Isaan Woman

[riclag]

Hope you didn’t spend as much as you could afford to lose!

 

I lived with the young lady for 8 years while going back and forth to the states!

I knew nothing was certain from life and women! Got married , built a house and the only downside are the 7 small yappers living next garden over from us.

I don’t know how unhappy you are  but tell her your issues and take a holiday without her , for rest and relaxation.

Nobody likes to be yelled at thats for sure and when you come back maybe she can see her relationship with you in a better light.

If not , go, get out!

 

 

Edited April 9, 2023 by riclag

[transam]

2 hours ago, NickyLouie said:

I try my best to avoid Isaan people in general, the odd maid or laborer is acceptable.

 

 

I bet you are someone that has never been to Isaan.....

[transam]

There are some very strange farangy's on this forum.....

[Denim]

4 hours ago, Stevey said:

Is it just me

Yup....only you. Nobody else experiences this.

 

Hope that helps.

[youreavinalaff]

39 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Lovely to make you acquaintance. Are you the same guy who said you “speak ‘Good’ Thai “ in a previous thread I saw today ? 
 

I like to say that I can speak Thai, I receive calls in Thai from drivers et cetera and I go to the vets and the Hospital where no one can speak English and I speak Thai. I can stop anywhere I’ll speak with Thai people. I even listen to my 5year old boy who cannot speak English tell me last nights dream but I’ve never had the outright audacity to say I speak “good“ Thai. You’re obviously one of life’s winners, and I commend everything you say to the house.

You are having a bad time. That has created a situation whereby everything you see or hear you do so in a negative way. Even having a go at some posters on here.

 

Your choice is simple. Lighten up or leave.

 

BTW, I would have thought a man of your high standing would have made sure their child was brought up to speak English as well as Thai. Would give him opportunities to escape the "s#it house" he lives in.

Edited April 9, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, transam said:

There are some very strange farangy's on this forum.....

....... and you're three (or more) of them!

Edited April 9, 2023 by BritManToo
'd' oesn't work.

[transam]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

....... an you're three (or more) of them!

What....?  

[Hummin]

58 minutes ago, Stevey said:

When I first came to this village in NongKhai , I met Colin a Falang and LLS in diving. He trusted his wife and he recently had his bank account of raided of his 6.5Million baht savings plus she lent money on all land they had bought plus small apartments in BKK and his tractor and both SUVs house just repossessed as she had lent cash on that too. How do people lose so much gambling? They have an 11 year old, although he cannot speak Isaan so cannot communicate. He’s too cleaver to learn apparently. 

Well, there is a difference from getting your pride and face slammed to blow your head off with both triggers at the same time. 

 

What I said, I give her trust, but not access to all my savings and assets. If she is not satisfied with my contribution or Im not satisfied with her effort, the relationship or marriage will soon end. There is a limit for everything, but as long we manage to keep a healthy relationship with the resources we have, why complain and mistrust each other? 

 

From experience, we know when something is not right, and useally it takes awhile before you understand whats going on, but being paranoid doesnt help much either. 

 

As said many times by to many, but some never listen to, never invest more than you are willing to walk away from.

Edited April 9, 2023 by Hummin

[riclag]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

....... an you're three (or more) of them!

Steve is looking for consultations. so far you and a few others have given good advice based on experience!

Thanks

[Stevey]

32 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

For what it's worth, it's not just Isaan women, had an ex western wife who would dig in, suffice to say, long of the short, I demolished the rear of the house on day when she was at work, it was all part of my plan to redesign the house to have a kitchen dining area overlooking the rear yard with a timber deck with roof covered area (pergola) which she didn't want, she wanted the small crappy kitchen at the side of the house. That's not why she's my ex, fact of the matter is she fell in love with what I did, some Biatches can be super stubborn, just depends if your prepared to take them on.

 

My Isaan wife who I built the house for, can be stubborn when I want to do something as well, so I either tighten up the money belt until she give in, or I just go ahead and do it, they get over it sooner or later.

 

I think the problem you have is it's here house so to speak, and yes, so is the house I built my wife, but what I found out is when you control the $'s you have the power, suffice to say if she makes $'s you might have a fight on your hands.

Great post. 

