I've gotten thousands of massages, so I have some experience.   Maybe three years ago I realized that at 250 (tip 50 or 100 baht), almost everything can go wrong and, well, this is Thailand and no sense complaining.   350 isn't even $10 USD and some lady is touching you for an hour and it's definitely (not always) better than being alone.

 

Let's start with the comedy:

 

1.  Lady texting with one hand, massaging with the other

2.  Phone louder than a nightclub at 3 a.m.  Ring, Ring, LINE message. DING, DING!!!!  

3.  Lady talking to people outside the shop on the street while she "massages" you

4.   Lady rubbing your head for like 10-minutes just to get to that hour

5.  Lady leaves, comes back, leaves, comes back.

6.  Wants to break all your bones, regardless of what you say (in Thai)

7.  Softer than a feather when you actually want some muscle relief

8.  Constantly talks to you while your eyes are closed and you're trying to relax

9.  Other people in the shop talking to you

10.  The owner sitting there, staring at you.

11.  They want you to teach them English .......... now!!  

 

I do think it's important to get at least a couple massages per month.  Every week?  I like to do that.  Every day?  wow, you got me beat.

 

You will definitely "bond" with certain people way better than others.  If she's young and attractive.......well, you can figure that out.    Old and ugly, her hands are probably like bricks.   Guy?  a better massage, usually, but maybe you don't want to be touched by a guy.   

 

I've learned an expensive massage is almost always a waste of money.  The 150 baht is the best, but sometimes you want some privacy to think.  If 1.5 hours, you will usually only get the same as a good 1 hour massage.  If you like the lady, then you're paying for a friend.  nothing wrong with that.

 

I'm a big fan of the 150 to 250 baht massage, but you gotta understand what you are in for.  It's funny when a lady screams because she thinks the guy has changed but is standing there naked.  lol.   or when you hear some strange stuff and thought this place was not naughty....or some old lady randomly wants some crazy and lowers the price to basically nothing and you still can't accept.  It's Thailand.  

 

 

 

OK.

Just what the hell was that all about?

Maybe a 20 baht gold/plastic medal for the best response?????????

My guess is troll/attention seeker.

Some people take anti malaria medicine  and have psychotic  reaction to it.

Moved to the Pub.

 

/Moved.

I only get massaged in an a/c mall where I see plenty of Thai people inside -like a Truckdrivers spotted eating in diners assumption. If they also have facials and stuff, that's also a good sign. The a/c is worth the upcharge.

 

But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. And Lonely Planet claims otherwise are nuts. I'll be surprised if I'll get even one a month here. I was talking to someone here about being pounded by hot herbal compresses. Even he said not all hot compresses are worth the trouble or expense. I notice they really mark that one up. 

 

I heard from my yoga teacher -but cannot verify- that the Woman's ex-prisoner's massage place is staffed by regular women, not ex-prisoners. Instead of being a tourist trap, it's a do-gooder trap.

1 hour ago, Iamfalang said:

I'm a big fan of the 150 to 250 baht massage

Even the free lunch costs 250 baht!

I have 1 or 2 a week, i agree 100 baht massages are no different to 300 baht ones, it's all trial and error.

 

Yesterday too much groaning in the next cubicle, you know, some falang trying his hardest make her enjoy it (fake of course)

11 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

 

 

But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west.

 

B/S......... plenty of excellent cheap massage shops here in LOS

1 minute ago, scubascuba3 said:

I have 1 or 2 a week, i agree 100 baht massages are no different to 300 baht ones, it's all trial and error.

 

Yesterday too much groaning in the next cubicle, you know, some falang trying his hardest make her enjoy it (fake of course)

I avoid these places........

29 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

I only get massaged in an a/c mall where I see plenty of Thai people inside -like a Truckdrivers spotted eating in diners assumption. If they also have facials and stuff, that's also a good sign. The a/c is worth the upcharge.

 

But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. And Lonely Planet claims otherwise are nuts. I'll be surprised if I'll get even one a month here. I was talking to someone here about being pounded by hot herbal compresses. Even he said not all hot compresses are worth the trouble or expense. I notice they really mark that one up. 

 

I heard from my yoga teacher -but cannot verify- that the Woman's ex-prisoner's massage place is staffed by regular women, not ex-prisoners. Instead of being a tourist trap, it's a do-gooder trap.

The quality  of a massage is not dependent on price.  The traditional  Thai massage that my Thai  friends get is not suitable  for  me or most Westerners.

were you drunk or high when having this 3am massage?

Not had one since 2008 which nearly crippled me, would not have another for free.. Many appear to be untrained or poorly trained, a weekend certificate from Wat Po means nothing.

This morning (like every Sunday morning) had a fantastic massage, 2 hrs cost 300b at my house.

 

I have a no phone in room policy.

At the tourist-oriented places, it seems completely down to the luck of the draw. I've even had the experience of having a good and bad massage with the same masseuse.

 

For me, 1 in 5 was very good-great, 1 was like the poor guy above me, and the rest were as described above with lots of time-wasting faffing about; not something I'm ever gagging to do. I hate the head massage at the end. Or when they're sadistically flicking at my ears.

 

I tend to have a better experience with foot massage. It's likewise underwhelming, but more consistent.

