Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[mca]

Seems this list is only focusing on Thais, so here are some things you never hear Farang say in Thailand

Eight beers is enough for me!

I never go bareback with prostitutes

Does this ratty, undersized Chang t-shirt make my beer gut look too big?

She's only with me for me money

Enough whiskey, I have to get up in the morning

Bar girls don't really like my personality or my looks

I passed out because I drank 20 beers, I'm not going to blame it on being slipped something

Most of the problems I keep having are my fault because I'm too lazy to learn a word of Thai

I met her in a gogo bar, not in my office

I'm angry at Thailand because I'm broke and my bar girl left me

Here's another for some guys in the News section

" Well actually I don't really have anything against Yingluk, Thaksin or the Red Shirts and aren't interestered in Thai politics at all. The reason I post vitriol from my soapbox seemingly 24/7 rather than taking a chill pill and mellowing out is because I've actually made such a collosal clusterf$ck of my own life with the decisions I've made since coming to LOS ( the failed business, the poor choice of female partner ) that rather than being a man and admitting to my own stupidity I've got to direct my anger at somebody else."

[loong]

At the coffee vendor

Thai - "This coffee is too sweet"

Farang - "This coffee is not sweet enough"

[loong]

In King duty free at the airport - "Wow~! what a bargain"

[David006]

I think it may be that you have found the exception to the rule . . . even educated Thais with good jobs that I know tend not to read a lot

Think there are lots of exceptions ..usually ladies though..the wife came back from our local library a few days back,( usually gets through atleast 6 books a week..amazing..) said they had no new books so she is rereading others.

The library usually ships in a dozen or so every couple of months. they also have free internet and printing. I wanted o print off some forms the other week and the guy there said sorry but printer does not work..bugger ! methinks. I just had to turn it ON...lol No charge for the printing on the best quality paper too!..Sorry off topic and not humorous so:

Ford/Mazda dealer: "Your 3.2l Ford/Mazda 4x4 you ordered last month is here waiting for you"

Business owner: "Hello: yes I am calling you back ,sorry it took an hour or so but had to get the correct information for you ;...seems the product is useless ....please come and collect your refund"

Thai worker: "Sorry I not turn up for over a week but I was drunk on the money you gave me as a deposit"

Retail clerk: "I know absolutely nothing about the product I am here to sell"

Wife/GF: "keep this money for me dear, if I keep I will just spend it on a new bag or shoes or give it away"

Anyone: " why you not have a little garbage bin/bag in your truck"?

[harrry]

Not tonight, I have got a headache.,

[KeyserSoze01]

Thai immigration.

....no need to travel out of the country to renew your visas...we will do them here in Bangkok...and save you money.

After coming to Thailand for 15 years I STILL have no idea why this country wants to send it's tourists to neighbouring countries to spend their money there instead of here. I DO understand why they want to know the whereabouts of the tourists and their travels, but why force them into another country when all they really want to know is where you are? A simple trip to immigration should give them all they need to know and it would keep the money incountry. Most people I talk to would rather pay Thailand immigration 500 to 1000 baht rather than spend 12 hours on bus and the cost of the trip to a neighbouring country. I can't think of ONE simple reason to send tourists with a valid visa away... unless of course it's to provide business for transportation companies.

Yes bloody ridiculous isnt it...apart from those quick day trips to the borders closest to Thailand....a fair percentage of us would spend at least one night possibly two or more overnighting outside of Thailand to renew/refresh our visas etc etc.

I wholeheartedly agree with you..you would think it could be done locally (within Thailands borders) even if they upped the fee to 500 1000baht it would not matter a dam_n too me. Brainless Immigration rule. I have asked the question many times at Immigration as to why they see it necessary to send people outside of Thailand to another country for visa renewal....99% of the heavily decorated immigration officers just shrug there shoulders and dont answer...the other 1% suddenly dont understand your question/enquiry.

Thailand is not the only country that has this requirement. The point is that if you are trying to live permanently in a country while on a tourist visa, then you have to leave in order to renew. If you had the proper visa this becomes a non-issue.

[theblether]

Thai immigration.

....no need to travel out of the country to renew your visas...we will do them here in Bangkok...and save you money.

After coming to Thailand for 15 years I STILL have no idea why this country wants to send it's tourists to neighbouring countries to spend their money there instead of here. I DO understand why they want to know the whereabouts of the tourists and their travels, but why force them into another country when all they really want to know is where you are? A simple trip to immigration should give them all they need to know and it would keep the money incountry. Most people I talk to would rather pay Thailand immigration 500 to 1000 baht rather than spend 12 hours on bus and the cost of the trip to a neighbouring country. I can't think of ONE simple reason to send tourists with a valid visa away... unless of course it's to provide business for transportation companies.