I have no idea why she won’t sanction a small pool. Yes either do it while she’s at work or pay her to let me have it dug, what a Simp move 

 

[Gecko123]

The constant argumentativeness the OP is describing is often a tactic used to drive the husband away.

 

I don't recognize the shrew-like, hen-pecking, bossy behavior, whether directed at hubbies or children, in any of the Thai couples in my village which the OP describes. Very quiet here and if people were getting into animated or heated arguments, everyone could hear. Ditto with screeching or scolding.

 

Most Thai couples I know seem to be conflict avoidant, both the men and women. Some Thai men can seem overly passive by Western standards, but keep in mind that some Thai men have a lot more at stake if the marriage goes belly up than meets the eye. Divorce in a village could mean not only losing one's family life, but your residence, future ownership of land, and livelihood (farming).

 

OP needs to lose condescending attitude about the local's intelligence. Many hidden skills and bodies of knowledge out there, and a superior attitude will immediately be sensed and picked up on even if there's a language barrier.

 

Edited April 9, 2023 by Gecko123

[Stevey]

43 minutes ago, Moonlover said:

That's one of the problems with living in a rural Thai village, having had a western scientific education.

 

It can make one very arrogant!

Well to be fair to me. None of the knowledge that I have acquired there is in my brain can be attributed to the UK education system. And I can truly say that if I had never gone to school from the age of 5 to 16 1/2 I would not be any different than I am now everything that I consider to be of worth that’s in my brain is self taught or researched.

[Stevey]

9 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

The constant argumentativeness the OP is describing is often a tactic used to drive the husband away.

 

I don't recognize the shrew-like, hen-pecking, bossy behavior, whether directed at hubbies or children, in any of the Thai couples in my village which the OP describes. Very quiet here and if people were getting into animated or heated arguments, everyone could hear. Ditto with screeching or scolding.

 

Most Thai couples I know seem to be conflict avoidant, both the men and women. Some Thai men can seem overly passive by Western standards, but keep in mind that some Thai men have a lot more at stake if the marriage goes belly up than meets the eye. Divorce in a village could mean not only losing one's family life, but your residence, future ownership of land, and livelihood (farming).

 

OP needs to lose condescending attitude about the local's intelligence. Many hidden skills and bodies of knowledge out there, and a superior attitude will immediately be sensed and picked up on even if there's a language barrier.

 

Some interesting points you’ve made there, and yes you’re agreeing with me that he’s time and do seem to be subservient to the bossy shrews. 
 

yes I do come across as condescending I agree. But at least the locals now know the only words they’ve learned of English ‘ stupid ‘. 

[Hummin]

19 minutes ago, Stevey said:

 I would not be any different than I am now everything that I consider to be of worth that’s in my brain is self taught or researched.

Thats quite a bold statement? So no environmental influence or damage at all? ????

 

We are pretty much brainwashed inside out, and to be true, even the truth spoken here about Thai women, or Isaan, is based mostly on what we heard, and when what we heard fits with our own experiences it becomes a truth.

 

What we have in common, our women searched out western men, out of few reasons for instance lack of trust in Thai men being one strong reason, and not so far from many western men who search Thai women. 

 

We got the financial resources thats what differs us in most cases. 

Edited April 9, 2023 by Hummin

[transam]

5 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Well to be fair to me. None of the knowledge that I have acquired there is in my brain can be attributed to the UK education system. And I can truly say that if I had never gone to school from the age of 5 to 16 1/2 I would not be any different than I am now everything that I consider to be of worth that’s in my brain is self taught or researched.

Are you saying you were, and maybe still are, "thick"......????

[Stevey]

4 minutes ago, markclover said:

The northern and southern parts of any country are full of dimwits.  The capital cities and areas of trade are where more advanced humans are.

 

 

I hadn’t thought of that

[Stevey]

1 minute ago, transam said:

Are you saying you were, and maybe still are, "thick"......????

Thanks for interest. No I was thick. Then I wasn’t and now I’m getting thicker. 
 

Although the reading writing and rithmetic will have not been self taught. Having a half arsed class on crop rotation or an art lesson has had zero plus effect to who I am. Unless you count bitterness. 
 

School was just a holding pen. 

