22 hours ago, RafPinto said:

 

 

Probably in their culture is better to lie then to admit you did something wrong.

Face over everything.

A very, very good point.

Is lying just instinctive.? Could be why they don't believe anybody else.

A lot to be said for the old adage "a liar always expects everyone else to be lying." 

3 hours ago, rott said:

A very, very good point.

Is lying just instinctive.? Could be why they don't believe anybody else.

A lot to be said for the old adage "a liar always expects everyone else to be lying." 

My ex was a professional liar. She told the same lie 2 times to herself and took it for granted.
I think she even didn't remember her real name.

Lying

When confronted, even identifying her lies.

Attacking the one who discovered the lies and accusing him/her

Compulsive liar.

When i got custody of my child from my first wife.

Ended for me when the sex stopped.

Looking back it was apparent when they stopped loving me, but I ignored the signs, to my later disadvantage.

How long were you together?  Four years, married two of those.  Western woman.  We were both in our late 20s.

How did you know it was coming to an end?   We went through some financial hardship, but nothing permanent.   She moved out.  Then I got deployed with the military for a year.  She moved back in (while I was gone and I was paying all the bills).  She moved back out a couple of weeks before my deployment ended and I was to return home.  After I got back there were many calls on the landline from various men she had hooked up with looking for another go (this was before cell phones).  

Do you still have any contact with your ex partner?  Nope.  No reason or interest.

Did it break your heart to split up ?   Nope.  Her conduct in blatantly using deception to derive financial support from me made it clear that there was nothing to salvage, so no hesitancy in moving on.  

Did it hurt you emotional or did you just carry on?  A bit, but mostly surprised at myself for not seeing the mistake as it was unfolding.  Thankfully no kids, no alimony, the divorce was just simple paperwork without even a court hearing, so I got closure once the phone calls stopped.  Enjoyed just dating for the next seven years, had a couple of near misses, but had much higher standards and awareness by then, so didn't settle for anyone who would need sandpapering to shape into a great partner.

Was that person your soulmate ?  Nope.  I thought I could help her grow, had her enrolled in a junior college with goals for the future, thought she'd be grateful for support in improving her future.  Ultimately it was a work in progress that never took root. 

Did you find love again ?  Yep.  Married 20+ years to an educated, industrious, family-oriented southeast asian lady. 

11 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Ended for me when the sex stopped.

Looking back it was apparent when they stopped loving me, but I ignored the signs, to my later disadvantage.

Yes, I never understand men that live with a woman and have no sex with them.

I can only guess they are looking to replace their mothers.

I decided that it was time for a divorce when she started throwing plates and knives at me from behind, as opposed to doing it from the front when I could see her and jump out of the way.  I was getting a stiff neck from watching her when she was behind me.

 

(That's all true BTW, mad ex #2...)

On 4/5/2022 at 3:45 PM, WEBBYB808 said:

Just like dying... the minute  you are in love and together  the closer you are to ending it and time running out.  Even those that manage to love until death have an end date.  You must realize that not only in Thailand  but other countries  every culture  is different,  and loves differently.   Its like food in some Asian cultures, eating is almost like a religion. (Look at tik tok, They love to watch others eating big disgusting  meal's,  as sloppy as tgey can) Thais will tell you they eat to live, not live to eat, but eating together  is on another level with them.  If a man and woman, from same culture eat together  it means more in that instant(Romanticly, and close relationship), than it does in some Western cultures.   In the west eating together  and sharing is still a good and special moment,  but in Thailand  its its really special.   So your question  is when is love over?  Imhop... two different  cultures  especially  here, have obstacles  and both will veiw love differently.   Yes there are different  subcultures  in Thailand,  but there is still a similar  foundation.   One way to look at how different it can be was once shared with me in a story of love as told from the perspective  of a Thai man, but he was raised in the west.  Forgive me I dont remember  the article or story, but one thing tgat stands out was that he said,"No way would he ever believe anything  a Thai lady would say in English." He futher said,"If she says I love you in English", no way would he believe  it carries any weight. She must say it in Thai and in front of others  He said also depending on where she was from, where he met her. And what she did for a living, would also impact, if he believed what she would speak in her native language.   You have to understand,  many people come to Thailand  with a few bucks, that goes very far in Thailand,  and wouldn't  go far in their home country.  They use these funds to exploit and use the poor to do things that wouldn't  be acceptable  in their home country.  These exploited and financially  challenged  people dont know they are being used and abused, all they see is(Robert Plant)"All that gliters is gold"! So they get jaded, and that can really hinder any chance at love.

