Intelligent conversation.!!!

[The Theory]

I never had any intelligent conversation with my gf. What she is in interested to talk about are limited subjects (in some cases really stupid things????), other than that conversations won't go too far. International politics or world news is a big zero????. ฿ , relatives, neighbors  are main interesting subjects. I really feel lonely since I see a huge distance between us. Perhaps this is the main reason I'm leaving my house and her behind. At least when I'm alone I don't have to listen to some stupid things about greedy relatives or family members ????

Edited September 26, 2022 by The Theory

[bob smith]

which bar did you meet her in?

[The Theory]

4 minutes ago, bob smith said:

which bar did you meet her in?

I'm sorry 

but not all girls are from bars. 
in fact she has master degree, but worthless to me. 

Edited September 26, 2022 by The Theory

[bob smith]

2 minutes ago, The Theory said:

I'm sorry 

but not all girls are from bars. 
in fact she is  has master degree.

in bartending? 

[Dmaxdan]

You have to remember that international politics and world news are completely irrelevant to the vast majority of Thai folk.

They don't realize there is a whole other world outside of Thailand's borders.

 

[Orinoco]

The master race has no need for  conversation with outsiders.

But we do cover the bills.

and are well serviced in the bedroom.

so are mostly tolerated.

 

Edited September 26, 2022 by Orinoco

[Kwasaki]

24 minutes ago, The Theory said:

I'm sorry 

but not all girls are from bars. 
in fact she has master degree, but worthless to me. 

Better you leave so she can find someone who cares. 

[hotandsticky]

32 minutes ago, bob smith said:

in bartending? 

Keep persisting...................................boring as it is.

[VocalNeal]

40 minutes ago, The Theory said:

International politics or world news is a big zero????. ฿ , relatives, neighbors  are main interesting subjects.

Most weekends at the expat watering hole.????

 

I cannot change International politics or world news. Conversations about the world at large? OK.

[2baht]

Be thankful! They are about this deep!

 

 

 

[HauptmannUK]

Some rather harsh comments!  I think most women in most countries spend a lot of time talking about friends and family.  My wife is no different and she also has an excessive (IMHO) interest in food and cooking. She is, however, interested in many other things. She loves travelling and we've visited many countries. She watches a lot of travel and natural history programmes. We talk a lot about international events, war in Ukraine, religion etc. When something's on the news she'll often open Google Maps and search the location and ask me questions.

She also has amazing mental arithmetic skills. She can do quite complex calculations in her head in a few seconds....e.g. if you asked her 13% of (43.5x12.1)+30 she'd do it in a couple of seconds. Basically a farm girl with only about 5 years of schooling...

[VinnieK]

1 hour ago, The Theory said:

I'm sorry 

but not all girls are from bars. 
in fact she has master degree, but worthless to me. 

Thais are not natural philosophers..

Nor any other country to the east of here.

 

[Photoguy21]

Is it because she takes an opposing view from you and you really want her to agree with you or is it that you make the conversation difficult by changing stance every few moments?

[BritManToo]

Most Thais are too busy trying to keep their home and food on the table to worry about much else. It's only those of us from the nanny states that have the money and time to ponder the irrelevant!

 

I prefer it here with women that only want to eat and f%$#, rather than back in the UK where the women only want to talk.

Edited September 26, 2022 by BritManToo

[spidermike007]

You don't want it. Intellectual stimulation in a relationship comes at a very high cost. 

 

Even though my wife is very smart, I do not get much intellectual stimulation from the relationship. But, I get so much else. And in all of the relationships I was ever in with really smart women, who I got intellectual stimulation from, there was also so much grief to contend with. Such combative women. So much competition. Yikes. Thrilled to death to have left all of that behind.

 

When I was only in the relationship for a year or so, I had dinner with a very sharp American friend. I asked him about that. He laughed. He said, when you feel the need for intellectual stimulation, call me. We can hook up for the meal, and break down the origins of the cosmos. Do not fret. That same brain that gives you that stimulation, also tends to give you so much grief, it is not worth it, on any level. Get over it. Enjoy all of the other qualities, that make your day so delightful and fulfilling.

 

Great advice, that I have followed to this day. I learned long ago that an intellectual woman, who can match me intellectually, also tends to be a combative woman, and the chance of harmony is low. I for one, love a harmonious house, where my woman is joyful and light hearted, with a great sense of humor, and an amazing attitude toward life, and us. Just my point of view. Whatever works for you, stick with it.
 

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, bob smith said:

in bartending? 

Calm down Bob...  She’s taken.. 

[richard_smith237]

My Mrs is a Masters Grad from Thammarsat....  plenty of intelligent conversation, but there are a lot of things she is not versed in.... Just as there is plenty I am not versed in that she knows about. 