[transam]

Just now, Stevey said:

Thanks for interest. No I was thick. Then I wasn’t and now I’m getting thicker. 
 

Although the reading writing and rithmetic will have not been self taught. Having a half arsed class on crop rotation or an art lesson has had zero plus effect to who I am. Unless you count bitterness. 
 

School was just a holding pen. 

We all went to school with not many problems. Many went on to university to become doctors, lawyers, what ever...

 

As for this thread, you seem you have put all Isaan women into one basket, which is daft.....

[spidermike007]

This is not about Issan. Granted, most Issan women need financial support. But, you got a bad egg. Plain and simple. Mine is still a joy to be around after well over a decade. Might be time to cut your losses and move on. It is never too late to embrace joy and harmony in your life. Plenty of good ones out there. 

 

I have seen countless men lose their fortunes, or at least their financial stability here, by moving too fast, by assuming she is someone she definitely is not, and projecting too much onto someone they have not bothered to really get to know, and allowing the woman to push the agenda. Always push back against a timeline. Always. It is far better to lose the woman, than to unnecessarily lose your money and feel like a fool. If it is good, it will only get better. If there are issues, they only reveal themselves over time. A year, two years, five years or longer. What is the hurry? If she is impatient, she will leave. So what? Find another one. 

 

I think it is safe to say, that a man with self esteem, who feels good about himself, is going to look for the exception, rather than the rule. Sure, there are alot of mediocre women out there, who do not have much in the way of perspective, but is that what we want? I see alot of guys with women who are not very nice to them, or are downright abusive. Why on earth would anyone let themselves get involved with someone like that, when there are so many good options out there?

 

Many of us have been fortunate to find very good women, who brings alot to the table, and has a sense of appreciation, gratitude, and is not too arrogant to say thank you. And visa versa. I never hesitate to praise my gal, and thank her for her kindness, a lovely meal, and other things she does to improve my life. 

 

I think finding a good woman requires a proper qualification process. Taking a long time to make a determination to see if she is worthy of your time, and devotion, is always a good idea. See what she is made of. See what kind of heart and soul she has. Many women like to push the timetable. It is up to us to push back. There are plenty of very good women here. Take your time finding one, and keep your standards high. You owe that to yourself. 

[Lucky Bones]

1 hour ago, Moonlover said:

 

That's one of the problems with living in a rural Thai village, having had a western scientific education.

 

It can make one very arrogant!

Where does it come from?????????

[Liverpool Lou]

4 hours ago, NickyLouie said:

I try my best to avoid Isaan people in general, the odd maid or laborer is acceptable.

Word is that they feel the same about you!

[Moonlover]

19 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Thais are not stupid, they have different priorities.

I have the education you refer to; however, in terms of Thai street smarts my GF is way ahead of me.

I completely agree with you. I've learned over the 9 years of living here with my Issan gal (whom I met in Egypt by the way) that it's better to be somewhat acquiescent, even if I don't always agree with her. She knows the ropes here, far better than I ever will.

[mistral53]

I certainly would like to get an earful of the wife of the OP - it would be nice to hear what they think about the fantastic, flawless, young and strong princes riding into Isaan town's on white horses, as I am sure most pos(t)ers on these forums did........... ????

[NONG CHOK]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

For what it's worth, it's not just Isaan women, had an ex western wife who would dig in, suffice to say, long of the short, I demolished the rear of the house on day when she was at work, it was all part of my plan to redesign the house to have a kitchen dining area overlooking the rear yard with a timber deck with roof covered area (pergola) which she didn't want, she wanted the small crappy kitchen at the side of the house. That's not why she's my ex, fact of the matter is she fell in love with what I did, some Biatches can be super stubborn, just depends if your prepared to take them on.

 

My Isaan wife who I built the house for, can be stubborn when I want to do something as well, so I either tighten up the money belt until she give in, or I just go ahead and do it, they get over it sooner or later.

 

I think the problem you have is it's here house so to speak, and yes, so is the house I built my wife, but what I found out is when you control the $'s you have the power, suffice to say if she makes $'s you might have a fight on your hands.