In Thailand I see many doing a (Justin Bieber) "Running to the alter like a track star," without once realizing  the charm and culture doesn't  change, and they dont think it will get old.  I see ladies with children  being raised by their mother and father while they work in a tourist city, some even marry knowing the lady has a child, but in their mind tgey are happy to leave the child with the grandparents,  so they can be alone with the lady, and the lady as its business,  will often agree, but if you leave the child in the village,  and arent raising with your wife then you nor her love each other.  She will know you are just business  and will play the long game.  Other Examples,  going to village  and no one speaks English but their girl, The food in Issan is different than tourist areas, when in their village the ladies act differently than they do in tourist cities, and the ladies will visit their school friends male and female frequently,  no matter what type of family your girls was raised as, as a foreigner  they will treat you like their bank(so to speak)  the culture is just diffent and the facade put on you in the tourist cities will wear off if she wasnt serious.  Even if shes a good lady, and she means well there will be cultural  challenges  and you shouldnt try to change her.  So no matter who you love, male or female, the min you fall in love you are inching ever closer to the death of that relationship.  Make a good choice with reason not for love.  Especially  here!

Please show some love! Put it up in paragraphs and make it readable.

On 4/5/2022 at 6:19 PM, Airalee said:

In the beginning, they all seem like “good girls”.  Going to temple means nothing.  Many, due to their abusive (and neglectful) upbringings end up with personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  It’s textbook.  Unfortunately, there is no therapy nor medication for it.  They are essentially soulless.

 

The relationships follow the same patterns and I have known many guys (myself included) who have fallen prey to their (initially) charming wiles.

 

First, there is the “Lovebombing” stage.  This is what you fall in love with and you also see a reflection of yourself in them.  It feels great.  The sex is great.  They’re bubbly, fun and attentive.  Unfortunately, it’s all fake.

 

Next, the cracks start to show.  Their insecurities become apparent.  They might make mention of the “honeymoon phase” coming to an end.  “Do you love me?” and other similar statements become commonplace.

 

Then comes the gaslighting, confabulation, (unnecessary) lies, accusations (which are most likely projections of what they are actually guilty of).

 

After that, the devaluation/dismissal stage.  The silent treatment that they are so well known for is part of this stage.  They no longer feign interest in the things you are interested in.  At this point, they are regressing into their real state.  It’s a definite mind-bender and leaves you confused.

 

Finally, the discard phase.  When you start to withdraw from the relationship, they sense it.  You are no longer providing whatever benefit they were usually after.  Here, of course, it is usually money/fun/travel/security.   They might start “breadcrumbing” you (showing little bits of love/attention/affection) in order to reel you back in and even possibly apologize for their misdeeds/transgressions, but it will be a very vague non-specific apology.  “I’m sorry for everything” is what they will say. They will never own up to specific things.

 

At this point, they are usually already looking for their next source of “Narcissistic supply” and are probably back on Tinder/Thaicupid/Thaifriendly…..hidden from you of course.  They may also accuse you of cheating at this time.  (Projection)

 

Finally, when they have found their next unwitting target, they bail….if you haven’t already bailed first.  If that new source of supply doesn’t work out, they may try to return to you (this is called “hoovering” in narcissist relationship lingo).  Don’t fall for it.  The only thing to do is go “no contact” and leave them in the rear view mirror.