Yes bloody ridiculous isnt it...apart from those quick day trips to the borders closest to Thailand....a fair percentage of us would spend at least one night possibly two or more overnighting outside of Thailand to renew/refresh our visas etc etc.

I wholeheartedly agree with you..you would think it could be done locally (within Thailands borders) even if they upped the fee to 500 1000baht it would not matter a dam_n too me. Brainless Immigration rule. I have asked the question many times at Immigration as to why they see it necessary to send people outside of Thailand to another country for visa renewal....99% of the heavily decorated immigration officers just shrug there shoulders and dont answer...the other 1% suddenly dont understand your question/enquiry.

Thailand is not the only country that has this requirement. The point is that if you are trying to live permanently in a country while on a tourist visa, then you have to leave in order to renew. If you had the proper visa this becomes a non-issue.

At the risk of the thread being hijacked by visa issues............back on topic, things you won't hear in Thailand.

Farang.............I have absolutely no right to reside in this country, and the Thai authorities are quite right to clamp down on visa abuse.

[KeyserSoze01]

Farang - my GF is not different, but she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

Farang - Yes, the tap water is fine. I drink it all the time.

Farang - Pattaya is such a lovely place with a great beach. I swim there daily.

Farang - I have never had someone try to take advantage of me in Thailand.

Farang - The tuktuk drivers in Patong are the nicest Thais I have ever met

Farang - I was glad that my barfine from last night was packing a little something extra

Farang - I really don't mind all the vomitting, dyarhea and dehydration when I eat dodgy food.

[StreetCowboy]

You'll not hear me singing any more...

SC

[smokie36]

You'll not hear me singing any more...

SC

Thai wife: "Yes darling...you pop down the karaoke bar for a good sing song...."

[ozyjon]

Just got back from a week of relaxing in Cambodia

met a group of Aussies, one guy who has lived there

a long time, Geoff, told me the ins and out's of the

country, i don't remember most of them except for

the one about the governmen't law on marriage..

"Anyone 50 years or over cannot legally marry

a Cambodian lady"

Message sent while typing with one hand and

packing with the other...

You will never hear this in Thailand

[smokie36]

Just got back from a week of relaxing in Cambodia

met a group of Aussies, one guy who has lived there

a long time, Geoff, told me the ins and out's of the

country, i don't remember most of them except for

the one about the governmen't law on marriage..

"Anyone 50 years or over cannot legally marry

a Cambodian lady"

Message sent while typing with one hand and

packing with the other...

You will never hear this in Thailand

Why?

Just buy a fake passport and a toupee...

[macksview]

farang to wife " gee that was fast and efficient service at land office today"

[StreetCowboy]

Just got back from a week of relaxing in Cambodia

met a group of Aussies, one guy who has lived there

a long time, Geoff, told me the ins and out's of the

country, i don't remember most of them except for

the one about the governmen't law on marriage..

"Anyone 50 years or over cannot legally marry

a Cambodian lady"

Message sent while typing with one hand and

packing with the other...

You will never hear this in Thailand

Why?

Just buy a fake passport and a toupee...

Good advice, in any situation...

[Kwasaki]

1. The Father............"What? You want to pay Sin Sod for her? Your joking!!".....

Yeah !! right I never heard that he was brown bread

2. Mother.................."I don't like gold"

Don't know she speak old Thai can't understand a word she says.

3. Girlfriend.............."I'm only with you for the money"

The girlfriend doesn't say that but the wife said no money no love.

4. Brit Pensioner......"Keep the pension rise, put it to the national debt".

I don't have a choice on that it's frozen.

5. Ladyboy..............."Does my ass look big in this?"

Never been asked that, have you Blether. ?

6. Wife......................"If we can't buy the house in your name then I do not want it"

Never an issue because I knew I couldn't own land and I ain't gonna live for ever.

7. Scandinavians......Laughter ( sorry George )

Not sure what you mean, know a Swedish guy and he is great company and we have a laugh.

8. Buffalo.................."I'm telling you, I'm never sick!!"

Never spoken to a buffalo,but you never know after a few beer Changs & some SangSom.

9. Bar Girl................"You no handsum man"

Yeah !! been told that but then she said OK you have big ????

10. Silence..............Silence is a criminal offence in Thailand.

Don't understand this one, my village is peaceful.