 

I had an interesting discussion recently with one of her friends Husbands... the feedback a few days later was interesting.... I was not like ‘normal farangs’ who are over opinionated but stupid !!... 

 

The reality is though, this guy is a very well off businessman and doesn’t actually have much exposure to foreigners, so I’m not sure how he got the ‘over opinionated and stupid’ from... perhaps from one of his friends etc... 

 

The point I want to make is...   This thread can easily turn into a Thai bash... there are plenty of intelligent and educated people out there.. but they may not be in the same bar as you... 

[Kwasaki]

21 minutes ago, VinnieK said:

Thais are not natural philosophers..

Nor any other country to the east of here.

 

A 2 year masters here is considered good to have here but better learning takes 4 years or more. 

[rattlesnake]

You're simply in the wrong country if you're looking for someone to stimulate you intellectually. I find Thailand amazing because it has taught me to think less and enjoy the moment more, which has made me a whole lot happier.

[richard_smith237]

13 minutes ago, rattlesnake said:

You're simply in the wrong country if you're looking for someone to stimulate you intellectually. I find Thailand amazing because it has taught me to think less and enjoy the moment more, which has made me a whole lot happier.

I partially agree.....    Thailand is certainly a place were we can learn not to worry about the things we cannot change and therefore live a generally happier existence. 

 

That said, there are plenty of intelligent, educated, knowledgable people with whom we can have an in depth conversation...  but how many expats are exposed to Thai’s of an equal socio-economic-educational  level with whom such discussions can take place ?...   

 

We can’t expect to have an intellectually stimulating conversation with someone who works at a 7-11 in Thailand, neither could we expect the same of someone who works in a Spar or Tescos supermarket in our home country.

 

Neither is it likely that we’ll bump into someone in a coffee shop and have a stimulating conversation, people are reserved about meeting strangers, so these types of relationships where we can discuss many subjects come with the evolution of a friendship and those friendships usually evolve from ‘introduction’... friend of a friend type thing.

 

Thus, the level of conversation is often dependant on the ‘level’ of the person we meet.

I’ve had conversations with Thai guys where I am well out of my depth (economics wizzes).

I’ve have plenty of conversations with other foreigners in Thailand who are quite frankly, dumb, meanwhile others are highly intelligent and interesting.....  

 

As always, mileage varies - I think much of it depends where and how we put ourselves out there. 

 

[Gecko123]

I would argue that the expectation probably isn't particularly realistic, and it's not really a question of how many academic credentials your wife may or may not have.

 

The fact is, the aspirational goal many Western men have of making their spouse their "soul mate" or "life partner" who they can discuss "anything" with really isn't shared by many Thai women.

 

To understand why, you have to go back to the...farm.

 

Thailand is an agrarian culture, and relationship models are shaped by that lifestyle. Labor is very much divided: men in the fields, women taking care of the house and looking after the children. Of course, women also do a lot of farm labor, but even that is somewhat gender segregated with men operating heavy machinery (tractors) and performing more strenuous activities, while women predominantly do less strenuous activities such as manual harvesting, planting, weeding and fertilizing. Thus, women work and socialize predominantly with other women, and men socialize predominantly with other men. I'm not saying there's an Islamic-style segregation of the sexes, but there's definitely an invisible line which people are aware of and tiptoe around to some extent. There are also taboos about married people getting too friendly with members of the opposite sex.

 

When Thai men socialize they typically gather into alcohol drinking, card playing, cock fighting type circles, while women tend to gather together for meal preparation, processing agricultural products (like peppers, peanuts, and roselle) or to play cards, gamble, light drink, gossip, etc. The husband and wife are not expected to fulfill a day-in-day-out soul mate role for one another. They're expected to fulfill duties, be faithful to one another, be there for support when needed, but they're not really expected to be available 24/7 as a conversation partner.

 

What I'm trying to convey to the OP and others is that a stay-at-home-hubby who wants to chat all day long (figuratively speaking) with his spouse is likely to drive her crazy simply because it is outside of the framework of how the vast majority of Thai marriages function. Thai marriages seem to be grounded in a pragmatic commitment to fulfilling functional roles rather than any kind of "soul mate" life partner model you might have aspired to or experienced back home.

 

I simply do not see much engagement regarding intellectual, philosophical, religious, psychological, theoretical, touchy-feely, 'getting to know you' relationship building type interactions. Problem solving seems to be the predominant focus of most conversations. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it might be a good thing, maybe even the smart way to go.

 

You can find intellectual stimulation all over the place.  I'd encourage people to try to find a variety of avenues to fulfill needs like these, because, again, I don't think the average Thai woman is wired or typically expected to fulfill that role, and trying to force the issue is likely to be a recipe for marital discord.