 

Mind you, they’re not all bad.  Some people have very successful loving relationships.  But, when they are bad, they’re hell.

you sir...... have some experience and insight into what are very common transition points in many relationships involving  "true love seeking farangs"  who are blinded by that Thai smile and "up to you"  come on.   

Except for the minority of guys posting here who believe they are real catches and women will love them unconditionally and their love will grow and blossom ......... I think most guys (even younger ones)  are quick to 'fall in love"  and then destined to go through the phases that ensue.    

Not very many happy Hollywood endings.    But in older years some guys will use their experience to choose someone who might be compatible and long (er)  lasting.  

Others,  just repeat their mistakes

58 minutes ago, rumak said:

you sir...... have some experience and insight into what are very common transition points in many relationships involving  "true love seeking farangs"  who are blinded by that Thai smile and "up to you"  come on.   

Except for the minority of guys posting here who believe they are real catches and women will love them unconditionally and their love will grow and blossom ......... I think most guys (even younger ones)  are quick to 'fall in love"  and then destined to go through the phases that ensue.    

Not very many happy Hollywood endings.    But in older years some guys will use their experience to choose someone who might be compatible and long (er)  lasting.  

Others,  just repeat their mistakes

All it takes is one wrong one ????

1 hour ago, Airalee said:

All it takes is one wrong one ????

    you're right .  I had a few .   haha     The red flags get easier and easier to spot as we get wiser.        I guess its the real crazy ones that we remember most  !

Shaking with anger and adrenaline, my Peruvian wife pointed her favorite knife at my crotch, the one she sharpened every day, and swirled it in circles and said she was going to cut my nuts off while I slept at night. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but soon it will happen. I believed her 100%, and somehow instantly fell out of love with her. Go figure. 

On 4/7/2022 at 2:22 PM, BritManToo said:

Yes, I never understand men that live with a woman and have no sex with them.

I can only guess they are looking to replace their mothers.

I understand them, but it's never a happy life ( for the guy ) if the he has any urges at all.

On 4/7/2022 at 5:47 PM, rumak said:

    you're right .  I had a few .   haha     The red flags get easier and easier to spot as we get wiser.        I guess its the real crazy ones that we remember most  !

The ones I think about the most were the ones I never got to do the biz with. Perhaps they'd have worked out better than the ones I did get homely with, or perhaps not.

 

I once knew a woman at work that I got on very well with, and most importantly we had a lots of laughs together. She was married at the time, and when her husband died in an accident she had remarried by the time I found out.

 

I met a few in my life that I really liked, and might have made a go of it with, but as usual, the ones I liked didn't like me that way, or someone else got there first. The most beautiful woman I ever had a friendship with unfortunately had a flat mate that disliked me, so that one never came to anything either.

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

The ones I think about the most were the ones I never got to do the biz with. Perhaps they'd have worked out better than the ones I did get homely with, or perhaps not.

 

I once knew a woman at work that I got on very well with, and most importantly we had a lots of laughs together. She was married at the time, and when her husband died in an accident she had remarried by the time I found out.

 

I met a few in my life that I really liked, and might have made a go of it with, but as usual, the ones I liked didn't like me that way, or someone else got there first. The most beautiful woman I ever had a friendship with unfortunately had a flat mate that disliked me, so that one never came to anything either.

Couldn't you go out tonight and try and meet a Female ?

On 4/7/2022 at 3:15 PM, rumak said:

you sir...... have some experience and insight into what are very common transition points in many relationships involving  "true love seeking farangs"  who are blinded by that Thai smile and "up to you"  come on.   

Except for the minority of guys posting here who believe they are real catches and women will love them unconditionally and their love will grow and blossom ......... I think most guys (even younger ones)  are quick to 'fall in love"  and then destined to go through the phases that ensue.    

Not very many happy Hollywood endings.    But in older years some guys will use their experience to choose someone who might be compatible and long (er)  lasting.  

Others,  just repeat their mistakes

Others,  just repeat their mistakes.