I always figured I had a high pain tolerance, but the last 2 massages at home, have been very uncomfortable, supposed to help but still had bruising 3 days later and not much relief or improvements

Cost 300 baht one wanted to return in a fortnight, i don't think I was quite over it even then????

Those that have experienced this type of massage will understand ????

Older chicks better

35 minutes ago, 473geo said:

I always figured I had a high pain tolerance, but the last 2 massages at home, have been very uncomfortable, supposed to help but still had bruising 3 days later and not much relief or improvements

Cost 300 baht one wanted to return in a fortnight, i don't think I was quite over it even then????

Those that have experienced this type of massage will understand ????

You have to tell them and if they only have 2 power settings, too soft or too hard, they get fired

The first Thai massage I got in Thailand was 20 years ago.  I was green as grass.  It was up on the third floor of the Future Park mall.  Rows of mats and open air viewing by all.  The crowd could not wait to see what the white guy was going to do and, believe me, they got their money's worth.

 

They told me to strip down then gave me a pair of shorts that tied at the waist that three of me could have got in to.  Their next move was to take my right ankle and tuck it up behind my right ear and then proceeded for the next hour to beat the <deleted> out of me using knuckles and elbows.  Pure torture.  I was sweating like a pig and cramping at every move.  I have never again had a Thai massage.  When I got done I felt like had gone 10 rounds with the champ. 

 

It's actually funny to look back on now.  Oil yes, Thai massage no.

2 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

You have to tell them and if they only have 2 power settings, too soft or too hard, they get fired

Its the problems that cause the pain - apparently

Like dug her elbow into the base of my foot it was  painful, but the other foot not so bad 

I think also they are more used to the flexible Thai 

 

There are serious massuses out there who do know their stuff... when I lived in a small city I used to go 5x a week for a foot massage at the local temple.. all were pretty good... 100 baht... then they built an a/c room and it went to 120... 

 

There was a big lady boy there w/hands the size of a Volkswagen.. but he was so good he was always busy. There was a private shop that i used to go to and a tom boy who was excellent.. 

 

other than that - for a good massage avoid younger ladies - 

sorry, meant to put it in the PUB

 

I'm getting responses!!!

 

give me attention!!!

 

I'm using a fake name ............ why would I care if a fake name gets attention?

 

lol

 

Unfortunately, in the small cities, if the massage lady is attractive, they don't stay long.  It's no easy work if you get customer after customer after customer.

 

That's why you gotta show up before 9 am.   Before they are tired.   

8 hours ago, LaosLover said:

I only get massaged in an a/c mall where I see plenty of Thai people inside -like a Truckdrivers spotted eating in diners assumption. If they also have facials and stuff, that's also a good sign. The a/c is worth the upcharge.

 

But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. And Lonely Planet claims otherwise are nuts. I'll be surprised if I'll get even one a month here. I was talking to someone here about being pounded by hot herbal compresses. Even he said not all hot compresses are worth the trouble or expense. I notice they really mark that one up. 

 

I heard from my yoga teacher -but cannot verify- that the Woman's ex-prisoner's massage place is staffed by regular women, not ex-prisoners. Instead of being a tourist trap, it's a do-gooder trap.

The blind are also trained to do massage here. Wat Po in Bangkok  used to be considered the best quality  cheap massage in Bangkok. These growth of these western ' beauty parlours are relatively new. Also aimed at the tourist  market  but that is no bad thing necessarily. My very discerning  Thai friends always reference 200 baht for their massages. There is no such thing as a do gooder trap. As for tourist trap- in many areas of service in Thailand  there is no such  thing at least  not in a bad way. 30 years ago here I was a bit doubtful  of taking  up services offered to tourist but was pleasantly surprised  at how great  things turned  out and what  excellent value for money things were and great fun.

You can get an oil massage, 150 baht/hour here in Phuket, really suprising really. they're all really well trained, and facilities clean but a bit cramped. Great value

6 minutes ago, ESLTeacher1989 said:

clean but a bit cramped

Oil massage in a cramped place?????????????????????   Yea, not for me.

 

hahahaha.

 

I definitely want to pay a little more for privacy.  Last month I paid 50 baht more for 1.5 hours to go on a different floor.  It worked.   

7 hours ago, ESLTeacher1989 said:

You can get an oil massage, 150 baht/hour here in Phuket, really suprising really. they're all really well trained, and facilities clean but a bit cramped. Great value

150 for oil is smart, Pattaya it's 200+, if they offered it for same as Thai massage they'd make more money with extras but they can't get their head around that

1 hour ago, scubascuba3 said:

150 for oil is smart, Pattaya it's 200+, if they offered it for same as Thai massage they'd make more money with extras but they can't get their head around that

Maybe they figure if you're not willing to stump up an extra 50 or 100bt for the oil option, you're also not likely to be a big tipper!

45 minutes ago, JayClay said:

Maybe they figure if you're not willing to stump up an extra 50 or 100bt for the oil option, you're also not likely to be a big tipper!

then they don't figure very well because clearly specials are a lot more

1 hour ago, scubascuba3 said:

then they don't figure very well because clearly specials are a lot more

Tip goes to girl. not owner who pays the bills. 

4 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

then they don't figure very well because clearly specials are a lot more

I thought specials were discounts

8 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

I thought specials were discounts

massage does not have the equivalent of a breakfast special...

 

try pee-sayt [over -easy ] dibp dibp