 

Edited September 26, 2022 by Gecko123

[Lacessit]

I don't need intelligent conversation with my GF, the mundane suits me fine.

 

Given the number of anti-vaxxers, climate deniers, Trump fanboys and Putin trolls that appear to be on ASEAN, I don't look for intelligent conversation here either.

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, The Theory said:

International politics or world news is a big zero????. ฿ , relatives, neighbors  are main interesting subjects.

 

2 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

You have to remember that international politics and world news are completely irrelevant to the vast majority of Thai folk.

They don't realize there is a whole other world outside of Thailand's borders.

 

I have to admit I know more about international politics than my neighbors. But is that really important?

I.e. I am able to discuss Trump and Biden and Boris and Putin and the war in Ukraine, etc. 

And then? Can I change anything related to international politics? No! I can talk about is all day and my talking won't change even 0.0001%.

 

Now let's look at my gf: She doesn't care about international politics. She cares little about Thai national politics. But she knows the village head of her village. She also knows the neighbors in her village (which she visits every couple of weeks). She also talks with the hairdresser, laundry lady, the maids and some other women in my condominium. In fact, if I want to know what is going on in my building, I ask her. Maybe she doesn't know all the details, but she knows for sure a lot more than I know and then I would be able to officially find out.

 

Now should I look down on my gf and all those other Thai girls who don't care about international politics?

 

 

 

 

[Peterw42]

OP, what language are you having conversations in ?

English (your first language) or Thai (her second language). A conversation in anyone's 2nd/3rd language, will probably be a little basic. A bit hard to discuss anything with a limited vocabulary. If you dont speak much Thai and the conversations are in Thai, I imagine they may also be quiet limited.

Edited September 26, 2022 by Peterw42

[chuang]

Stupid is as stupid does.. She may be thinking the same as you...

[richard_smith237]

How much intelligent conversation do you want ????

 

.... the point must be noted that there is a concurrently running thread ‘Is it safe to bring a freelancer to your apartment/ condominium room?’  !!!  

[ed strong]

Sounds like debate on this forum, i reply to someone who's probably around 74, no idea about the subject that i am passionate about, yet then replies with your in la la land or someone generic insult, offering nothing to the discussion thus killing the topic.

 

I feel your pain.

 

 

[Lacessit]

26 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

 

I have to admit I know more about international politics than my neighbors. But is that really important?

I.e. I am able to discuss Trump and Biden and Boris and Putin and the war in Ukraine, etc. 

And then? Can I change anything related to international politics? No! I can talk about is all day and my talking won't change even 0.0001%.

 

Now let's look at my gf: She doesn't care about international politics. She cares little about Thai national politics. But she knows the village head of her village. She also knows the neighbors in her village (which she visits every couple of weeks). She also talks with the hairdresser, laundry lady, the maids and some other women in my condominium. In fact, if I want to know what is going on in my building, I ask her. Maybe she doesn't know all the details, but she knows for sure a lot more than I know and then I would be able to officially find out.

 

Now should I look down on my gf and all those other Thai girls who don't care about international politics?

 

 

 

 

Agree entirely. My GF is very street-smart, and I am amazed at her ability to make friends with someone within 5 minutes of meeting them.

She can't read a map, or add up numbers in her head. Simple mechanical problems are left to me to resolve.

IMO it's a mistake to think because Westerners have better abilities in some fields, Thais do not have their own skills in others.

 

[ed strong]

3 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

You have to remember that international politics and world news are completely irrelevant to the vast majority of Thai folk.

They don't realize there is a whole other world outside of Thailand's borders.

 

International politics and world news do not construct the basis for an intelligent conversation. Many a good conversation can had about Thailand or just looking at the stars and discussing the universe.

 

I must admit though i'm struggling for great conversations with Thai people, probably only met 2 in my whole time and yes they were educated and had lived abroad but we certainly never discussed politics. (Thats pretty low bar for discusion imo)

 

Certainly farm or northwestern Issan girls have never engaged me mentally, other than to wonder whats going through their head sometimes.

[473geo]

There are loads of topics regarding our own lives now, without even contemplating world politics and happenings which I lost more than a passing  interest in years ago

 

My family, the family of my wife, our daily activities are the main point of discussion aside from finance, we can however work together for an hour or so not uttering more than a few words, well it is quite difficult to talk over the noise of the grass cutter ????

 

I think Gecko123 gives a good explanation of the 'invisible' lines 

The fact I cook, bake, my son and I babysit the little one, I play, to educate our children, often seems to unerve the 'elders' who possibly regard my input as diluting their control and responsibilities

So yes I cross a little over the lines ????

My point being why would anybody wish to talk with me about things I should know nothing about 

Men folk talk about what type of women I like 

Women ask if I have eaten yet 

 

Edited September 26, 2022 by 473geo