How many of you that had bad marriages to Thai women would try again but do things differently if you had a time machine?

[ezzra]

I was foolishly thought that a 22 years old will do me fine, Oh how i was wrong with the age,

next time around and now that i know better i'll sure to go for a younger one...

[konaboy]

Nephew?

[Denim]

Once bitten

Twice shy

Third time lucky

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, RafPinto said:

I don't know where all those old germans come from.

I dated also a few and all of them had a "german" ex.

just one guy, but he was very busy...

[Dart12]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

 

I gave her the deposit on a house (300kbht), make the repayments (9kbht/month).

Wording here eludes me.  Does that mean you drew up actual legal contracts and loaned her money?  in which she has to repay you monthly?

I'm taking notes 555.

[seedy]

Woulda - Shoulda - Coulda ... the never ending debate.

The past is the past.

Live now.

[RafPinto]

6 minutes ago, Dart12 said:

Wording here eludes me.  Does that mean you drew up actual legal contracts and loaned her money?  in which she has to repay you monthly?

I'm taking notes 555.

As far I remember, they took out a mortgage in her name and he pays the monthly instalments.

[Dart12]

11 minutes ago, RafPinto said:

As far I remember, they took out a mortgage in her name and he pays the monthly instalments.

keeping the home still somehting that can be lost.  Makes sense.

[connda]

If I had a time machine I would have stayed in Thailand through 2008 and then vacated to a county which actually want's retirees. 

[Kenny202]

42 minutes ago, RafPinto said:

As far I remember, they took out a mortgage in her name and he pays the monthly instalments.

I think if you are seriously considering buying property here in your wife's name this is the only way to go. Providing she has the means / job to get a loan that is. Yeah you have stumped up a deposit and you can consider the repayments as rent...so a lot better to lose 300k than a few million. It also gives her an incentive to stay with you as well through the possible rough times. I don't advocate treating women here like slaves or cattle but this is Asia and you can not present people with opportunities to get the better of you. Wife or not. Its sad but true and any Western politically correct ideals will only get you into hot water here. Buying them a home and a whole bunch of assets in their name, in my book puts them firmly in control, and watch them change when they know you are in a corner...if not her, her family. I was told once Asians don't understand acts of charity or someone with a good heart. You are either considered stupid or someone who will be expecting something in return in the future. That has been my experience. Another story rings true here is the wife who told her husband in Thailand a relationship is always made up of an "abuser" and the "abused". The husband said I have never abused anyone in my life. The wife said oh good, I can be the abuser. I have been on both sides of the fence and I will never lose control of my life again 

[Kenny202]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

A lot of Thai villagers assume everything (in the village?) is held in common.

Did you try helping yourself to their stuff? I'm betting they wouldn't have had a problem.

 

Your mistake for moving in with 'the village people'.

Hmmmm I can't agree with this. Isaan villagers like to talk about sharing....as long as it is all one way. And in any case they usually have nothing you would want to help yourself too. I think we pass too much of this behavior off as cultural. In general it is not acceptable at all to go and take someone else's stuff in a village or anywhere in Thailand. Maybe family members taking advantage of your wife. Usually in a village you have very poor people and often some more monied people. The monied people....teachers, govt workers etc certainly don't have their homes open for open slather / help yourself. I remember going to mawlum or parties in the village. Buying a couple of boxes of Leo. A few bottles for myself and the rest for the cadgers across the road. They would drink it all then expect me to go buy more for them....mumbling Kie neow to each other lol, when they themselves had brought nothing. Knew some lovely people in the villages I lived in....salt of the earth but a great many incredibly entitled.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Dart12 said:

Wording here eludes me.  Does that mean you drew up actual legal contracts and loaned her money?  in which she has to repay you monthly?

I'm taking notes 555.

It was a 1.8Mbht house ......... 300k down, 9k/month mortgage, all in her name.

I considered the 300k a gift, and the 9k rent, if there are any problems I can just walk away.

No sex or trouble in the home, and I miss a repayment.

Edited October 1, 2021 by BritManToo

[RafPinto]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

It was a 1.8Mbht house ......... 300k down, 9k/month mortgage, all in her name.

I considered the 300k a gift, and the 9k rent, if there are any problems I can just walk away.

No sex or trouble in the home, and I miss a repayment.

For this, she is probably happy that you go out for sex.

Less annoyance for her.

[mahtin]

28 minutes ago, RafPinto said:

For this, she is probably happy that you go out for sex.

Less annoyance for her.

I think he was saying, If no sex given, no payment.

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

4 hours ago, mokwit said:

Superficially, Thai women are the most attractive I have ever come across - they have this energy and vivacity - they're like humming birds.

 

Advice I was given very early on: "You can spend 3 years trying to work through the issues, but at the end of 3 years she will be the same and you will have wasted 3 years of your life"

 

...and that is exactly what I did - the terrible sadness of it was that we were able to work out many issues, but the biggie was the irrational fear of infidelity and trying to keep me under house arrest.

that .”fear” and resultant behaviour would have violated my successful very strict  “zero tolerance”” policy immediately …..and she’d have been cut right there…….unless it came late on in the relationship and she deserved a “ concession” , especially if she had been cheated on………

[mokwit]

Just now, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

that .”fear” and resultant behaviour would have violated my successful very strict  “zero tolerance”” policy immediately …..and she’d have been cut right there…….unless it came late on in the relationship and she deserved a “ concession” , especially if she had been cheated on………

I sometimes think my mistake was not ending it after two weeks when the behaviour started, but I felt with time she would see that her fears were irrational..............................you know the rest.