 

Indeed.

Getting divorced once is unfortunate, twice is a mistake, but three times or more is just inexcusable IMO.

 

I gave it a good try with one long term partner and one marriage, but lesson learned, and never again.

1 minute ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

Couldn't you go out tonight and try and meet a Female ?

Where I live? Not in a million years. The women here scare the <deleted> out of me they are so PC, and a good looking one would be of an age that she would not even give me a second glance. I have no idea why I'd try with an unattractive woman with baggage.

 

I miss Thailand more than you could imagine.

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Others,  just repeat their mistakes.

 

Indeed.

Getting divorced once is unfortunate, twice is a mistake, but three times or more is just inexcusable IMO.

 

I gave it a good try with one long term partner and one marriage, but lesson learned, and never again.

I have lived with Nine different ladies .  Only count the ones that were one year or more.  Four farangs ,  four thais (one marriage) ,  and one filipina .    I was always the one to call it quits .   All were ok ,  only one that was a real mistake.  

I never paid a "salary"  just for someone to live with me.   My fifties was best and craziest times.   

Sooner or later,  we all reach our expiration date though (time to retire) .  Luckily number nine is the best of the bunch and will be staying ( i think   haha)

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I have no idea why I'd try with an unattractive woman with baggage.

How about if she had a nice house?

46 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

How about if she had a nice house?

Only if it had a nice pool  ...

When did you fall out of love ?

When she said the baby may be black !

(Being pregnant was the reason we got married). Way too young, way too stupid !

 

So round one was over, round two came a few years later, lasted 15 years ! Caught her messing around with a younger guy. Devastated ! Didnt go near another female (relationship wise) for 10 years

 

Round three, Thai girl, been married 15 years and counting. As the bloke who jumped off a multi storey building was heard to say as he passed each floor "so far so good" ! ????

22 hours ago, BritManToo said:

How about if she had a nice house?

Only if the baggage didn't live with us and I didn't have to sleep with her.

On 4/4/2022 at 9:34 PM, georgegeorgia said:

Just asking when did you know when to split with your partner?

Baby when I met you I thought it was good news

Now that its morning I see it was just the booze ????

 

Just kidding but I had two marriages previously both lasted 12 years then I knew it was a slow death

not really sure why but it just became hard work

 

But my current marriage to a Thai girl has been 14 years & I know this is it. We just are made for each other

None the probs of the previous marriages

 

I think we just have more respect for each other & she unlike previous (non Thai) wives never hounds me about anything

She is appreciative & feminine yet still strong in her own way without being over bearing

 

I don't know that I have really ever been in love, more being infatuated or attracted to a girl/woman, and when that wore off, I would move on.

 

As a teen I had plenty of girlfriends as I was a well-known local footballer and I attended lots of parties and had lots of great times, and along with that would come the occasional girlfriend, until another one came along.

 

The thought of ever being "tied to one person" was abhorrent to me, and experiencing the rows, arguments and infidelities of my "so-called" parents convinced me that I didn't want to be in a relationship.

 

I wanted to be free to do my own thing, never having to explain to anybody where I was going or why I was doing something; I wanted to be free and a single man, and way back when in the UK (the swinging sixties and beyond) there was never a shortage of short time/part time girlfriends, and love never really entered into it, as there were many available one night stands.

 

I did live with a lovely lady here for about five or six years, and although I thought she was a lovely woman, I always felt a little trapped, and even just being in a relationship gave me that feeling, and perhaps she sensed that because we parted company 11 or 12 years ago (amicably) and I've been very happy living in my own ever since, as I was for the majority of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

15 hours ago, xylophone said:

I don't know that I have really ever been in love, more being infatuated

While I have often been infatuated, I have been in love, deeply, but it was never reciprocated by the object of my love. The two women that professed to love me forever were just lying <deleted>.

 

If I could go back knowing what I know now, I wouldn't love any woman.

Love lasts like 8 or 10 years. After that its just less sex with an older woman.