I found that most Isaan women are control queens. There's hardly a thing goes by where she's not telling me what to do or how to do it. May I add this started from the first day we were married. Her English is ok, so one day I told her that it's better to keep her mouth shut and at least people will give her the benefit of the doubt when judging her mental capacity. PS : I was married in my late 50's 22 years ago and she's my first wife ever. 

[Stevey]

5 hours ago, proton said:

Mine was horrible and shouty from the start! Wont agree to many things needed doing to the house including a collapsing drive way, worried about the dust!

We might be related all of her massive family of women are hell Harridan Shrew 8itches from hell 

[Rimmer]

A racist generalization has been removed

[4MyEgo]

4 minutes ago, NONG CHOK said:

I found that most Isaan women are control queens. There's hardly a thing goes by where she's not telling me what to do or how to do it. May I add this started from the first day we were married. Her English is ok, so one day I told her that it's better to keep her mouth shut and at least people will give her the benefit of the doubt when judging her mental capacity. PS : I was married in my late 50's 22 years ago and she's my first wife ever. 

My 1st wife, westerner was a real pain in the ass. My Thai wife of 16 happy years is the perfect wife, not controlling and doesn't break them at all, but when I say I want to do this, she is usually ok with it or it might be a, no, no, no, eventually I will get my way, although I do give in sometimes, got to be flexible, give and take.

 

She won't tell me what to do because I told her from day one how it was going to be and if she wasn't up for the part, then best we move forward before we go any further, life is so less complicated when people don't change from the outset, although no one has control over change, but I do see $'s as being power, if you hold that as opposed to handing it over, your in control so to speak, I mean why hand over your power, most do and I just don't get that for the life of me.

 

I also have one I see on the side and she also knows how it is and doesn't bust them, I suppose it's up to us to be able to read them loud and clear and set clear boundaries, as for wanting to do things here and there on the house, well there really isn't any boundaries set, it's about negotiating and communicating and if it gets to heated, then we have choices, go full speed like a bull dozer or just let it go, I'm 50/50 most of the time, the bull dozer is getting slower....LOL

[foreverlomsak]

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

I stay in a village where nobody can speak English

As do I, or at least not very much English, they are scared (too strong a word really) to say anything in case they get it wrong. My daughter speaks English reasonably well with me, but will not speak with other English speakers.

 

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

and women appear to rule the roost as they sit around eating SomTam and shout orders at children.

Big difference in my village, most of the women appear to be the bread winners, in that there is always big groups of them gathered round a house or 2, cleaning and grading the various seasonal crops from the surrounding fields. There are a few men there doing the same but tend to be of the older generation, who are not able to do heavy lifting or work in the fields.

When pick-ups pass by the house in the early hours to go to the fields or return in the evenings, they tend to be 75% women.

The men who do the heavy lifting, the big baskets of crops in and out of the pick-ups, etc., and act as drivers tend to be of mid-range age and rest up during loads.

The younger men and girls (pre-teens, teens and twenties) just scoot about on motorcycles with friends or getting drinks and food, while the older children look after (or not) the younger ones.

There is a lot of generalization in the above, and is probably miles off reality, as I only see a fraction of what happens day by day around my house, but it is still my perception after 17 years.

One item that is noticeable is the amount of young males who fly around the village on motorbikes with a rooster under their arm (and it's not cooked either).

[OneMoreFarang]

6 hours ago, Stevey said:

I’ve chosen to place this here coz my concern is Isaan women. 

Is it just me or…. Has anybody experienced that when you and your Isaan women got together she was lovely but a few years later she is horrible and shouty. Also jobs and modifications and upgrades to her house I did previously were welcome but now now it’s hers and even suggesting planting a new tree causes an argument let alone that I wanted to pay for a digger to make a small borenam to hold some fish on land I paid for. 
 

If anyone had told me that these Isaan women were like this I’d have avoided them like the plague. 

Maybe Isaan women need Isaan men to handle them. Or men who understand that those women know only one type of relationship: One person is the boss, and the other person follows.

You are obviously not the boss. So she is the boss and tells you what to do.

IMHO it is almost impossible to reverse that situation when it's established, maybe over years.

Accept that she is the boss and do what she wants or move out. No other options.

[NONG CHOK]

I've even told my wife that when she pays for everything like I do, only then she can fire the shots. Even my adult step daughter reckons her mom is a pain in the ass.