[Dart12]

4 minutes ago, mahtin said:

I think he was saying, If no sex given, no payment.

I actually read it as "don't let me catch you with a "brother or other" in this home" , but your's makes more sense 555

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

“ teachers and govt. people” are “monied” ? seriously ? poverty level yes is 2k month.

 my lady’s sister is a thai govt worker on 12 k month. same for teachers in her town…..

lets call them employed rather than monied ? so begs question which thai demographic  earns less than basic govt. workers…? even the sidecar food sellers & local stall holders are pulling down min. 30-40 k arent they ? farmer types hard hit I believe by low friut * veg prices so stopped farming ?

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

sympathise mokwit but mistake right there to believe they will ever change, by recognizing western logic or any other event …. what flaw is presented is permanent…..get rid at once ! thats my zero tolerance in action ……served me so well over my time here…..

 

 

[mokwit]

6 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

sympathise mokwit but mistake right there to believe they will ever change, by recognizing western logic or any other event …. what flaw is presented is permanent…..get rid at once ! thats my zero tolerance in action ……served me so well over my time here…..

 

 

It has been my policy ever since - dump at the first bad mood/acting up, coz it's all down hill from that point. That said, I had an on off relation for 14 years. I'd cut her off and after a few months/couple of years take her back.......

Edited October 1, 2021 by mokwit

[spidermike007]

I have so many friends, who come here, and from the very start, make the same mistakes they made back in the West. Except here, they do not need to make those mistakes. The environment does not dictate that they behave like lambs. Many do not know, or realize that, or they succumb to "force of habit". Every ship needs a captain. If the man is not willing to be the captain of the ship, the woman will take over, here in Thailand. Most women here seem to want a strong man. But, if they end up with a wimp, they will take over. They have to. Someone needs to be the captain!
 
Time allows clarity. Never, ever move too quickly. That is the undoing of most of these guys. Do not get hung up on them, emotionally. Have some fun. Get to know them. Take your time. Always remember, if it is good, it is only going to get better. If there are problems, they will reveal themselves over time. Time is your ally. It is rarely their ally. They are usually trying to step up the timetable. We need to push back. We need to assert control.

 

We need to be honest, and let them know we are not interested in an immediate relationship. Something might develop, but if you are in a hurry, if you need me to start supporting you and your family NOW, I am NOT YOUR GUY. An environment like this allows us to set boundaries, and take our time. Take advantage of that. Be a man. Step up. Pay tribute to the gender. Refuse to lay down anymore. Refuse to be a doormat. Refuse to check your cajones at the door. 

[CharlieH]

A good representation of the hopes and dreams of many coming to Thailand without due dilligence ???? !

 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSedNGFnq/

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

“supporting family” or “moving to her village” or “ assets in her name” or “ building/ buying  her a house” ………ARE  YOU CRAZY BOY OR JUST PLAIN STUPID ? ( said to Forrest Gump when he’s enquiring about buying a Shrimp Boat…… with his entire savings ……because his dead buddy says do it…..after shrimps gone ten years before …….) 

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, Kenny202 said:

Isaan villagers like to talk about sharing....as long as it is all one way. And in any case they usually have nothing you would want to help yourself too. I think we pass too much of this behavior off as cultural. In general it is not acceptable at all to go and take someone else's stuff in a village or anywhere in Thailand.

My family is sharing, but not village people beyond that...

 

Hey, sort of the hippy dream of communal living... and my family definitely understand boundaries.. 

[Salerno]

6 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

They are usually trying to step up the timetable.

This is one of the things that baffles me; why do you hear about so many guys getting hitched after a matter of weeks ... the vast majority of the cases ending up as the "nightmare" cliche.

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

“ we need to be honest” , yes with ourselves, not with women here, Tell Them Nothing. Explain Nothing.

No Benefit to You ! Make & Judge ACTIONS not Words. Talk is Cheap & Weak here and seldom understood, respected or actioned from thai women side……..remember “ protect yourself at all times” and that they are Simply Not Rational in your western ethical or logical terms……. Very Material Culture masked by token Buddhism…….

[1FinickyOne]

13 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

but if you are in a hurry, if you need me to start supporting you and your family NOW, I am NOT YOUR GUY

Oh Captain, waxing a bit poetic today, and then veering into some Motown,,, Supremes You can't Hurry Love and then was it Mary Wells w/My Guy? 2 favorites - what have you been listening to lately? 

[1FinickyOne]

2 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

remember “ protect yourself at all times”

good advice for a boxing match, for a marriage/partnership, 'why bother' 

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

finicky: exactly, so you didnt realize that this male- female stuff IS ALWAYS a competition if not an outright WAR ?  …. 

 

 

 

 

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

speaking of related songs and time favoring males, how about the very apt :

” time iiiiiimmm…. is on my side, yes it is “ Under My Thumb ( Mick Jagger / Stones)