It's a little known fact that there is a Patron Saint of checking bread rolls before removing them from the oven.

Saint John The Bap Test.

My wife told me I was one in a million.

After looking though her text messages I found out she was right.

Man in a restaurant asks the waiter' What is the dish of the day please'?

'Braised Ox tongue' he replies

'No thanks, I don't want anything which came out of an animals mouth. I'll have an omelette'

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me"

 

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

 

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

 

He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with the monkey and his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

 

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

 

He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"

 

The Monkey looks down and says "F*** DUUUDE.... HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?!"

9 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Definition of going for a burn-up? 🤔

35 minutes ago, VBF said:

Definition of going for a burn-up? 🤔

No bones after that response!

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

No bones after that response!

That remains to be seen.

 

Health drink available from a supermarket chain in northern Thailand.