:

 

1 hour ago, Speedhump said:

People complaining about Klingons (or cling-ons) ar probably mostly older hairy-a**ed men who never tidy their front and back man-gardens, which should be done to show appreciation for the southerly ministrations of their loved ones. Even if you don't get any action, at least you're more presentable without a yard of grey curlies dangling from the legs of your skivvies. Grab that safety razor, gents, and make number two a more hygienic operation. 

 

From the VIP Baht Bus for Go Go Dancers topic in the Pub Forum:

 

1 minute ago, Changbeer4me said:

Coming from some one couldn't even come up with an orginal post.

 

Go away you pomus twit , go make a big bucket early and soak you head in it .

 

Get off the keyboard and go out you sad grumpy man.

 

Really you got nothing better to do that troll TV and post your bitter cranky  mouthed comments.

 

Go and play with your budgie.

 

Looser

 

Not sure if this qualifies as a "quote", but it's definitely "headline of the day" ...

 

 

From a topic about KFC

 

3 hours ago, grollies said:

... Ended up in the food court.

3 hours ago, 4675636b596f75 said:

Did you win or lose your case?

 

 

From a topic about TV censorship ...

wgdanson

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Posted 5 hours ago

6 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Or a prominent London team.  Up the <deleted>nal!

Good job no-one on here lives in Scunthorpe, or Penistone, or Bolsover !

 

 

From the topic "Get healthy with exercise and self-motivation"

 

On 9/30/2019 at 6:00 AM, ChipButty said:

Try walking to 7/11 instead of jumping on a bike 

 

On 9/30/2019 at 6:29 AM, colinneil said:

I tried that, just fell flat on my face.

 

Of course, you need to know that Colin is paraplegic to get his joke.

I missed this pearler when it was originally posted... just had to share it with everyone!

 

From the What movies or TV shows are you watching (2018) topic in the Expat Life Forum:

 

On 8/27/2019 at 6:17 PM, giddyup said:

I always look for subs in a lot of English, Scottish and Irish shows, otherwise can be a struggle for those of us who speak plain English.

 

3 minutes ago, Jai Dee said:

I missed this pearler when it was originally posted... just had to share it with everyone!

 

From the What movies or TV shows are you watching (2018) topic in the Expat Life Forum:

 

 

But, as a Cockney, where do I stand.......????.......????

33 minutes ago, Jai Dee said:

I missed this pearler when it was originally posted... just had to share it with everyone!

 

From the What movies or TV shows are you watching (2018) topic in the Expat Life Forum:

 

 

Nothing strange about my comments. I spent New Year in Glasgow once with a mate's family, had to use him as an interpreter, couldn't understand a bloody word they said. No such thing as "the Queens English".

28 minutes ago, transam said:

But, as a Cockney, where do I stand.......????.......????

You're in there with rest who are unintelligible.

7 minutes ago, giddyup said:

You're in there with rest who are unintelligible.

But, I am posh, I can also speak English as my second lingo....????....????

Just now, transam said:

But, I am posh, I can also speak English as my second lingo....????....????

Which English though? Now Prince Charles I can understand.

Just now, giddyup said:

Which English though? Now Prince Charles I can understand.

Oxford, I did say I was posh....????

1 minute ago, transam said:

Oxford, I did say I was posh....????

Ah, like James Fox.

1 hour ago, giddyup said:

Ah, like James Fox.

Or the late Brian Sewell (link)

Rather "up himself" (IMO!) but awfully well-spoken doncha know? ????

 

 

Oxford, I did say I was posh....[emoji3166]

Your a ‘mockney’ then or have exceptional hearing to Bow Bells.

 

(Only having a ‘George Raft’

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

4 hours ago, transam said:

But, as a Cockney, where do I stand.......????.......????

On yer plates of course.

Don't get yer Alan Whicker's in a twist....

 

Regarding Boris Johnson's liaison with that busty blond piece who was teaching him computer technology (allegedly) in her room.

 

"Blondes prefer right honorable gentlemen."

11 hours ago, transam said:

But, as a Cockney, where do I stand.......????.......????

 

You don't you kneel before your betters.

10 hours ago, transam said:

Oxford, I did say I was posh....????

 

Now now the dreaming spires are another matter....if you have attended you might bow rather than beg.