11. No doubt some of you are wishing for some silence from theblether, but sorry, it's what I do!!

You can be as noisey as you want behind a keyboard, do what you want.

12. So what do you think you will never hear in Thailand?

You have won the lottery.

[pattayadingo]

We Thai people invented rugby.

[wana]

minister of tourism : actually thailand is a filthy place,full of prostitutes,corruption and greedy scam artists preying on tourists ,and

if you think they are bad ,wait until you meet our police force .........

Edited March 18, 2012 by wana

[carmine]

Seems this list is only focusing on Thais, so here are some things you never hear Farang say in Thailand

Eight beers is enough for me!

I never go bareback with prostitutes

Does this ratty, undersized Chang t-shirt make my beer gut look too big?

She's only with me for me money

Enough whiskey, I have to get up in the morning

Bar girls don't really like my personality or my looks

I passed out because I drank 20 beers, I'm not going to blame it on being slipped something

Most of the problems I keep having are my fault because I'm too lazy to learn a word of Thai

I met her in a gogo bar, not in my office

I'm angry at Thailand because I'm broke and my bar girl left me

Here's another for some guys in the News section

" Well actually I don't really have anything against Yingluk, Thaksin or the Red Shirts and aren't interestered in Thai politics at all. The reason I post vitriol from my soapbox seemingly 24/7 rather than taking a chill pill and mellowing out is because I've actually made such a collosal clusterf$ck of my own life with the decisions I've made since coming to LOS ( the failed business, the poor choice of female partner ) that rather than being a man and admitting to my own stupidity I've got to direct my anger at somebody else."

Both of these are rather amusing but shouldn't they have started an alternative thread?

[Heimdallr]

We live in a society where everyone should be treated as equal.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Heimdallr

[loong]

Thai Missus - "I've picked up all my shoes and put them in the rack, they looked so untidy strewn all around the front door"

[farangme]

Thai wife: ...but its your house. You paid for it.

Any Thai: I like dark skin.

Shop keeper: yes I speak English and would be glad to help you.

Store clerk: yes. Have.

Thai doctor: yes Thailand has many diseases, but you cannot get infection from toilet seat, only unprotected sex with another infected person.

Thai wife: I don't care what other people have.

Thai wife: my mom doesn't know what she is talking about.

Shop keeper: labor is very cheap in Thailand, this cost almost nothing to make, and yes, I'm grossly overcharging you.

Thai parent: of course I spoil my children. It may cause them to be lazy and irresponsible, but with luck they will find a rich farang.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[wana]

youve lived here a long time ,we feel its only fair to reduce your rent because usually tenants in a dump like this move out after a few weeks

[ozyjon]

I'm sorry maybe i have been here too long,,,

you will never hear this - - or - - i have never

heard this since i have been here.....

I don't believe in ghosts

Ghosts don't exist

I've never seen a ghost

and on and on and on....

got to go my ghost is calling me...

[SouthernMan3]

I am laughing so hard I can't write anything !

Thank you all so very very much.

Btw, this is an honest post if anyone was wondering !

[StreetCowboy]

We Thai people invented rugby.

By way of a digression, I'm looking forward to the Interntional season starting again. I always enjoy a trip to watch the national team, when I can, though I expect Division Two of the Asian Five Nations to be in China this year... fixture list not out yet, as best as I can tell...

[connda]

Thai Parliament: "It's good to see all members attending as we embark on creating a 2 year, 5 year, and 10 year economic plan for the future of our country."

[connda]

Thai massage shop on Loi Kroi in Chiang Mai: "I'm sorry sir! We only give traditional Thai massages. No happy endings."

[connda]

7/11 employee: "Would you like a hot dog bun, some pickle relish, and some mustard to go with your Big Bite hot dog?"

[SabaiBKK]

I think it may be that you have found the exception to the rule . . . even educated Thais with good jobs that I know tend not to read a lot

I don't know what part of thailand you live in but Thais actually read quite a lot, bookshops are actually doing very good with Thai language books. so of course they may not read nietzche or kilkegaarde because its not in they scholar cursus at the contrary of european countries ( or truman Capote and John Fante for the american cursus) ... but they do have good authors like Piram Suda for instance who was nominated for the nobel prize of literature few years back...

[Fookhaht]

15) Apartment Manager .. Yes, we charge same price for electricity that we buy it for

15B) Apartment Manager . . Here's your deposit back with interest, considering you left the place in better condition than when you moved in.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Fookhaht